Apron Strings

Go and enjoy, you deserve it. You might miss everyone at first, but
you will get over it. BTDT. We now travel a lot and enjoy every minute.
We also enjoy coming home and seeing the kiddies.

Hello J.,

I suggest if you don't know the program yet, learn Skype, you can video conference with your family while on the road. It's really easy, I'm a parent coach and have used Skype to have sessions with out of town families.

You'll be able to see how the kids have grown, but still be close to them.

Have fun traveling!!

R. Magby

You and your husband have worked your whole life to be able to do this, enjoy it. You can still keep in touch with the kids while you are on your trip but set limits. Up til now it's always been about them, its time that its about you. I can't wait to be there. Just know they will be fine. If you want to give them advice tell them to ask themselves "what would grandma do in this situation?" They will figure it out on their own, and need to. If you will miss them, take pics so you can look at them when you need to. Have fun. =)

GO FOR IT SISTER!!!!!
Don't feel bad at all for doing this- it's long overdue! If any of them give you any grief over enjoying your life now that you can, then they really aren't being adults and should consider getting some therapy for dependancy issues.
Have fun, be free, and live! :)

I agree with Vanae - Go for it and have a wonderful time! You may find it a little challenging and you may miss the feeling of being "indispensable". I encourage you to focus your attention completely on your husband and yourself while you are away. That's what a honeymoon is all about - the rest of the world goes away and there are only the 2 of you.

ENJOY!

Just think of all the amazing stories and experiences you will be able to share with them when you come home! You will be able to teach them through your stories and maybe return to some of you r favorite spots with them to make some new memories!!! Enjoy...you know they would want you to.

Hi J.,
Go and have fun. The best favor that we can do for our children is to maintain an independent life and activities that don't revolve around them. It's the best we can do for ourselves too. Remember that doing a good job as a mother means having children who can function in their everyday life independently when they are grown. You can enjoy a close and loving relationship with children and grandchildren while remembering that your children are capable of running their own families as adults who were well brought up and educated by a good mom!

Go and have a great time, it sounds like you both deserve it! Enjoy!

Dear J.,
You have every right to follow your dreams, and do something for YOU. Taking care of your family has it's rewards, but there comes a time when you need to think of what you want also.Your family will understand, and respect you more for your decision.
I have recently become a grandma, and have comitted myself to the care of my granddaughter so my daughter can continue working. I wake up every morning looking forward to seeing my granddaughter, and helping my daughter. But I am also persuing a career teaching weight management and promoting a book I wrote on the subject. My daughter understands my goals, respects them, and we plan to work out all the incidentals as they come to about. Your family will understand as well.

Grab your camera take some recent shots of all the family and go to Walmart. Print them all out and put in a book to take with you! Then buy a pretty notebook and keep a diary of all the great things you see and do. Take pictures along the way. Also include in that diary a letter or message to whatever kid/grandkid is on your heart the most right then. Also have a book or two of stamps and snail mail them postcards from the places you go. Then GO HAVE FUN!!!! You may miss the family but you can keep in touch by phone and internet as well. This is a lifelong opportunity that you and the hubby deserve. My parents like to cruise and it is just 10 days but we miss each other aweful but we survive!!! Also my kids and I write a card for each day they will be away and send it with my parents. I date each envelope so they know when to open it. I always include a picture, note or drawing from 1 of the kids. The baby is too little so I trace her hand. If you are going to be away for a long time then have the parents email you recent photos as the days go by. You raised your kids and if you are the typical parents you gave up so much for them. STOP giving and go vacation. You will be better for it! ENJOY! Could I come in your luggage? Have blanket will travel!!! ;) A. PS. To save on phone calls either email the whole family daily that you are well (and where you are) or have a call chain established that you call 1 person each day and they call the other family just to say they heard from you and all is fine. That will put you all at ease.

What amazing advice you've already gotten!

If my elders did this, I would see it as an inspiration to make choices and living a full life - what a lovely gift. Plus, the grandchildren will learn about life beyond their community. Maybe they can help make suggestions or help map a route - or reserach the destinations for you??

I wonder how it would feel for you to share that you are a bit anxious and nervous to leave them all. You can let them know you love them but that you feel this is the time focus on yourself and your marriage. I expect some of those grandkids are in the midst of embarking on new adventures too again, what a great role model.

Also, as has been stated, identify creative ways to stay in touch - send postcards or have a blog to share your adventure, schedule a regular (weekly?) call/video call (skype) with each family (or make it an excuse to get them together on their own, so they develop thier bonds).

Good luck and safe travels!!

I am also a grandmother, age 67. I do not see taking a trip as cutting the apron strings. You'll be gone for a limited period of time and even tho you're not present in your children's, grandchildren's lives you're still their mother and grandmother. They will miss you and will be so glad when you return. That is part of life's lessons. Letting go and finding that loss can be a gain.

I do wonder about the term, cutting the apron strings. What do you mean? If your whole life revolves around those grandchildren it's past time to cut the apron strings. It's not good for you or your grandchildren to have you that involved. I'm learning this over time thru experience with my own grandchildren. Being a grandmother is such fun! We don't have the responsibilities that we had as a mother and being involved does feel like a reward for all that hard work we did as a mother.

It is important to be involved in our grandchildren's lives. They need the unconditional love that we're able to give as well as the support of another caring adult. With 12 grandchildren it must seem like a full time job. I've cried a few tears as I learned that my grandchildren also need a balanced life with out my constant presence. The older they get the less often they need our presence.

Now is a good time for you to find out who you are and what else you enjoy. This is an important task at our age. Yes, you probably will have a meltdown. Go ahead and cry. You are letting go and beginning anew. Meltdown is a healthy part of that. You're grieving the change.

After the good cry, focus on your husband and your time together. Have a great time. Push aside the sense of responsibility for others and accept the responsibility for yourself and your relationship with your husband. The pushing aside and the focusing has to be a conscious process. You've felt the responsibility for family many many years. Those feelings are just naturally there. Now you are cultivating a new sense of responsibility. You are not getting rid of the responsibility for family. You're increasing your responsibility for yourself and your marriage.

You're not cutting the apron string by any means, you are adding to your life and in turn this will add to your children/grandchildrens lives. I'm sure that you have enriched their lives in so many ways and now it is time for you to make your own memories with you & your husband.

I'm sure you will be homesick without them around as often as they are, but it will be a wonderful experience for you. A few years after my mother died, my dad went on a cross-country trip with a friend of his. My oldest daughter loved Where's Waldo so we drew a map of the USA and my Dad would call her or send her postcards with clues. It was the best summer ever and it kept my daughter close with her Pop-Pop California without him even being there. Enjoy & good luck!

J.,
Good luck. I think I see 'hit the road' as something a bit longer than a honeymoon and more as a 'we're going out to see what we see!'

Advice: Start a blog. If you're not into computers (although you're here ; ) then invest in some inexpensive notebooks, single subject variety. I'd say about 1 for every week you plan to be gone, and just pick up more if you're gone for more weeks. Mail them home so there is no question of 'did I leave that at this restaurant or that hotel?' : ) Weigh each notebook in an envelope and place the postage on the envelope. Only do this for the first few, postage will go up. : ) Oh yah, a package of comfortable writing pens. I love the blue ones with the cap. I think they are Bic. smooth ink doesn't create a lot of drag on my wrists that hurt after 3 words with a crummy pen.

If you are selling your house: let your kids/grandkids come and pick stuff out that you are not putting in storage.

If you are buying an RV - use online recommendations, AND Consumer Reports AND your best judgment AND shop in the earliest hours possible. Know what you want, DON'T want, don't settle for anything else, make sure you have it it in writing, and make sure you make a cheat sheet of everything you agree on in YOUR English, for when you pick it up. If something little is wrong, something bigger might be wrong. Go with a trusted local place if you can.

Apron strings. I'm not sure what you mean by apron strings unless you are talking about dependency on you for babysitting on a regular basis. There is no need to cut family ties! Give everyone 6 months to a year's notice that you are going on the road if you are indeed a regular sitter. Sometimes it takes that long to find someone as TRUSTWORTHY as you.

Make an informal 'scrap book' of kids and grand kids photos. Something light you can take with you. I say this because my parents have 12 volumes my brother put together - and this was up until about 15 years ago. A page for each child and grand child will likely give you 25 pages or so. Birth, toddler, 4-5ish, and an older or up-to-date shot. Include pets (*Unless they are so numerous...)

A simple pad or box of stationery with envelopes, a pad of fun stickers that fit in the box, and a roll of forever stamps.

I know it seems backwards in this day and age: but a polaroid camera and 2 boxes of film. Add the pix to your journal, or a letter to someone at home who is posting your travels for the family.

Oh yes, maybe ask a trusted family member to post your letters to the internet for all family to read.

If you decide to go electronic, get an up-to-date laptop from someone you trust, and make sure you buy an extra battery, seal it up, etc. A waterproof, protective cover and padded case. Keep it simple - and keep it looking like something else. You don't want o lose it because someone sees it. Don't surf the web with it - just get your stuff uploaded, downloaded.

So, so much more, but really, my son will be waking soon, and my laundry is still doing its thing rather noisily. DH is up, too. So email me if you want more of my ideas (anyone really).

Good luck!
M.

You are going to have a wonderful time! Your husband is going to love having his bride all to himself!!! Make an album of the kids/grandkids to bring with you (babies have baby blankets). I don't think you are leaving forever - enjoy what you are doing, not what you are leaving behind.