Babysitting phobia...help!!!

Bless your heart D.. Your fears are taking over the trust you once had with people in general and family in particular. The grandparents that did this to you...are they still around? Will they be around the other family members if you choose to leave your little one with them? If so, then I wouldn't leave her at all with anyone. But if they have no chance in coming near your daughter, or other family members that might watch her, then try to put your fears aside...only if you choose to allow someone to watch her. Trust is a huge issue. Easy to break, and hard to aquire. There isn't anything wrong with telling your family/and in-laws that you are loving the mommy part of life, and you are not ready to be without her. That is one way you can tell them without them wondering why. And you can leave it at that. If they come back to you and say..."well you're going to have to let go at some point"...and believe me they will adventually say that...You can reply kindly and say that, "I will make that choice myself when the time comes, but right now I want to spend every precious moment with my baby girl". And give a huge smile....and it won't raise any more questions. Unless you've got one inquisitive family memeber that just wants to meddle in your life. LOL But that's the way I would suggest. I hope this helps. :-) G.

Well D., thank God you are a smart enough and caring Mommy to be concerned for your child! I've luckily never been put in the situation, but my Mom had things happen to her as alittle girl from a family member. Unfortunately he was still present in the family's lives. She always made sure we were in her eye sight or she'd accompany us wherever we were going at the house or whatever. I feel you should go with your gut. That is the best and smartest thing we can do as Mommies. Protect your baby at all costs. But if you trust the family member(s) as a good person, then when you feel comfortable, it wouldn't hurt to give it a try. Good luck to you hun! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family!!!!
P.S. I hope your hubby's deployment is smooth and as uneventful as possible!! Glad you have family to support you in his absence!

I was kind of in the same situation when I had my first son. I had to make a decision about who I would allow to watch my son and who I wouldn't. I was raised by a very controlling and emotionally and physically abusive mother. She is still in my life and I love her very much. I understand that people make mistakes and at some point we must forgive them, but I haven't quite got to that point. However, my husband and I discussed that my mother was NEVER to watch our children. End of story. My son is almost four and they have never watched either of our children. They also are not allowed to change their diapers. The babysitting thing is something that should be carefully considered. Is there anything your mother-in-law has done for you not to trust her? I would start out by watching how your family interacts with your daughter. Then maybe start leaving her for a short errand (ie. bank, post office, etc.) Once you have done that, you can start building the relationship and start trusting your family more. I know how hard it is to trust people and it's even harder with your relatives. Give it some time and maybe this is something you want to wait on making a decision on. We never had anyone babysit my son, other than my in-laws, until he was three years old. Maybe you want to wait until she is old enough to tell you what is going on at your relatives houses before leaving her. Good luck. Remember it is our job as mothers to protect our children. I have said this several times to my family and I think that they understand that I am and always will be my child's number one protector!

Your fear is a real one and not one to be taken lightly. Take it from me, though. My husband deployed to Iraq for a year when my daughter was almost 4 months old. You will need time to your self to be a good mommy. The worries and fears for your husband can sometimes make you very stressed as it is and adding the pressures of being a single mom can drive you to the braking point. It's hard to be there for both your husband and your daughter when you feel like everything is falling apart and like you are all alone. Still, take it slow! If I were in your shoes, I would explain to everyone that your daughter will realize that a change has been made and may feel a little worried from your husband leaving and the change of inviorment, and you don't want to add to that by leaving her with anyone until she gets use to them and the changes start feeling more normal. (even though your daughter is so young, she can still sense change, and if she's like my daughter, she won't like it!) You don't want her to feel like you are leaving her too. I'm sure everyone will understand and this will give you a few months to observe how your family acts around her. As you start to feel more comfortable, you can take baby steps into the babysitting world. Start by making sure you always have at least two people watching her at a time so that no one is really alone with her for more then a moment. You can also plan outings for them so that they will be in public. Like, plan an afternoon at the zoo for the baby and both grandma's while you head to the movies. You can even meet them there so there isn't even the time in the car when they will be alone. Good luck to you! deployments are hard on soldiers, but they are just as hard, if not harder, on the family they leave behind. Don't let your fears stop you from living! God bless!

P.S. feel free to message me if you ever feel stressed. I've been through two deployments to Iraq(one while my husband and I were dating, and one soon after we got married) and now he's looking at another one. We military wives have to stick together! :)

I just got my daughter back from my grandparents...her great-grandparents. She was in Ohio and I live in Arizona. She has been gone since May. It was really hard for me at first but she came back in one piece happy as she has ever been going on about the airplane and all her travels. They need that one on one relationship with the family. Your mom raised you and your ok.And your mother-in-law raised your husband and he turned out ok.you can always call and check up on the baby. You have all rights to be concerned because that's what mommies do:)

I think it is completely normal to be anxious about leaving your baby with someone else. I was the exact same way- I would leave my daughter on occasion with my sister or my best friend but for no more than a couple of hours. It wasn't until she hit about a year that I started to trust a little more and even then I am really careful about who I leave her with- I don't care if I seem paranoid- like you I know first hand that there are people out there that do hurt children and it is my job as a parent to protect my kids. As far as your mother in law goes- just take it slow. Be honest with her that you are nervous about leaving her with anyone ( I don't think you have to tell her about your past)... but take it slow- let her hang out with your daughter with you there and see how that feels. Listen to your gut and you will know when its OK to leave her with someone and who its OK to leave her with.

I totally understand. I have a 5 1/2 week old and we are new to the area and all of my family is in california. I just want to go to a movie or dinner or even the dentist but need a babysiter. I also have a mother in law but not to crazy about the idea of that. How do you find responsible babysiters when you are new to the area?