Autism?

Yes, the mother should definitely be informed & the important thing for you is the PRESENTATION in the past I have been able to breech sensitive subjects by mentioning that "I just noticed he did/does" and ask maybe if that's his normal and go from there-once you start the conversation is started things usually just come together-you just have to prepare it beforehand.

I have my B.S. in Education, and we've had lots of training on teaching autistic students. I have had many autistic students as well, but I taught 6th grade, so it's different. I would bring this subject up VERY delicately, because, as you probably know, no one likes to hear someone criticize their child. Even if she's noticed his delays, she will probably be bothered by the fact that others notice. He might be autistic, but he could also just have learning disabilities, or have a low IQ, or have a hearing impairment. There are just so many things that could be up. Also, if she sees his pediatrician regularly, then she might have already gotten a professional opinion that she doesn't want to discuss..so, like I said, be very careful when speaking to her about this.

Actually, I worked as a social worker with childern ages birth to three with special needs. I would be interested to know if his hearing is within normal limits?

I worked with several parents who felt their child had signs and symptoms of autism, and several children actually had a hearing loss.

Early intervention is very important when dealing with autism, so I am sure that you have only the best intentions, but his doctor and his parents are tracking his development. I would be very careful about labeling any 3 year old.

When my oldest son was just 18 months, our doctor got us scared about a disease that she thought he might have. For the next year we were on edge trying to get answers. And we were scared to share it with others because we feared people might only see a label and not the wonderful boy he is. God blessed us and it turned out to be nothing at all.

Sometimes just assuming the best of our children is the greatest thing we can do. If your friends son has autism, or any PDD (pervasive developmental disorder), doctors, teachers and other caregivers are sure to help. My advise - is love and enjoy your friend's son for who he is and leave the diagnosing out of your relationship. And, if he does have autism, be the friend that she can turn to without feeling like you are judging her or her family.

Hi, I am a mother of an Autistic child. And it does sound like the child might have some similar odd behaviors as an autistic child. Approach mildly and ask her if she herself have been noticing any of these behaviors herself and ask if she has noticed anything else that may be of concerned. Please do not be afraid to approach. Research has shown that early intervention reaps better outcomes. So the sooner the better. It wouldn't hurt to have him evaluated.

I didn't have my son evaluated until he was 3. But I knew that there was definitely something wrong. Because like the child you babysit he was like in his own world. Non responsive. He didn't speak words, atleast we couldn't make them out. His teachers and therapists call it "scooby doo" talk. lol. He started saying momma and daddy, But then all of a sudden stopped.

So I urge you to approach her with love and kindness and concern..

Love
Sunshine

Immediately get this child in a state service program. Go to www.autismweb.com. The faster you get intervention the better off the child. It's hard but talking to an adviser to help you out is a good idea. Don't question yourself in diagnosis, sounds typical of autism or form of it. They will work with the child in their home. My sister-in-law's child is autistic and I have several friends with autistic children. Maybe have someone come to your house while you are babysitting and take a look at the child. Good luck!

May I recommend the Center for Disease Control's Autism site: http://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/autism/actearly/interactive/ind...

There is an interactive quiz that you use with the child's age and developmental capacities.

I hope nothing is wrong but I think your friend would appreciate you expressing your concern so that she can follow up on it with her pediatrician.

Do not wait another day especially if this is a good friend of yours. I am a retired special ed teacher who has had a lot of experience with autism ... the signs you have stated are very significant and there is a very small window that these children have to be helped. Do not stop to think if she will be mad at you or not ... the child is the #1 priority and you must get her to see what you are seeing. Tell her that you care about her and you hope she does not get angry at you but .......... you care more about her son. Strongly suggest that she have him evaluated ASAP.
Good luck!

Hey E.,

I am a mom of 3, 16 yr old girl, 15 and 12 year old boys. Our oldest boy is austitic. He was diagnosed when he was approx. 3 1/2 years of age. I am a RN by trade. I could see things that did not add up with my son, but in so many areas he was soooo advanced. He could put a 100 piece puzzle together at the age 3. He could work the vcr better than me. He walked early (10 mon.) and would grab my finger and point to which cereal he wanted for breakfast. He was a lover, cuddler. All I had ever heard was that autistic kids hated to touch, were repelled by it. He, however, had no voice. He had no words at all. He stopped making eye contact around the age 3. I contacted a speech therapist and over that phone call, I learned that toe walking and hand flapping were boths signs of autism. My son had both characterics. That is what has taken me on the wildest ride of my life. That, and admitting that something could be wrong with my beautiful boy. I would suggest, gently approaching your friend and telling her of your concerns. She probably sees what you see, she just doesn't either want to admit it, or doesn't know where to go for help. There are so many degrees of autism that jumping on it now will help your friend get treatments she and her son need. At the age of 15 my son has made such accomplishments with his "handicap". I don't see him as handicapped. I see him as a child who has overcome, a fearless surviver, and a charming, loving young man. His vocabulary now is insane, he never forgets how to type words, the computer is his best form of communication. He swims, flies kites, rides his bike, loves to boat and camp. He has many friends and is loved by all who meet him....I could be a little bias.....D.

I have a grandson, 3 last Aug., who has been diagnosed with mild autism. He doesn't talk much and can't put words together in a simple sentence...he just repeats words said to him and when you call his name he doesn't usually respond to it. It's been proven that the earlier autism is diagnosed and treatment started the better chance the child has, so I'd suggest to the mom that she have him tested. I don't know about SC, but in GA they will provide testing and now he goes to a special school every day and is making progress slowly.
I'd bring it up to her gently, of course, but I'm sure she has noticed the same things about him. Mention how widespread autism is today mainly because we're all more aware of it and that they would be far from alone if their son does suffer from it. Maybe you can guide her to a website www.autismspeaks.org that offers alot of information, videos of what to look for, and available support. It's a heartbreaking thing.

INTERVENE!! Maybe you can take the opportunity while watching him to get out books, play songs (nursery rhymes,etc.), or educational videos. It doesn't seem like he is typical. Maybe you can say something to Mom like, :Oh, When does he go for his physical? This child needs to be in a preschool. I know you watch him and your probably doing her a favor but you would be doing them a bigger favor by trying to help. I am surprised Mom hasn't noticed anything. Being that you have your degree, you can use that to your advantage and mention some things to her. Or get a print out of developmental milestones and just say, I noticed he is a little behind in a lot of these areas. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to just get it checked out.
Hope it helps. It's not too late for this little boy to get help if he needs it and if he doesn't-It doesn't hurt to get it checked.

Hello E.

What is your definition of "normal?" Girls talk much sooner than boys and they are also usually much more articulate. This little boy may be just shy, he may not like to be quizzed, and he may just be on his own schedule.

I have four children and my youngest boy sounds much like this one. He is not Autistic but has an incredible imagination. It's as if his brain is going faster than he could ever articulate. He is 5 and while he excels in some areas he lags in others - particularly in his speech. Since he is not in public school, this is not a concern and he can grow on is own according to his own schedule. My pediatrician asked if his developmental schedule sounded familiar to me when I brought it up to her, in other words does it run in either my or my husband's family. And it turns out it does. And by someone who had a near genius IQ by 4th grade and was a very late talker (4 years old). People are WAY too enthusiastic to jump on the autism bandwagon.

Be very cautious about being TOO helpful. If mom is not concerned, then it may well be none of your business. And for goodness sake do not report her family to anyone. That is the fastest way to rip a family apart and a solid family is more important than ANY diagnosis. That is a horrible idea! I have worked many years in an accredited preschool with children from 18 months old up to 5. When this little boy goes to pre-K or K, he will be looked at by his teachers. Also, I am sure his pediatrician isn't an idiot.

I hope that helps offset some of the advice up here ;-)

not sure what state you are in, but in most states there is either an Early Intervention agency or in states like North Carolina a child becomes the responsibility of the school district and the child could be tested and then be referred to necessary services. You should try to find the local Child Care Resource and Referral agency in your area (can also go on line to their site and search by location) They should have a counselor who can talk you through this situation. But, under all circumstances, you are correct and a good friend to identify areas where the child could benefit from evaluation. One way to approach the parent is to indicat that you are going to have your child evaluated to make sure she is in the correct early childhood development level and does she want to go with you, indicating that this gives them a leg up at the time of Pre School or Kindergarten.
All the best and our compliments for caring.
L. Mandel, Child Advocacy and Parenting Place Wilmington NC

I am the mother of a 25 yr old son who was born 3 months premature and work at a preschool. Try asking the little boy "W" questions...who, what, where, when. Ex' "what do you want to eat?" or "where is mommy?" Children with autism don't get these types of questions. Is he obsessed with a certain toy (ex: Thomas the train with 5 parts and gets upset if he doesn't have exactly 5 parts) and subject (ex: dinosaurs or trains or cars) or line up blocks in a straight row. When you stand behind him and call his name, does he turn his head? These are some simple way to look for an autistic spectrum disorder. There are lots of variations.
If he is 3 yrs old, speech pathologists say that he should be speaking in 3 - 4 word sentences. At age 3 your local public schools should provide speech therapy free. She just needs to contact the district office and request an evaluation.
You might begin by asking her how much he talks at home, what he is interested in, and does he have any friends his age to play with. Then I would tell her about your concern with his lack of speech around you. Also, how important early intervention is. Not speaking will affect learning to read and much more.

Be preared for her to use the excuse "he's a boy and they don't mature as early as girls" or be mad. I was angry when a psychologist told me that my son was "mild to moderately retarded" at 18 months after an evaluation. All of his many doctors had been saying he would be 3 months behind, but he was delayed in gross motor, fine motor and speech. It's ok for her to be mad. Autism is more common in boys than girls. Also, if there isn't a difficult behavior with him, it could be overlooked because he isn't hard to deal with.
Good Luck. P. in Memphis

I am a grandmother of six. One of my grandchildren was like this young boy you speak about. Yes...I would be concern and I would talk to his mother about his behavior. I hate to admit that one of my grandchildren was like this boy, because she had alot of stress,fear,confussion and loneliness in her life. You may ask what stress can a 2yr old have? Stress of not answering a question correctly or doing a task correctly,not given the attention a child of that age requires. Fear because of not having a stable home life and relationship with his parents. A child needs all the fundumental skills he/she requires and its damaging when they a child dorsn't get them. Hope you act on your concern for the little boys sake. My grnaddaughter is now a total different child since being removed from her home and adopted.

E.,

Having a child with learning disabilities, I welcomed any info I could get. I realize not all parents are like this though. I would ask her if he talks to her much. Tell her you can't understand him when he talks and ask if she has this problem. You will be able to tell by her responses if she is open to discussing this. There are so many resources out there for children and early intervention is VERY important. Hope this helps.

M. M

Hi E.! I'm K. and I have 9 year old twins, one of which is autistic. My son was diagnosed at age 3 as developmentally delayed but it wasn't until he was in kindergarten that his diagnosis was changed to autism. There was no eye contact, no speech, and other milestones were delayed. Sounds like you're right on target and your friend may want to have her son evaluated. Early diagnosis is the key. It's difficult getting that news but just assure he will only benefit if he's diagnosed now. Having friends around who understands helps and sounds like you'd be there!

You should definitely bring it up, but I don't think I would actually say the word autism. If you can get her to some sort of evaluation, they can bring that up if they think it is a possibility. Maybe just suggest that he get a hearing test and be evaluated for speech. Maybe you could word it something like if it were my child, I would just get it checked out to be sure that everything is OK. If his communication is lagging, it is probably frustrating to her because she doesn't know what he wants sometimes. My son had a mild speech delay and his (previous) pediatrician was ignoring it until I said I wanted him to be evaluated. It is possible that his pediatrician does not care enough to notice anything. It is true that the sooner he gets help for whatever the problem is, the better off he will be in the long run.

For most insurances, speech evaluations are covered 100%. If therapy is necessary, there would probably be a copay per session. However, in Tennessee, if a child is at least 3 years old, the public schools are required to provide free speech therapy. Hopefully, your state has that too.

Maybe you could gently ask if she has noticed the child is not doing some of the things his peers are doing. She might not know what is normal for a kid his age. This is a tough one because you don't want to freak her out. She might also want to find out if it could be seizures. When I was a kid I had what they used to call petite mal seizures. My mom said I would stop mid sentence and stare off into space for a while. I took medication for awhile and then finally outgrew them. Hope this helps. Good luck.

You need to tell this mama. Even if she gets mad at you and never speaks to you again, tell her subtly that you've noticed he's a bit different than other kids. I had folks suggest Autism to me early on for my son and it's the best thing they ever did. My step-aunt is a speech pathologist - she noticed that Asher had some very strange behaviors and she told me. A lady at church also mentioned it to me. I thanked them both later for being so candid with their concerns. Tell her that you don't want to offend her and that you think her kid is great, but that you've just noticed some differences...

Steph

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Hope this helps.

sounds to me like its definitely autism. he needs to be taken in for evaluation asap.

First thing I want to say to you is you sound like a really good friend. I would be so grateful to have a friend that is so concerned about my child's development and it's obvious that you care about the friendship enough that you're wanting to approach this the right way. I can't say exactly what I'd do in the situation but maybe go out and find a magazine with an informative article on autism and read it and when you've finished reading it I would just casually bring up the article the next time you see her. Just say something like, "I read this article on autism in this magazine, I never knew that autism was as common as it is. It says that the children with autism..." (then start mentioning some of the symptoms in the article). And then say "It's a good read if you want to borrow the magazine." Maybe she'll recognize some of the symptoms in her own son and borrow the magazine and then maybe she'll believe that she noticed it herself and hopefully it will go from there. I don't know if this is a 'perfect world' situation but maybe it will work and no feelings will get hurt. Honestly if one of my friends told me this about my children my feelings would probably be hurt for a while and then I think I would realize that it was said with the best of intentions and I think I would be happy that it was mentioned regardless if my child turned out to be autistic or not.
Anyway, I hope this helps some and I wish you the best of luck.

I'm a 25 year old mom of a soon to be 6 year old girl and a 2 year old girl.

E.,
Tricky situation and may certainly not be autism - there are many other conditions. Your friend should have the child evaluated by pediatrician at a minimum to see if on track. Also - big difference if the child begins to regress. What is important (I've got a child with developmental delays) is the earlier the child starts in therapy the better the prognosis and outcome.

Coming from a mom of a special needs child, I'm sure your friend knows that something isn't right. People handle things differently. When she does seek help, be there for support. It's amazing how many so-called friends run when you have a special-needs child. My husband and I try to treat our daughter (who has CP) the same as we do our boys. Maybe your friend hopes if she ignores it, it will go away. Just be there for her!!!! She will need a sympathetic & patient friend.

This is a hard thing to bring up to a parent. I have a son who is Asperger's and am just getting the Diagnosis now. I always knew he wasn't like other children his age but as any parent I beleived that he would grow out of it. He also didn't speak untill later and is doing wonderfully now. I would suggest some hearing testing at first to rule that out hearing problems and tell her to talk to the doctor about his speach. Maybe he will bring up the possiblity of testing him for other developmental delays.

I would definitely suggest having him evaluated by his dr..

I have a friend who has a 6 year old boy and they just found out he is autistic. For years when he was a baby both sitters he had told his mom they thought he could be austic but they never did anything with him. He gets off task eaisly it's very hard to understand him when he does talk and you could ask him a question like what he did today and he will tell you something from weeks ago. It's hard for him to sit still and focus on what you tell im to do. When he does something wrong he knows it's wrong it's like his brain tells him not to do it but he just can't help it, and if he wants to touch something he has to touch it or he gets very upset. They finally took him to Riley's in Indy after his school told her they tought he needed to be tested. From what you said I would say he is some form of Austic, but I'm not a Dr. It's going to be hard talking to his mom but just be sure and tell her if he is their is programs out there to help him deal with things and make things eaiser on him. Any mom would want to help their child. Maybe his mom just doesn't know what all the signs are. My son is 21 months and can count to 10 and say all his abc's by hisself, so I think you need to at least say something to her. You could get online and print off some info about austism and give it to her, maybe after she sees some of the facts it might help her.

because the child seems to have communication and verbal skills I would really question autism. The two key factors of autism are the lack of communication skills and the lack of social skills. Now this being said that does not mean there isn't a concern on the spectrum. It could possibly be aspergers or even a high functioning autism. Or it could be that he just doesn't do well around other children. Is this child an only child?? He could have a developmental delay that could improve with some early intervention. My suggestion would be to ask his mother if she has ever noticed that he seems to be really shy and he doesn't seem to have good social skills. Some things to check is can he identify by pointing to the 5 basic colors, red, green, yellow, orange, and blue? Can he demonstrate number concepts by giving you 2 items, 3 items, or 5 items when you ask for them. Can he identify by pointing some basic body parts, the chest, back, knees, chin, fingernails? Can he use prepositions or irregular plural nouns? and Can he give his personal data, his name and age when requested? These are just a few things that he should most likly know at the age of 3. It may be that his mother doesn't realize what he should know at this time (especially if he is an only child) Try talking to her about your concerns, but I would approach it in a way that says Hey have you noticed this? And not in a way that says You child has a problem. GOod Luck!!

E. - I have a sister who has a son with autism. WHen he was a little guy like yours.. we noticed the same things about Christian. The sad thing was, my sister did not. When we finally got together as a family, and told my sister we thought Christian had autism, she cried and asked us why we didn't tell her sooner. I admire you for really thinking of your friend's son. Have her get him into his pediatrician. There are many levels of autism, and now my nephew Christian is integrated into public school. He is really brilliant, I love him to death. I'm so glad he is in our family. If you need any information- please don't hesitate to ask.

D.

As a relative of a family member with an autistic child, I would leave it to the pediatrician. Many parents are in denial even after being told by a doctor. It could be the child has been diagnosed and the parents are still in a denial or secretive state. Sometimes, you let people come to grips with things on thier own. My best advice would be to let the parents have this properly diagnosed. This could be the perfect way to ruin a relationship as we all see our children as perfect, flaws and all. It is hard for us to accept when an inexperienced "outsider" gives unsolicited advice.

Hello,
I am a preschool teacher of 30 years. And to answer your question yes it sounds like there might be a problem. Now as to how to bring it up to mom that is another thing, with the times I have had to talk with parents you have to be careful as to how you bring something like this up. Some parents are glad to listen and others aren't. So you will have to make your on judgement on how to tell them.

P.

That is a triat of autism. You can lots of info on it on the internet. Autism speaks is a great website. But now is the best time for him to get early intervention. The earlier the better!!! It's hard as a parent to get a diagnosis but its best for the child to get help early. Hope it goes well. K.

E....this is such a hard thing to tell a parent..i work with lots of children and i see many parents in denial about their childs progress...no one likes hearing their child isnt normal...you might have to risk your friendship..thats a decision you will have to make..i have one nephew that has autism, and another with many symptoms...my nephew was diagnosed at 18 months and has had intense therapy..autism has all different levels...i think why many people are in denial is because of that very reason..oh my kid can speak he is fine etc. there is defintily a delay with a 3 year old who cant count to 2...it may not be autism but he is delayed for sure...good luck...B.

As you know, there are other warning signs associated with autism than just underdeveloped verbal and/or staring off into space. There could be other issues behind the behaviors that you described, such as hearing impairment. Maybe ask his mother if he has had his hearing tested? And mention that he seems a little behind on his vocabulary and doesn't seem to focus when being talked to? That would at least get her to start noticing his behavior in a different way, and maybe bring it to her attention if she hasn't noticed already. Like you, I had a friend whose child was displaying obvious signs of autism, but she was in complete denial. I and a mutual friend tried talking to her about it on separate occasions, but she would get very upset and would refuse to talk to us afterwards for weeks. It is hard, because no one wants to hear that there might be something wrong with their child. Just be very careful! BTW, my friend finally came around and is getting her son the help he needs.
Good luck!

My husband is a specialist in Autism-I'll forward the posting to him to see what he might advise.

He sounds like he's developmentally delayed. Mom can get a developmental test done by her local elementary school. All children can be tested at any age by the school system or an early intervention program. Be careful to not label him as autistic. There are alot of disorders that have autistic like symptoms. Most states and school systems and for that matter some doctors prefer to view children as developmentally delayed rather than autism until they are older (age 5-7). And some people and kids are just not typical.

Be very careful in your approach - this is an emotionally super-charged topic. As a mom of a child with autism, I can tell you that most of us who have been through it were in complete denial when our children were first exhibiting red flags. However, most of us also had nagging doubts that something was out of sync. I think the best way to bring it up is to share that you have been educating yourself about the disorder, since it is so highly publicized, and that you wondered if her son has had any developmental assessments done - maybe in the context of "what are they like now? my older daughter didn't have to go through all of that, but i hear it's become recommended for every child at a 2-year checkup"....that type of dialogue, maybe a bit more indirect. Or, you may want to say, "I notice that your son gets very quiet when I try to interact with him. Is there anything I can do to help pull him out of his shell? Sometimes I feel badly that he seems a bit withdrawn"....
I hope that this is helpful. There is absolutely no simple way of expressing your concern - but it is critical for the future of this child that you start engaging in some conversation that might lead to help for him. Because of early intervention, my son, who was completely nonverbal and totally withdrawn at 2 years old due to autism, is now going to mainstream kindergarten and will likely be "declassified before he's 8 or 9 years old. So, you can make a huge difference by sharing concerns - just ease into it for the sake of the parents who will be devastated once they embrace what is going on.
Good luck -

I think that I would start out asking is he this quiet at home. Then I would tell her how he acts there and then ask her if he is this way at home or is it just your house. It could be that it is his personality to act this way when he is uncomfortable and nervous. If she says he acts this way all the time then I would tell her about the counting game that you play with him and you are concerned about him not trying and not being able to count and tell her to mention all of this to his dr next time she goes and you may ask when is her next visit. I don't think that would hurt her feelings. If it does, it will only be temporary as she will soon realize that it is out of concern and love for the child.

I am the mom of an autistic child and it does sound like you are seeing some warning signs. Does the child point? seem obsessed with only certain toys or actions( like opening and closing doors? or wheels on cars)? It is a sensitive subject to approach with a parent who may think that since he is verbal it isn't an issue, but there is a difference between a child being able to speak and being able to interact. Actually her peds office should have caught something by now, as far as developmental delays but she could also be glossing over any problems she may see. it is very hard to accept that your child is on the spectrum, but the EARLIER you get services started the better for the child. believe me. You could mention that you are concerned about his speech and that maybe his hearing might be involved, that would at least get her to the doc's office and get the process started.

i work in the mental health profession and a mother of a 2 year old little girl. i am by no means an expert in any area however i know a few things that might be helpful. 1st of all as with any illness early diagnosis is helpful. with autism a child does seem to withdraw into their own world. engage one on one as much as possible and try not to let him stay in his own world while you do your own thing. he may not even be autistic, but definately if you do bring this up to his mother ( a friendly tidbit is start the conversation off stating how much you care for her child and that is the only motivation for initiating the conversation ) suggest a psychologist or other specialist because a primary care physician may not be heavily equipped with the most helpful information.

God Bless