H.B.
Hi Tracy, sorry to hear about your MIL. I know how it feels to some extent. My husband's sister had a baby boy about two year ago, a little before she had him, my husband and i found out we were pregnant as well. The two boys are 6 months apart. Unfortunetly, all the attention has always gone to her daughter's son, and not to ours! This has been a tough issue to deal with and I feel bad for my husband because he too notices it and feels like his son is second best and that the other grandson always comes first. Needless to say, my MIL always preaches how she's "christian" and blah, blah, but it is so obvious, there are pics. of her other grandson plastered all over her house, and she constatntly baby sits for her daughter, whom is a SAHM, and doesn't do anything!! REally, we struggle trying to make time for us and it feels as if we have to book her a month in advance just for my husband and I to go catch a 2 hr. movie!
This is very frustrating, but let me tell you what I have done to test my theory and to prove to my husband the way his mother really is. I gave her a bunch of pics of my boy a about a year ago, and she hasn't put up not even 1 of them!! So, my parents came from Texas to visit, and they absolutely adore my boy, too bad they are the ones living at such far distance and not vice versa. Well, I scheduled a pic. appt. so they could take pics with him, and hung them all over my house, I also framed some that said I love Grandma and I love Grandpa, without any of their pics. in sight!! hee hee! Two can play this game as she's quickly coming to find out. Well for his 1st bday i took him to get pics by himself, framed and gave them to all other relatives, including my MIL's parents, (the great grandparents). She's started to realize she is the only one without a pic and asked me for one. When she asked I said well I've given you pics. of T.D. in the past, and I haven't even seen one around your house, she said she keeps them filed in a box. I said, well I think more of my boy and am only giving relatives who care enough to put pics of him up a copy! LOL ;) ...i know hurtful right, but not as hurtful as her not giving my boy the same attention as the other grandson.
As far as her doing things with my boy, she never takes him anywhere and has even taken her other grandson to football games with us and everything. Never once has she picked him up and hung out with him and lets not "push" her watching him and spending time with him while my husband and I do something. Well, for this, she has a "christian" church friend in her own words, hee hee :) and I got to meet her, this lady has a young girl who has taken the babysitting classes. So, I have hired her as my babysitter. Then, guess what, my MIL said there is no need that she is here to help watch him whenever we'd like, tough cookies lady! I explained to her that I don't like having to book her a month in advance and that even then she always gives me a million and one excuses.
So it's give a little get a little. YOu just need to learn to pick your battles and trust me for so long I have bitten my tongue and felt as I my boy is only second best. The most important thing is to just start distancing yourself just a little bit, so she can see how hurtfull it can be, i'm sure she'll come around. Maybe you two have an open relationship, if so then just tell her how you are feeling , but as a spanish saying always says, "Son of my daughter's grandson is he, Son of my son's whose can he be? " Get it? that's just the way the cookie crumbles, take this as a lesson, and if you ever have a daughter in law, be sure you take her in as your own!