Baby Has Mommy Trained

Neither of my boys slept thru the night til they were about 6 months old. I know it sucks getting up ay night, but you may have to do it for a few more months so she realizes that the crib is HER bed. What my husband and I did, since we both worked full time, is we alternated every other night.

J.,
I had my daughter sleep in her crib from birth and she did very well. She would wake up because she was hungry, but then go right back to sleep. She was swaddled and we had a cd that played a heartbeat sound or a womb sound and that has worked wonders. I take the cd with us every ware and she sleeps well. I would say just make a decision and stick with it although it may be hard she does know if you give in to a short cry. Good luck and my daughter just started sleeping through the night with out waking up to eat (she is 13 months)

I wish I had advice for you, but I don't. All I can say if you don't find something now...you are going to have a toddler in bed with you. My 2 year old still sleeps with us.

I would also suggest maybe a bassinet too! THats what we started my 4 month old in.

Good luck!

My advice. Tell your husband to either grow up or move to the couch until he can deal with the needs of this particular baby. She obviously needs and desires to be close to you, as you said you work full time how many hours of the day does your baby actually get to drink you in? You are Momma her World Her anchor, her everything the only thing she has known for 9months.

There is nothing wrong with letting your baby get what she needs from you...closeness, love, and security.

We are on our second co-sleeping baby, Hubby came around when our first was about 6months old.

By all means, let your baby sleep with you. Baby needs the closeness (especially if you are working full time), you get more sleep, and you and your husband can have "privacy" in other places. (My husband and I have co-slept with all four of our girls, and we rarely have sex in our own bed, so it keeps it interesting!) You can transition her into a crib once she's a toddler, or sooner if the time seems right. We usually move our kids into a toddler bed just before their second birthday and have never had any problems. Bottom line is your baby needs Mommy, and if you are not there during the day, I think it is important that you are with her during the night. You already know that both of you sleep better that way! :)

All of our babies slept with us but luckily my husband wanted it that way too. He said he felt like a papa bear wanting to be sure his cub was near and safe. :) Generally, everybody gets more sleep (especially mom and baby) and baby's needs are met so easily. What we did was make sure that we had private time at other times and in other places. Take a shower together, sneak off while baby naps and get quality time in that way.

If you want to move baby to a crib right away, there's a book called _The No-Cry Sleep Solution_ that I've heard is very good. Dr. Sears also has a book called _Nighttime Parenting_ I think that may help. Good luck!

It sounds like your husband is the one in charge in this situation. How many nights has he gotten up with the baby while letting you sleep? If you are both working full time, you should be sharing in this duty. I assume that you are nursing so I know it makes it harder to pump and have enough milk ready...but a couple nights of this and your husband will understand where you are coming from! I co-sleep with my daughter and am single, so I may be biased in these areas. Just realize that babies who develop healthy sleep habits by NOT having to cry it out (babies cry because they truely need us, not because they are trying to manipulate us) carry this throughout their lives.
z

Check out the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weissbluth, M.D. That is the best advice I ever received. I refer to this book all the time, when I have questions about my kids' sleeping.

Both of my children coslept until 6 or 7 months. I found it easiest since I breastfed and I, too, like my sleep. It was very easy to roll over and nurse instead of getting up and I think my children were comforted knowing I was right there. If you are happy and your husband can tolerate, you might find it helpful to make a natural transition, which is what we did. Around 6 or 7 months, the baby will start to spread out and move around. At this point, it was no longer comfortable for them or for me. At that point, I felt they were ready for their own bed and moved them with little to no adjustment. I did the cry it out method at that point. But they only cried for 20 minutes at the longest. I think if you look for a natural point for transition, it will go smoothly. Forcing something that you and the baby are not ready for will just cause problems.

Good luck!

do you still bundle her up in a blanket when sleeping? that helped with my little ones. also try having her awake for hours before bedtime, and try not to put her down until around 10pm. I have a son that will not sleep durring the night, he has really never slept durring the night and he is two. He will get a total of about 3-4 hours of sleep a night, thats on an average. some less some more, I have come to the point that I just let him lay on the couch and watch tv while I sleep because other wise mommy wouldn't make it.
I hope that my advice helps. I do see what your husband is saying though, i know people that have started this at a young age and are fighting to get their 8 year old in their own bed.
Good luck

Personally, my husband and I practice attachment parenting, and do allow the baby in our room. We've done this three times already, and are on our fourth. The oldest three were in a separate room in their own bed by 18-20 months. My suggestion would be- keep baby in a bed next to your bed. During the day- if you're home- allow baby to spend time in this bed alone; you can also do this in the evening. Make a nighttime routine that works to relax baby and go to bed. If baby fusses, pat baby's back, and try to sooth as you would while baby is in the bed during the day. Be consistent, but also keep in mind that your baby is only three months old. In my opinion, it is unlikely that this baby is somehow trying to manipulate you for some evil purpose. She just wants to be near mom- and that is normal, natural, and healthy. This will take time. If you'd like to do any reading on the subject, I'd suggest Dr. Sears' Nighttime Parenting, or Elizabeth Pantley's The No Cry Sleep Solution.
*Edited to add*
After reading through some of the other responses- I'd have to say that the side car idea is a good one. I've done this for years. You simply take the lowering side of the crib off- level the crib mattress to match the height of your mattress, and squash it between the wall and your bed. You also should make sure there are no gaps. You can fix that problem with a very tight rolled blanket. As baby begins sleeping better, you can put the side back on, and after that, push the crib to a different section of the room. After that, put baby in her own room. It's a process, and really, one that maximizes sleep for you (which your husband needs to consider, by the way), and allows baby to healthfully learn to sleep.
And, I just have to add that my problem with the 'cry it out' method, besides that it never worked for us- at all- is that it doesn't teach healthful, secure sleeping. It teaches that no matter how baby 'asks' you're not going to be there. A friend of mine followed the advice of a book - 'On Becoming Babywise'- to a tee. Her little girl would no longer cry during the night. Even if she had vomited (which happened) or pooped (ulcerated diaper rash by the next morning). She knew mom and dad wouldn't answer her cries for help at night- so she just didn't cry. She gave up. This isn't what I want to teach my child. Oh, and that little girl no longer sleeps through the night. Once she was mobile and could get out of bed, she goes looking for mom and dad whenever she wakes up now! So, what you really need is a plan- and consistency to go with it. Like I said- we have not had a problem with our kids staying 'forever' in our bed. They learned to sleep securely with us- which helps them sleep on securely on their own.

Is this the path you want for the future of your child? To train you? I would guess not.

This is SO hard, but you need to let your little one cry. Be sure she is dry and warm and fed and had a loving hug, then let her cry. Your marriage needs protecting too and to do that, baby needs to learn where she belongs. In her own bed. Steel yourself to her cries and keep focused on the big picture. It won't last very many nights. If you wait till she can get out of bed to get in with you, the battle will be much tougher.

This is a very beginning step in boundaries. Would that we could've all learned them when we were young!

I totally understand... I'm also a teacher too, so I know just how hard it is to function as a teacher when you're so sleep deprived! My littler girl (now 6 months) wouldn't sleep through the night in her crib, but she'd sleep fine if she was in bed with us (or on the couch with mom all night!). I waited for a weekend and we let her cry it out. I know some people are opposed to it, but it worked for us (we did it when she was about 2 and a half months... we knew she was capable of going 6-8 hours with out eating becuase she had before). I laid her down for the night and when she woke up every 2 hours we let her cry till she fell asleep again (usually 15 or 20 minutes). I got up to feed her after 6 hours, and then again 4 hours after that. She was only awake every two hours for two nights. Ever since then she's done great... wakes up only once at night now to eat (anytime between 3 and 6 on a normal night). Hope it helpful! Good luck!

3mo old is too young to cry it out! I'm actually in favor of the cry it out method for older babies, like closer to one year, if nothing else works, but no way for a 3mo old. It's kinda normal for them to still wake up at night. I like the idea for you to slowly transition away, crib next to bed, across the room and then into her own room hopefully by 6mo. She probably only needs to be fed once at night, maybe during her early morning wake like 4am? The rest of the time really try not to pick her up. Just sooth her with a pat and a song or whatever. I liked the fish aquarium toy that attaches to the crib. It plays music with a soft light. My kids loved it. You should let her fuss for a minute or two, though, because she might get herself back to sleep. Don't let her work into a full blown scream. I remember when my kids were in my room for the first 2-3mo, sometimes they would wake me up with there noises and fussy sounds, but they would fall right back to sleep by themselves, so encourage her to try that.

J., I would IMMEDIATELY start training her back to sleep in her crib.
here is a good way to start it:
put her crib right next to your bed, side-to-side. When she is falling asleep, hold her hands around her, you laying in your own bed, she - in her crib. tight connection, but each on the own spot, so to say. she will fall asleep, you move your hands away. make sure she is cozy, warm, and even a warm soft teddy bear beside her, you know those very-very soft ones, touching her slightly is of a great help - at the place where you were holding your hand = she feels the pressure and warmth through her sleep, and it is consoling. Now, once she wakes up at night, you immediately put your hand on her 9tummy, back, side) abain, and you can even murmur her some soft loving words so she knows your presence is guarding her. Maybe, you need to make sure the crib is open (I don't know which one you have), and start with moving her from your bed to over there even slower, but you get the idea, right?!
Your husband will se that you try your best, and he will probably agree with this smaller inconvenience until your little treasure starts sleeping better.
If the crib is next to your bed, You do not need to jump up, you just make slight moves, and you all keep sleeping.
A little later (depends, of course, how long) she will finally get it, that her crib is as safe as your lap, and she will sleep much longer hours soundly. Do try one good softie teddy-bear also, it is a real help.
Once she will be fine in her crib, you will be able to move it into another room, but while she is falling asleep, be present, and make sure she is happy when she falls into her dreamworld.
good luck, be happy!!!
M.

I personally believe that the parents bed is a sacred place that is not for children. A good marriage is the basis for a good family and mommy and daddy need their time, even if it's just sleeping. Children in my room for daytime cuddling, or in the morning? Sure! But the lines are clearly drawn. Anyway...you may be in for a big protest that may come down to a battle of who can last the longest. I urge you to do whatever it takes to win this one...especially if daddy is getting a little anxious for his bed back!

She's only three months old!!! Since she sleeps through the night with you, it might stand to reason that she may be getting cold when she is in her crib. Make sure she is plenty warm. When she does wake up, do not get up for every little cry or wimper. She may just go to sleep on her own. On occassion, she might even be hungry. Babies eating habits change with growth patterns. Don't expect her to sleep through the night every night. Some of my kids didn't do this consistently until they were a year old!

Don't think of it as being trained. The baby has never been alone before and is comforted by the sound of your breathing, heart beat and smell. Babies that sleep close to their parents are less likely to be affected by SIDS as well. And never feel bad about getting sleep!! Try sleeping with a crib sheet (or blanket if you use them) so that it smells like you and then use it in the babies crib.

I don't think there is a right or wrong. Whatever works for the whole family, but if your husband is unhappy, then this is not working. Try putting the baby in a crib next to the bed, then as she has adjusted to that, move her to her room.

This will take time, so your husband will have to be paitent, but he will have is bed back!

GL:)

Have you tried to "sidecar" the crib to your bed? I am considering doing this when my third child arrives in March to facilitate breasfeeding. Making your crib a sidecar involves taking one side off and attaching it to your bed. It seems like a good first step in transitioning a baby out of your bed. To the sidecar for a few months, then when she is older and does not eat so frequently, put the side back on her crib and detach it from your bed, and finally, move the crib to her room. I have not tried this so I'd love to hear what others have done.

That said, I have "co-slept" with both of my sons (they wanted me and refused a crib and working full-time, I did not have the energy to fight it) and I love it. Nighttime is not a struggle. I know where they are and what they are doing. I don't worry about them. Our children are young for such a short time . . . but I know what you are saying about your husband too. Good luck!

Of course, at 3 months old, all your baby really knows when she wakes up at night, is whether or not the warmth and heartbeat that were constant companions before birth are present now. And of course your baby will prefer the comfort of their presence. I remember trying to put my children in cribs at that age and it never seemed to work. By the time number 4 rolled around it was a given that we had a bed companion for at least 9 months.

It's definitely not 'recommended' but it worked for us. If it's not going to work for you there are a couple of things that can help comfort your baby while you sleep in different beds. Having a crib with a removable side placed right next to your bed can allow you to soothe your baby if s/he starts to squirm. Then there are products that give off a steady heartbeat sound that you can snuggle your child against in their crib. I also found that a couple of my kids preferred to sleep in their carseats when young. Probably for the snug fit. Best of luck in helping baby sleep and getting your own.

Good luck. That's about all I can say. :)

One thing that worked for us when baby (#2 of 3) was not sleeping was taking shifts. For example, I would get up with the baby until 2 am, and husband would get up after 2 am. Then we could both get some counted-on continuous sleep. Remember that each child has unique needs, and you will all feel better if you can fill them. Make sure the baby has plenty of cuddle time during the day. My #2 has always needed much physical contact, did not sleep well until 2 years old, but is now the best sleeper in the house.

Do you have or could you borrow a bassinett or a cradle? If not take a big quilt and make her crib smaller. Use something that is not fuzzy or easy for her to get her face into but she likes the bed because it is cozy and when you put her in that crib it is like she is in this big space and it makes her feel insecure.

If you can do the bassinett or cradle it will do the same thing - it will be smaller and you can have it next to your bed so if she fusses you can rock it some or pat her a bit.

Do you swaddle her at night? That is another way to give them comfort and the feeling of being safe.

The longer you let her sleep with you, the harder it will be to put her in her own space. But right now she needs a smaller space and not cuddled between Mom and Dad.

Blessings to you all. M. B.

I'd say whatever gets you the most sleep is the answer. The only thing worse than your child in your bed is sleep deprived mommy!

My husband couldn't get any sleep with our son in our bed, so I started putting him to sleep in his crib, and then when he would wake up around 1:00 in the morning I would move to his room and sleep with him in a bed in there. That way I was still going to bed with my husband, and he never noticed me leaving in the middle of the night. I have the best of both worlds and everyone gets sleep.
Good Luck!
M.

J.,
I completely agree with your husband. Your baby doesn't need to be sleeping with you at 3 months old. Besides there are babies who have been smothered by sleeping parents and her safety is too important for that. There are many moms I know who had their 3 month olds sleeping through the night. As a rule of thumb a 6 month old should be able to go 12 hours between dinner and breakfast and should be sleeping most or all of those 12 hours. I found that my 3 month old babies would sleep a good 6 hours or more and need one meal and then sleep more. Two suggestions:

1st- Limit nap times throughout the day to 2 hours. Gently wake up your baby if she sleeps longer than 2 hours. She needs to learn to take her longer sleeping time at night.

2nd- I suggest helping your baby learn not to fall asleep in your arms and not to fall asleep in your bed. Don't rock her to sleep anymore or let her fall asleep in your bed but instead lie her in her crib when she is drowsy right before she fully falls asleep. We all wake up at night but we've all learned how to fall asleep on our own again and we do it so quickly we don't always realize we woke up. A baby needs to learn how to do that-that will help her sleep longer than 3 hours when she is away from you. My pediatrician taught me this when my oldest was 6 months old and still not sleeping through the night. He said that you'd be alarmed if you fell asleep in your bed and then woke up in the living room and then went to bed and woke up in the living room again later, right? Well your baby is alarmed, too, when she falls asleep in your arms or your bed and then wakes up in an unfamiliar crib. Try rocking to soothe her but let her fall asleep in bed. If she cries sing to her or touch her but leave her in her bed or just let her cry it out. Most of the time babies who cry it out figure out how to fall asleep on their own within a week. My babies only needed 3 nights. Three nights to a week of crying it out is worth it to have good sleep and some privacy with your husband forever after that. And no, I don't think 3 months old is too young to cry it out. Your little one will wake up loving you just as much as before she did before she cried herself to asleep. But know that if you decide to let her cry it out but then respond later than she may learn that she needs to cry that much harder or that much longer to get your attention.

Good luck!

My husband and I agreed that babies do not belong in bed with their parents. We used a seperate basinet from the begining, placed next to our bed. We had a heart sounds teddy bear, and we turned that on when we lied the baby down for the night--these bears also come with sound and motion detection for excess squirming and fussing. We also swaddled from the word go; this approximates the feel of the womb, and it worked so well we did it until our first was a year old. Whenever either fussed, I reached over to replace the pacifer and to put my hand on them. We also taught our daughters to sleep through the night this way--we used the pacifier to keep them sleeping for longer stretches throughout the night rather than feeding them a full meal every set number of hours. Our pedi suggested doing this, and trust me, we weren't starving them! But by doing this, we were able to slowly lengthen the time between night feedings until we were down to none. And when our daughters were able to sleep through the night for a few weeks, we slowly transitioned them into their own crib in their own room--first by doing naps there, then nights. Our oldest has never slept with us; our youngest occasionally does when she is ill, but she always starts the night in her own bed. Good Luck.

Although I don't really have any suggestions for you to be able to have your baby out of your bed I do want to say that you should do what you can to have your baby sleeping in her own bed. I have a two year old that I let sleep with us for awhile at one point so I could get more sleep...well he's still in our bed and he absolutely protests to sleeping in his own bed. So even though I enjoyed getting sleep at the beginning I really dread that he is always in our bed now. So I now I won't let my 3 month old girl sleep in our bed now because of that...I don't want to be stuck with two kids in my bed. LOL =) I hope you can find whatever works best for you...Good luck!! And if you get any great suggestions maybe you could pass them my way. LOL