F D,
My son is only three, and was only diagnosed 2 weeks ago, though we have known he has autism for some time. You are a long way further down this road than I am.
I am not pro-medication. I firmly believe that autism is not caused by a child's deficiency in ritalin or Adderall. There are any number of treatments, from behavioral interventions to therapy to vitamins to dietary alterations that can make huge improvements in an autistic child's behaviors and capabilities.
HOWEVER, there are extremes where medication is necessary. If your child suffers from such severe anxiety that they cannot focus in a classroom, or if the social isolation of autism causes such extreme depression that it affects a child's ability to function, then medication is called for. It sounds like your son has a problem with anger management and self-regulation. If you have tried all of the other means of helping him to control his behavior, and his team of doctors and therapists recommend medication, then it is worth trying.
I cringe at the thought of drugging a child. I think it is overdone in general, and reached for as a solution too early. BUT, that doesn't mean it doesn't have its place. You can't have a child that large who is violent. A 13 year old boy is more than capable of causing severe physical damage. What happens if the next time it's not you he hits? You can't have him provoked at school into this behavior, they'll arrest him. You have to make sure your other children aren't at risk of being hurt.
This is such a hard call for a parent to make, but it is not reversible. Try a medication recommended by his doctor for a little while. If it doesn't help, or there are side effects that are a problem, you can always take him off.
Best of luck making this decision, and coming to an agreement with your husband. It's one of the hardest ones we have to make.
J.