Attitude Change (For the Worse) After Staying at Dads

I wouldn't focus the blame on anyone actually; change is difficult for anyone, especially children. He may be feeling left out, you said you have 2 other children, kids get frustrated which turns into behavioral change, emmotional/mentally and sometimes physically. Your son may feel left out as I mentioned before from your new husband, his new stepfather. His sisters may be experiencing the same emotions which in turn results in behavioral changes (rage, talking back, refusing to do chores) my daughter is 4 and lately has bn acting out or not listening, she blames it on her father which is deceased, she nvr had the chance to meet him, he died in a car wreck when I was 5 months pg w/her. I hate it everyday she won't ever kw her daddy, I kw it upsets her and sometimes makes her mad. She's started hitting me and yelling only bc she didn't kw what else to do bc her frustration was so great, that was the only thing she knew to do. Maybe your son has all his frustration built up inside bc of his "loss", most kids of divorced parents go thorough various stages; mood changes, acting out for no reason, talking back, etc..maybe try taking a day just for you & your son, just the 2 of you, let him decide your day, afterall, he is the "man" of the house now! Let him talk & you listen, kids will tell you everything if we just listen..good luck!!

Might pick up a a couple copies of RAISING RESPECTFUL CHILDREN and REALITY DISCIPLINE. Two copies - one for you and one for him. THAT way.......you're on the SAME page and the children get the same type of discipline at EACH house.

Of course, this means you'll have to discuss and make sure the two of you ARE on the same course of action.

There should be house rules on BOTH sides and consequences when they aren't followed. These include not only things like hitting, taking shoes off when entering the house, etc., but ALSO attitudes. I DO NOT ALLOW certain attitutdes in my house - PERIOD.

I explain that this house will be one of peace, nuturing, kindness, etc. and I will NOT allow drama, bad attitudes, back talking, disrespect, etc. If you lay down the law and abide by it, it's amazing how they fall right in line. The longer you put it off, the harder it will be to get a handle on.

I'm dealing with the VERY same thing.

My kids use to be the same way when they would come home from their dad's house. At first I would be wishy washy with them and make excuses about how they were tired and over stimulated. Then reality hit that if I didn't nip this behavior, I was going to have problems. Now if they come home with attitude problems, I remind them it is not acceptable to act that way no matter where they have been or who they have been with and if the attitude and/or behavior doesn't change immediately, they can go to their room's until it does. If they end up in their rooms, they ususally fall asleep and are my nice normal kids once they wake up.

I used to be like this when I was a kid. I lived with my dad , and would visit my mom on the weekends. I think I just missed my mom when I would go back home to my dad's house. My mom was not nearly as strict at my dad was, so that could have played into it too. I just felt like I didn't get to see my mom enough, and so when I came home (to the place I spent all of my time at and was comfortable with), I would almost feel resentful. I felt like I would miss my mom so much all week, and then I would FINALLY get to see her, and then it would be over and I was back at home to miss her again. Maybe your son just wants to be able to see more of his dad. Seeing as how you two have a good relationship (which my parents did not, at all), maybe you could discuss it with him and see if more time spent between the both of you helps with his attitude problem.

That is a difficult situation. What I have had to do in the past, when my daughter has given me a difficult time and pointed out that some of her friends are allowed to do "x, y & z" and why can't she, I've had to tell her that some parents have different rules and these are the rules for our family and she (my daughter) is expected to follow them or she will get in trouble. The big point I am trying to make is that things are not always going to be the same for all familys, all kids, but this is how it is in our family and I just try to be consistent with it.

As for your exact situation, I would sit down your son and apply the same reasoning but I would also talk to him about the bad decisions that his 1/2 sister is making and talk to him a lit bit about how the decisions that she is making now is going to make her and the people around her very sad in the long run -- how she is hurting her parents and the ones that she loves by the choices that she is making. I think that your son is old enough now to see the differences that are going on with him and his sister but also to understand the dynamics that are going on when he goes to visit his dad and soem of the long term consequences of his 1/2 sister's behavior.

Don't know if this will help you with your son but I guess it is worth a shot.

Back to Basics Discipline: see free outline at: www.backtobasicsdiscipline.com
You need loving firm discipline in the home for your son regardless of the periphery situations. Watch out for the psych/child development stuff-dont' get too caught up analyzing-there are always REASONS for stuff, and often once people see reasons, they decide against firm discipline, thinking they shouldnt' change the natural order of things. It does tend to escalate power struggles and muddy the waters for lots of kids. Keep things simple and timeless.
By not arguing with him, do you mean you back down and allow it or ignore him? Slippery slope, and probably the reason for the decline when he's with you, because he can get away with his behavior. He should NOT be successfully giving you guilt trips. It's great his dad is involved and firm-it's what boys need, and that will help. He needs firm rules at home with you too. Once you get him respecting you, he'll feel better, and you can chip away a the details of the situation.