Baby Envy

I know exactly how you feel. I have been struggling with the emotion to want another baby for months even though we already have two beautiful, happy, healthy, and priceless toddlers, ages 3 and 4. My best friend just had her first baby yesterday afternoon. A healthy baby girl. I went to the hospital today to visit them. I held the baby, fed her, burped her, changed her and swaddled her and I felt jealous.It felt so natural to me. I wanted it to be me bringing home a new baby. Not that my friend won't be a great mother. She's wanted this baby for a long time. Her boyfriend already has like three kids from previous relationships that don't live with him and he hardly sees, let alone pays for child support. She just had the baby yesterday and he didn't spend the night at the hospital. He went home alone. She had an emergency c section and he just left her there all night. He didn't show up at the hospital until almost 8pm today while I was there for three hours watching her cry in pain and having to help her. Why does this man deserve another child? My husband and I aren't in the position to have another baby right now but I know for a fact that he wouldn't just leave me, that he would take care of me and our new baby. It's hard for a mother to see another mother's newborn. It's only natural. Mothers are mothers first. We think we know what's best for a baby. I know it's hard to swallow but you have to keep telling yourself, like I have to keep doing, that having another baby out of selfishness when the time isn't right wouldn't be fair to that child or the children you already have. You don't want to take anything away from the children you have by doing something irresponsible and reckless. You always have to put first the children you have already. When the time is right and everything can be taken care of without taking anything away from anyone, it will come naturally. It also helps to think back on all those nights of waking up every two hours to a screaming newborn. That helps. lol. Good luck.

K first just let me say you don't get false positives. If she got a positive she is pregnant. The S. test was the one that was wrong. Like she may have taken it after drinking lots of liquids so her pee was diluted. but anyways I guess they will know for sure soon enough.
As for the whole "It's not fair" I know how you feel 100%! K I have a SIL like yours. So when I got married I wanted a baby right away but because me and my hubby were in school we felt we should wait. After 3 years of marriage we had a baby girl. When she was 6 months my hubby's brother married who is now my SIL and they got pregnant that first month they were married! She was only 18! and he was 21. they didn't have jobs and she quit school because being pregnant was just too hard on her body (give me a break!) She drove me crazy and I felt like it was so not fair. Like why is it that they can have a baby right away when they have nothing, no job no insurance etc? And we waited so long. Then it got worse cause they got on medicaid so baby was free. They got in a cute government own apartment cause they were such low income. Her hubby got a job and was in school but she laid around all day. Then once she had the baby she hated having to stay home and take care of him so she went back to work and school and my MIL watched her kid for free all the time! She now has two kids and so do I, actually i'm pregnant with my third but I know just how you feel. My best advise is to try and feel more sorry for them. I think that even though they got babies right away I look at their life now...4 years into marriage she is in school, her hubby dropped out and just works odd jobs. They still live in a small two bedroom apartment etc. But me and my hubby are doing so well. He is done with school, in the army, we live in a house etc. So just feel bad for them and yes I still feel at times that things are not fair but you and your family will be blessed for being smart and thinking things through more clearly.

I think this is a normal emotion. When we live our lives the way we're supposed to, it can be discouraging to see people who don't get something we long for. However, you just can't control the actions of others. Yes, it sounds like they are behaving irresponsibly. But, take pride in knowing that you are waiting until your circumstances improve and until you can provide the kind of life you want for your child. Don't drive yourself crazy over this. Think about it like this: it isn't what you'd want for your child or for your life. It's o.k. to be happy for your brother and you know you will love this baby when he/she comes. Be careful not to let any bitterness in, and remember that the intensity of the emothions you're feeling right now will pass in time. I would avoid conversations with them on this subject. You can't change them and even though you disapprove, telling them about it will not help you and would damage your relationship with them. Maybe a little distance for a while...until you can wrap your head around this. Family situations like this are difficult...good luck.

It isn't fair. You want what you want and that's it. Dang it.
I wanted a large family, but we had two children and then my husband became disabled and he had to go on social security disability and medicaid. I felt it irresponsible to have more children when we were struggling so and I had a compromised partner. I wanted more so bad I unobtrusively didn't hold other people's babies. I just couldn't stand that ache. I absolutely understand the envy.
Then 10 YEARS after my first was born we had a birth control fail and oopsie/YAY we're pregnant. I love my children to pieces but I have to say I think I treasure this baby and enjoy the little things more with this one. If you're getting older you might consider having another one before you can't. If you're young and healthy you can wait and enjoy other people's babies.
As fas as your SIL's parenting skills go, these problems are not uncommon, especially in young parents. Another baby might help mature her. Or it may not and it will be even more important that you have an involved family. Having resources like a devoted father and loving aunt and grandparents can help negate damage done by a less than perfect mother.
So acknowledge your jealousy, and choose to focus on the positive and do your best to influence your niece and any of her future siblings for the better. These negative feelings are natural, but you choose how to deal with them.