Baby Name Dilemma

Updated on June 01, 2011
M.F. asks from Piscataway, NJ
18 answers

My husband and I are expecting again. We don't really have names picked. There is one name that has come up each time, but we haven't yet used it. We are considering selecting it this time, but our friend gave birth and chose the name for her daughter. It is not a common name, but it is traditional and very pretty. Is it uncouth or impolite to also use it if we also have a girl? Our kids would be about the same age, and, again, it is not a very common name, so I don't know if that would be weird.

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K.P.

answers from New York on

If you really love the name, go for it. Be prepared, though, for the "you stole their name" sentiment. While you both liked the name separate from one another, it is now "their name". If these are people you spend a lot of time with and are close to, then I would shy away from it. If these are people you see a couple times a year and the two children won't be in the same class, then go for it!

My son's name is John and I wouldn't be upset if a friend named their child John. It's not an uncommon name, but we love it and wouldn't be offended if someone else loved it too!

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A.G.

answers from Albuquerque on

Nope. My sons name is Anthony. Anthony is a family name in my family. One of my best friends has a son named Anthony as well. Her son is more than 5 years older than mine. When we decided on the name Anthony I called her and told her first. She thought it was great that our sons would have the same name. ( they also both have the middle inital J- both of their dads have names that begin with the letter J ). It wouldnt bother me at all if anyone family or friend wanted to use the same name as either of my kiddos.... I would tell your friend about your name selection before your baby arrives. She probably wont mind at all. Congrats on the baby!

2 moms found this helpful
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S.!.

answers from Los Angeles on

This is my honest answer and I am sorry if I am too blunt. It is YOUR child... name it as you want! I think the whole name thing gets too many people too upset. My SIL was so irrate that we used "HER" middle name that she had picked out for a child that she was not even pregnant with or thought about conceiving. Yet I had to hear about "we stole her name". The other joke to us about it was that the middle name is a family name.

Sorry, just my honest opinion.

Congrats on baby and use the name you feel is best for baby and you as the parents!

1 mom found this helpful
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S.P.

answers from Seattle on

i agree with the other moms. its ur choice what u name ur child. my son 3 months old name is elijah alexander. my cousin is having a baby boy any day now and he is naming the baby alex james. we have no issues with names in our family and "stealing". plus me and an older and younger cousin all have the same middle name nichole. they are spelt different but nobody argues that so-an-so stole their name. hope this helps.

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M.P.

answers from Portland on

I suggest you talk with your friends about your concern. My daughter had chosen her daughter's name when she was in grade school and talked about it a lot with her best friend from grade school and while they were both pregnant. The friend used "the" name as a middle name for her daughter who was born first. She didn't tell my daughter ahead of time and my daughter was angry. She felt like her friend had betrayed her by using the name first.

They had a rough relationship for a couple of weeks but my daughter let it go. However, 11 years later, she is still a bit peeved. I suggest that if her friend had talked with her about using the name ahead of time it wouldn't have felt so much like stealing the name or betrayal. Using the name would be in the open and the issue discussed before it happened.

That said, I agree that if that's the name you want to use, use it.

1 mom found this helpful

L.M.

answers from Dover on

You are free to name your child whatever YOU and your your husband choose regardless of who else has chosen to use the same name.

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J.S.

answers from Hartford on

How about you ask your friend if it would bother her? She might take it as a compliment. Personally it's not something I would do and my husband was totally against it (he grew up sharing his name with several other cousins, as did my father). But two of my husband's sisters have daughters with names that are nearly identical except for the first letter of their names.

I have a friend named her daughter the exact same name combination, first and middle, as her best friend's daughter. They just used different spellings. They live a few states away but visit each other frequently and they think it's cool that their kids have the same name. They had each chosen the name separately without input from each other, and then before birth told each other and decided mutually not to change their minds.

It can't hurt to talk to your friend. And then weigh just how important it is to you and your husband to use the name after that conversation.

1 mom found this helpful
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S.T.

answers from New York on

You're allowed to name your child anything you want. Keep in mind people with whom you're friendly now are not neccessarily going to be good friends forever. If you are getting close to using this name give your friend a call and offhandedly tell her that you don't want to weird her out or anything but that you've always liked the name *Sally* - and it keeps comig up in baby-name conversations - and the only reason you keep discrading it is becuse their daughter has the same name. But you're seriously considering it and in case your baby ends up with the same name please don't think we're name-stalking. Don't ask permission - becuase she might say that she thinks it's weird or wahtever. Just tell her you may (or may not) use it. Last I checked names are up for grabs to anyone who wants to use them - there's no exclusive right to names (yet hahaha!)

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S.R.

answers from Kansas City on

We had our girl name picked out when we were pregnant with our first.
That was it, we were going to use that name when we had a girl regardless.

Our first was a boy.
Our second was a girl.

My cousin and his girlfriend were expecting the same time we were with our second. They had a girl also. They named her Ellie.
They are very similar, and since we are family I worried about it.

We named our daughter Ella (the name we wanted)
I also have a friend who named her daughter Ella.
Her daughter is a year younger than mine.

We live in a different state than those 2 couples, otherwise it might be confusing for the kiddos!

Name your baby what you want.

1 mom found this helpful

V.E.

answers from Denver on

You should talk to your friend and asked if she minds if you use the name also. Explain how you've always loved it just like you did on here. Just a thought; have you ever mentioned to your friend that you liked it and that's how she picked it? Is so she probably won't mind sharing. Make sure that you don't mind sharing the name before you do, though. I have a friend that told one of her former friends that she absolutely loved the name Josias. That is what she is going to name her first son, etc. they had a huge falling out and a year later the ex friend had a boy she named Josias. It ruined the name for my friend, so she named her baby something else. She still likes the name, but its not the same for her now.

Congrats on your new baby!

1 mom found this helpful
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J.L.

answers from Chicago on

Your baby...name her with what you are in love with. If yo like the name sooo what. Free country and your choice.

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M.T.

answers from New York on

If this is a really close friend and you see them often, I would not choose the same name. If they live far away and you rarely see them, I think it's okay. However, you're saying that you're considering the name, not that your heart is set on it and you've had this picked as your girl name for years. If your heart is not set on this name, and this is more than a casual friend, I'd choose something different

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A.H.

answers from New York on

I think it's impolite. The same thing happened to us - we had told friends that we intended to name our daughter Sophie when I was about 5 months pregnant (we'd chosen the name even before we gotten pregnant!). She was 8 months pregnant at the time and ended up naming her daughter Sophie. And even though we live 2000 miles away, both my husband and I thought it a bit odd that they did that without saying anything to us. There are about 10,000+ names to choose from. Unless there is a very specific reason for naming your daughter the same as your friend's, I was stay away from it, since she's in a way already "laid claim" to it.

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A.S.

answers from San Diego on

My brother and sister in law had a boy a few months before we did and they named their son Ewan Alexander. We liked the idea of Alexander and we decided to use it as our son's first name. We had been toting with his name for a while and thought that Alexander was a great name. So whatever you choose someone somewhere might have the same name. It's up to you.

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L.H.

answers from New York on

I personally wouldn't do that. There are so many beautiful girls' names, why hang on the same name your friend has picked. It makes it look like you are naming your daughter after your friend's daughter's name. They will wind up be "Sasha 1" and "Sasha 2." You daughter might even grow up thinking you want her to be like the other girl. What if your daughter and your friend's daughter don't get along? She'll hate her name. Just look up baby names online, in a dictionary, or at the library. There's tons. Vive la difference!

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T.J.

answers from Seattle on

I would think it was pretty great to have the same name as one of my good friends! The only issue would be if they're in the same class at the same school, them they'll be " name b. and name s." or maybe one of them will have a nickname? I have friends who are one n jen and two nn Jenn, and a Liz and beth, Meg and Megan, etc. I think it's an honor to your friendship, you both obviously have similar (great) taste or you wouldn't be friends! Especially if the name has meaning to you, go for it!

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Some people... get real testy if you name your child the same name as theirs. And some people don't even mind.

Why don't you just talk to her?
Otherwise, you will just have to keep guessing and not having an answer to it.
You will not get an answer, unless you talk to her about it.

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M.B.

answers from New York on

I think it depends. Some people get very upset about "name stealing", although no one owns a name! You definitely could use it, but it's possible that your friend would be offended, so I would talk to her beforehand and let her know that you have been wanting to use this name for years, and how funny that you have such similar taste.

I also think it largely depends on your relationship with her. Is she a dear friend whom you think will be in your daughter's life for years to come? Or is she the kind of friend who you see periodically and like well enough? In the former case, I might choose another name, but in latter, I'd probably use it.

Btw, don't do anything (include stress about it) until you know if it's a girl and make sure that that's even the name you really want to use.

Oh, and what is the name? :)

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