At a Cross Road. Confused About Life

Nursing isn't for the faint-hearted, and it sure isn't for the uncommitted. You become a nurse because you love people and you want to save lives. It's not about the money. Nursing is too tough and gritty for that.

I suggest that you re-evaluate. Perhaps you should consider changing your major to reflect your interests. How about business management? Or accounting? Both of these are highly useful in the restaurant industry, and can be used to find a fallback job if your dreams don't exactly work out. You can still get your degree in something that makes sense for you.

Here's the thing: You don't want to look back on your life in 30 years and say, "I wish I'd tried." Because at that point, it's too late. It's not too late now. Use your head. Go for something that you can use whether you're a restauranteur or not.

Best,

C. Lee

ETA: Also, I absolutely don't think you should drop out. Who do you think is going to get a small business/startup loan from the bank? The dropout or the woman with a business degree who wrote an awesome business plan???

You've boiled it down to a) be a nurse and hate it or b) quit school and be a failure. There are other options. Look into a culinary academy or a Restaurant and Hotel Management program (yes that is a degree). You may not be ready to own your own restaurant yet but that does not mean leaving the dream entirely.

Nursing is a calling, not just a way to make money. It is long hours, hard work, and dirty jobs. If it is not what you want, do not continue to punish yourself.

Too old to still not have a dream in mind? Too old to still have dreams in your mind. Part of growing up is taking your childhood dreams and making them a reality.

How are you doing that? Nursing? Why? By why I mean your dream is to have a restaurant and go to college, why nursing, why not business or a culinary school?

At least that way if you can't own a restaurant you can work at one as a chef or a manager. Get good at it and move to better restaurants. I don't know I just get this vibe like you are thinking if I can't have my dream goal then the heck with the rest.

My husband is an amazing cook, I am an accountant, oh he also brews, we may open a restaurant/brewery one day. What are we doing now? I am working, he is working and we are building up savings so if that is our choice down the road all our ducks will be in a row.

So what do you need to open a restaurant? Experience, talent, money....start lining up what you need instead of throwing your hands in the air and saying I may as well settle.

Although I am sure your husband would be disappointed if you quit he probably wouldn't be disappointed if you changed directions.
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Oh and by the way I love my job and I didn't graduate until I was 42.

Why not switch majors? Most com colleges offer hotel/restaurant management programs, or culinary programs. You can get a degree and a job in a field you're actually interested in, and who knows, it could lead to owning your own restaurant some day.

Not everyone has a job that they are passionate about. If you are, it might not feel like work, it is a pleasure. Most are happy to have a job which they find tolerable, and serves as a means to an end, and gives them the time and the money to pursue their passions.

Before you make a major shift in paths, see if you can contact and tail a nurse for a week, and a restaurant owner for a week. Every job has aspects which are frankly pretty taxing, frustrating, and mundane.

My hubs worked for years as a ski instructor. Seemed like a great job when he first got into it as he was wild about skiing. However, when you are working as a ski instructor, you've got to teach in all sorts of weather, you don't get to zip around the mountain with your clients, and they may want a lot of hand holding. These aspects made something which seemed ideal at first tedious in application.

I think the answer is somewhere in the middle.
At 49, I don't know *THAT* many people who are "living their childhood dream." I love my job but its not my "dream." It's provided a good income, both FT, and, after my child was born, PT.
I wouldn't have it had I not finished my degree.
Nursing can be an incredibly flexible field while you raise a family.
If not nursing and not owning a restaurant--then what?
If you do neither, and you need to gain an income, what will you be doing 5 years from now? Working some run of the mill job for 10 bucks an hour?
Will that be better or "truer to yourself"?
Think down the road a bit to the not so distant future.
Why NOT get the nursing degree then take some small biz management or cooking classes?
I guess my point is that I'd you do nothing at all right now, then where will you be when the time comes to start earning?
Lets face it, for most Americans, making a decent living is preferred over their dram job. There are those doing exactly what they've always wanted, but they're relatively few and far between.
Good luck!

Maybe you could be a nurse who focuses on nutrition? That way, you could still get the nursing degree, and also focus on your love of cooking?

R.:

welcome to mamapedia!

if you are doing something you don't like - you will NOT succeed in it.
You NEED/MUST love what you do. When you love what you do, it's not work...

If you want to own a restaurant - then start working at one - get a feel for the atmosphere - keep a log of what you would do differently, things you have learned....

Continue going to school. DO NOT drop out. But you CAN change programs. Do what you need to do to get your bachelors degree. Since you are going to a community college - you are saving money by getting core classes out of the way and then transfer them to a University for your Bachelors.

Start looking into grants for people who want to start small businesses...but really - you NEED to work in the arena. Owning a restaurant is 70 to 90 hours per week...liquor license laws, hiring laws...I just want you to be prepared. this is not a Monday through Friday 9-5 job. unless of course you decide to open a "kitchen" that serves Breakfast only - but then you are at work at 0400 getting things prepared for the morning crew and business...

Good luck! you have a lot of decisions to make!

DON'T work towards a job that you don't want. It's a waste of money and time for something that you won't be happy with.

Most of us don't have a dream, I don't think. I graduated with a marketing degree and wound up in sales...which makes me miserable. After 15 years I've been able to work my way into something that I don't hate, but it's taken that long, and I have no "next step".

For your restaurant...what about a food truck? Not sure where you live or if that's feasible. But even with permits and upkeep, the cost is still negligible compared to a brick and mortar restaurant, and you could develop a following for your food by experiementing in different markets in the city.
Just a thought.
Food trucks do very well here in Chicago.

I'm here to say that creative careers aren't all they are cracked up to be. They usually aren't as glamorous as they seem and generally come with lower pay than anything in healthcare or allied health. Often they require longer working hours, and less flexibility for moms.

Do you have restaurant experience? Do you know people who own restaurants? Do you really have a picture of what their life is like? Or is this a fantasy in your mind that you've glamorized? Make sure you have a grasp on reality before you make any rash decisions.

I also once dreamed of being a restauranteur. Safe to say I had glamorized it in my head. In the end I became an interior designer and did restaurant design- a much better fit for me. But I'm not going to lie to you. I hated working in a deadline driven industry that paid very little. And glamorous? Nope, not at all. Flexible hours? Forget about it. I needed to be available to architects and contractors during business hours. Part time work meant being the assistant to the designer, not the designer.

I have a girlfriend that envied me to no end. She wanted to do interior design like nobodies business but did something more conventional- dental hygiene. She still harbors hopes of going back to school for it. And I think -why? So you can work twice the hours and make half as much?

How do I keep this brief? I could have a long conversation about this, at my advanced age.

From my life experience, I do feel that you need to choose a profession and follow through until you achieve it, instead of waiting to "find your passion" or "find out who you are," etc.

I also believe that to a certain extent, people don't need to adore their jobs, and can find their passion outside of work.

HOWEVER, you should NOT take a job you hate. You should not spend a lot of time and money going to school to take a job you know in advance you don't want to do. Nursing is about caring for other people, and if you know you won't like that, then you definitely should not do it.

Lots of people love their jobs. Lots of people hate them, and that's no way to live. Indifference is one thing, but dislike and hate is not a good way to live.

One friend of mine just took a well-paying but relatively menial job with a 10 year plan of doing the job, and getting vested in retirement, but after just a few months she's bored out of her mind and wants to quit already. And she will probably quit within a few months. Fortunately, she didn't have years of expensive training to get this job.

You are still young at 27, so my advice is no, don't "suck it up" and waste your time getting a job you will be unhappy at and therefore probably be a mediocre nurse. I don't know what to tell your husband about that.

As far as owning a restaurant goes -- It's true, the statistics are that something like 90% of them fail relatively quickly. So it's not something you can go into lightly unless you have cash to fall back on.

How about working in the restaurant industry, for starters? I personally hate the idea of owning a restaurant, and hate the idea of working in a career related to food, so I can tell you that you have a distinctive passion, and so your job should be in a related field.

You only have one semester under your belt, so before you waste money and time on semester #2, I think you should research the food industry, and pursue an education that will get you a job in that field.

Don't worry about your daughter right now -- you can get her to go to college without immersing yourself in a job you hate.

I love my job. It is what I have wanted to do since I was a child. And plenty of people the whole way told me how hard it would be. Too bad for them.

If you don't want to be a nurse - STOP going to nursing school.. Figure out how you can be part of the restaurant industry. Could you start out with a small home based catering business? How much would it really cost to start? There are TONS of resources to learn. The SBA is a good place to start learning how to put together a business plan. Then you figure out how to get financing. If this is your dream - go for it.

Everyone on this site ALWAYS thinks that we should suck it up and do all the work while hubby goes to med school/gets a new job/gets his degree. I hope we are all this supportive of you. You deserve to be happy as much as your husband and as much as your kids.

I would be hesitant to finish a nursing degree if you don't like nursing. One positive of nursing is that you can work in a variety of areas, from direct patient care to education to case management, but if healthcare isn't something you are passionate about it will make it hard to have a career you enjoy. Nursing school was the hardest thing I've ever done (I now have a master's, but that initial associate's was by far the most challenging), so if you aren't dedicated to it as a career I wouldn't put the effort and money into it. There are a lot of degrees out there related to the restaurant/service industry, why don't you call an advisor at your school and see what's available? Ultimately, I don't think having a degree you don't use will mean much to your kids. Telling them you went to college won't make as big an impression as what they see you doing. You want to encourage them to get an education so they can make a career out of something they love, and that's not what you are doing here. I've taught in a 2 year program for a few years now, every semester we have quite a few that start clinicals and figure out that this is not the career for them. I think the sooner you figure it out, the better. Good luck, at whatever you decide!

Being a nurse is a special calling IMO. If your not that into it I don't think you should continue. Why aren't you working in a restaurant? You could certainly work up to manager. Maybe you could eventually own a franchise or start your own catering business.
(FYI...I think most people I know love what they do.).

I suggest you take some other classes along with the nursing classes....I know, you are so busy with the nursing ones that you can't possibly take on any other classes to study for.

Nursing is one of the most difficult majors.

Consider taking some nutrition classes, food management, take some classes that will help you prepare for cooking and then you can see if it's what you expected.

Just because you love cooking and having people eating your food that does not mean you can only do that by owning your own food service business.

You could be a hospital nutritionist. They make good money and they can manage the whole food program for all the patients.

You could find that you like one area more than others, one of my friends loved cooking and planned a career in food service. She found that she loved baking and decorating cakes. She went to work at Walmart in the bakery. She ended up managing the bakery then working up to managing a super center and bringing in over 100K per year including her salary and many many many bonuses.

Wanting to own a restaurant and doing paperwork is not cooking and working in the kitchen. It's mostly ordering and payroll, interviewing staff, and breaking up arguments between bus boys and waitresses/waiters. It's not fun at all.

So broaden your classes so you can find out how to run the business end, you'll find that is 90% of the restaurant business. Then take some cooking classes, baking classes, business classes, etc....

They can't ever be a bad choice and will always come in handy.

Nursing School can be daunting but I will tell you what is great about being a nurse.

- The hrs are flexible.
- It can be truly exciting & rewarding too
- There are varied options in specialty care. You can do neonates, pediatrics, L&D, Intensive Care, Dialysis, Home Health Care, etc.
- You are not limited to bedside care. You can work towards being a Case Manager, Nurse Practitioner, Clinical Teacher. You can be a liaison for a large employer groups for insurance issues. You can be a Case Manager for an insurance company and negotiate for services that are not benefits.
-You can travel

I advice you not to drop out. I don't know where you're at in Nursing School and remember times when it can really be challenging. The uncertainty, the insecurity of not being sure if you can hack it and that urge of wanting to quit. Hang in there and finish what you started. It will get easier. I promise.

BTW, there is no age limit on dreaming. Just because you get to finish nursing school does not mean you don't get to fulfill your dreams. I will have to say that owning a restaurant can be a dusk to dawn and beyond kind of job. I personally shy away from anything that takes me too much away from my family.

You defenitely have good intentions, and I am proud of you for wanting to do something so your daughter can see you work hard, and finish school. Why do you NOT want to be a nurse? Is it because you absolutely dont like the role, or just the fact of going through school? If it's becuase you don't want to go through the schooling, then I say...suck it up and finish it. If it is because you are not the "nurturing" type, and dont care to take care of people, then look into another carreer... I am an Accountant, and looking back I so wish I had chose the nursing field just for the flexibility of working 12hr shift, or am,pm or nights, or even PRN...there are so many options for a mother as a nurse. As an accountant I have 3 choices....work full time M-F, Part time, or not work at all.In this time and age, not working is not an option. Now about the restaurant....owning a business IS NOT EASY. you are working 24hrs a day (just like a mother's job) you are ALWAYS on call, with no benefits and defenitely no vacation for a LONG time...and you have a LOT MORE stress...and the stress only increases if you don't have money saved up to fund your business. In school I've learned only 1 in 10 business make it through... and the 1st 5 yrs are the toughest...and let me tell you.... banks are not quick in giving loans to restaurants becuz they dont like to take a risk since most restaurants dont last long. I am not trying to sound all negative, or trying to steer you away from your dream... but just want you to understand how much more difficult it will be IFFF you dont have the finances already saved up. I've worked for small businesses where the owner is on "vacation" and he is calling me to see if there is enough money to pay bills...and have even taken a paycut to make sure he had enough to fund payroll...that's when I swore myself I will NEVER own a business~!
Personally, if I were in your shoes, I would do my research and figure out how much i'll need to start a business, and I would work as a nurse (12hr shifts maybe?) make money save up a bit and go work part time at a restaurant to understand all that goes into it and in 10-15yrs have the resources and knowledge to start the business. you are still young and have plenty of time to fulfill your dream of being a restaurant owner :) hang in there!

Please do not become a nurse if you don't love it. I hear it's grinding, emotional, patience-taxing work and if you don't like it your patients will suffer and you will be miserable.

How about culinary school? This way you will get to work in the industry you love and get some great experience on how a restaurant really works. If you don't mind working nights and weekends - this may be for you.

You're right that many people don't love their jobs and I think some don't have a dream... But you kind of do and 27 sure isn't old!! I went back to graduate school at that age and it was a semi- career change. My word, I'm sure glad I did bc that step got me into a career I did enjoy - for a while. Sick of it now but it's been years and years... I love the restaurant business too. I loved waiting tables. Depending on the restaurant but overall it made time go fast, I was good at it, some people were fun etc. So why not pursue it in general? Why do you have to own your own restaurant? With all the restaurant chains, you could make a nice career out of managing or something. Or a mom and pop of course. And then someday maybe your own. I assume you've actually worked in restaurants? The late hours are a drag sometimes. I too would much rather work in a restaurant than be a nurse. THere's also catering businesses, corporate events etc. Our company has a big cafeteria run by another company. A woman manages it. It seems like a pretty good gig bc it's not nights but there also seems to be a fair amount of "managing". She changes the menu, overhauls things etc. My best friend is a nurse and I do think it's a bit of a calling. If you don't have it, I'd change directions while you can.

If you really want to own a restaurant, why not go to culinary school, become a chef and then work that into owning your own restaurant. Or switch your course of study to business and learn the business end of owning a business. That way, if your restaurant fails, you still have a degree in business to fall back on.

You are still very young and have a lot of time to get to your goal of restaurant ownership. Your daughter doesn't have to think of it as you "dropping out" of nursing school; just changed your course of study so to speak.

http://learningsuccessinstitute.com/
Do the learning success profile for yourself. I did it for my kids and myself and it opened my eyes to aspects of my personality (interests) that I was not aware of. If you get their book "Discover Your Child's Learning Style" it will also help flesh out ideas for you.

I think you should quit the nursing program and focus on what you truly love. A nurse is supposed to LOVE people and love their job. If you don't, you shouldn't do it. I thought I wanted to be a nurse. I'm glad I never did. It's not really me.

Start thinking about Food related industries and getting excited about it. Start brain storming.

I like the Food Truck idea. But that may not be your thing. I met a young woman, about your age, married, 2 kids, who (went to cooking school) was working at a Kids Cooking School and she bought the business and is now working at her dream. I LOVE her place. She runs great little classes for adults, kids, couples, kids camps and she re-designed the business. I can't cook, so I LOVE this place!!! I've gone to other cooking classes that were too complicated and too expensive. So that's another angle to look at this. Then you'd be a business owner! I like watching those Restaurant makeovers on the Food channel. It teaches you a lot about what can go wrong and how to fix it.

I would like to be where you are, but maybe you should go for business instead. I would love to have a business degree. I spent 1 year and 1 quarter at UCLA. I think my life would be so much better if I would have gotten a degree. The longer you wait the harder it can be to go back. So, if you do stop the nursing program, I think you should get on with something else right away.