My son is nearly three and has begun exhibiting several red flags and symptoms of autism. I have been told that this could also be signs of a behavioral issue related to the neglect he suffered before he cane to live with us. My question is this...does anyone have any advice for helping him cope while we wait to see the behavioral health doctor for a diagnosis? He has such a hard time coping, especially when we are out away from our house and he isuncomfortable in any way. I just want to take his distresses away but I don't know how.
He has unusual movements, for instance he strokes his hands or shakes them repeatedly add if trying to shake water off. He will spin crazily in circles or throw himself on the floor. He has violent tantrums, and does best if we follow a rigid routine. He enjoys lining things up almost obsessively and this will sometimes help to calm him.
autismspeaks.org - contact them and see if they can help. They are a national organization and may also have referrals, recommendations, etc.
While autism, PDD-NOS, etc could be his diagnosis, another possible issue may be Sensory Integration Disorder.
Either way, consider the following:
Buy a Time Timer (www.timetimer.com) for a VISUAL way to count down the time. Use it each time you transition to a new activity. This should help immensely with temper tantrums and distress. Tell him that "when the red is all gone, we will leave for the store". The timers are a little costly, but you will use it for years! (best to not let him handle it, they are somewhat delicate. I keep mine on top of a shelf but in his view.)
To deal with distress away from home: Try to "walk through verbally" what he might encounter while you are out...for example, my son used to freak out when we visited someone's house or party. We would tell him earlier in the day that we were going to Aunt Tina's house and there would probably be about 8 people there. Name the people or show him photos of them if you can. There might be music playing, kids running around, lots of food. When we walk in the door, some kids might run up to us to say hello, Aunt Tina and Uncle John will come to greet us with hugs, etc. It relieved a lot of my son's anxiety. He's in elementary school and we still do this to some degree.
You don't mention his ability to talk. If he has minimal words, try using some sign language (along with the corresponding words). You can create your own sign language if you need to. Use it consistently and you've provided him an alternate way to express his needs. When children cannot express their needs and discomfort they will throw a tantrum or act out.
Make sure he is receiving a daily vitamin that contains Vitamin B complex...check the label. Many gummy vitamins don't contain B and it's critical for the nervous system.
My son used to spin in circles on the floor up to 100 times (I counted). I, too, was concerned that it could be autism. He has Sensory Integration Disorder and he did OT for a few years. He loved OT and it did wonders for him. He loved/loves to go to the park and swing. He could swing for hours!!! It's good for him, so try to incorporate that into your day every day.
Buy a ball pit for home or sign him up for classes at a place like My Gym where they have a ball pit. It was/is my son's favorite part of My Gym. He'd play in it during the entire Free Play time!
One last thing: try to omit Red Dye #40 from his diet. We've seen a lot less aggression, anxiety, and agitation since we've eliminated it. It's in SO much. It takes a while to get it all out of the system, so be patient.
Be sure to give yourself a break now and then. Sometimes I have to leave the room and take a few deep breaths. Keep us posted.
It's VERY hard to help him until you know what he wants and needs. If he likes a rigid daily routine, basically he wants to know what is next, because it helps him feel like he has some control in life. On the days that you need to leave the house for anything, do your best to let him know ahead of time, and let him know what to expect, meaning what will happen and in what order while you are out. Don't forget to mention who you will be seeing, and if there will be other "strangers" around as well, who he doesn't have to speak to but will be around. (as in a waiting room situation or grocery store) Allow him to bring along one or two special things from home that he really likes that he can use to calm himself. The thrashing of his hands is because he feels out of control and cannot get himself in "check" again. I believe that he is dealing with sensory integration dysfunction as well as possibly autism or aspergers, so really try to understand that he is NOT getting the same "messages" from the world around him that we all do. Keep your chin up, there is hope, therapy, and a full life ahead for him even if he is facing all of these challenges. I am a Mom speaking from experience. I am raising my nephew who has similar issues and my niece who is bipolar and has attachment issues. My own biological children are in college now. It can be a long and tough road, but it is filled with some very interesting and wonderful experiences as well. I wish you and your son the best, and if you ever need to talk or just vent, I am always available if you want to message me.
PS........ If you have the chance to read the poem named "welcome to Holland", please do. It's so inspiring and the author is an amazing woman. :)
Oh and one other thing. I am not sure where you are taking him and what they will suggest, but please, please be VERY careful if they suggest using any type of mood stabalizing meds. It is a very scary thing to do with a child and can have severe and life long effects that cause problems of their own. Avoid dopamine blockers if possible, and if you ever get to a point that you "need" to have your child take this type of medication, NEVER EVER allow him to be given more than 1 mg daily. More will NOT help him anymore than the lesser does. It can cause what is called Tardive Dyskenisia. It is a horrible disorder and will never go away once they have it. I just wanted to add this info. I really wish that someone had told others about it before it was too late for them too. Well, good luck!
Autism is hard. My son's psychiatrist is one of the leading researchers in this field, he will tell you he will not diagnose a child until they are six because so much changes that the diagnosis ends up wrong.
Like I am ADD my son is PDD, the only difference is I have the sense not to articulate everything I am thinking.
Anyway his doctor said even after a diagnosis all we can do is treat the symptoms so treat the symptoms.
When Andy was younger the biggest comfort was bear hugs. He has some sensory issues and the pressure was soothing. Really you could wrap him up like a hot dog and he was happy as a clam but that looks really strange in public so we went with bear hugs.
Oh Andy had the violent temper, he was nearly ten before he could control it. He is almost 13 and just got to the point he doesn't lose his temper at all beyond what a normal kid would.
Waiting for a diagnosis and getting the diagnosis is hard - I understand. Just make it through your days and learn as much as you can about the possible condition. When/if you find out this is what it is it is normal to go through a grieving process. You may hear people say things like, "well you should be happy you have a living/healthy child", etc. etc. Yes, be thankful for that however don't let anyone make you feel like it's abnormal for you to feel feelings of grief. Also, that will pass, and feelings of appreciation for your childs strengths, progress, and personality will emerge. Best of luck to you!
Also, I want to mention - many behaviors mimic autism but are not - there could be a million other reasons these behaviors are coming from your son. You are getting him evaluated at the right age - whatever is going on you can get services to help him that will be so beneficial starting early.
Is there something he can take with him when he leaves the house like a stuffed animal or anything else that he can associate with home? Or you can start a good behavior to help him cope when he goes out? I can't think of one. But if he starts a healthy habit that helps him see things are okay , over time it might make it easier.
If you are going out, prepare him ahead of time about where you are going, who you are going see. Make a picture schedule for him as visuals and do the pictures in step by step order. When its time for each picture, show it to him and remind him what you are doing. If you go somewhere like the grocery, make a card with pictures on it of items you need to pickup and ask him to help you find those items. When he finds those items, give him high praise for it. be excited for him. I would make the grocery trips or mall outtings and stuff like that as short as possible(maybe 10 mins to start) and slowy increase the time as he does better with coping. If he did great at the end of the trip give him more high praise like: You did awesome. I'm so glad you helped me find those items. Your such a big boy. You could reward him with a little something for doing well. With going to someones house, you could drive him past the house several times and show him where you are going and then maybe meet some of the people first but make it brief. take the picture schedule with you. You want to drive the same route to get there.
For my son, bear hugs worked well for calming him down. On occasion, it failed so he would spend 10 mins in his room to scream it off and poof, a whole new kid after that. My son responds well to high praise so I praise him like theres no tomorrow for every good thing he does and I tell him, hes an awesome possum.
You will figure out what works best for him. It might take some time but you can do it. Hang in there and remember PATIENCE is of the essence.
Just do the best you can until you can get some ABA and Speech Therapy. If he is Autistic?PDD you will get services if you fight for them! Fight for them. This is the time to do it...
You should do things that he enjoys when your home. Puzzles, bubbles, videos, music. Play soothing music in the car and do what you need to do if your out of the house. I have a 2 yr old and need to come home when she acts out. She is not autistic, but my son who is 16 is. We got help from the start like you are going to do. He had really good days, and bad ones. That is like everyone. Just follow your instints and get a hr or two out by yourself if you have anyone to help at all. It's soo important to keep you strong!! xoxox
Can you give an example of his behaviors? My nephew is autistic, so if some of their actions/reactions are the same, I may be able to give a few suggestions.
That sounds a lot like my nephew. I will second what Linda J. said about trying to explain where you are going, and what he can expect there. At three, you will probably have to do this multiple times, even stopping to say, "Remember, I said we were going to the grocery store? Well, we're here! When we get inside, we will get a cart and I will help you get in so you can ride along while I push it. After that we need to get these things on the list." Etc. It might help, it might not, every child is different, whether they have autism or not. Also, when you notice him starting to get upset, stop immediately, get down at his level, and talk to him. "I notice you are starting to shake your hands. You are feeling nervous. Let's go stand over here out of the way, and try to calm down." We learned that asking how he was feeling just made the fits worse, because he didn't know how he was feeling. If we said, "Are you nervous?" he would freak, because he didn't know what nervous was, and it made him feel like something was wrong with him. My nephew actually likes touch, so hugging him really helps calm him down, but some autistic people can't stand to be touched, so keeping a few inches back would help them be more comfortable. Unfortunately, it's trial and error, figuring out what works best for you child. I can remember one time we were having a family dinner at a restaurant and my nephew was spinning around. He wasn't in anybody's way, and he wasn't hurting anyone or anything, and this strange man walked up, took him by his arms, led him to the chair, and told him firmly to sit there. My nephew looked at him like he was crazy, hopped back up and started spinning again. My SIL flipped, obviously, and asked him if he had any professional experience with autistic children. When he said no, she basically told him to mind his own f-ing business and keep his hands off her child. Some people just don't understand, unfortunately.
