Bath Time Help

V.,
how 'bout showering WITH her? I put toys in the bottom of the shower and my 2 yr old has loved it for over a year!
L. (Brianna & Shannon) in Collegeville
butterflylindamarie at yahoo dot com

And my bath time help ? There may not be any. My eldest HATED to take showers. We used to send the kids in, and the younger of the two would take FOREVER. The oldest would balk, sometimes run the water and not shower, etc. We were always afraid her friends would think she'd stink. There were even times we we sent her back in, because she hadn't washed her hair. (as in, it wasn't WET) I'm sure there were many times she got wet, but didn't get clean, but there's only so much you want to fight over. Oddly enough, she was also one who loves water sports and swimming. She's now a Water Safety Instructor, and Lifeguard Trainer. Go figure. I think the two are totally unrelated.

We enforced showers, and threatened to shower with her and for her if she didn't do it. We required showers every other day at certain ages, and then daily from 7th grade on. When we went to the Y, showering after swimming was a no brainer, and she never balked at that. She took showers before and after swimming there, because it was required, but hated showering at home. Go figure.

So, I have no help, but I do have commiseration.

And what is my child doing now? Right now she's doing outdoor education on land, but for the last year or so, she's worked on tall ships, and out at sea, guess what ? You don't get to shower !! We think it's kind of funny that she found a career that lets her indulge herself in the non-showering culture she wanted for herself when she was young! (At sea, they take "deck showers" with sea water, or they go swimming to clean off, but it's not a daily adventure unless it's very hot where you are sailing.)

Your child won't be scarred for life by having this be her big point of rebellion. She will also learn to take showers. If she really hates them, she'll learn to do it and do it quickly. But she WILL do it. You have to be firm --and as a former single parent, I know that's hard when you don't have back-up. Hold your ground. Give inches where they are appropriate, but don't let her go over your line in the sand. You are the boss. And someday, she'll be working, and her "boss" will require her to do stuff she doesn't want to do, and she'll have to buck up and get her job done to get paid. This is a good experience for her.

Hi! I know it is hard being a parent and on top of that, a single parent. So first of all, take a breather and give yourself credit for all that you do. Does your daughter have too many activities going on or things to do when she gets home? Do you give her a period to just relax and do something of her choice after school? Or maybe she does this for your undivided attention? The reason I am suggesting these things is that I know it can be super busy once you get home from work and get the kids from school. We really only have a few short hours to get EVERYTHING in. I am just guessing at what is going on and trying to help you brainstorm. I know that my daughter tends to take her sweet time and act up when I am pressed for time. But then I realized that I had to slow down, keep a set schedule as much as possible and give her some time to be by herself and also time that she spends with me. Even if it is only 20 minutes each. Kids often do things to get your attention, even if it is negative attention. She may feel she is getting your attention by making you stand outside the bathroom and beg her to take her shower. :) Try setting up a daily after school schedule and stick to it. This way she knows what to expect and it makes them feel secure. It has worked wonders for our family. I hope this helps or at least gives you some things to try. I think consistency is key and to keep your cool. I know this would drive me nuts, too! Take care and good luck.

I feel your pain. My 7 year old daughter does the same thing and she is a complete water bug too. we have a boat and she loves the water. What has been working for me is not requiring her to shower every night but on the nights she has to she is given a choice. if she wants to continue playing soccer then after practice she has to shower. one night she didn't so she didn't get to go back to soccer. she was so upset about loosing something she loved that she jumped in. she still isn't a huge fan of the shower but she know's that i mean business and I stand behind what i say. Walgreen's also makes a great lavendar bath soak that turns the water purple and makes their skin super soft, my daughter used it once and loves it. If i draw a bath and put that in, as soon as she sees it she jumps in, even if the bath was meant for her brother! If your daughter is anything like mine it is about the control. I wish you luck!

Some kids are like that with not wanting baths or showers. I would suggest sticking with a bath. This way, at least you know they're sitting in water and something will come off them, lol! Wash their hair and let them sit in the water for about 15 minutes. I had to do this with my oldest who is now 21. We tried letting him shower and we'd catch him dancing in the bathroom with the water running, bone dry! So we went back to baths and at least I knew some of the dirt was coming off him if he sat in there. And I'd wash his hair up quick and rinse it and let him sit there with the door open so I could hear for about 15 mintues and then he'd come out and dry off. Better than nothing!

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

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I would suggest then treating her exactly like a two/three year old for the time being until she gets tired of being treated like a toddler. It won't be long until she gets the message that if she doesn't take care of herself then mommy will do it. It's the little things that gets them such like this.

Hi. I think my best advice would be to use her "currency" to your advantage. You should motivate her to complete the tasks of her day- including her bath. Try to use an "if-then" statement. If you take your bath, then you can have a snack (preferably her favorite and obviously something she likes)before bedtime. You can tell her that it's her choice either she can bathe herself or you will do it. Maybe you could buy a fun kids shampoo or bath wash that she likes or when she is done she can watch her favorite tv show. She probably enjoys something before bed so let her know,fr example, "when you finish your bath, you may watch Hannah Montana."
In addition, remind her why it is important to take a bath and explain the natural consequences of taking a bath and not taking one. Be CONSISTENT, AVOID ever giving in to her demands- you are the parent and you make the rules. You may offer her choices- like when is a reasonble time to get a bath, etc. But ensure that you motivate her with things she really likes & follow-through immediately with your reward. Set contingencies & be positive. I know that this can be hard advice to follow.
If you can, it will spill over into other areas( homework, bedtime, completing chores, interacting with peers.......) and the payoff is immense!
I wish you much luck! Hope this helps.

i think that the attention thing could be a huge possility...the routine and rewards are awesome ideas!!!! just another thought...could it be the temp...or the water hitting her face/head??? just might want to rule those out...

Maybe she is just going through a "grungy" phase? What about a reward system where she gets a point for everytime she bathes without it being an issue and when she gets 5 or 10 or whatever you decide she gets a reward? Something she likes or likes to do with you as a family? Might work.....good luck!

Have you asked her what she does not want to shower? (Not at shower time.) See what she needs to feel comfortable getting clean.

I would love to hear how it all turns out.

B.

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we do tons of bubbles and toys. We even got that baby that swims. The result, she loves it. mine is 7 not 8. But We let her play 5 minutes spend 3 min making sure she is clean (1/2 her 1/2 us) the let her play another 5-10 minutes. then she gets to look forward to play time again after we wash. good luck. Don't worry soon she will want to smell good for the boys. ;-) lol

You may want to try the reward system.

Tell her that each time she bathes properly without making a fuss, she will be rewarded. (Rewarding a child will provide much better results than threatening to take something of theirs away or arguing with them about what they need to do.)

Tell her what that reward will be. At age 8, money seems to be a big deal. So maybe if you get a jar and tell her that each time she bathes without a fuss a dollar (or a monetary value that works for your budget) goes into her jar. When she does not bathe properly or gives you a hard time a dollar(or 2) gets taken away. At the end of each week, she will receive whatever is in the jar.

The first bath that she does well with (you may be surprised, but it will probably happen quicker than you think) praise her for it and tell her that you're proud of her and then follow-up with adding the dollar in her jar so that she sees you do it.

You will find that the reward system will work and eventually she will be bathing automatically without a fuss because it will be a new learned behavior and will replace this current bad habit with a good one.

Hope this helps!

This is pretty gross, but we went through a "gross" phase where my daughter didn't want to take care of things like the shower and brushing her hair.

What worked was 2 things - The first is that we took her to get her hair cut. She hated that, her hair is gorgeous and every one comments on it. But, I am the one that had to deal every day with it, so I got to pick how short it was so that the brushing and the washing took less time.

The other thing is that we had a trusted friend that made a comment that I think embarrased her. I know that sounds cruel, but when she heard the comment about how dirty her hair was and she over heard them asking if we were sure she did not have "bugs" in her hair, she almost immediately asked for a shower.

Also, we have a whatever they are called - handheld shower head, that you can remove from the wall and use like a hose. It took 5 minutes for me to install and cost about 10 dollars. At least I don't have to fight her to stand in one place any more, I can hose her off wherever she stands.

Good luck, I was grossed to the max, and ready to hose her down in the drive way!

let her be stinky. when she goes to school and the other kids make fun of her then she will bathe. may be if you act like you do not care then she will be more apt to take a bath or shower. the only other thing i can suggest is taking her to walmart and target and have her pick out things for the bath and shower like shampoo and body wash that is just for her.