Bad Attitude

Hi B.,
I'm sorry you are having a hard time! Have you read the book "Raising a Strong-Willed Child"? If so and nothing fits, it may be something else. Is there anyone in you or your husband's family who has bipolar disease?

My 3 y/o has bipolar and I'm sorry to say, I could have written your request. If you would like to email me personally, please do at ____@____.com. I would be happy to give more info.

HUGS,
K.

I read that todlers don't fully grasp pain until they are at least three. He probably knows what he is doing is wrong since he is 2 1/2. If he does it at home or even has the slightest tantrum then you have to correct him right away or he will think he can get way with it or he's the boss. My son, like to scream at the top of his lungs when he doesn't get his way. He was a really bad biter(yeah we took care of that). When he shows out I isolate him away from fun and everyone else, so, there is no audience or reward for his behavior.

B.,
Your two year old is most likely upset because he is unable to articulate his thoughts and feelings. That is most likely the reason for the outbursts.....think of how frustrating it would be to not be able to say hey people, I was the center of attention at home and then Mommy had a baby and it really has ticked me off and oh when I'm playing with a toy or wanting something you do not understand. Just because your daughter is 6 months old does not mean that he is still not upset about her birth. He might be jealous and angry and hurt. He is two almost three and they will act out and be upset. Yes he sounds strong willed, not bi-polar. Be patient, and dole out the disipline in a calm and consistent way. Locking him in the high-chair for time out is not the way to go. Easy for you, but way to frustrating for him, not to mention that he can't sit in a high chair when he is five. Pick a spot, put him in it, yes you will have to trek back and forth several million times to keep him there but do it. The first time he mis-behaves, tell him why he is going to time out, then calmly put him there and walk away, if he gets up, take his hand and walk him back but say nothing. Continue doing this until he stays put. Then the clock starts for his time-out, no more than 2 or 3 minutes. When time out is over, explain to him why he was there. Tell him you love him. Stay strong and Consistent that is the key, you might also want to set aside some time for just the two of you, without baby sister. He needs to still feel that he is just as important as he was before she arrived on the scene. Good Luck and God Bless.

M.

B.,

I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old but the thing that I think will make this advice most helpful is that I also have a day care in my home. I am with these kids, for most part, as much or more as their parents are so I do see them as my own children in a way. On the other hand I worked full time when my 5 year old was little so I know the feeling of getting calls like this at work.

I was picking up my little boy from day care one day when he decided to throw a fit. I saw in his face that there was something wrong so I went to him but it was too late. I had to pin him down on the ground to get him to stop. At the time I was about 7 1/2 months pregnant so I couldn't just pick him up and go to another room. But the toy that he had been playing with had been taken away by someone (one of the parents, but VERY long story) so there was a reason for his frustration.

I have had day care kids that have done the same thing. They don't understand that what they are doing is hurting the others. At this age kids don't think about cause and effect. I put them in a time out place, where I sit also to be sure they don't get up, and when the time is up we talk for a few minutes about what happened and what would have been the better way to deal with what happened.

Maybe he is upset about having to share you with his new sister. Maybe there is something going on at day care that he doesn't like.

With his age he isn't going to be able to go into detail about what he's feeling or what happened but at least he can get started. Also be sure not to discipline him for what he did hours earlier at day care. It's OVER! Just talk to him and his day care teacher about what happened and how he should deal with what happened.

I hope this helps you and remember that the day care teacher isn't always the wrong one :-)

Hi,
Does he act this way at home?Has there been a change in his class?New teacher?New kid?Is he potty trained?If not, are they pushing him hard on the subject?Are they making him feel bad?Could he have a food allergy?It can make kids have headaches,stomache ect... Is he getting enough good sleep at night?Is he bored?Is there some sort of stucture in his class?
does he speak clearly?Alot?Can you observe w/o him knowing?I would ask them to start a log of what he was doing before the fit and what time of day it is.Is someone picking on him?does he like his teacher and school?Does he cry when you leave him?
Do you think he is jealous of his new sis?Does he worry about her in her daycare class?She hasn't been bit ect..?No other major changes at home?School?My son used to hit his head on the wall and would throw big fits ,he has Aspergers.Not saying yours does.Just saying check medical too.It just makes you wonder why all of the sudden.
Blessings,
Melisssa
blessings,
M.

I'm sorry to hear of your difficulty. We are foster parents to an 18 month old that displays the same behaviors that you are describing above. He is chronically unhappy and does have a strong family history of Bipolar disorder. He is highly intelligent but of course young children cannot articulate their feelings...so it adds to the acting out. Our daycare phoned us about simular incidents and they made the decision to move this child up to the next age classroom in order to "protect" the children his age from his "rages" and "agressiveness". He does seem much happier in that setting with the older children as they participate in more learning activities and are more structured.

I'm sorry to say but toddlers are very self involved and easily objectify people. They do not quite understand that their actions "hurt". They are simply reacting to their surroundings. Is there a new employee at the daycare? Did the schedule change in any way? Is there a new child at the daycare...possibly a bully? Are his ears infected? (Strange but true) Could his sugar level have dropped or gone up? If your child has any form of autism, or bi-polar disease,or just simply doesn't accept change, then these seemingly small things would have a much larger effect on him than the other children causing him to act out. If he does not have a history of this type behavior, I would be highly suspicious of something going on at the daycare. I would not be accusatory, I would just keep my eyes open for any bite marks on the child or unexplained bruises. If he behaves this way at home or his behavior becomes consistant, first I would change daycares, enlist the services of a pediatric endocrinologist and allergist and the services of a child psychologist.