Baby-Blues Part II

Maybe you are also suffering from SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) that happens to some folks around this time of year - when the sun is not out as much. I have benefitted a great deal from "light therapy" - just being exposed to higher wattage light for 10-15 a day (something like 10000 lumens). It could be all the stuff relating to how hard the first year is, and hormonal, and the milk supply, but then with some form of SAD added on top of it making it hard to deal. Hang in there!!

Been there - go see your doctor, things will get better.

And, I know, I know, I have trouble following this advice - but some evening, try to slip out to see a movie by yourself. You need some "me" time

Dear J.,

I am sorry you are going through another rough patch. I am not a medical doctor, but from what you have said, to me, you sound depressed. My daughter stopped nursing on her own at 8 months and I was pretty bummed about it, but kinda glad I wasn't going to have to be the one to wing her off. I would suggest you see your OB-GYN, not your physician, and tell him/her her feelings. You might find that a low dose of Zoloft (I took that for a bit after my daughter was born) and it really helped me. That is probably sooo not what you wanted to hear, but we all have our opinions and that is just mine.

I hope things get easier, and you are able to have a nice holiday.

A.

sorry to hear you are going thru a rough time. I agree that it sounds like you are depressed, but i also wanted to suggest that you get your thryoid checked. hormonal imbalances can cause many symptoms, depression being one of them. And i also agree about the person that recommended exercise. that can really help, as can really eating healthy and taking care of yourself. Hang in there!

Hi J.,

I can relate to a degree with how you're feeling. My son is 4 months old and I've felt very close to him from the beginning. However, there are times in the day (even as a stay at home mom right now) when I just need to zone out and be away from him. I end up feeling guilty and think what a horrible mom I am. I have the feeling sometimes that I'm not loving him enough and lately have felt frustrated and fairly unhappy. I decided that therapy is the healthiest treatment for me. It's an excellent way to have some time to really reflect aloud to a professional and not my husband (who is a wonderful husband and father and who does "get it"). I think it's important to have someone else (not invested) to discuss how you're feeling. Might there be other issues that have led you to these feelings? Hope you find a way to happily cope with your feelings. I had my first therapy session yesterday and already feel much better! Good luck J.!

Has uoor dr suggested a formula to start your baby holding him and giving him a bottle is bonding by the way what is your husband doing to help with the baby his also and his joint responcibility we raised 4 wonderful children also 7 grandchildren weve been married 69 years good luck A. no hills

My husband and I adopted our baby daughter and I went through the same thing, so I don't think it is always hormones. Consider possibly that you are mourning the end of your previous life? As much as I love my daughter and I've never felt love like this in my life, there are times when I want to sleep all day and escape as well. Gone are the days of doing what you want when you want.. and they are gone for the next 18 years. That's something to be depressed about!!! Give yourself a break and try and understand that you are in a huge transition! Try to do something for yourself every week... whether a mani pedi - or a massage. Maybe a girls night. Those things help me keep my individuality.
Best of luck,
S.

Get help immediately. At the beginning it was probably post-partum depression, but now it is depression. You may need some kind of medication and a doctor like your OB can help or supply you with who to see. It could be temporary and you will begin to feel better. It is not normal to feel this way and it has nothing to do with your milk supply. You will be fine, but don't wait for symptoms to get worse. You are not alone. Take care and it will be OK. call your doctor right away. Deep breath and all will be well.

I can honestly say that it took me a whole year to "adjust" to motherhood. I spent the first 6 weeks of my sons life not completely bonded. He was this life I had to care for but I didn't really enjoy it.
Our son was planned and I was eager to get pregnant. It was a humongous adjustment for me. I just wanted to feel like life was possible to go back to the way things used to be.
I did come out of it and bonded with my son. However I was still very stressed out during his first year. For me, my attention was divided between work and a clingy baby. We worked to simplify our life so I didn't have to feel so stressed to work. I continued to work but my priority shifted to my son first and work second. That alone took a lot of the pressure off.
Look at ways to simplify your life and give yourself some priority as well. You can't be expected to be a good mom if you don't re-energize yourself. If it's just being around other women or finding time to exercise. Give yourself a break. You're not a bad mom at all.
It does get better.

Hi J.,
I really sympathize. I found the first year with my son to be the hardest year of my life. I love him and my husband dearly, but found that more often than not I was cranky, short, impatient and generally irritable. I often wanted to escape. I am also a working mom so I felt like any time I was home I should be with my son. This meant doing the bath and bedtime routine every night and sacrificing my entire weekend to spend time with him. I did not take much time for myself (I still don't!). I'm not sure I would have done it any differently, but it was hard. I will say this much and hope it makes you feel better:
1. I felt a lot better when I stopped breastfeeding. It might have been a hormone thing, but I felt like a normal person again.
2. the second year has been soooo much better than the first. my son is 22 m.o. now and I could not be enjoying him more. I am so much more relaxed and happy. There are still plenty of challenges, but nothing compares to that first year.
Hang in there and know that you will feel better. You're doing the right thing by reaching out to people. Everyone talks about how wonderful it is to have a baby, NO ONE tells you the truth! It's the most challenging job in the world! My heart goes out to you. I hope you feel better soon. I think you will.
K.

It could be hormones related to nursing/milk supply. I had a terrible period of anxiety soon after I weaned my son that lasted for many months. I also had terrible anxiety shortly after the birth of both of my kids. I really think it was hormone related, and a couple therapists that I spoke to seemed to agree. I didn't have any issues when I weaned my daughter (my first), but I was 5 months pregnant at the time, so it was a different situation for my hormones.

Hi J.,
I am so sorry that you are feeling this and especially now around the holidays. From what I have heard from my friends, this is very, very common (that doesn't mean it isn't excruciating). If you can, try to tell yourself that this is hormonal and no less intense than what happened after birth. Let yourself off the hook with your guilt until you have completely weaned for awhile. Try to find something just for you. Don't force interactions with your baby just be there physically as much as you can handle. If he'll go for it, try taking your book into the room with him and letting him play on his own or with Dad.
My daughter is ten months and starting to nurse left often. I'm already starting to get down about it as it's the only time of the day we really truly focus on each other. I know it's not a rejection, but it will no doubt feel like it and how can that not hurt?
Good luck, you're not alone. This too shall pass.
liz

you will tremendously benefit from a visit to homeopath. make sure it is homeopath who DOES NOT offer any other modality (chiro, acupuncture, MD, OD etc.)since your case is not about physical discomfort it needs person able to spend several hours talking to you and well-trained in homeopathic approach to the mind, not just giving you a quick lift so you would feel well for a while but then would be back for more. from what i read, it does not look like you are going to need more than one visit to homeopath.
Good Luck
V.

Hi J.,

You're going through a tough time, I know. When I had my son (my first) I didn't feel bonded with him for the first few months either. He was well over a year old before I felt like I had any control over my life. I waited until the last minute to pick him up from day care just to have a few minutes to myself after work.

My daughter was born three years later. I bonded with her right away (practice makes perfect) but I was depressed too. I finally got help when she was about 2.5. I saw a therapist for a bit but it wasn't really helpful. I did get on anti depressents for a couple of years.

I was able to go off them after I quit working. My kids are 13 and 10 and I've been back on meds for the last 7 years or so. Considering I'm involuntarily unemployed and our finances are horrible, I'm able to go to college and feel OK.

Please go see a psychatrist for therapy and/or meds. And if they don't work try another therapist or brand. I've been through several types and I'm currently on two different anti-depressents which are working for me. It is a horrible feeling to be walking through life like a zombie and not enjoying anything. Everything is an effort.

It will get better. Just get some help. If you want to email me, please do. I would be happy to lend you a shoulder or two.

Take care,

C.

have u tried motilium aka DOM to help your milk supply? you can order it here... http://www.inhousepharmacy.com/general/
motilium.html

i will attach my list on how to build your milk supply..i don't know what to tell you about your emotions..i am a single mom and take care of my son alone..my ex doesn't pitch in so my parents help me..i don't work right now..i'm a vocalist and i sing on commercials when i get the work. the one thing that has really helped me has been exercise..i have never looked better or felt better...and i'm 45..my son is 3.9 ...i used to run w/ him in the stroller..now i go to the gym...i get 2 hours free time while he is in their daycare..and he goes to preschool 2 afternoons a week.
I think its normal to crave some alone time...
do any of the grandparents help out? can they take your son one evening a week?
it does get easier..my son has become my little pal..i love this age!
sometimes i let him stay up late and watch a movie w/ me..
but i'm tired of playgrounds..and all that stuff and i feel guilty sometimes but i find other activities..now he knows how to use the computer..and will play w/ Kid Pix for an hour so i get a break at night that way too.
we just like to relax...i'm sure after a long day at work u want to just chill out..totally normal..just know that's what it is..
like i love to take an uninterrupted hot bath sometimes and then my son will want to come in the tub and i get bummed b/c i wanted to take a bath alone...then i wind up giving him the bath and getting out.
maybe you need a night out w/ the girls sometimes...or just to be able to go be alone..tell your husband that u just need some relaxation time at night a couple times a week ...
i'm off to bed now.. been getting more sleep now that my son is older..and that really helps! I bonded completely w/ my son from the beginning so i'm not an expert on this ....hopefully someone will have some good advice for you...

and here is my old list on how to build your supply..

1. rent a hospital grade pump..Medela Classic is what i'm using..it's
$3 a day and totally worth it! OR better yet buy one off ebay and
when you're done you can re-sell it on ebay and get your money back.
i bought one and it works great..the medela classic is supposed to be
the best pump out there.
2. get the Easy Expression bra www.easyexpressionproducts.com it
holds both cups over you bb's and it's better to pump 2 at a time
3. eat oatmeal ....get the healthy kind i add bananas also i would
think pasta would be good b/c it retains water
4. Take "Lactation Supplement" by Gaia Herbs you can find it at the
health food store
5. try to pump at the same time every day...also try power pumping..
10 minutes pumping..then stop for 10 then 10 again and then stop and
so on. even pump if you aren't getting anything.
6. Make sure the white membrane thingies that attach onto the cups
are fairly new ..over used ones affect how much milk you get
7. Drink lots of fluids including Nursing Mom's tea or Mother's Milk
tea or the tea i prefer is www.breastea.com ..also drinks with
electrolytes like Recharge...Smart Water...Gatorade i notice on days
i drink a lot of fluids i have more milk
8. Eat barley..Barley Grass supplements are great. also..they have
barley bread at Trader Joe's if you have a Trader Joe's where you
live..or just buy barley. I buy a delicious barley tea at the
japanese market and i drink a couple of cups a day..it's decaf and
yummy.
i also drink Healthy Mom's drinks by Ensure
9.A warm wash cloth helps too ..apply to breasts before pumping or
try the breast heating pads that you heat up in the microwave.
10. Keep taking your prenatal vitamin..not getting a lot of milk
could mean a vitamin deficiency
even if you pump just a little ..save what you get and start adding
them together and then supplement with the milk that you pump..that's
why it's also good to pump after they've gone to sleep..then you help
build your supply and you also have more bb milk for baby..
11. nurse nurse nurse..triple up on nursing..you're going to have to
dedicate a week to it
the more you pump the more milk you'll begin to make.
12. LOTS OF REST..nap if you can ..milk builds when you rest
13. DHA supplements also are great for lactation..also found at the
health food store*
14. Alfalfa supplements are also great.
i think that's it..
15. Try a whey protein powder drink.. i use "Whey to Go" by
Solgar..you mix it with milk add some berries and a banana. it says
to check with your doc before using if you're bfing..so ask your
doc..i only drink one a day and i add a some Motherlove's "More Milk
Plus" to it.
16. Again you should double pump when you're pumping so make sure you
get the bra to make it easier on you!
17. Goat's Rue herb is also supposed to help boost
honestly drink LOTS of liquids
keep yourself moist ...don't take any birth control pills.
18. there is also this stuff called Motilium aka DOM a lot of mom's
use this ..it's for reflux but it builds up your supply.. you can
read about it on Kellymom.com http://www.kellymom.com/newman/19a-
domperidone1.html
and you can buy it here... http://www.inhousepharmacy.com/general/
motilium.html

Hi J.,

What an honest post, and how very brave of you. Thank you so much for sharing your feelings. I concur with the other poster, you do sound depressed and you should talk to you OB/GYN. Being a new mother is an experience that nothing can really prepare you for. Couple that with wild hormones and it's not surprising that you are feeling the way you do. I would also suggest taking a vitamin B complex, it can also help with depression.

Best of luck,

B.