As Expected, Nothing Changed

I can imagine that when a couple lives together before getting married, nothing really changes. But for people who don't live together beforehand, such as myself, there are LOTS of new and exciting changes...some of which take work and patience to get through. :)

Congrats & I am truly happy for you!
I'm in the other camp, not because of morality/religious reasons, but because I grew up with a mom who always said "who cares about a piece of paper" when in fact she was herself just screwing around and being irresponsible (4 kids by 3 men in 8 years.)
So, yes, that piece of paper meant the world to me. As a matter of fact I had been dating my husband for over two years, and we had been living together for about a year when I said, so are you going to marry me or what? It wasn't exactly an ultimadem (sp?) but I made it pretty it clear that I needed him to make it "official" before I would consider buying a house or having kids with him.
Just sharing because some of us have a real need for that seemingly meaningless piece of paper :)

It changed for me. We didn't live together, or sleep together before marriage. We made a covenant before God. Which...in my opinion...is how marriage was created to be like. It was supposed to be a radical commitment, and change. It was not meant to be how it is now. I am not knocking your life :) It takes all kinds to make the world go 'round. That's just my opinion, for MY life. (and my life, obviously doesn't apply to yours :) I'm not saying your life and choices are wrong...not at all. I hope it didn't come across like that.

Congratulations! How wonderful that you've been that sure of your commitment for that long.

I had been involved with my husband for five years, living together for three, owned a house together and were raising his two kids. For me, for us, saying our vows was a big deal and did change things, for the better. Our relationship and life together had been a challenge because of circumstances and our personalities. Committing to each other in front of family and friends seemed to strengthen our commitment and increase our trust in each other.

Oddly... or at least completely contrary to my expectations... my marriage vows changed everything. Up until we were legally wed, my husband was a wonderful man. The first 3 days were an absolute nightmare. EVERYTHING changed. I thought it was just stress, nerves, whatever. But no. Come to find, everything DID change, though I didn't realize it for a few more years.

I thought of our wedding as a great party to celebrate what we already had, and the legal and religious bonds to cement and declare to the world what we had, what we chose.

I often say I should have divorced my husband when our son was 3. But in all reality, those first few days of marriage showed me what the rest of my life with this man was going to look like.

If nothing changed, revel in it sweetheart. Revel. :) :) :) Congratulations!!

J., Then why? What a waste of time and money if nothing changed.

Blessings....

No, I certainly didn't feel like my marriage vows didn't change anything. We didn't live together before hand (but I had test-driven the car many times), we didn't have ex-spouses, kids, child support, spousal support, joint checking accounts.

The ceremony was quite awesome and I really did mean every one of those things at the time.It was very, very special to us.

Welcome to the end of the alphabet and I'm sorry it wasn't more profound for you.

When I got married, my love for him didn't change. But my feelings about our relationship did change because I was now married (legally bound) to him...which was incredibly thrilling and exciting for both of us, still is! So, if you're meaning your love didn't change, I totally get that. If you're meaning there was no different feeling now that you're legally bound to each other, I definitely felt a difference there...an exciting difference. I love being his wife and not just his fiance. I love having a husband. Those things are exciting to me and different than when I wasn't married. Plus, we didn't live together prior to getting married, so there was a lot of new things once we were married, which made it seem more different. I can see how it wouldn't have felt so different if you were together for a year prior.

Either way - whatever your feelings - they are yours - and CONGRATULATIONS!!

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! Can't wait to see the pics!!!!!

When I saw the J. W instead of G - my brain was like - who is this?!! DOH!!!

I wish you and Troy MANY MANY happy years together!!!!

Congratulations!! I guess nothing physical in your life changed, but in your mind, and heart, you have a better feeling of love and connection with him now. Before we married, we didnt live together. We lived about 250 miles apart. I saw him on weekends so when we married, I left town with him and moved into the apartment he had. Talk about a big change,,lol. There have been certain odd little things over the years that made me "feel married". A certain apartment we had for a while made me feel like a wife for the first time, and a radio station that brings back memories. Going on a ride to our home town always brings back memories of the first few times we drove up that freeway after the wedding. Walking back into our house after being gone for a few days always has this feeling of belonging together.

my husband had my engagement ring on layaway about 2 weeks after we met! We moved in together about 4 months after we met and engaged a year after we met and married a year and a half after we met. If my husband would have had it his way, we would have gotten married as soon as the ring was paid off, if not sooner! He kept saying he wanted to "make an honest woman out of me". I didn't really feel any different either. We already had (HAVE) such a deep bond that it really kind of did just feel "legal". I had a small wedding as I feel the focus of the couple should be the "marriage" and not the "wedding". But I did want a big ring which I got! LOL! Anyway, Congrats J., I'm happy for you. This is my second wedding and last. I learned many things from my first marriage and honestly when it ended I was NOT going to get married again. I have been so blessed by having this man in my life. I know you feel like that too! Congrats again!

I agree with you. Nothing changed for us except it made it "official" and it was a really nice ceremony; it was also nice to call him my husband instead of my fiance. And we all finally had the same last name, which I liked. But when it came to our day-to-day experiences, it didn't change, because we were already living together and our baby was three months old when we got married. I still loved it and I am very glad we are married, but it didn't dramatically change anything.

Congratulations!!! :-)

I had an amazing amount of excitement/nervousness/commitment, saying my vows even though we were fully committed to each other
for me it was like the excitement & strangeness of being called mom for the 1st time........now you can officially call him My Husband, come on that sounds way different than just Troy, lol

I get you.

I was/am the same way...I love my man just the same now as I did before we had the ceremony and said all the 'words'.

~But I admit I am not really a 'MUST GET MARRIED' person...maybe that is why???

*Ha! Loved the last name jump to the end of the line...I personally got to move one space forward, but still hate every second of it...13+years and counting, still dislike it! :)

When my husband and I got married, the only change was that we had an extra piece of jewelry. Our live for each other was the same as it was before we got married. Sometimes no change is a good thing!!! Congratulations on your marriage :)

I know exactly what you mean. It's a wonderful day and everything is perfect. It's just what you want, but you've had what you wanted for a year, right? You've been living as married for that long? I get it. When I got married, I feel as if everything changed, but I felt like it had been there the whole time, too. We didn't live together before hand, but he was always over at my house and we spent as much time as possible together. I feel like he's been with me forever, so while everything obviously did change, it felt as if nothing did because it seemed he'd always been with me.. ya' know? and we didn't have kids, had only dated for about 11 mos, didn't have anything in our names together, or a place to live at the time as we both lived together with our parents. we've been togther for 8 yrs.

Congrats!

Nope, nothing changed here either. And that's a great thing. Honestly, (and I mean this very lovingly), all our wedding day did was give me some insurance :) I already had a wonderful, equal partnership and our wedding was just a public bragging session for us.

Good for you. From your writing you sound very level-headed and like you are a woman who knows her own mind. Great dress and I love your curly hair. I bet Troy is the proudest man walking the earth!

yep, nothing really changed for us except for me having to get used to my new last name. I've never seen the big deal about a piece of paper, but my husband really wanted to get married, so we did. It didnt change our feelings or commitment level, but it made him and my grandma happy, and that's all that matters. :-)

I lived with my husband for about 4 years before we tied the knot. The only thing different was that I could now say "Husband, bring me glass of water please".

Your last initial changed! Congratulations J., and beautiful pic!

My husband and I had been together for some time, so our vows were a public expression of what we already had declared between ourselves. AND things have changed. On my side of the fence: my fight or flight instinct has a very loud voice. Since legally/emotionally marrying, I am learning to fully get into my relationship and LET DOWN MY WALLS. (Better late than never.) My husband and I have a long history, with plenty of down points/breaches of trust. I've had walls up for a while. Maybe since I've known him, but it's only now that I see them. In order to actually have the relationship I want, I have to be willing to let him see me as I am. Sans walls. Which means I risk grief, anger, rejection, abandonment...beauty, companionship, Love, partnership, connection.

My intellectual process around this shift is somewhat like this: IF he rejects me/is constantly disrespectful then I get to make decisions/set boundaries out of respect of myself (and children). In the meantime, I am learning how to actually trust/have an open heart with another human being/my husband/myself. I am learning to give us/myself a chance.

His side: he's actually been able to see where his behavior is flawed, and have a willingness to address it on a deep level. I am FINALLY understanding that I don't get to change him, or decide what's best for HIM. So, that's cool. I really want and hope that his path will remain parallel to my own. Time will tell, and it's not mine to force.

Basically, I've gone "all in" on this hand. I'm not sure it's the marriage itself, but between marriage, life events, internal events, and my own desire to be the person I truly am - things are shifting just the way it needs to. It's slow, and I don't know how it will turn out...but I'm glad to be married to him and glad that our vows have encouraged me to work on MYself.

Congratulations again. You sound so in love and it's gorgeous. I'm glad you posted and that I get to read!

I felt somewhat like you. I got married at 31. We lived together for a year and had dated for 6 years. By then I was sure who I wanted to be with--no last minute doubts or anything. I was actually pretty much sure when we moved in together which felt like a bigger change in some ways. There was a small change in the sense of making our commitment more public in front of friends and family. We just had our 9th anniversary and the wedding memories are still wonderful. But having kids changed things a whole lot more.

Congrats!

The pic is very cute!

Hey--to comment on the "nothing's changed" aspect--I think it's because you DID have that commitment before you got married...but SO many young women think "Once we're married...abc or ....xyz. I felt like my husband & I did have that commitment but we didnt ive together before we were married.

People don't get that the guy you MARRY is the SAME guy you get! haha Seems like you've figured that out over time!

Happy life!

The only thing that changed for us (we had lived together almost 3 years by the time we got married) was that I now felt justified in using his money LOL Before I'd rarely ask for his money - knowing he paid most of the bills... but once married and on his account, I spent it as I would mine. I did not change my birth name - and will not - after getting married. I conceded to take his last name as my middle name.

Less than a year later (it's been 8 months) he and I had such a huge fight about my using his money that I took myself off his account and gave him the silent treatment for a few days. It's ok for him to buy a MOUSE and MOUSEPAD for $100 but if I spend $100 on household goods, I'm the bad one!! Uh huh!! He's still in the what I make is my money and what you make is your money... the issue is that he's been making 3-4 times what I make then entire relationship.

Can't wait until I'm a Nurse Practitioner/Midwife and make much more money and tell him to go screw himself - he can continue to pay the bills and stuff with his smaller income.