Bad Sleeping Habit

When I was younger, I used to sleep with my parents every night. In order to get me to sleep in my own bed they told me that Santa wouldn't be able to find me if I was sleeping in their bed. From that night on I slept in my own bed. My daughter is only 9 mos and sleeps great in her crib right now. Sorry, I had to reach back to my child hood for a suggestion. Plus it only works if you believe in Santa.

I can relate because after a divorce my son returned to my room too. I didn't find the tough love thing to be right for my family.
What I did was to tell my son a story about a mama bird and a baby bird and then we made a "nest" on the floor next to the bed...this basically consisted of a few blankets on the floor, his pillow and a few special stuffed animals.
Some of the stuffed animals had to stay in HIS bed. I enhanced the bedtime routine (ie drug it out). After a few nights of that, I started making him go to sleep before I did. It was a little rough at first but I explained that little kids need more sleep and I would be in soon. THe first night I laid on the bed a few minutes first.
Then about a month later I said that the nest was going to move and I put all those blankets on top of his bed. If it is possible for her to share with siblings even for a few nights that might help, I didn't have other kids so just did this. Then I would tell him on Friday and Saturday nighys he could sleep in my room on the floor in his nest but ONLY IF he went to sleep in his room all week. Don't expect her not to try to come back in, think about it, where would YOU want to sleep if you were her? She is thinking, what's the problem - why do we need to change this? So if she comes back in, you can have a different blanket on the floor for that. Don't condemn her for coming back in -- look at it as a step at a time...first is to get her to GO to sleep in her own room. Staying there is a separate thing. For that part I used a positive reward system. I didn't find stickers to do anything, he wanted to be in my room MUCH more than any sticker! So we went to Toys R Us and looked around for a $10 toy that he wanted. That was the reward if he stayed in his bed for 5 straight days. Once he mastered that he was fine. You CAN'T let her go to sleep with you in there or in your bed anymore once you make the decision to stop, it confuses and sets it all back again.
Be patient and loving about it, sleep shouldn't be a negative experience -- cry it out and all that isn't for a 5 year old.
You can also let her get in the bed with you (if you want her to) in the mornings after a certain time. I would not recommend doing this until she has slept in her own room for at least 3 months but I tell my son he can get in bed with me if the clock says 7. H loves to do that and you could also make THAT a reward for her sleeping in her own bed all night. Do it in stages and you will see how much easier it is.
I think the moms who responded never had their child in bed with them at this age. It is so easy to say well here is what I'd do, it's simple, hello, she is FIVE. Yeah ok, but it isn't THEIR child. I've been there. I hope some of this helps, good luck. People all over the world cosleep. The US is an abberation in this department.
L.

L.

Christina,
I have also had this problem. And really, you just have to say no. When our son was four, we started by reading books to him in his bed and then saying goodnight, and once we said goodnight and turned out the light he had to stay there. The first few nights I think he actually fell asleep on his floor by the door but pretty soon he just dealt with it--as all children will. Good luck. Putting up with your daughter crying is definately worth having your bed to yourselves!

Please read "How to Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems" by Dr. Ferber. It was the best thing I ever did for my daughter who also had a very cute room and wouldn't sleep without us! I beleive chapter 4 is the main part that you want to implement.

Our son tried to get into that type of routine, the answer...tough love. Kids should never be allowed in their parents bed if you don't want them there all the time. I'd make sure she has a bedtime routine she enjoys, a story, kiss/hug from mom/dad, tucked in and goodnight. Lock your bedroom door at night so that she can't sneak in. If she wakes you up in the middle of the night, march her right back to her bed and sit with her for a minute if she needs it. Best of luck to you!

DOES YOUR DAUGHTER HAVE A DECORATED ROOM? WHEN MY SON STARTED TO DO THIS I TOLD HIM THAT BY SLEEPING IN HIS BED HE WAS SHOWING ME HE WAS A BIG BOY AND BIG BOYS CAN PICK OUT THEIR OWN BEDDING. (SPIDER -MAN) HE LOVED IT SO MUCH THAT HE SLEPT IN HIS OWN BED. I AM NOT SURE IF THAT WORKS AS EASILY ON MOST CHIDREN BUT IT IS WORTH A SHOT. IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BEDDING IT CAN BE ANYTHING THAT GOES WITH HER DECOR.

Christina:

It's already been going on a year too long, which is part of the problem. As mentioned, create a bed time ritual and make a big deal about her staying in her own room. It is going to be tough at first, but don't let her manipulate you any more. Giver her love, support and praise, but don't let her sleep in your room. You may even need to go to a sticker chart for a little while, during the transisition.

A. L

C.,

Hi. Ok, I've got some advice but I'm sure a lot of moms are going to disagree...but it worked for me. I have two boys from a previous marriage. After we left their dad (my ex-husband) they wanted to sleep with me every night. I didn't know what to do to keep them in their own bed. I tried EVERYTHING! The only thing that worked for me is I told my son (the oldest of the two) that we would go out to eat to ANY restaurant he chose IF...and this was the big thing IF, he slept in his bed for a week without coming into my room. It worked like a charm. The only bad part about it is I figured he'd pick Chuck E. Cheese or something...nope, my 5-year-old (now 6-year-old) has expensive taste...he chose Red Lobster. lol Even after we went out to eat he continued sleeping in his bed because he realized it wasn't as bad as he thought it was going to be.

Good luck.

I did not read your other responses, so I apologize if I'm repeating here... but um... she's 5. You have the power of parenting. I do not understand what the big deal is. Tell her "no" and send her to her bed. I have a 7 and 4 yr old and only about 3 times has my 4 yr old even ASKED. We say no and she goes back to her own bed. End of story. Put your foot down! It seems like a problem w/ a VERY easy solution. Of course now that you've been allowing it to happen for so long, this will probably take longer, but BE CONSISTANT!

~K.

I had the same problem with my son.What we did is at first after he went to sleep put him in his bed then we told him he could only on the weekends until we was ready for bed.also if only one of us was going to bed right at that moment then we let him stay until the other spouse was ready for bed,then that spouse put him in his own bed.You just have to wean them.Good luck I hope this helped.

You have to be stern. None of my children have ever slept with me unless they were sick. Dad has to stand up for your decisions also and let her know it is not for her to sleep with you. Can the other kids help by letting her sleep with them on occassion? Maybe she has nightmares. Who knows with a five year old. But, I agree, she is too old to sleep with you and Dad. Get her a nightlight

Set up the bed time routine so that she goes to her room and into her bed for stories and prayers. The like SuperNanny did a few seasons back. Tell her "back in bed" the first time she comes out, then just put her back in bed without speaking to her each time afterward. This is better if you are putting her to bed a few hours before you are going to bed yourselves. My 5 year old goes to bed at 9. But I know families that put their 5 year olds to bed at 7 or 8.

As far as intimacy goes, install a lock on your door. The kids are old enough to knock on a closed door instead of just barging in but that lock provides protection as well. We have a dead bolt on our door.

She is old enough to know and fully understand that she has her own room and so do her sisters. You just need to stop giving in to her. She will be mad and probably cry for a night or two but she will be fine and get used to it. I know I've seen those Supernanny and Nanny911 shows talk about it. You have to teach her independence.