You sound like a very, very, good and conscientious mom S., so there's absolutely no need to worry about that -- just the fact that you are trying your best to resolve this matter in every way possible, is proof you are not a mom who takes the easy way out. I'm a mom of two boys who are now 10 and 7. My oldest was very challenging and "dictative." (By the way, he's now a very smart, well adjusted, well liked boy, who still has very definite opinions about things, which I adore. He definitely doesn't follow the crowd and can think for himself -- all adtributes that I hope will carry him through his adolescent years.)
My only advise to you would be -- don't give your daughter the bottle. You know it's not what is good for her and eventually, it will create dental complications. Be consistent and steady. She's testing you and as long as she wins every once in a while, she'll continue to exert her strong will. We had to break my oldest son of the habit of nursing every 2-3 hours a night -- and he hated it. He would call, my husband would respond, and he'd throw a fit. My husband would spend the time to sooth him, rub his back, maybe walk him a bit, but never would I appear to nurse him. Eventually, my son would cry in the night to nurse, my husband would show up at the door, and my son would throw himself back into the crib in frustration and just go back to sleep. It took some time, but he stopped, and we all finally, had a good nights sleep. The message to my son: we know what's best and that's final.
Be loving and patient and be good to yourself. Lots of luck.