Okay, not really but there are a few moms that I see or run into pretty regularly and I'm not sure how to get to know them better so what's the best way to suggest doing something together with the kids outside of the planned activity that we're at? Most of the kids are all within a few months of age of each other so activities would be pretty easy to plan or sugget. I'm fairly shy so I have trouble keeping a conversation going sometimes which I hate as well as not being very forward or outgoing. I don't want these moms to think I'm not interested in trying to be friends because of that so any suggestions to break the ice would be great!.
Have something in mind and approach it that way. "Hey, next Wednesday there's a ______ for kids. We were thinking of going. Wanna meet us there?" is a lot easier than trying to get together "sometime" to do "something". Like Denise, I brought a bunch of moms together about two years ago- everyone was in the same boat: bored, wanting to find things to do with other kids the same ages. They loved getting together then, and we're still friends!
Just say, "hey, do you wanna do _____?"
I used to be shy (and now I can't shut the f*#k up), and one thing I learned is that when you never initiate anything, people stop asking you to do things because they assume you are not interested.
Here are a few things I learned about how not to be shy:
1. If you have nothing to say, Ask Questions!! This is the #1 rule.
2. There is nothing wrong with silence! Sometimes there is just nothing to say, and that is perfectly ok. In other cultures, silence is a perfectly normal part of communication. It's only in America that we feel like we have to blather on endlessly and not have a moment of peace.
3. Get out of your own head, and actually be interested in other people. When you stop thinking about yourself it actually becomes quite easy not to be shy. "What are they thinking about ME?" "What do I say?" "Do they like ME?" etc. etc. etc. -- I, I, I, me, me, me -- that's the monologue going on in a shy person's head.
You will not click or be great friends with everybody. Allow yourself to be boring. You are not obligated to be interesting or witty or entertain people.
There. I just gave you permission to be the most boring person on earth. Now go out there and see what other people are all about, and if it occurs to you to invite them to do something, then do it. If they can, they probably will. If they can't then do it another time.
The best thing that ever happened to me is that I stopped being shy and insecure. There's a big world out there. Embrace it.
Hey, there! Doesn't it feel like dating all over again?! Ha, I know how you feel. I just joined a local MOMS group a few months ago and I am so glad that I did. I just put myself out there and showed up at a meeting one month (very unlike me). They have planned activities throughout the entire month, so you don't really have to initiate that akward conversation with someone you don't know. Everyone that I have met through the group has been so incredibly friendly, so talking to them has been very easy. I wish I would have joined a long time ago!
If I were you, I would look into joining a local MOMS club. Look on-line or ask around for info. on what kind of groups/clubs are in your area. You may be surprised how easy it is to talk to other moms in a group like that.
Good luck!
How about commenting on the good weather returning & then planning an outing to the park?
"hey. lets get the kids together."
i laugh cuz i feel like a stalker sometimes... i see some mom and i'm like... "i'm gonna be her friend" LOL
I suggested a "mom's night out" to the other moms of my son's nursery school class. They were all anxious to get out & do something (light dinner & a few hours of chit chat) with other adults. We're all still friends 4 years later. Do it!
Chances are, the other moms feel the same way as you!! I like the idea of commenting on the weather and then asking them to meet up at a park in your area. Every M. is looking for another M. to talk to!!
I also joined MOMS Club for the same reason. I have a hard time initiating an invitation or talking to strangers, basically, putting myself out there and possibly being rejected. I love the club because the playdates are organized and we do a moms night out too. That is where you get to know people the best. The first one I went to was so awkward, but by the time I left I had new friends. I am not shy once I get over that initial hump. For a while I just did the playgroup stuff, because it is really easy to use your child as a crutch. You can absorb yourself in what they are doing if you find that you have nothing to say to the moms, and use them as an ice breaker. Everyone loves to talk about their kids. Before you know it, you can chat comfortably.
The same can apply to people you run into. Use the circumstances of where you are and what you are doing to start up a conversation. Sit next to them on the bench at the park. You can always start with basic kid questions- how old, names, talking yet, potty training yet, soccer yet? Ask their opinion on the local gymboree or discovery zone or whatever, then just take a deep breath (but not so they can hear you ;) and ask if they want to go together sometime. Using the kids as an icebreaker is the easiest way to do it. You can tell if someone isn't interested in talking to you before you get to the question of doing something together. I joke sometimes that I feel like I am "trolling for mommies" at the bookstore/park/etc. Good luck!
I just read an article about this in Baby magazine. As moms we all need other mom friends. To relate to and hang out with, to help us/ help them and to not go crazy!
I would just ask them. I don't think there is a secret formula. Most us mommas are open to getting out of the house. Once you've had a play date or two, plan a moms night out. It is SO important to get to know each other outside of being moms. These moms could grow to be some of your closest friends. Don't let this opportunity by.
