Bad Mommy Needs Help!

Hi C.,
First off, you are not a bad mommy, just having a bad day and we all have them. Take a deep breath and relax. Everything the little guy is doing is perfectly normal. By the time you figure out this phase and how to handle it, he will have gotten through it and moved on to new and better ways to confound you. Welcome to parenthood! Every age has its challenges.
For a two year old the average "time-out" should be about 2 minutes. Then let him out and try to redirect him to some other activity. If he goes back to the "bad" behavior, try another 2 minute "time-out". Consistency usually helps and he will get the idea after a while.
Could something else be bothering him, or adding stress to the situation? Is he feeling well, getting enough rest, etc?
Are you also, getting any grown-up time? It's important to take care of yourself, too and get a little time away from children and responsibilities.
This doesn't sound like you, or that little man of yours. Give me a call if I can help.
M..

You are not a bad mom. Everyone has their days and all our children test us just when we think we've figured them out. Perhaps your little guy isn't feeling well to be acting like this. Could he possibly have an ear infection or some sort of food intolerance? Also, my son starting banging his head around 18 months when he was getting his 2yr old molars. It's hard to know what's always going on with them. I'm not a big fan of time outs and if your son is not yet two it's probably not going to get the desired result, just a lot of tears. Reinforcing their good behavior always seems to work better for me than any type of punishment (since once they are being punished that's all they think about, not what they did wrong..tends to create a power struggle). Is there any pattern to his misbehavior? My younger son usually misbehaves when he is either tired or not getting sufficient attention from me. Hope you both figure this one out together. Hang in there!

IMHO, ignore, ignore, ignore.

My son used to bang his head when he was mad. I asked the doctor about it and she said let him do it. Eventually he'll do it hard enough to hurt and then he won't do it again. She was right. He did it once on our porcelein floor and it hurt. That was literally the last time he did it.

If he's hurting others, he needs to be put in an area that he can't hit you, the dog or anyone else. If he wants to hit himself, so be it. But not others.

When Jacob would have a tantrum, we just let him do it. We never give in to tantrums, I mean never. I don't care if he was having a fit in the store, I would pick him up and leave before I'd give in.

So, I let him have his fit and I would tell him in a calm voice, "When you stop crying, we can talk." And, as soon as he would choose to calm down on his own, I would go and comfort him and talk to him.

Of course, there are times when kids are unreachable and they need help calming down. When that's the case, I go over to him and I tell him that we were going to count to three and take a deep breath and blow it out. I would do it first and by like the 3rd time of me counting, he would do it himself.
I swear, 90% of the time this works - and it makes me feel better, too!

Good luck.

Ok, In through the nose and out through the mouth! Ahhhhhhhhh!! YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOMMY!!! Now repeat that 10 times! lol

Seriously, every child and parent goes through this or similar. My daughter is just realizing the same as your son after we broke the tantrums that if she is more aggressive with them she will get a response from me. I have tried the time outs with her but I think she is too young to understand them and it really just made things worse for us... no matter what the books say! lol

I have found that if I ignore it again, just like I did before she usually will break before I do! lol If not then I will sit close to her on the floor where she is laying screaming and just whisper to her. She knows Mommy is saying something and she has to be quiet to listen. This usually works. If not then I leave and will give it another minute and come back. At this point she will usually come and give me a hug and want to snuggle and I will talk to her and explain in small sentences that hitting the dog hurts her and it is not nice or that she can not have a cookie before breakfast or whatever it may be. Seems like it is EVERYTHING with these testy 2 year olds!!!

Also, as for them hitting themselves or thrashing on the floor or banging their heads on the wall...they will not do it hard enough to hurt themselves and if they do end up with a tiny bruise they will usually never do it again! My neice was one of those that would bang her head on the wall or door and even run full force into them. She ended up with a couple of bruises before she learned that it will not help her get her way.

I have also found sometimes when it gets completely out of control... thankfully it has only happened a couple of times.... I take a time out for myself otherwise I will give in and I want to also be consistant!

Good luck and many blessings to you and yours!

just a thought. time outs and restrainting made things WAY worse with my son at that age. i did that because i thought it was supposed to work and that's what people expected. with my son we found the thing he loved and used it as a reward (instead of punishments of to or whatever). we left whereever we were if he was doing something like that... but if he hit he would loose the privledge of "drum time", and when he doesn't hit, he gets to go crazy on his drums. it took us 6 months to figure it out. but it worked for him : )