Are You a SAHM?

I was a teacher for 9 years and just became a stay at home mom. I like it a lot! I am way less stressed , but sometimes it can get a little boring since I only have one child (and one on the way!). In the summer we kept busy with playgroups, swimming and music lessons. Since then we have narrowed it down to only ballet because she goes to school 2 days a week. Some days are very slow especially if the weather is bad. My daughter doesnt mind staying in, but I go crazy! I like being a SAHM better than a working mom.

I work part time and feel I have the best of both worlds: adult conversation, intellectually stimulated, and proud of showing my daughter a working woman AND I get to be home with her quite a bit, involved in her school, involved w/ other moms and the HUGS. Like someone else said, I thought about staying home full time, but I'm happier and we have a lot of QUALITY time together. I feel more inspired and organized now that I'm working; when I get bored, as I did often at home, I felt dull as a mom and person. Such a personal decision.

Best to you in deciding!
Jen

I love the freedom. Working for someone else was mentally stifling for me; although I enjoyed the social aspect of work, I much prefer being my own boss. I can't always pick up and go when I want to and planned projects oftentimes take a back seat to my child's needs, but it is a joy to be with my baby all day - provided I get a break every now and then.

Hi there!

I think you should do whatever makes you happy. Happy moms make happy families; I firmly believe this.

I was never a SAHM, nor did I aspire to be one, although I was lucky to take extendend maternity leaves (6 months and 9 months, respectively). During that time, when I really gave SAHM-ness a go, I learned that it just wasn't for me. And, boy, did I try! I was involved in mommy groups, I stayed in touch with women I met in birthing class, I joined "gymboree" type classes. I could never connect or relate to the women I was with. I found being a SAHM very isolating.

However, what bugged me was the self-righteous and hurtful attitudes by moms on both sides. The whole "you're not a good mom if you..." bit was obnoxious. The women in my mommy group, to a person, slammed me because I wanted to return to teaching. My working friends teased me about being home all day eating bon-bons and "taking it easy." There's NOTHING easy about either path; just what makes you feel your best.

As a history teacher, I look at it this way. My grandmother and mother worked their butts off to make sure I had a choice about whether a not I wanted to stay home. For anyone to pass judgement on me for making that choice is flat wrong, in my humble opinion. To express that judgement to my face was the height of rudeness. I chose to work. That made me happy, which made my kids happy, which made my husband happy. Sixteen years later, I'm still teaching and we're still happy.

So, I say do what makes you feel your best. Don't let anyone else's opinion stop you from being you. As a high school teacher, I can tell you that rotten students come from both environments. It's an even split, as much as the media would like it to be more one than the other. SAHM's who don't give a hoot about their kids' live because they are in "survive this until they graduate" mode (or are resentful of "giving up" their lives for their kids) are just as destructive as parents who work all the time and don't give a hoot about their kids' lives.

Good luck!

Good morning, Haven't seen your name for a while. I was and still am a SAHM, and I have personally have no negetive feed back to give you about being a stay at home mom. My husband and I had already decided I would stay home with our children, before we started our family. Sweetie i never missed any firsts with our baby's, I was able to raise and teach, play, nurture, my baby's/children daily, not just with what ever time I left over over at the end of the day and with what energy I may have had left after working all day. I didn't have to put the trust in anyone to love and care for the most precious part of my life, My Children. My kids were smarter and better well behaved than my friends who worked kids, because I had more time to sit down with them and work with them. No missed breakfasts with my kids, no missed lunches, until they started school, then of course they had lunch at school, but we were still together for breakfast. Once they were in school, I was able to voulenteer 2 days a week, in their classes, I went on fieldtrrips with the classes as a chaporone, even when our daughter was in Middle and High school, she was in the Marching units, compitions, out of town trips, I was able to go to them all. Never missed a play, a teacher parent conference, out of 3 kids I only missed one open house cause I was sick.
I stayed up late nights, sewing minute costumes, that my children forgot to tell me about, didn't have to getup to go to work so i was able to keep some late nights helping my children with last minute things. We had made an early decision to live off of the bread winners means (MY Husband) our kids had everything they needed, a lot of what they wanted (not everything) and grew up in nice surroundings, here''s the most important thing sweetie, now our children are 26, and soon to be 23,and 20, and at family get togethers and we have a lot of them, we always talk about the times when our kids were growing up, we share things that we admire about one another,and although the kids have a lot of nice things to say, the one thing that they always mention is had hard working and sacrificial their dad is and has always been, and how no matter what was going on I was always there, they say they can't remember a time in all their lives to this date, when they needed me and I wasn't there. When my daughter was 9 her best friend's mom had to work she was a single mom, but at 9 her daughter described her like a windshield wipper, back and fourth, home to work, work to home. When my 20 year old daughter was 9 my husband retired from the Navy, we took a big cut in pay, I brought the family together and asked them how they feel about me getting a job, Husband and children didn't like the idea, so I thought about what i could do from home, so I brought the family together again and asked them what they thought about running a Home Daycare, I would still be at home where I wanted to be anyway, but also I could earn an income, they all liked that idea, I was still able to be there for my family, If there was a school function, I either clossed for that time or had a back up helper for the kids. I have been doing Daycare for almost 13 years and I have not one regret from being a SAHM, it's the best, and most rewarding job in the world in my opinion. I have had many moms over the years tell me I would go crazy if I had to stay at home with my kids, my reply was then why did you have them? Hope this helps. J. SAHM mom for 26 years NO REGRETS!

I was....now I've gone back to work. I found it difficult to keep my son entertained without going batty. Some mom's are super awesome at staying home. My girlfriend has 3 at home and absolutely loves it. They do crafts together and play games. Her kids know all of their colors, they count, abc's all the good stuff. It just wasn't for me. My son is in montessori school and we all love it. He's learning new things every day and making friends. He really likes it ( i didn't think he would ). With your current situation I would go for it and see how you feel. You may decide that you really love it and it's fulfilling. If you decide you'd rather go back to work then you are making a decision that's best for your family. Having a job that you don't really like usually leads to poor performance. It's not a big deal to underperform working for somebody else but you definitely don't want to underperform for your kids. I would give it a trial run for sure!! I did that when we first moved to Vegas for about a year. When I made my choice to go back to work I felt I was making a good decision based on actual experience.

The best part of being a SAHM is that you are the one raising your children, you can make sure they learn the things you want them to and you're not worried whether or not someone else is treating your children properly. It's amazing what you see and experience each day. It could be a difficult transition for you so you might want to find someone to watch your kids a couple of hours each week so you can have a break for yourself to exercise etc. I LOVE being a SAHM and I wouldn't have it any other way!

I was a teacher for about 18 years before I had my first. My husband had decided that I would stay home. There are a few challenges, but nothing big in my opinion. When you are a SAHM, you don't have much of a break. Your job is truly 24-7. If you can get them down at the same time, you can have some detox time. Don't spend all nap time doing house work and other mommy/wife duties. Take the time to do something for yourself... hobby, sleep, bath, something you enjoy. Get together with other SAHM for kids' play dates to get some adult conversation time. Talk with your hubby about getting a MNO (Mom's Night Out) at least once a month for the same reason.

I'll be honest with you... not everyone can handle it. I have known a few moms that decided to go back the work because it was too much for them. Most know before, but a few find out after. I recommend staying home for many reasons, but ultimately you need to make the decision for yourself. I love it and am so blessed that my husband and I can manage this financially. Try it. Chances are you - you'll absolutely love it. In the small chance that you find out it's not for you - don't feel guilty. A content mom is the best mom for any child. Pick what makes you the happiest!

I was a stay at home mom for 19 years. If I had to do it all over again. I would keep my career.

I am a sahm mom and I LOVE it! Its mostly all pro's but the cons of course are not as much income and social aspects. But you can always join a play group or something to get out of the house and meet other kids/mommies. I love being home with my baby girl and being there for all the "firsts" and just seeing her grow up, the bonding is great too.
Good luck on your decision!

I am a retired rn when my 4 kids were little i satyed home when they became older i went back to work if you get bord you joined a group of something your interesting good luck kids grow up so fast i didnt want to miss any of it good luck mother of 4 with 7 grandchildren A. no hills

I've been home for almost 2 years with my 22 month old son. I wouldn't dream of doing anything else. Yes, there are issues, but any issues you have you are having with YOUR child. Not some boss or co-worker you don't care about. It's so worth all the sacrifices.
Good luck!! :)

Find a way to make it work! Being a stay at home mom is great for you and your children and even your husband because you can keep your house a home for him. Go to drlaura.com - she has tons of resources and advice about staying at home.

I am and it's the best thing that I could have ever done!! My kids are now a teen and pre-teen and I think about going back to work, but at this age they really need me to be there after school so they don't get into trouble! Anyway, while they were younger, it was nice to be a SAHM because I planned lots of playdates for them, and now they are very social and get along with all kinds of people, and while in school, I am always able to go to all their school plays, etc. A huge reason I also love it is because I get all my errands and housework done during the day, then I can give them my attention after school to help with homework, etc. and I'm not all stressed out. I never feel guilty about not giving them enough time. I know I would if I worked. I know I would be tired and cranky all the time if I worked full time. When my kids were toddlers I did work two days a week and that worked out good, but I could never work full time. Some moms can do it but I would be a wreck. If you can afford it, I would highly recommend it. You can never get these young years back. When my kids were toddlers sometimes it seemed like the day never ended when I was with them all day, but I joined playgroups which were great, gave me lots of time with other moms, and my husband helped a lot to give me breaks.

LOVE IT -- LOVE IT --- LOVE IT!!! We went broke doing it (from 2 incomes to 1), but wouldn't trade these years for anything. I love being home and seeing my son grow into a thoughtful, caring, generous, beautiful child. It's still a full time job, you just get paid in hugs and kisses instead of money.

Good luck to you and your family!

Hi. I'm a SAHM of an energetic 21 month old girl. There are days when I love being home with her and days when I want to bang my head against the nearest wall. Mostly it's great to be home with my LO. She is advanced in her communication skills and very social. We go somewhere every day (we have a membership to the Santa Ana zoo, annul passports to Disneyland, gym memberships) and I try to make it fun and a good learning experience. I love seeing the world through her eyes.

The down side is that you need to find time for yourself. My husband didn't understand at first when I would ask him to take over on the weekends so I could have some time alone to just relax or do something for myself. It's easy to lose your sense of self, I felt like I was the nanny, maid, cook, and driver all the time. Make sure that you have some time to do what you like every day even for just a few minutes.

Good luck!

I love it and see it as an "investment" in our children's future. What could be better than mommy's presence? I so admit it can be depressing without the extra $$$$$ but doable. I never realized how materialistic I was until I bacame a SAHM...like an addict waiting for extra money so i can go shopping! Ha Ha. I keep reminding myself that it's worth it, giving my kids the gift of their mom 24-7 (not running on fumes from working all day). It is an awesome feeling to go to bed and know you don't have to go into the office the next day. There are bad days with the kids but there are moments in the day (when I normally would be at work) when something wonderful happens: my son says something so beautiful or gives me a kiss or does something so cute...it just makes my week! To think I would've missed it if i went to work!

I've been a stay at home Mom since my first child was born -7 years ago. Prior to having her, I had a career and made a great living. I now stay home with her and my 4.5 year old son.

I wouldn't change it for the world. No amount of money could change my mind. I love what I do and while I understand for some it's not realistic or even what they want, for me - it's a dream job and everyday feels like Saturday! Well, almost! As they get older we have more places/activities we have to go to, so I do a lot of running around, but then I also have a few days a week when they are in school to get errands done or sit at the computer and waste some precious time here at Mamasource or Facebook! LOL!!

Best wishes whatever you decide!
M.

i have been both - i worked fir the first 4 years of my sons life - full time - he went to a childminder.

i have now been home for 3 years.

I agree with the others it is the hardest, most time consuming job there is.

i like aspects of it, like i can do things with my kids when i want to, go to the park, shopping during the day, always have dinner on the table.

but mentally it is not very challenging to me!, i would like to go back to work as soon as my kids are in school - i hate not having my own money and financial security - i was the main wage earner in our marriage, and its hard to give that up.

you could work part time - or give sahm ing a go for a couple of months

We have twins, so financially it's always been most reasonable for me to stay home. Now that they're bigger it's a blessing to be there for homework, to help with their after-school activities and to be able to get to know there friends. I still work part time while they're in school so I feel like I'm not wasting my education, but being able to be home for my kids is the most important thing I've ever done as a parent. I thought money would be an issue, but it's amazing how much you can do with very little money. If you can get a part time job of some sort, it's a nice outlet. I got a little stir crazy at first... You know it's bad when the telmarketers call and you actually want to talk to them about their long distance plans! LOL After being a SAHM for 11 years, I never want to work full time again!

I Love it!! We planned that once the kids came, I would stay at home. We have a very small pool service, so I stopped cleaning pools & only do the office work now, so I DO still work, but from home. Since we have chosen not to have employees or sub-contractors work for us, this limits our monthly income to how many pools my husband can "reasonably" take care of each week. We've also chosen to have him work a regular work week, not 6, 12 hour days or more, so that HE isn't so exhausted that he can't enjoy his children & home.

I still think of my self as a SAHM, because as we all KNOW, Mothers have & always will work--it's just a question of the pay check!

One the things to think about is to REALLY add up all the expenses of working--child care, gas, lunches out & then take out when you are too tired to cook & clothes--regardless of what field you are in, there is a "uniform" that you have to maintain! After you subtract the costs of just getting to work, you may find it's much more affordable then you realized.

Yes, you may have to cut out some of your current luxuries--getting your nails done, movies out, 500+ movie channels on every tv in the house, but you may find you appreciate what you DO have, when there isn't so much competition for your time! Yes, there is a learning curve to going from 2 incomes to 1 & it can be bumpy, but we have found it's been worth it. Good Luck

So sorry about your lay off. I am a SAHM and love it! It is so great to be able to be involved in all my kids activities. Last year I also started my own little business with Scentsy wickless candles, and now I am a SAHM that is makeing good money each month. If your interested you can find out more at www.danacarey.scentsy.com or listen to a mom http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nsbVnjgBE4U hope this helps.

Well, you have more time for your kids and do all sorts of fun things with them. (We like doing "science time" last experiment was dyeing wool yarn with koolaid packets... so fun! And I get to knit a blanket for my kids with the yarn from the "experiment"). Down side is that you actually have to seek out friends and play mates for kids. This can be easy or hard mattering on your interests. We do lots of church things like Sunday school, church play group, and mom's bible study. You can also save a bunch of money buy cooking from scratch and the kids can help with that too (how many cups do we need? lets count!). Your two year old can help around the house too. My 18 month old LOVES sorting the silverwear while I do the dished every night and he wipes down the cabinets with a moist washcloth while I cook and gets all the spills too!I personally wouldn't want anything else, but can understand wanting something different.

I am a SAHM and I love and hate it at the same time. There are days that I feel on top of the world.. enjoying every moment of being the one who gets to raise, nurture and influence my son's life. I am the one who takes care of his every little need... I get to sit and cuddle with him during the day. I understand his "speech" and am not guessing at what he is saying. I have been the one to see everything... every new thing that he does (and on most cases be the first to see it). I am the one to whom he runs when he is hurt or scared. I thrive on this kind of love because it wasn't what i had growing up.
Then there are days that I loathe being at home all day because I feel like I am wasting away mentally and there is something greater than what i am doing out there for me. This is THE hardest job I have ever held and I have had some toughies! I cry... I scream... I pout. I miss the adult interaction of the working world. There, I knew my place and I knew how to interact with people....I don't get the SAHM mentality. I struggle with the ideology that a woman can't be intelligent and a SAHM... there IS a stigma out there although many of us don't fit in to that category.
If you have a circle of friends already then it will be easier, especially if they have young kids or are SAHM's already. However, if most of your friends are from the working world... all of a sudden it will seem like they have no time for you... the ones you thought were your friends might not be around as much or return your calls or whatever. I found that out the hard way.

There are a lot of positives and a lot of negatives, but like a couple of the other mom's said... it is whatever makes YOU happy. I don't miss the day to day grind of my old sales job or my old teaching job... but what i do miss is the interaction and the time to myself. My hubby comes home at the end of the day tired but his day is done.. mine is 24/7 and I sometimes feel some animosity. He figures since I am not bringing in money to the house that I can take it easy during the day and therefore space myself out. It's frustrating to explain to him that I too need some time to myself so I can do things that I enjoy.

Good luck on whatever direction you choose! :)

Congratulations on considering this very important new job. It's the toughest job you'll ever love. I worked for the first year of my oldest daughter's life and I felt like a little mouse on a wheel, always rushing from one thing to another, never really finishing anything. I cherished my weekends, and I was very possessive of those two precious days. While I was at work, it was almost a break - I could control my own time, schedule my own days. Once you commit to staying at home, it is like a great big long marathon. Everything moves slower, but it never stops moving! It was pretty weird when I left my job to stay home, I felt lonely for adult companionship. Even if you have mom friends that you hang out with, it is hard to have a conversation with them, because there is always some manner of chaos happening that needs your attention. You will be really busy with two little ones. Now, both of my kids are in school, and I can finally breathe. Looking back on the years when they were babies, I cherished every moment. I say go for it. Try it for six months and if it does not suit you, you can always try to find another job. Look around to see what kinds of programs are offered in your area. Ask other moms that you see on the playground what kinds of things they are involved in. I live on Maui and there are many low cost or free programs available for little kids to participate. I'm sure there are fun things to do where you live, too. Good luck with your decision!

Hello! I am a stay at home mom of 2 boys! While it can be hard at times its was the best decision we ever made! I get asked all the time how do you do it on one income? I say we make it work! We figure it ot together and make sure not to let it create a problem in our personal relationship because honestly it does get hard at times! But for us me being home with the boys meant more to us that what little income we would be getting after childcare costs and time spent traveling to and from work and the stress if i was running late who could pick them up etc...! But now I have found a great company working from home to help with some bills and christmas money and it has been great! Just talk to eachother and remember it's both your decisions and just learn to budget and live within your means and remember your children will not be little forever and money comes and goes! But keep some time for yourself I think thats the hardest thing is not to become a homebody! (Like me) LOL!
Have fun with them and Good Luck!

S. C.
www.EcoEarningMoms.com

I am a sahm after being a working mom then a student. Having done it all I really love being at home with the kids all day (as long as hubby gives me a break in the evenings) at home I can concentrate on making my home comfortable and my children happy and smart! I love doing at home preschool and taking naps with the kids! At home life goes a little slower and its easier to enjoy my sweet babies while they are still young!
its not always a day at the beach, however. One common misunderstanding of sahm is that we are always lounging and relaxing on the couch. Being a sahm is the most physically hard thing, you are constantly chasing after the little ones and cleaning up messes and doing projects, and you might get an hour in for rest during the day when the kids are napping but instead you decide to go check email or do the dishes real quick cause you didn't have time while your kids were awake!!!!
I love it, but I'm still gonna go back to school to finish my bachelors then phd. So I'm gonna enjoy it while I still can!

good luck!

Dear N.,

I love being a SAHM. I know what my child is talking about because I've been with her all day, and have seen what she saw and did. I can't imagine how it would be to figure out the world of a preschooler from what just they enthusiastically babble.
I feel she is safer with me, as family environment can really provide the natural and full emotional and psychological investment in a child that he/she really needs. I am not much in support of the group child care and age segregation practiced in many day cares (and our public schools).
I can choose her social environments and playmates carefully. Yes, she needs exposure to all kinds of peers/kids, but there are some that a "lower dose" exposure is preferred. Because I see how she plays with others, I can plan around her quirks and be prepared for her frustrations. (To some degree)
I do miss not being able to help out in times of financial stress. I wish there were more jobs in which it were possible to take your kids to work with you. (I saw a few lucky ladies working in an eco baby store with their babes....and one who had her own toy/ clothing boutique...her kids played in the back room.)
I look forward to official "work" of some kind some day, but the baby/toddler/preschool years are just too important to me to hand over to someone else to handle for most of the day.
Find a group of moms with interests and parenting style kind of like your own...for your benefit for things to get outside the house to do...or new ideas.

LOVE it, can't think of any cons. YOU are the mother YOU should raise them. Enjoy your time. Look into mommy & me parks & rec classes, library playgroups and story times... have fun!

I am not a stay at home Mom but my daughter is and I was a working Mom. The Pros......you get to see the progress and milestones of your children, you get to take them to the park to adventure places and to just pick up stuff and explore...NO child-care will do that for you. In other words you get to raise yOUR kids. Cons...yep you'll get frustrated and bored but the rewards far out-way all of that!

Hope you do it.....my daughter loves it....as a result my grandaughter is out-going....very social, and very happy to be with Mommy!

Wouldn't you want hugs all day rather than at the end of the day when life can be hectic!

Hope you stay at home.....wish I could have.

:) P.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE being a stay at home mom! I worked about 60 hours a week in a busy medical office for about 8 years after my first child was born and have been home for about 2 1/2 years now with 3 kids. I wouldn't go back for all the money and perks (including me time) in the whole world. Obviously if we were starting or about to lose our home I would go back but otherwise NO.
I feel I have the most important, best, most difficult yet rewarding (even though most of the rewards I will not see or recieve for years yet) job in the world. My boss is God and somedays I should be fired but luckily my boss is full of mercy and does not expect perfection (although my family often does).
After all my kids are full time in school I may go back to working in the same office (although I will only work during school hours) or maybe go back to college to find my true calling (after being a mom ofcourse). I may not, I may continue to be "president of the family" But until then I am happy, fully satisfied, content and proud of my most important job. Although some may think lowly of me and yes you do get some negative comments I feel blessed that I am able to be with my children every minute they are not in school and I feel for those moms who want so badly to be home but can't.
hope this helps:)

I have been a SAHM my whole marriage and wouldn't change it for anything. Being able to be there for my kids when they come home from school, etc. is great. And I've been there for every new experience. It's a lot harder work than working outside the home, but I'd never give it up. I'm sooo excited for you that you get to have this wonderful experience now too. Have a wonderful time with your children.

I have been a SAHM for the last 5 years. I left my teaching position due to illness and ventured out on a home based business (I needed to bring in an income). It was the BEST THING I have ever done. I get to be here with my kids, I attend all their school events, I am the "super volunteer" AND most of all, I am happy.

I am blessed to have found a home based business that takes care of my health and my finances. After just 3 years I am earning my teaching income AND I get to stay home! The BEST part? My income will continue to increase... and my family will continue to prosper...and we will be healthy for ever...and it was all because I chose to stay at home.

B.
Family Success Coach

I'm SAHM and I love it! I get to be there for all those wonderful fleeting moments of pure imaginative play and realization. Moments that no one will appreciate more than me. I feel at peace knowing my kids have their mom who loves them more than anyone else in the world there to care for them. It is a challenge, but also a once in a lifetime oppurtunity. Nobody but SAHM's seem to understand what a challenge it is. To someone who has never done it, it looks like you're being spoiled, but to tell the truth, a lot of moms go back to work to get a break. I think most working moms who stayed home before will agree that being a SAHM is more challenging. There is more moral and ethical pressure than you'll ever deal with at work because you become a constant role-model for the people you love the most, and making a mistake will weigh on you for the rest of your life. Pressure? Yeah. Being a SAHM forces you to deal with yourself and face any shortcomings you might have. It also gives you the keys to make the most wonderful childhood you can for your children and that is extremely rewarding. It feels good.