Baptism Frustration!

"A rose by any other name would smell as sweet..."

You're getting caught up in spiritual law and need to focus on the grace.

If the law is that important to you, ask your sister for her signature and ask her to stay in the background.

I will NEVER understand the climate of exclusion in a house of worship!

We are Methodist so the requirements are different but I have a relative on my hubby's side whose wife is Catholic and they are raising their kids in that religion. From what she told me, we've been to all their children's baptisms, at least one Godparent has to be Catholic. Since she wanted her best friend to be the Godmother for the twins, it only worked because BF's hubby is Catholic. For the next child, she wanted someone else who wasn't, so she had her brother stand up as Godfather with her non-Catholic friend as Godmother. She did something similiar with the last two as well. Additionally, they weren't married so that isn't necessary either. So I don't know if both have to be or just one. I do believe it is more about the role they fill than which line she signs on.

Another point would be that if your friend is not Catholic, would she really be the best person to be the Godmother ie responsible for helping raise your daughter in your religion? Or did you intend her to be more the guardian if something happened to you and your husband (ie raise your daughter if necessary)? I ask because in my family, traditionally the two were used as almost one and the same (they were called Godparents but didn't necessarily help with the religious aspect but were intended to be the guardians if something happened to the parents). I hope you know that they are two very different things and if you meant for you friend to fill the guardian role, she can do so without being the Godmother.

Also, is your friend Catholic but maybe just not received her sacraments? If so, is it possible for her to receive them prior to the baptism? Again, I am not familiar w/ the Catholic religion so I am not trying to judge or make assumptions, I just don't know.

For those suggesting she find another denomination...if she is a practicing Catholic, baptism in another religion is not the same as beign baptised in the Catholic religion. Would it solve her dilema of baptism, yes but it would not serve the SAME purpose. When you baptize a child, you are saying you are raising the child in that religion, the godparents are agreeing to help in the journey, and the congregation is also agreeing. To knowingly agree to raise a child in one religion, knowing full well you have no intention of it is lying to God and all involved and asking all involved to do the same.

Nothing burns my butt more than someone giving totally uneducated advice! A Bishop cannot dictate who is qualified to be a God Parent. Those rules are in Cannon Law are not up for debate. Catholics do not disenfranchise anyone. All are invited. To be a Godparent is to take responsibility for witnessing and teaching truth to another person. A Godparent is saying they will do their very best to get that person to heaven. A person who is not in full communion can't be a Godparent because they are not living the fullness of the faith. You would hardly expect a Jewish child to become educated about the Jewish faith from someone that doesn't practice the Jewish faith. Why condemn the Catholic Faith for wanting the very best of the Catholic Faith for a Catholic Child? Only those that are uneducated about the Catholic Church view her rules as torturous or unfair.

When my first two children were baptized I made awful mistakes in choosing their Godparents. Although the Godparents met the sacramental requirements, they were not attending church like they should and really were not fit to be Godparents. I have regretted it. I have heard of children having 3 Godparents. Only one of the Godparents needs to be a Catholic in good standing. It isn't all that uncommon. I have also had the exact same Godparents for several of my children. That isn't uncommon either. I wouldn't worry so much. Get that little one baptized. As a parent it is suppose to be done as early as possible. The graces your child will receive are of great importance.

Oh the joys of being Catholic. If you are not Catholic I would love to know what other religion tortures their members like this.

Your sister was the first one asked, she is your first born's godmother, ya know? She should know she doesn't get a lock on the position just because she was confirmed. It should be a non issue. Ask you sister and husband if they can be the godparents on paper and go on with the show.

Ahhh. Catholics. What other religion could disenfranchise their donors - sorry, parishoners - more? This is why I walked away years ago.
The United Church of Christ - non demonational - will baptize anyone.

If you really want a Catholic baptism, go to another diocease. Typically the Bishop of the diocease dictates these kinds of "rules". (I had to jump through so many hoops to get married to my husband, and wound up out of diocease to get it done due to stuff like this.)

BTW, it's not the end of the world if she's not baptized by her first birthday.

Given that you are just realizing the requirements (2 kids into it) it would appear that you're not too involved in your faith so why don't you try a Lutheran church... they're Catholic light as they say.

That way you can have who you want and not feel as though you're making someone feel like "just a signature". Best of luck with whatever you choose - I'm sure it will be a beautiful occasion!

Yeah, the Catholic church is fun that way. I was raised Catholic, and my actual godparents were my grandparents (they actually signed my baptism certificate). However, the people my parents chose as their stand-ins, should anything ever happen to them (as dictated by their will), were two of their dear friends who were not Catholic, and these are the people I've always referred to as my godparents (even though their purpose in my life has nothing to do with religion).

It seems to me that you are confusing the spiritual aspect of godparents with the practical aspect of godparents. According to the Catholic church, godparents' function is to ensure the child is raised within the Catholic faith. I think what you're hoping the godparents you've chosen will do, is to stand in for you, if anything should happen to you - correct? If that's the case, the proper venue for that is a legal one, such as drawing up a will for yourself, rather than in the church. You can always recognize their function in your child's life in some way outside of a sacramental ceremony at the church.

I see you are in El Monte, have you considered the cathedral in LA. I believe it's called "Cathedral of the Lady of the Angels". I have not been there personally but have heard that they are not very strict with their rules. Not sure how it is now but when they first opened you would just show up on the day they were doing the baptisms???? May be worth checking into. Good luck.

Try a different denomination. Many Christian churches will baptize a child w/o going through confirmation, etc.

Sounds like you need to choose a different church if you want to keep things the way they are. Otherwise opt for a baby dedication at a nondenominational church where the process is more informal.

I'm sorry that I don't have any real answers for you, I just wanted to share that you are not alone! I actually live in Cape Town (South Africa) and it took me 11 months to organise a baptism for my first-born and 9 months for my second child! I honestly don't understand why the Catholic Church has to make things so difficult for us. You would think that they'd bend over backwards to have more babies brought into the Faith! Having said that, I suggest being very honest with everyone involved - after all you all have the same goal! My Aunt and Father-In-Law ended up having to be the "official" godparents to my son, even though we'd already asked our friends. I was a big chicken (with my first child) and only told my friends just before the ceremony was due to take place! To say they were a bit upset about it is an understatement and it took a while before I could make it up to them! So, learn from my mistake. Tell your brother and best friend that, even though in your hearts you consider them to be the real godparents, the Church requires that you abide by their rules. Hopefully everyone is adult enough to ensure a Happy, Peaceful, Blessed Occasion! God Bless you all!

I am also Catholic, so I understand the technicalities. I think it is a plus that your sister has baptized your first child and can do the baptismal with her husband. Proceed as you have planned and have your brother and friend as the original Godparents. Ask your sister and her husband to serve as Godparents as well, to provide the religious support and guidance the church requires. You might also consider, in the event of an extreme tragedy, your sister and her husband could step in and care for both children (particularly as a married couple and family.) You can include this in the discussion. Just be honest and inclusive. If your friend is too sensitive to understand this, than really it becomes about her ego and less about your friendship and child's special moment. I recommend the second weekend in November or December.

Hi!

I understand your frustration! I had my mom and dad...and on occasion, one of my brothers...serve as the sponsor...but named many non catholic friends as the actual 'god parents'.

Silly I know...but if it is important to you to have it done in catholic church...their rules!

I had more kiddos than catholic friends...lol

Best Luck!
michele/cat

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Hi,
Is there a priest that you are comfortable discussing this with ? It might help you to understand why those who take the role of godparents in a baptism (not to be confused with those you name in a will) are required to have chosen this faith into their adult lives. If you become comfortable with the knowledge, then you could consider what is best for you and your daughter. If you continue with this baptism, can the priest help you formulate a comfortable way to honor your friends, while respecting the spiritual direction of the church? In our church, the love and support of witnesses are also very important. Oh, and it is not necessary that spiritual godparents be married to each other. In our family, we chose one relative and one friend. Interestingly, other witnesses have stayed very close, many with the honorary titles of aunt and uncle. My very best to you.

What religion are you? If Catholic you could go to a non-catholic church and there would not be as many restrictions. My DS was just baptized and he was 2 so there is no major timeline.

I'm very Catholic and did not have the slightest problem Baptizing my children, although I have to say that I wanted Godparents that had received their Sacraments. Not sure if my parish required it or not. To be honest I don't think our parish even asked.
By the way, it was not stressful trying to plan, as someone mentioned below and pretty sad that people feel the need to criticize the Catholic religion and refer to it as torture. I don't criticize anybody's religion and feel to do so is pretty darn low.

I would lay it out to them. Say that a church baptism is important to you but the church is not going to do it without a sponsor meeting requirements. TELL your sister that you don't want her to just feel like a signature, but that since she is already godmother to your son, you are asking these other people to be godparents, though the church says they don't qualify. Basically, be honest about the hoops and apologize for needing to ask them to jump. If my sister came to me like that I'd be open to sponsoring the child without also being a godmother.

Is there any specific reason why you want to have the baptism as soon as possible? As a Catholic, you have up until the child's 5th birthday to have what is considered an infant baptism. This is Canon Law and will be the same at any church you attend. So, unless there is some other reason, you are actually NOT running out of time! If you are able to prolong the baptism, then at least one of your Godparents can go through Confirmation. Although it is different at every church, the classes are usually not very long. I was confirmed as an adult and went to a 2 hour class once a week for 8 weeks. You can check out different churches in the area to find the one that works best for them. The one (or both) godparents that have completed the sacraments will be on the certificate as the "Godparent" and the other will be considered a Christian Witness. We recently had our son baptized and we chose my husband's brother, who was the Godfather, and my best friend, who is not even Catholic, but an excellent role model of a Christian. To us, she is the Godmother, but to the Church she is the Christian witness. Also, I thought I would warn you . . . if you chose a Catholic who is married but not in the church, then that person will have to be considered a Christian witness as well and you will still have to find a Catholic in good standing. The reason that the church sets these rules is that godparents are supposed to help guide the child through their spiritual journey here on earth. In their eyes, if Catholics who are not in good standing do not have good qualifications to do this. They consider this to be a very important decision that you have make for your child.

I know that planning a Catholic Baptism is a very stressful event. My husband is in the Army and we wanted to baptize our son in the presence of friends and family back home. We had to plan the whole thing over the phone form 3000 miles away. It will eventually all come together!

I was told the same thing-but they never checked anything also there were kids with 8 god parents.

I know how frustrating it is. I was looking for a church that would take my brother and sister in law without all the paperwork needed. We are in Ventura county and there is a small town here that does not require any paper work from the godparents. All you need is $50 the childs birth certificate and show up the Wed. before the Saturday Baptismal for the meeting with the father and godparents. If you want the info let me know and I will send it to you. I know it's pretty far from where you are but this way no one feels like they are not the Godmother/father. Hope all works out for you.