Baby Shower or Not????

Wow, I only read a couple responses and was shocked at what was said to you. I don't think it's a matter of being selfish, but there is the matter of manners and priorities.

You do have from now until November to spend a little money here and there to get the items you need (when my son was born- he came into the world and I already had a floor to ceiling tack of diapers in varying sizes), buying a little at a time makes it easier. You may also have a skill you can put to use making extra money to buy things for the new baby- do you sew? do other crafts? photography? etc....don't forget to shop clearance racks for baby clothes right now- winter newborn stuff will be at about 70% off....do that for each season (shop at the end of the season for next years season)till you have kiddo then you can keep the pattern going for years!

as for the shower itself....etiquette dictates that a shower is thrown FOR you, so if someone decides (on their own) that they would like to throw you a shower, then that's wonderful, but showers should never be sought or expected whether they be baby showers or bridal showers.....

Only if someone offers to throw one for you. A friend just had one for a co-worker who was in the same boat- last child is 5 and she sold everything. But I would NOT throw my own.

I find that, when my friends have babies, I tend to get a gift for each child anyway. The first I usually go off the registry, and the second or third (etc) I ask if there's anything in particular they need...

I have a 17 month old and am expecting twins in August. Having had one with 95% new items, I'm already starting my list of what I need a duplicate of; then am starting with what I can borrow, what I'll look for at garage sales (best ones are in May), and finally, the short list of things I may need to actually purchase (very short list). While I agree every child should be celebrated, as a parent you need to be prepared to take care of the needs of the child, planned or otherwise- and graciously accept any hand-me-downs that come your way.

Traditionally there is only one shower per mother. You have been very fortunate to have two. Keep in mind other people don't owe you anything. If you don't want hand-me-downs which most people see as a blessing, buy your own stuff and quit complaining.

I find it ironic that people are being so rude to you on this site over a question of etiquette. Their posts have been a terrible breach of manners.
You HAVE had some wonderful responses and I would take those to heart. I liked what Jasmine B, Sharon,and a few others said. I DO think that expecting people to give you a shower to get what you want is not the attitude that you want to give. I think that every baby does deserve a welcome. You know that part in the baby books that you fill in with baby shower stuff? It would be sad to say,"sorry kid, you were number 3 and didn't deserve any gifts." Kids love looking at their baby books to see the fuss surrounding their birth and love hearing about when they were little.
Do you have sister, cousin or friend that you are close with that could throw you a small shower? My friends and I love throwing showers and it doesn't matter how many kids they have had, we just want every baby to be fussed over and the mom to feel like they are special.
So, here are my thoughts....Don't throw yourself a shower, don't register for gifts(just tell people what you need, if anyone asks) and if no one throws you a shower just host a Welcome to the World party and invite your family and a couple of your closest friends and be delighted if they bring you a gift. People can't resist giving gifts to a baby!

Wow lost of oppinions on this one!

I believe a baby shower is a celebration of the arriving child. It should be given by someone other than the expectant mother.

I actually had 3-- yes 3 with my first child. I didnt throw a single one. We lived over seas but were moving home when I was only 4 months along. All my friends there wanted to celebrate and threw one for me.

On our way to our new station we spent time with family. Both sides live in same town. They threw one for me.

Then when we were settled in new town I still had remainder to go and made great friends in the mean time and after his arrival they threw one for me even knowing I had two already.

It was about the celebration not the gifts. I honestly didnt aquire much more than simple clothing, blankets accessories except from our families who each bought us a stroller-- we were able to return one for a carseat.

With my second I had a small one thrown after his arrival. They are only 2 yrs apart and both being boys we didnt really "need" anything. Once again it was a celebration.

I recall at both getting things like picture frames and film to help us capture the memories.

If no one is offering to throw a party for you and you feel like you want to have one to celebrate the arrival. Once you are up to it after the birth have a "coming out" where people are invited to come meet and greet the new one.

In ancient times the mother and child were "hidden away" for 2 months from the public ( to help mom recoup and baby stay away from worldly germs til antibodies were up) then there were big "coming out" parties to welcome baby and congratulate mother for a job well done!

Im a firm believer in hand me downs. Believe it or not kids can feel pretty special knowing they have finally gotten big enough to fill someone elses shoes!
As far as infants goes.... they dont care so long as they are warm and dry and loved. :0

Congratulations and best wishes

I personally don't believe in more than one babyshower and think it looks tacky and like your looking for a handout.

I am pregnant with #2 right now. I have a 6.5 year old daughter and I got rid of everything because her dad and I didn't work out and I had no idea if I was to ever have more. I donot want a babyshower instead I want a party after the baby is born to celebrate the baby.

I have almost everything I need for my baby and have spent little little money. I've taken hand me down items, and have bought some on clearance. I have learned after having one child what you really need and what you don't.

The only item I'm splurging on is the carseat/stroller combo and that's like $300 dollras.

Otherwise I found a changing table at the thrift store, was handed down a ton and have found things on craigslist or on clearance.

I just bought a babyswing at Sears today marked down to $40

If your willing to not have everything brand new and fancy shmancy you can really do it pretty cheap.

I see having the best for your first child because it's typically passed down but if this is your last child why spent all this money on stuff that will be hardly used?

Yes, very much so. Beggers can't be choosers. Consider yourself lucky that you got two showers. I've never heard of anyone getting more than one.

I was also questioning whether or not to have a second baby shower for #2. We still have quite a bit from baby #1. We decided that it was a celebration for each child's arrival so each child should have the same. Each child is special and deserves a celebration. If I hadn't mentioned it to my MIL, I doubt anyone would have thrown one for me either. I guess find someone you are close to and would want to throw you a shower and ask the same question I asked: "Do you think we should have another shower?" and bring up the fact that you have nothing. Work together on planning and details that way no one feels overwhelmed. Good luck!
Oh and after reading all the other comments, you are not being selfish and there is no protocal anymore for only having one shower. There is no reason to not celebrate each child equally!

Yes, you are being selfish. You sound unapperciative for the items you recieved at your second shower. You want all new items and for others to pay for them.
Close family and friends would know that you had pass on all the old baby stuff. They may give a gift to help ya rebuild.
Showers really should not be all about what you get from people.
I think you should look at second hand stores and yard sales will start soon. Car seats, I would buy new because of the changes in safety and the need to fit right in the car.

Oh My, I am the MIL doing the shower for my second grandson and I think every baby deserves their own welcome and I can't see why a shower is such a bad thing, I don't know of very many folks who have room to save all the stuff when the are sure they are done having a family - accidents do happen, planning doesn't have much to do with it! I would do as has been suggested, whisper in someones ear - make a list of truly needed things and/or stuff that is totally not needed - there are usually enough blankets and stuffed animals left over for a whole day care! I hope someone steps up and helps you welcome your addition!

And there is a very old saying about keeping at least a diaper in the house to prevent these accidents from happening =!

Yes, you're being selfish.

I think every child is special and should be celebrated, whether they are the first or the seventh. My friends and I are firm believers in having a shower for each and every baby.

If this is the reason for wanting a shower, no you are not being selfish. If you only want a shower so you don't have to buy anything used, I think that's a tad greedy.

We were blessed to have many generous people provide everything we needed for our first. Most of it was used but we were grateful for the assistance. My husband was a full-time student and I taught piano lessons from home so I could stay home with our baby, so we were pretty broke.

By the time our second came more than 4 years later, we were in a much better financial position so I was able to buy what I didn't have for our first, but I bargain hunted and shopped craigslist to find high quality items for less than I would have been able to afford buying them new. Most of it was like new. Buying used is not a bad thing; you just have to take the time to look.

If you have friends who want to throw you a baby shower, that's great! But it would be kind of tacky to throw one for yourself, if that's what you're thinking.

Well....um...yes, you're kind of being selfish. Just because you may want a babyshower, doesn't mean you will get one. I'd send out the word in the family by word of mouth asking if they have anything they would like to get rid of and perhaps they will pass down some of the things they no longer need. Or, ask friends as well if you can buy things they want to weed out for your new baby. Chances are, some of your family and friends will ask you if you need anything and if that happens, you can be more specific and ask for the new things you'd like, but...don't expect it. Once Upon a Child and CraigsList are great resouces for finding gently used stuff for cheaper. Or, start buying at garage sales.

i like the idea of the meet and greet just to celebrate the new baby's birth. People then can bring you something if they wish. Registering for needed items is always okay, but people dont HAVE to get you items from the list...it is meant to be suggestions. If you can afford to have 3 kids without getting hand me downs, why are you so worried about having a shower??

When we had our last child what we did was have a meet and great after the baby was born to celebrate his birth. Honestly we did have to pick up some things on our own before he was born, told our parents the things we would appreciate them getting us (car seat, high chair) and then people did bring things when they all came to see him. I don't think your being selfish, because I know what you mean about getting rid of everything (my one previously was 6 when nathaniel was born) but I think that a baby shower is something that people do for you. I don't know, it's just an idea and what worked for me.

Your not being selfish!! You need stuff! I am going through the same thing right now. I am having my second child and my son is 5. I did keep a small amount of his things though.

First, I made a list of all the things I need for the first 6 months. Then I went through what I did have from my son and checked it off the list. After that I went to a second hand store and bought a lot of the bigger items that I need. Then I planned a small baby shower. I registerd at target for the other things I needed. When I made my invites out I called it a second hand shower. I told people that they could bring stuff they had extra from their babies or they could pick up something off my registy from Target. It was a lot of fun!

The only thing your new baby really needs is a good carseat, clothing, and you. I didn't even have a baby shower for my first baby. I find it tacky. A shower doesn't welcome the new baby - it's a handout. Then again, I feel the same way about wedding showers and presents. There is nothing you can't get at Once Upon a Child or other second-hand stores, discount stores, or on clearance for your third child.
That's my 2-cents.

I was in this same place last year. I had a 9 year old and a 6 year old and a baby on the way. I like you had nothing, although this baby was the only "planned" one out of the three. My mom firmly beleives that you only have one shower so I was torn as what to do. My friend gave my son a "welcome home party" instead of a baby shower. Of course you can't really plan that 100 percent, but it worked for us. That way people were able to come see the baby and they brought gifts too. I had a sister who wanted to host her own shower for her 4th child, that I think was selfish. If someone has a shower for you great, if not maybe you could have your own little welcome home party. I loved that all people came and then were gone so baby adn I could rest!!! Good Luck and congrats even if this was not planned!

What is wrong with hand me downs?? Most baby stuff they outgrow so fast it is like new.

I myself don't like second and third showers...however, with age gaps, I'm a little more open and understanding. I usually will go to one with a decent gap between children. But since you've already had 2, I don't know how many people are going to feel a third one is necessary, or who are going to feel they want to go again, even with the gap. Honestly, if you're picky about the hand me downs, you can find some really nice ones. There's a freecycling website on yahoo that I usually get really nice stuff from and once upon a child is ususally good conditions.

Have you looked on Craigslist or at once upon a child? They have very nice things that don't really look "Hand me down". Not saying you have to buy everything. I think a meet and greet would be more appropriate. IMHO A full blown shower might be a bit much. Or if people ask if you need anything then tell them.

We just had a friend who needed a new car seat so a few of us pitched in money for a gift card to the store it was at. You could do that as well.

yes with the times getting harder and harder for some people .... you need to take what you get and be happy someone thought enough to even offer you anything. Being young this will seem mean but after you get older you will realize not to take it personal ... it is just what is going on around you at the moment.

No you are not being selfish but remember nothing is wrong with a little hand me downs! Your youngest if five, girlll you better have a babyshower. I gave myself a baby shower because no one decided on there own to give me one. It turned out nice and I got what I did not already have(I told people what I needed)

Yes, I do think you are being a bit selfish. IMHO there is nothing wrong with second hand items. Remember babies are in baby items and cloths for just a short time.

Most items I purchased for my son looked brand new. If I didn't tell someone I got them second hand, no one would be the wiser. C., I would try to keep an open mind. Given your situation it's a bit hard to be so one sided. Not to mention, just because you registered for items does not dicate to your guests that they must purchase those items. It's a guide to show what you would like and more often used for those guests who want ideas for a gift.

A.

My first and second children are nearly five years apart, and I never had a second baby shower (nor for the third one). My husband and I saved up and bought everything piece by piece throughout the pregnancy. We'd given all of our old baby items to a friend who found out she was pregnant a month before we did, so we just bought all new items. It's really not bad when you do it bit by bit, and like other moms have said, second-hand shops have clothing and items in fantastic condition.

Do you have someone you are really close too, like your mom, aunt, sibling or friend who you could ask to throw you a shower. Found someone who understands and loves you, they should be more then willing to get a shower together for you. I know many may think of asking for another shower selfish but every child is a gift and after five years (and getting rid of everything) you are in need of support. That person can add in the invites that something like 'After five years of handing down all the kids items C. is surprisingly expecting a new little loved one.' This way people will know you don't have much even though you already have 2 kids so any gifts would be appreciated. I know etiquette may frown on this but how are people going to know if you don't tell them.

Also if someone does throw you a baby shower have them include where you are registered, I know this is also frowned. Few months ago a friend had a baby shower and I had to search for days to find her registry because the friend thought it was not proper to add where she was registered.

I do think it is selfish to not want hand me downs, if they are in good condition what is wrong with them. Having some new stuff is nice but I would not reject hand me downs in your situation, unless you are willing to shell out the money for all new stuff yourself. I am not planning on having any more children but I am keeping my stuff till either I or my husband have been 'fixed' or I no longer can have kids. So accept what you get and appreciated what you get.

I had 3 kids and almost ALL of my stuff was used and from rummage sales.......
My niece just had her second baby 5 years after having her first and she said it would be embarrassing to have another shower given for her.......

Hi C.
I think it would be okay to have a baby shower it is understandable that after five years you don't have anymore baby stuff. If you dont want your mother in law to do it ask a friend if they would be willing to throw you one. I would love the chance to throw a friend a baby shower. Good Luck and congratulations on the new baby.:) T.

If you don't want hand me downs, then buy the stuff yourself for goodness sakes! Why should others pay for your lack of planning or self control? A baby is wonderful either way, but accept what you can afford yourself.

I see why you need a baby shower but I think it's tacky. My family only celebrates with a baby shower if it's your first born.

My friend had a second baby shower because she already had a boy and was expecting a girl. I was more understanding about this situation.

I think a meet and greet party is a great idea. Buy some food and have a party. Most people will buy a little something for baby. I'm not sure if you were expecting to get a bath tub, stroller, mobile, crib etc. but I doubt that'll happen. You may get clothing or teethers. I would not register for this event either.

I don't think you are being selfish. A baby shower is a way of celebrating your new baby and your friends will probably want to give you a gift anyway. Ask one or two of your friends to have a shower for you. They will understand and want to help. That's what friends are for. Those that don't agree won't come and they'll miss out on the celebration.

Congratulations!
Steph G

First I want to say that I do not intent for my opinion to come across the wrong way. I think that you were fortunate to get two baby showers, regardless if you second one was horrible. You need to be more thankful and not so negative about it. I think that a shower should only be given if someone offers to throw you one!!! YOu should not tell people that you want one either!! That would be acting selfish. I have two children one on the way and I am also a SAHM, all three were unplanned, I was on birth control and got pregnant, however we were planning on having all three, just not at the time we became pregnant. I guess in that aspect I dont feel bad. I think that if you are haing a third, you would be more acceptable to buying second hand or at a garage sale. I bought at least 90% of my first and second childs things at a second hand store or at a garage sale or hand me downs from sisters or friends. I think that you are asking alot to have a third baby shower, and with the attitude that you have, I guess it might be rude to say but I would not throw you one either. We live on a budget and have been able to dress our children in nice clothes that you would never now were bought at a garage sales or second hand stores, and if you are concerned about things you wont be able to afford, I would start shopping now at Thrift stores, second hand stores, garage sales, even Ebay.
Have you ever heard the saying" Its not what you get, its the thought that counts"?? Be more greatful that some one would give you there clothes weather they are second hand or new!!