At What Point Is Enough Enough???

Well, I think the kiss is a personal preferance issue - not a weird freaky issue. We are a kissing family - we kiss all family members on the lips. Same with the bed issue - it is his dad!! Do you really think his dad is going to do something to him?

Anyways, as far as the owrk issue though, that is a major problem. The child should not be going to work with him, especially around chemicals. I would call on that issue and as everyone has said - Document everything!

Good Luck.

The no car seat is reason to call.

Ringworm happens, though. Cosleeping is a valid parenting philosophy. What activities your son does with you is your choice, and with your X they're his choice. That's not something the courts can do anything about, they are YOUR parenting choices, to make as you please, whether it's at Costco or the playground. And kissing on the lips is something that many (if not most) families do.

Whoops... just googled OK's seatbelt laws http://www.ok.gov/ohso/Child_Passenger_Safety/FAQs_about_... and it looks like your X is within the law

"Children ages six (6) through twelve (12) must be properly restrained in either a child car seat, booster seat, or seat belt."

I am not grossed out at all by the dad and son kissing on the lips or even sharing a bed...and I think you are being too critical about these things. You don't ever kiss your kids on the mouth?

As far as the ringworm is concerned...kids can get ringworm from playing in the dirt, so that doesn't seem to be an calling CPS issue either.

As far as going to work with daddy, you say he is stocking shelves and it is a retail store, I doubt the store would pose any danger to him. I think that the fact that dad and son are spending quality time with each other rather than dad just dropping him off at a sitter is pretty cool, and possibly even fun for your son...quality father/son time! If he is going on appointments with his dad to do the actual spraying of chemicals at the 2nd job, I would suggest asking that he not come in contact with anything dangerous to him, that is a reasonable request. Do you think his dad is really exposing him to harmful chemicals? If so, by all means speak with him and let him hear your concerns...they are absolutely legitimate and should be talked about.

The only thing you said that would truly worry me would be the riding w/out a seatbelt. The dad should know better than that!

I can understand your worrying about your son...but the part that bothered me about your post is when you state that "the straw that broke the camels back" about your ex kissing your son? I am confused by this? I know this man is your ex and you might be harboring bad feelings about him but please keep in mind that this man (more importantly) is your son's father! The relationship they have is very important to your son's well being...I would think long and hard before doing anything you might regret later.

Best of luck to you...its hard being the mommy sometimes...all the worrying and such!

Hi A., I usually don't respond to posts that already have so many answers, but this one kind of hits home. I can totally understand and support your concern about the front seat-unbelted portion of the question. As far as taking the boy to work... I would imagine it is because he has no other alternative. My son comes to work with me often and I do have him do some work while he is there. It is good for them to see what work is all about. As far as the pesticides... I live a primarily organic lifestyle, However I am pesticide certified due to my horticulture background. In order to commercially use pesticides in any state you must pass an extensive test and learn about safety and handling of these dangerous chemicals. So your ex must have had similar training and would know better then most of us the proper applications methods and requirements for each pesticide so I would not be concerned about him ingesting pesticides as a professional is much safer then spraying around the house yourself with a bottle from home depot. My son is 7 and still kisses us on the lips. He also still crawls in bed with us every morning. When I am out of town, my husband and him will often both sleep in our room. If I were you I would make sure my son new about this private areas and personal space and have open dialog about inappropriate touching. This way you can feel confident that he could tell you if anything was wrong. My brother has a daughter from his 1st marriage and when he had visitation he only had a pull out couch and they shared it. Not because there was something inappropriate going on but because it was the only bed.

Hi A.,

I know the laws are a bit different from state to state and I am wondering what social services there would do. A neat thing you could do is to call and consult with them and ask for their suggestions / recommendations. Many times, I have called to discuss a hypothetical situation and received ideas I or my clients may not have not of yet. Another thought is to consider counseling for you and your son (I am not sure based on OK laws or the court paperwork if dad would need to consent), where potential issues could come out and the therapist could address / report. Of course, if dad could attend such sessions with the idea on how to best co-parent your son, that may be best. Good luck! S. A. K., MFT

http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/pages/Chino-CA/S.-A-K...

I agree with you that he doesn't sound like a great father. But I don't know if any of this is something they would make a visit for. It might come down to he said she said and they might say there's just nothing here. Maybe the kissing on the lips. That's really weired for a grown man to expect of a 6 year old boy.

Just call and ask. It can't hurt and all they can do is say no.

There are 2 things on your list of items that are cause for concern. The first is riding in the front seat (at age 6 does he still need to be in a car seat?). The second, him being around pesticides.

I would not be the crazy ex-wife who calls CPS, unless you have evidence and proof that your son is in danger. Although it would be best if your son slept on the couch, sleeping in the same bed is not unreasonable. Many parents kiss their children on the lips. As for stocking shelves, it probably makes your son feel important and grown up to be doing such a responsible job. The company would not let him do this if there was a liability issue.

As far as the car seat, I would document, (take pictures if possible), of dates and times you see this occurring. If a friend happens to witness this, ask them to sign a statement, or better yet have them call the police.

Next find out what exactly your son is doing when going to this pest job. Is he actually walking around with your ex while he's spraying chemicals? Or does he just accompany him to the jobs and stay in a secure area?

Just make sure you have legitimate reasons and actual proof before you make that phone call.

Ok since I am a carseat safety queen (as all my friends say) your ex IS breaking the law by putting your son up front, especially if there is an airbag, the airbag is putting your child at risk for sever injury or even death. No carseat is a big NO NO! Law is that any child under the age 12 needs to remain in the backseat, as they are most protected.

I understand your frusration with the car seat/front seat issue and taking him to work , but seriously what is wrong with his dad kissing him on the lips? Do you not do that?

Anyway I don't have any advice for you , I am from England and don't know what DHS/CPS is , so hopefully other posters will advise you on that.

CPS or a lawyer to change custody.

Are you kidding? You're more worried about the kiss on the lips than the lack of a car seat?

whatever you do... you need to DOCUMENT everything.
take photos if you have to, the ringworm etc.
How is your son's well-being?
Anything your son is saying?

egad, how icky.
Child labor... well your Ex's employer can be at fault too... liability etc.
he is only 6 year's old.
so many inappropriate issues...

Protect your son. A child can't advocate for themselves.

He obviously isn't being the parent you want him to be. He is probably doing the best job he knows how. Children can ride in the front, there is no law here saying they must ride in the back. Merely a suggestion based on a study that it is considered safer.

Kissing on the lips is not an issue for me. We are a lip-kissy family.

As for the co-sleeping, I'm not personally into that but I don't think it's a problem if other people do it.

Ringworm....I know nothing about this. My son has never had it but based on several of the other responses it can come from anywhere.

My only concern would be the work situation and the chemicals. Does ex own his own business? I really can't see an employer allowing this or want the liability of a 6 year old working in store and going on jobs. Your ex's employer / owner of the business needs to know this, he can put a stop to your husband bringing your son along instead of involving DHS.

if hes inhailing bug spray and stocking shelves and sleeping in the same bed and not his own and kissing the father on the lips granted you love your son and your ex because you had a child with him but look at what he is doing wrong i would call cps/dhs if it were my ex you have every right to make sure that your child is in a safe and not hazzerdise place . so you should call becuase not only is he putting toxic fumes in your child lung but that could make him sick and he could eventualy die from it and the stock shelfing he could get very injured doing that as well so i would call if i were you becuase that is a big mistake on behalf of his father . good luck with things

I agree with the other postings but unless things have changed do not expect help from CPS. My children's Dad was dropping them off a a public park with a $20 while he umpired baseball games.

At the time my boys were 10 and 6 and my daughter was only 4. When I tried to talk to my ex about it he said I was jealous so I called and wrote CPS; they said there was nothing they could do until one of them got hurt. Carzy huh? Doesn't CPS stand for Children's Protective Services not CHS?

is it a money issue? can't afford not to work, a car seat etc... or is it Neglegence (though i suppose he could sit in the back seat) or ignorance? If you haven't already shared your concerns with him, i'd make my decision based on his reaction. and if he's INSISTING he kiss him on the lips i think that's creepy too. i kiss my kids on the lips but even if my 2 yr old daughter says "cheek" we teach them its their body and they decide.

I totally feel for you!
I divorced my husband 3 years ago and had to be really careful of him with my children.
Let me start of by saying that if my ex insisted on kissing either of my children on the lips it would make me throw up! My FH and I kiss the kids and they kiss us back so this is not an issue of we don't kiss.
When I first divorced my ex he had over night visitation with my children. He would use his bedroom for my son to sleep in (keep in mind he has a queen bed in the room) he would put my daughter on the fold out sofa and sleep with her! He also had guy friends over in the living room where my daughter was trying to sleep.
He would drive in 0 and below weather in an unrealiable vehicle with a broken and I mean completely gone rear windshield with my children in the car and no jackets on. One time when he brought them back from visitation they were so cold their hands were blue! I put them in a bath to warm them up.
My son is on a special diet that my ex refuses to follow.
He takes my kids to the lake by his house and lets them play with old fishing hooks and fishing line.
When my daughter broke a bedside table the ex threw a clock across the room.
He would get angry with the children and punch the fridge. Keep in mind that my children were 2 and 3 at the time.

My point is this...do WHATEVER it takes to protect your children.
I will not allow my children to spend the night with him anymore, if he wants to take me to court thats fine. He doesnt have the money to fight me on that anyway.
Document everything, everything, everything! That will only make your case stronger.
My lawyer was of little help to me with any of this.All she would tell me was that the court could not make him a better parent but they would uphold his right to see them.
I agree with what others are saying about not making false reports but trust your mothers instinct on this.