Are You a Loner by Choice?

People are great...in very small doses. Between my son and my husband I get what I need in terms of social interaction. My husband teases me about it a bit but he just understands we are different types of people. He enjoys company and I steer clear of it. I have two very good friends whom I speak to a handful of times per year max. Mostly it's the occasional text and e-mail to keep in touch. I love them both dearly and can count on them without question. I have known one twenty years and the other almost ten. I also have a beloved sister in law to round out the circle. Whenever I feel even remotely lonely, I read, cross stitch or enjoy the fact I don't have a toddler needing my attention. Some of us need people and others not so much.

Hell yeah.

I love my friends, don't get me wrong, but I really need to take humanity in small doses.

Where it gets hard for me is that I've moved over the years, and it takes me forever to make close friends. All my closest women friends are scattered to the winds. I'm usually happy to keep up via FB, email, etc., but every once in a while, you want to ask, "Tell me straight up, do these pants make me look fat or not?"

It is what it is, though. I could never function as a "pack animal."

You say 'loner', I say 'introvert'.

I'm an introvert who can pass for small periods of time as an extrovert. I'm genuinely interested in what other people do/think, and I do love my friends and my friendships with them.

But I'll take one-on-one over 'in a group' any day. In fact, I'm like you (are we slight misanthropes?)--- a lot of people bug me. However, I find that there are some awesome people that don't bug me and I work to cultivate those friendships.

Sometimes people aren't available, and that can be frustrating when I'm wanting to get out and be social. However, there's enough socializing going on between me, the kiddo and the husband all day which can make me nuts and wear me out. Frankly, doing anything on a weeknight is nearly always hard for me because I'm dead exhausted and would rather stare at the tv, do a jigsaw puzzle or a crossword puzzle. That's where the introvert thing comes in: so much interaction during a routine day makes me yearn for quiet.

I'm already fantasizing about what I'm going to do Thanksgiving week, when my husband and son go to visit his folks across the country. I'll stay home to take care of Ailing Kitty and have a vegetarian feast on the traditional Turkey Day. Some people might think this is just depressing or sad-- to me, this quiet time to myself= *HEAVEN*!

Enjoy laying low.... if that's what suits your fancy. Works for me!

I'm not sure what you mean by "low tolerance." But I'm on the loner side. I need alone time to recharge. I have to be careful that I don't do too much of it, and ignore the people I should interact with.

Yes, there are personalities like that. We may be in the minority, but we are extremely important (cough, cough).

My friends realize that I could be happy by myself 90% of the time... but in that other 10% I need people! So they include me in things without expecting me to be joined at the hip to them. In turn, I try to be a real friend, too - there for them if they need me.

Yes, I'm a loner. Ive had the same best friend for twenty years and I'm very close with my sister. Beyond that, I keep it very surface. I have a low tolerance for drama and I don't like it around me. I have a hard time not taking others emotions on as my own so for me it is essential to keep things low key.

I like keeping it simple. I do have several friends from college I check in with a couple times a year. I feel very fulfilled and happy. For me, being a loner works! :)

Are you sure you're not actually Joan Armadrading?

I wanna be a big shot
And have 19 cars
I wanna have a boyfriend
And a girl for laughs
But only on Saturdays
Six day to be alone
With just Me Myself I
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mBRNfWGxBp8

:)

Yes, I am. And I'm happy!

yes, i really love days when i can be all by myself and not have to deal with ANYONE else.
i'm not sure i'd like it indefinitely, though. and i do enjoy my dh's company, and the boys when they come home. and have more than enough friends to do things with when i want to.
it takes a bit of effort for a natural loner to keep connections. FB has been a gods-send in that department. it makes it very easy to maintain casual friendships, and to keep current with the fewer number of close ones.
khairete
S.

i'm a loner, other than my husband and son, and my family (mom, sister, aunts, cousins) i rarely do anything with anyone outside that circle. my family are my friends. my mom is absolutely my best friend.

i have always been an introvert and very sensitive, so i always had just a handful of close friends rather than tons of "friends".

then awhile back i got seriously burned by that small handful of friends. looking back i realize i didn't choose very well.

now, several years later, i realize that maybe that was them, and an isolated incident....and am slowly starting to open up to a couple people here and there, again.

but on any given day i am happy to just go home and be with my little family. i rarely do anything with just "friends", on my downtime. i'm pretty much a homebody.

Ditto Hazel...especially the "passing for extrovert for small periods of time". I can really shine on a big crowded night out (once in a blue moon) and I can maintain daily friendships (on FB or email) but I just got rid of relatives over the weekend after two straight super busy weeks, so now I'm suffering low-grade depression and have no food in the cupboards because I just can't "go out and interact" right now after so much "socializing". I'm also putting off two important phone calls because I'm so burnt on "talking". Unfortunately we have a kid-related social activity this afternoon....thus me sitting on the computer procrastinating....I BADLY need my hermit time!

Yes, I am a loner. Is it by choice? I guess so. It has been a part of my personality since I can remember (4th grade)....I do well with one on one friendships, groups of friends drive me nuts, so I tend to collect people. I have a few close friends, but none of them live close to me. These are people I will most likely be friends with till I die. I have a few friends where I live, but I have a love/hate relationship with them. I guess I have a low tolerance.

But you know what? Life is too short to hang out with people that irritate you. I had a few close friends I got rid of when I got married because hubby helped me to see how the relationships just made me miserable. If it doesn't make you happy, what is the point?

Sometimes I feel a twitch of loneliness, but usually a night chatting with hubby fixes that. I'd rather spend time with him than go to lunch with some girlfriend. I honestly don't like women much. I've always preferred my male relationships; in fact, when I got married, my two best friends where both men!

At this time in my life, I have had to limit friendships. For the past 10 years, I have found that I don't have the time or energy to invest in friends. But, it sure would be nice to go out to lunch with the girlfriends once in a while! I feel somewhat antisocial, but my priority in life has been my family which consists of a husband and 3 kids. I also had to look after my elderly mom due to her declining health, but she passed away this summer, so things have changed. I have one best friend that I see and speak to daily. She is my rock. We don't go out and do things, but we are there for one another because we are neighbors. My husband calls her my "wife", LOL:) Lately, my son who started school, has blossomed into a major social butterfly. Now I have kids and their moms at my house daily. So, I think as time goes on, I think I will be letting more people into my life.

Yes. I'm an introvert.

yeahh pretty much... i had to0ns of friends in higschool and the years following.. i have the ones ive known since elementary school that i still keep in touch with but dont hang out with much.. we had a large group of friends... i still see some of them around town from time to time.. everyones at such a different place in their lives.. my fiance and i used to be total messes ddrugs, drinking, whatever really we've been clean for almost 4 years now, still have drinks, usually just a few beers but thats about it.. my friends are still the lets party lets go to the bar every night kind of people... i have awesome cousins other than that i dont have friends i keep in touch with on a regular basis or anything, its been that way the past 2 years, even more so once i got pregnant and now have our little girl.. my fiances the same way, we pretty much stick to family

Yes, I'm a loner by choice as well. I prefer to have 1-2 close friends. These are usually long term friendships.

I have a cousin who's the complete opposite and will have 20+ "friends" and then a few months later she's hanging out with a different set of "friends", who are really all just frienemies. That all seems so superficial to me. I just can't handle all the drama that goes into maintaining so many "friendships" that aren't real friendships.

If I could have 1-2 additional close friends, I'd be happy with that as well because I do sometimes get loney. But those friendships are soooo hard to find.

So to summarize, yes, I am a loner by choice because I only have a couple of real friends and I don't always get to see them much. However, I would rather hang out with my husband and/or children or by myself that with people I'm only pretending to like and vice-versa.

Yes, even though I'm gregarious. People drain me sometimes.

I'm close with my sisters and a mom friend or two and that's enough for me.

I feel most comfortable with my sons and my husband. And of course my schnoodle puppy. :P

Yep.
I relish the time I have alone. And since having kids 14 years ago, there is precious little of it.

Sorta lol. I have a few friends, but mostly I prefer to stay to myself, kids and family. A lot of my friends are still party party, are irresponsible or just love to add drama like were in hs. The few moms Im friends with are very sweet and I enjoy their company, but I would rather curl up with my baby girls or just do something fun with my kids. As I once told an old friend who was always asking me to party, kids keep you enertained. One shot of them keeps me happy, worried and a million other things, their the best buzz I can get outta life! Needless to say thats one friend I dont have anymore. :D

Yea I am..when I got married, for some strange reason I lost alot of friends. Then when I couldnt drive anymore, I lost alot of more friends. That just let me know who my real friends were and who were just using me. Now Ive moved 40 minutes away from friends and I cant drive, I only talk to them on the phone. They come visit me on holidays and special occassions. I am a SAHM that is basically stuck in the house all day. Ive settled into this lifestyle and the only people I see (and want to be around) is my family. I have acquaintences that I talk to when I see them, (like people at church, moms at the bus stop, etc.) but we dont hang out with each other.

Not a loner. I enjoy interactions with family and friends in doses.

I am a loner. No close friends anymore. I'm the boss of my organisation, so no close workmates. Other than that, I just can't be bothered dealing with other people when I have free time.

Me too. I find that the older I get the more this is so. I can only take alot of people in small doses. I love spending time with my husband, son, my dogs :).
I'll have lunch with 1-2 friends twice a month, if that, but I hate large crowds and big family gatherings. I LOVE IT THIS WAY. :)