Baby #2 on the Way - Having Doubts, Feeling Guilty

Completely normal. We decided against a second. Not taking away from my son was a big part of the reason (certainly not all of it).

Parents aren't suppose to have favorites... But I must admit I enjoy my second child more than my first. She is more like me. And she's a Mommy's girl. Still somedays I think about how much easier my days would be with only one child. We all have thoughts that we may not be proud of per say. But there's no reason to feel guilty.

Totally normal. And you may feel this way until you meet #2. It's just how it goes.

But I can promise you this:
In 6 months, once the dust settles and you have a "new normal", you will simply not be able to even imagine that you ever felt this way. Your new DS will be just as much a part of your life, family, and love as #1 is. Your heart just grows bigger, and your family adjusts perfectly to let the new child in. It just happens. Don't worry. You won't even have to "try". :)

Normal. I resented my unborn baby. I didn't want anything or anyone to come between the special time me and my first born had together. And in fact, a new child will interfere with that special one-on-one time only a first born will ever experience. But even with that loss, I realized there was a net gain. Those feelings of resentment will wash away when you get to meet your new little person and fall in love again. But when they are old enough to play together and you watch that budding relationship and all that is gained by giving your first born a sibling, you will see and feel that your child is benefiting, even if your special time with your first born will never be the same. It is a change, But its a gain, I promise.

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And yes, I also could not conceive of loving anyone more than my first born. That is normal too.

I felt a similar way and when I talked to my very good friend, she said she felt similarly and ditto with all of her other friends. It's totally normal. I think it is because this time around you know (vaguely at least) what you are in for and you feel bad you are upending the life of your current child or children.

There are times even now with a three year old and an eighteen month old I wonder what the heck we were thinking. When they are both melting down and crying 'momma, momma, momma' simultaneously but there's only one of me and two of them, I ache but we manage.

For me after the birth instead of having my husband stay in the hospital with me, I sent him home to care for our first child. My husband and son would come up to visit but then they'd go home for the night. I had my time alone with our new baby which helped me bond. I could focus guilt free on my new one, knowing my husband and first were at home together and were happy. I could lavish all my attention and love on my new one just like I did for my first which really helped me.

Whatever happens within a few months after the birth you'll hit your stride as a family and you'll feel more settled. Good luck and congratulations.

P.S. Love multiplies; it does not divide. Your heart will grow as your family grows. The same will happen for your current child and your husband regarding the new baby. Each person's heart opens to include the new family member.

I don't know how old your son is but we waited a long time also. Big Boy #1 was almost 5 before #2 was born. My second pregnancy was worse (I had hyperemesis gravidarum but unlike Duchess Kate didn't get to spend time resting and being hydrated in hospital) than my first in terms of illness and I was working while trying to keep up with a kiddo in Pre-K.

I felt bad for the things I couldn't do with my son. I also wondered if I could ever love anyone as much as I love #1. Guess what - it is true. Your heart just expands. You don't know how it happens but it does. I love both of them more than life itself. However, when baby #2 was first born (C-section after a 42 hour VBAC attempt) I remember feeling guilty at night in the hospital when all I wanted was MY baby and he was the nearly 5 year old at home with grandma. The newborn in the hospital was a stranger to me who didn't cooperate at birth (and VBAC), and I didn't know his cries or how to comfort him - he was a stranger. I did wonder if he was going to fit into our family of 3. But you know what, big boy loves him beyond belief. They are the best of friends and now it is hard to imagine life as a family of 3. Part of this is hormonal...and the fact of the matter is that at times you will like one child more than the other. Then it will change and you will dislike that same child more than the other. Normal.

Hang in there. Let baby #2 cook and don't focus on the new baby too much - enjoy your time with your son as the only child as it will be over soon.

Hugs and Happy Mother's Day!

So very normal. I remember asking my Mom about it. I told her that I was so in love with my daughter enjoyed being her mommy and just wasn't sure I had enough love for baby #2. My mom laughed and said "oh honey, we all feel that way". That was such a relief!

The second I saw my "little man" I knew I had plenty of love for him too. My heart just grew. I didn't love my daughter any less, I just had more room.

Once your little one gets here and everything settles down, you will look at your new family and say "yep, job well done"! Congrats!!!!

It is so normal to have these types of feelings. Both of my best friends just had babies and both felt disconnected the whole time, and feared there would be no way they could love the babies once they delivered. In fact, they both voiced that they felt like their babies were strangers and were there to just make life uncomfortable. Of course, once the babies came, they felt absolutely like they loved them to the moon and back and could not imagine not having them.

Hormones can really affect how you feel. You will be fine and you will adjust.

Totally normal, you will fall in love with this tiny baby the moment you lay eyes on him. Don't beat yourself up.
I have a friend who had 1 son (3 years old) when she got "surprised" with baby #2 She didn't want this baby she was depressed, didn't eat, lost weight, He was born healthy and the moment she held him in her arms all those other feelings went away. she loved him just as much as baby #1, then she changed BC and BOOM pregnant with baby 3 she still had the OMG I cant handle 3 kids all under 5!!! she didn't want #3 thought about giving him up for adoption, her husband was totally that idea, but he "had her back" let her quit working and relax before #3 came along, she loved him the second she held him, now he is a momma's boy, he is 9 months now.
My cousin had a 15 and 12 year old just broke up with her BF and found out she's pregnant she wanted an abortion but couldn't go thru with it, Baby came along in April, she loves him so much, no regrets.
Another friend of mine, got pregnant late in life, didn't want the baby, didn't want to hold her even after she was born, the baby was about 3 months old when she finally began to develop a bond with her. now baby is 5 and momma loves her.

You'll be okay, just don't be afraid or embarrassed to ask for help. (hugs!)

Perfectly normal... Once baby throws those love hormones at you, you will be hooked :-). It will be hard, but you will look at baby and feel pure joy.

I spent the bulk of my second pregnancy regretting it....but then I went on to have a third. I'd have two more, but I'm turning 42 in a few days, and well, I'm tired!

Totally feel you on your feelings regarding hurting your son. When my husband and I discuss possibly having another baby, we always end up feeling sorry for our daughter -- she won't get all of our attention after the baby, she has to take on the burden of being the older sibling, etc. Then we agree that our daughter is very lucky because no matter what, she had some time to be an only child, whereas the second child will never know what it's like to be an only child.

I think it is really normal. If it makes you feel any better, I am so thankful to have my brother now that we are adults. We fought often as kids, but now I am so glad to have another person to talk to about issues with our aging parents and stepparents. No one in the world can understand like he can. My sister in law is an only child and she says she is really sad now she has no sibling to help her with all this stuff. She also says she is sad there are no cousins for their son to play with on her side of the family. We almost decided to stick with just one kid and then finally had our 2nd when our son was 5! I have to say, I am so so happy to have my daughter. She is such a joy! Such a sweetheart! She makes everyone in the family so happy. And my two kids just ADORE each other. Once your baby is born you will see that sweet tiny thing and will fall in love and bond. And your son will be such a proud big brother! He will have a younger sibling to show around and help.

No worries mama, you are having emotions and feelings like a good majority of other second time mamas out there. Nothing to worry about, everything will adjust fine! When I was going to be a mom for the third time, my biggest fear was "will I have enough love to give the third child"
Probably doesn't help that your hormones are all whacked out and you are preparing for a new addition. As far as your DH, I would sit him down and communicate to him how you are feeling. Unfortunately, men just don't get it. Sad, but true. They have absolutely no understanding of how we feel during PG, how uncomfortable it can be etc..... if you have him have a great marriage, he will understand but you have to tell him! Good luck and congrats!

This is so normal!! Most woman will find that once the baby is born all those worries about not loving them the same vanish instantly and you have all the same overwhelming feelings of love you had when you birthed your first. Yes, having two means less one on one time with each, but what they get from each other more then makes up for that!

If the feelings persist after the baby comes then that is the time to talk with your doctor.

Why would you feel guilty? A sibling is a wonderful gift. I hope when baby is born your feelings change. How things go early on depends on how you are. If you feel disconnected to this baby, the baby will pick up on it. Maybe you need to talk to someone and how to overcome these negative feelings. Hope things work out for you.

When I was pregnant with my second child, I went through exactly the same thing! It felt so weird for me to realize that I could love 2 little people exactly the same and I didn't think it would be possible. I felt like I was short changing my first, by now having to my share my love and attention with a second. Of course, before my 2nd was born, my whole life revolved around my first child. I felt like there was just no space in my heart literally! It was absolutely a very weird, awkward and guilty feeling! So I know exactly what you are describing. I felt extremely torn, to the point that I did cry about it. And then somehow magically all that just completely went away and everything took it's place! Not right away, but eventually! So trust me that 2nd little miracle God gave you will more than win your heart over! I also thought something was wrong with me at the time and felt terrible about those feelings.....so just relax and enjoy being a new mommy all over again! Congratulations.

I can completely relate! We have a 3 1/2 year old daughter and in less than 3 weeks our son will be here! I also feel so guilty about taking time away from my sweet girl. She is very affectionate and sweet and close to my husband and I. I have had a miserable pregnancy this time around. I started off 30 lbs heavier than I was last time. Plus I have gestaional diabetes and have to take insulin. I literally cannot do the stuff I would normally do like take her to the zoo. I feel especially guilty that we will not be as active as we usually are in the summertime. I can't imagine loving this baby as much as I love my daughter but I know I will. So yes all your feelings are normal. I have talked to lots of moms about this and pretty much everyone had the same feelings. Oh and it does stink that the 2nd pregnancy is not as fun as the first. It was so exciting and I had two showers. I miss the excitement and attention! lol

When I was pregnant with my second, I thought there was no way I could feel as strongly about another child the way I did about my first.

I was wrong.

It's probably normal to have those feelings; I never personally had them.

Your son will be fine. It's good for him to have a sibling. Guilt not necessary. You will love your second child equally.

Totally normal. I felt that way while pregnant and it was in all honesty not the immediate bond I felt with my first in the first week... Maybe even a month either. My oldest daughter was really in love with her little sister and jealously was not as big a deal as I worried it was going to be. Our girls are 22 months apart and its been amazing! Seriously the best decision we ever made! Our girls are best friends and playmates and its much easier now when we go on vacation or anywhere really that they have each other. Going to the park, shopping, hanging at home, car rides, bath time, bed time, vacation, Christmas morning, every time... Is more fun with more than one child.
It's awesome too because they seem to divide themselves between me and their dad. My little one is a total daddy's girl and my oldest totally favors me. :) Sometimes they flip flop on that. But seriously its great.
The expense is not really that much different. We had most of the baby, toys, clothes, and stuff already. It's kind of hard to go out for a while and you save a lot of money on what your not doing. But your busier at home so its not like you have time to be bored. So when they get bigger and needing more childcare, class, etc expenses you'll naturally adjust. You'll be used to your new standard of living. If it helps you to know... I don't think about what we could be doing with the extra money that we would have had if we only had one of our daughters... It's ridicules. Now at this point in life to there is no vacation, or bigger house, or whatever, that would have more value than the love and companionship and enjoyment that we get from both our kids together every second of every day.

You are right, you are definitely not alone in feeling that way. I felt the same way when we were pregnant with our second and had our son who was 3 at the time. I felt like I couldn't really bond with her in my belly like I bonded with my son but I think it's all just normal to not know how to relate to another baby until they're here. It will all just click in to place when your second bundle is here, it really will. It will, obviously, be different with two kids so just soak up this time with just your son for now and do some fun things you won't be able to do for a while once the baby is here.
The transition from one to two was super HARD for me so give yourself grace if it ends up being hard in the beginning. You'll feel guilty for not being able to adequately meet the needs of two kiddos and you'll end up eating lots of frozen pizza's in the beginning but right around 6 months you get into a good groove and things start to fall into places more smoothly. So hang on till then!
And if you still don't feel like you're bonding with your baby a month or so after he's here, please seek help and find someone to talk to.