I recently ran into an old friend who I hadn't seen in years. It was wonderful to reconnect. We talked on the phone regularly and met up a few times to catch up. Then she wanted our husbands and kids to meet, so we all got together a few times. It turns out her husband is extremely obnoxious (my husband and I can't stand him) and her daughter is a total snob (she refuses to play or be nice to my kids even though my kids are extremely sweet to her- btw, they're all very close in age). I love my friend but I just want to be friends with her, not her entire family. Is that possible? How can I make it work without offending her?
Ask her to the movies, dinner, breakfast, etc. Tell her you enjoy the O.-on-O. time you can have with another mom without the kids!
Of course it will work. Just let her know that what *you* would really enjoy is to do some things, kid-free, just like old times. Go to a movie, out for coffee or a drink...whatever you used to enjoy together before you lost touch. Unless she asks you point blank about it, don't even bring it up.
If she *does* want to do the family thing again, try to find an activity that will have enough going on so that the venue itself is a buffer.
I found when the kids were little that it was often difficult to be friends with a mom if our kids didn't get along, which was sad sometimes.
I really would not tell the truth, as suggested below, in this situation, though. Honesty is definitely NOT the best policy here. "Uh, I like you, but your husband is obnoxious and your daughter is a total snob." Yeah, that will work.
Just try inviting her out to girl's nights occasionally, and see if that works.
Just make yourself available for activities that the two of you can do together like going to lunch, seeing a movie, going for a walk, hooking up at the gym. If her children were not too friendly with your children, then chances are they are not going to be bugging her to schedule any playdates or get togethers, so I wouldn't worry about that. I don't really like lying but if she suggests that you get together for a couples date, you can probably play vague about your husband's availability and suggest that the two of you go out to lunch instead.
Hope this helps.
I would definitely if she asks do more stuff with her but if she asks about family say the truth. Always the best policy. Actually it would have been better if you had been when you went out ooh whats going on with your kids do you see how they are acting? I actually had a similar circumstance where the two families when out on a boar ride and the girl started ignoring the my daughter so I just went and started to hang out with my daughter and walked away from them. Basically letting it be known my kid comes first but not being agressive with the other family. This way my daughter was happy and I enjoyed my time with her.
You could have a ladies night out. Or have a ladies pampered day at the spa. Good luck
Please post an update and let me know if it is possible. I have a friend like this. I finally told her the kids don't get along so we need to meet when they are in school and have lunch out. Then we can enjoy each other and not have to deal with their troubles. I never said it was her kids, though she has to know it because she keeps trying to say her kids are doing better now.
A.,
You can't unless you are honest with her. She probably realizes her husband has a problem and they may not have man "couple friends", unless the other couples have have blow hard, obnoxious man as well. She may welcome lunch or shopping with just you every now and then, but if not, back away for the good of all concerned.
Blessings.....
