I don't know what to do. My baby is now 4 1/2 months and not always but probably half the time, his dad will call me wanting to know what to do. The baby will be screaming his head off. He has been fed, diaper is clean and he's had a nap. He is breastfed, but i send a 4 oz bottle of breast milk with him. He is only with his dad for 3 hours at the most. When he is with me i pick him up as soon as he cries and he is fine. He is rather spoiled and likes to be held a lot. He doesnt cry like i hear him crying on the phone ever with me. I am a SAHM so i dont know if he just realizes im not there and wants me. I showed his dad how to hold him and our dr said 4 oz is fine from a bottle. He's a little baby and shouldnt need more than that. Any suggestions?
My almost 3 yr old little girl cried on her overnights with her dad too. He had to bring her home at 1 am in the morning because she cried all night. She wants to come home and be with her mommy. She only stays at his house 4 times a month.
What are your opinions on these behaviors?
He is a good dad, just was never hands on before. I guess i should say i know he loves them, but they are not his first priority.
I have always done all of the caregiving for our kids.
FYI I know he is not really spoiled. Sheesh... Haven't you ever said that about your kids? lol
babies want momma.. they do not want a stranger (dad) the baby is used to you and wants you. My daughter did not like to be held by anyone but me for almost 2 years.
this is normal behavior for a baby this young
I have found if given the chance guys will fall back on the woman. Especially with babies. Its like the know we think we know it all so they play on it to get us to help. Until he gets confidence, or they get older, they will cry. It is not so much that he is doing anything wrong it is just he is unsure and making them nervous.
"He is rather spoiled and likes to be held alot". Not true, not spoiled. Holding him alot is GREAT. I have a 5 1/2 month old. He loves being held too! I guess he is more used to you than dad? And likes nursing more than a bottle. I am exclusively bf'ing and have pumped and on a very few occasions daddy has given bottles which seemed to go fine but I know not every baby is cool with the bottle.
One of the things I did (although it was a with a 4 year old, not a 4 month old - and I'm not sure I'd do this with a baby) was refuse to pick up my daughter when her dad wanted to give her back. I literally FORCED him to have to figure out how to be a parent.
I think the solution (that you don't want to hear and he probably doesn't want to do) is for the kids to spend MORE time with dad. They need to find a groove. The baby doesn't really know who he is.
A friend of mine got divorced with a newborn and 2 year old.... what they did was the dad picked up at daycare EVERYDAY and had dinner. The kids were at the mom's by 7:30pm, so mom did bath, story, bed and was there in the middle of the night.
On the weekends he did Sat morning b'fast and Sunday church & lunch.
yes - VERY difficult schedule. But they were both VERY committed to co-parenting and wanted to make it work. with kids that young he had to be PRESENT on a regular and frequent basis for the kids to bond. Since they kept the schedule the same, the kids knew what to expect.
It seems like you say the kids are not his first priority, so not sure if he would step up.... or not. My daughter's dad didn't.... so he reduced his own visitation worked a deal on child support and let me leave the state. RAT.
Suggest he take a parenting class and spend MORE time with them (maybe in your presence so he can see how you do it, rather than having you 'tell' him). he needs self confidence and a willingness to persevere.
Good Luck.
Different person--different house --different noises--different smells
Even at 4.5 months he knows he is not home and since he spends so little time with daddy he gets confused and scared. The kids need to spend more time with daddy so they are comfortable with him. You might know him but he is a stranger to them.
Shorter visits for sure. If he wants a relationship with the kids gradual is better if you can do it or stand him have him start the visit some mutual place and leave once the kids are doing ok. And during the day. Never at night. Most kids don't do well at night. Young ones for sure. These are just my opinions. I wish you all the best. You are a mom who cares enough to ask for our opinions that says alot
You can't spoil a 4 mo. old baby. My guess is he wants his momma, especially if he is nursed. Does the father see him at a time when he might normally expect to be fed? If he is only bottle fed when his father has him, he may not like that very much. And how does Daddy hold him? Does he snuggle him? My BIL is still learning how to hold a baby. Maybe for the time being visits should be shorter and in your home or with you around. That's how a friend handled it when her DD was an infant.
Ok, brief message, how is a four and a half month old SPOILED?
Hug the baby, hold the baby, feed the baby and give it kisses and more hugs. How can this be spoiled?
