Bad behavior....Mom at a Loss for What to do.....HELP!!!!!

Hi Amanda,

I agree with the other responses; you should forbid your son to have contact with this boy outside of school. Kids can be raised in the most proper way, but when other kids and their influences get involved, it's amazing how quickly those values you instilled go out the window. You should explain to your son that his friend does not behave in an an appropriate way, and that you cannot have him around someone who acts like that. If the other boy's mom doesn't see a problem, she will quickly realize something's up when nobody wants to/is allowed to play with him anymore. If the other mom confronts you about the non-interaction outside of school, then it would be a perfect opportunity to be up front and honest with her. It might be difficult or awkward, but she needs to know so that she will hopefully do something about his behavior. Good luck!

I can tell you a 100% you will never be able to tell another mom about their child's behavior, I have tried it once, WoW it so backfired.I will nver do it again.They believe what they want to believe.Remove your child from this,because it will you drive you insane !!!!
Or have the child only play at your house and if they don't behave,send him home.And that's it.
I have two teenagers and I see what rotten eggs parents have raised over the years and now pay the prize for it.
Karma !!!!

Having worked in a middle school for nine years I can tell you that this mother will not listen to you. She can't believe her son would misbehave because then she wouldn't be the perfect mother....and some mothers have to be perfect.

All children, and I repeat, all children misbehave from time to time. It is normal, natural, and perdictable. She is in total denial and there is nothing you can do about it. Unless you can get the little guy on tape doing something outrageous, then you are out of luck.

Even if you approached her with the utmost respect and tried to act like you are only concerned it will go over like a lead balloon.

I would go to her and offer to have her carpet cleaned (if he went on the carpet) then explain that he only did it because his friend told him it was fine....explain that you are in total shock as well and that he won't be over again because you can't predict what he's going to do. Then explain that you really don't think your son should play with her son because yours doesn't seem to know how to act or behave when the two are together. That you aren't sure why, maybe it is some kind of weird dynamic, but you can't control the situations and they won't be allowed to play together anymore.

Maybe she will get the hint.

PS And I know from personal experience with my oldest daughter what it is like to have your child do something extremely out of the ordinary because someone else told them too. I had a situation where my daughter was doing things her little friend told her to do even though she knew not to. At one point she licked paint off the lid of a paint can because her friend wondered what it tasted like. We went round and round for weeks about thinking before she did anything and asking me/father if something was okay if she wasn't sure. I think she has it down now, but who knows. Some kids are just followers.

You can only change those things within your control. Another parent is not within your control. You might as well learn your lesson early. You are able to help teach your child a lesson from this. It is a tough road traveled these days and there are many lessons ahead.

I think you need to remove the other child from this equation and deal with your son did. At 7, he should know that's unacceptable. Regardless of what another child tells him. It's an early lesson about peer pressure, I suppose.

Personally, I think it's time to cut this other boy out of your sons life. If what you say about him is true (I'm assuming it is) and the other parents feel the same way - approaching the woman won't have any effect.

Good luck.

Sounds like you're on the right track. This boy must be seeking boundaries from his mom, and isn't getting any. I would probably stop play days unless it's at your house, and even then they would be few to none, for a while. You can always try again in a few months and see if anything has improved.
Having him recognize a behavior that's not allowed at home, not being allowed elsewhere is probably a good thing for him to think about next time.

If this is an isolated incident, let it go. My daughter, who is normally very well behaved (6 yrs old) was at a friend's house and stuck pins in the mother's yoga ball, which popped it. I couldn't believe she did this, since she is not normally destructive. I found out later, though, that her friend's older sister told her it was okay, and pretended (although my daughter thought she acutally was) to be sticking the pins in. Kids get excited around other kids, and it sounds like your son was egged on. It sounds like you already punished him, so I would just talk to him about listening to his inner voice if he is questioning right or wrong (if it is not something that would be permitted in your household, he should be trying to tune into his inner voice). Unfortunatley, peer pressure starts early. Use this as an example and move on!

I agree with the other posters, nothing you SAY will affect the mom. But what you and others DO will! If you refuse to have your son play with her son, and others do the same she will get the message.

If you say anything the mom will get defensive and you'll end up looking like the bad guy. The one poster said it right...she is not something you can control.

I would suggest you not let your son play with someone who is a bad influence. And of course you should teach your son to be responsible for his own behavior by not trying to blame the other boy. Yes the other boy encouraged him but he made his own decision in the end.

Let your son know he is not to play with the boy and why. You don't have to let the mom know why should she invite your son over again (even though you want to). Your actions will speak louder than words.

I agree with the others and would no longer have contact with that other boy. He's no good and your son needs to get out all the bad influences in his life now before he's a teenager. I think that sends a clear message to that other mom. If she doesn't get it now, she will when her son is older and has no friends. Believe me, you can try to get through to her but it won't work. I have been there, done that. I've learned to just cut ties and in the end it's better for us and who cares about them. When their child has no friends they will learn. Then, you need to deal with your son and teach him that he cannot under any circumstances do things that you do not approve of. Peeing on someone else's floor, even if he is told by his friend it's ok, is unacceptable and if punished properly he hopefully won't engage in peer pressured unacceptable activities again.