Babying

Sounds like your 8 month old is not the only "baby" in the house...

First off ask your boyfriend how is it possible to "baby" a baby? Does he not see how ridiculous that sounds? At 8 months she can't talk therefore communicates in different ways, crying being one of them. You as her mommy recognize her different cries by now: oh she's hungry, oh she must be wet! You are doing a good job by responding to your little ones needs. Now if she is 8 and still doing that you can let your boyfriend take over. ; )

Time to look for a new boyfriend (assuming he is not the father) Sorry. A man who lacks the patience for an 8 month old is not going to be able to handle a 1 yr old who gets into stuff, pulls hair and throws food (as all 1 yr olds do) She will be communicating thru tantrums, discovering gravity thru throwing, discovering cause and effect by poking, pinching, pulling, touching and tasting. He isnt going to be able to handle the terrible twos. Keep putting your BABY first, realizing that crying is the only way for her to communicate right now. Before you know it she will not want to be carried, dont miss a second of cuddling, carrying, rocking, you will miss it someday! You will never look back and say, wish i spent more time trying to make an adult happy and less time with my daughter. (If he is the father, then he needs to learn more about parenting-will he read a book or watch a video or take a parenting class with you? WITH you so he doesnt feel you are sending him to class because he is a bad parent!)

Of course you should pay attention to those cues, it's the only way she knows how to ask for what she needs. When she begins to speak, she will use words she knows instead of crying. By responding to these needs (feeding and changing her, helping her to sleep when she is tired) she learns to trust you and will actually be more independent later because she knows you will be there if she needs you.
So, one thing you can do is talk to her when she cries, but don't baby talk to her. She cries when she is wet, so you pick her up and say matter-of-factly, "You need your diaper changed (smile), let's go take care of that." Or, she's hungry, so you place her in the high chair and tell her what kinds of food she will be trying, talk about the textures and colors, etc...

Your boyfriend could be complaining that you "swoop in" when he has her and you don't give him a chance to learn her cries and what they mean, or you are too critical of his attempts to sooth her. All new moms do those things lol. And we all learn to step back a little and let Dad learn how to bond with the baby himself.

I used to say things like, "Oh, that's the cry that means she's wet, it's so cute because she coughs a little when she's wet" or whatever distinguishes that cry form the others. That way he could understand what the problem was, but I wasn't solving the problem for him, he had to learn what to do next :D

Babies cry for a reason.

It is up to the adults to figure out what the baby needs.

We give them the words. You sound hungry. You need a hug, you want to see what is going on, you are so wet, oops , you dropped your toy.

This is not manipulation at this age, remember, your child has only been here for few months. They only communicate by crying for needs.

She ,will not be spoiled by you responding, instead she will feel secure tha t her mommy is a person that is there for her.

Get him a child care book, maybe act like you are not sure and have him read the passages to you, so he will feel like you are learning together.

Your suppose to baby your baby! She's a baby! They'll come a point when he might be right but an 8 month old no way.

I agree with every response (except for one) below. You're SUPPOSED to baby a baby! I just want to add one thing:

There are babies who aren't babied. Some now, more in the past. They live in orphanages, and no one responds when they cry. Instead, they are fed, changed, etc., on a strict schedule. If it's not their feeding/changing time, they're ignored. They also have rotating shifts of caregivers rather than one or two loving parents.

And what happens to these babies? They never learn to talk. No one responds to their baby communication, so they never take it to the next step. Some of them never learn to walk. They wind up with profound (i.e., extremely severe) developmental delays, even though there's nothing wrong with them biologically.

Please show the paragraph above to your boyfriend. You can also google John Bowlby (who studied babies who were raised in institutional settings during the London Blitz [WWII]) for more info.

Is she his? You say 'your boyfriend' not her father. But the you say 'our daughter' so I was just wondering.

If he is the father, then he needs some parenting classes.

If not, you need to find a different one.

He has obviously never been around babies before. And you are supposed to 'baby' a baby. Do what you are doing and don't let him cause you stress. She's a baby, you take care of her as you see fit and screw him.

sounds like he hasnt spent much time around babies before he was around your little one.. mayb if he was able to see that all babies are that way they all cry because they are hungry or need a new diaper -which is quite often- he would change the way he thinks about how you parent your little girl .. got any friends/family with babies??

There is nothing wrong with your baby crying. She might actually understand the difference between mom and dad. However, you can't baby a baby. That is a silly. You need to let him deal with her crying.

Um, she's a BABY. Babies have a very limited vocabulary. Much of it is crying - crying to be fed, crying because she's tired, wet, sad, hurt, wants to be held. You are responding to her cries because she needs you. Please keep responding to her needs. She's just 8 mo. old and it's not like the 4 yr old trying to have a tantrum in the store to get her way. I think he doesn't know what babies are really like and what to expect of small children. Maybe a parenting class will help.

I felt so angry when I read this that I had to step away before answering.

Here are some realities to consider:

An 8 month old is a baby.

An 8 month old communicates by crying. Your job is to figure out what she's telling you and meet her needs. If you don't do that you are neglecting your baby.

Your baby will only be a baby once. In responding to her you are not only meeting her physical needs, you are teaching her about your relationship with her for the rest of her life.

A man who tries to force a mother to neglect a baby is a creep. Get him out of your daughter's life. Get him out of your life. NEVER leave your baby with him. He does not have her best interest at heart. He is jealous of a baby getting a moment of Mommy's time.

Don't take parenting advice from creeps.

I apologize for sounding harsh. I'm so tired of hearing mothers putting their needy manchild's needs above the welfare of their children. It sounds like you have good parenting sense and instinct. Listen to it. Use it.

Hmmmm it's impossible to tell based on this. Yes, 8 months is old enough to start to "manipulate" (in baby terms) and learn that to get what you want (like never being put down on the ground ever or held by other people), all you have to do is scream. To an extent, it is good around this age to learn to care for all needs, give lots of love, attention and cuddling, but NOT in moments when the baby is just screaming to get their way. This way the baby learns to cope when you can't swoop in, and also gains security from the fact they're OK on their own for a few minutes, and that you won't come running every time they cry. That's only effective IF you DO give her plenty of attention most of the time and when she legitimately needs it so there is no trauma going on. Of course you wouldn't want to ignore her all the time just to make her "tough". But some families do play by the "don't spoil the baby" book, and it works for them, so he may be voicing what he knows from his own family. But if he's your boyfriend and not the baby's father, that hardly matters.

So, are you really spoiling her and babying her and letting her run you into the ground with fits like your boyfriend is sort of saying you are? Or are you just a loving mommy who knows what she is doing while he is a guy who might not have the best mother's instinct? Only you know for sure. I had a friend who said her husband was accusing her of babying the baby too much....and she made it sound like she wasn't...but eventually it was plain that she totally was, and to this day the kid is a terror.

Use your instinct. If she ONLY cries when she needs a change, is hungry, or tired, then she cries WAY LESS than most babies and he's obviously insane.

Of course you baby her... she's a BABY!

Sounds like he needs to grow up a little bit and recognize that your attention will be divided for the next 18 years. Is he the father? If so, he needs to realize that babies cry, toddlers are destructive, preschools are sassy, school aged children mellow out for a while, middle school... well, we would all like to just send them off to boarding school and by the time they get to HS they are back to being a combination of all of the above.

If he's not the father, then it may be time for him to move along because it doesn't sound like he's going to be OK with having to share your time and attention.

Trust your instincts. Some people are better with babies, some with
toddlers, some with teenages, some with none of the above. You are best to
know which of you have the better instincts here. I imagine it is YOU.