Appreciating What I Have

Each evening my daughter and I reflect on what we're grateful for that day. "They" say the path to happiness is being grateful.

That's not to say I don't want, but working with those who don't have much of anything, the homeless, that gives me a dose of what is important. So much to be thankful for aside from stuff. Just to have friends and family that care, whew, I know I'm fortunate.

I like the others suggestions. Really looking at what you do have and being appreciative of it. I've wanted to start making a list at night with my kiddo about good things that happened that day or things we have that we are thankful for. This just gives me more incentive to do it, for both me and her.

In recovery, it's called an "attitude of gratitude".

For example, I had to ask a friend for rides to meetings when I first got sober. My life sucked. I had lost my job, lost my house, moved back in with my mommy and daddy in my 30s, all my belongings were in storage, had no romantic life and the state had politely asked me not to drive on their roads for the next year.

I was complaining to him about how terrible my life was. It was so terrible, I had to beg for RIDES from other alcoholics to AA meetings!

On the ride home, he gave me a list that he had made during the meeting.

Gratitude List - 1) I'm sober; 2) have my health; 3) get to meet new people in AA by asking for rides; 4) have family to give me housing; 5) will get my license back eventually; 6) have extra time to focus on recovery....etc.

So I would humbly suggest you make your own Gratitude List. I'll get you started - :)

A.'s Gratitude List
1) has a daughter and is priviledged to be a SAHM
2) married to a wonderful guy
3) Owns own home
4) Owns 2 rentals
5) Has a great back yard
6) ___________
7) ___________
etc

Making my own list helped me keep focus on what I had, and not what I didn't. :)

Well, it sounds to me like you are doing a good job of talking yourself into appreciating what you have right now.

I sure wish I could say I owned 2 rentals.

We are never finished "wanting", once you get your current house fixed up you will want to move or something else will pop up that you want to do.

Be thankful you have what you need--- that is the MOST important thing ;)

I think it is easy for me, I have seen what money can buy and it is nothing compared to happiness.

Sure there are things that could be better but I hardly think of those, instead I remember everything I have.

I know this may sound weird, but please.....go and volunteer with the homeless, or needy in your city/county/town etc. You will gain so much perspective and also really truly realize just how much you have. You can learn so much from homeless in true humility, thankfulness, kindness and simple living. Good luck.

I always remind myself of how fortunate I am to have a warm roof over my head, a full belly, and a decent networth. Go work with the homeless. It really gives your perspective.

Just because people have a big nice home and lots of stuff doesn't mean they have money. I read some time ago that 60% of BMW drivers lease. The surface isnt necessary a sign of depth.

I have a friend whose kids have every toy under the sun. Neither her parents nor her save for retirement. My hubby and I put more money every month into retirement than we pay towards our mortgage. I rarely buy my kids toys. I have a bad book habit, but toys are for birthdays and Xmas.

Take a look at your networth. You own three houses on paper. There has to be some money there. Sometimes living frugally allows for extravagance later. Hubby and I do one nice weekend getaway a year, where we go to expensive restaurants and just treat ourselves like kings. The rest of the year? We watch what we spend and live very humbly. But I know we have more money than most of the people I know in their big houses. I need the security of a real nest egg. A big house? I hate my small kitchen, but it will come, in time. Meanwhile, I have a lot more than most, and I am thankful.

My point, be thankful for what you do have. You could have nothing.

start making a list each night of the things you're thankful for. seriously. it IS all in your perspective, and your attitude. no amount of "things" will make you happy, ever. if you got the bigger house, you'd be unhappy about something else. it's good that you're looking for ways to change your mentality, because that's the only thing that will help. good luck.

From my point of view? I would drop BOTH rentals - not just one and get the stuff done on my home that needs to be done...

There's a LOT advantages to having a "small" home...I have 5 bedrooms and 3 full baths and 3K square feet....I spend a lot of time cleaning...be thankful!! I have a few friends that have the bigger home and while I get your "envy" - have you cleaned their homes? Or paid the electrical or heating bill? My one girlfriend has probably 7K square feet...their electric/gas bill is almost double mine as is their mortgage...yeah having a bigger home is nice...but think of everything that goes with it...heating, cooling, water, cleaning....

Closets are limited? YAY!!! That means you probably actually wear every piece of clothing you have instead of just your favorites...if you only wear your favorites? Get rid of the clothes you haven't worn in six months and give yourself some space...

I would start an appreciation/thankful diary...start keeping track of all the good things in your life instead of what you don't like...it can go something like this:

I am thankful for my loving husband who works hard to take care of us
I am thankful to have the yard I always wanted for my child(ren).
I am thankful to have two rental properties...it is income

Start looking at all YOU HAVE and not what you WANT...you have dreams? YAHOO!! Everyone does...baby steps...you can achieve your dreams...you just don't need everything all at once...

If I have a little less for my grocery bill one week, I am thankful for my ability to think ahead and freeze food or stockpile canned chicken.
If I haven't the money for a renovation, I paint a wall.
If I get down about not having as nice a house as my friends, I remember all the homeless people we saw at the food bank when we needed that service to feed our children 3 years ago.
If I find myself wishing I could take a cruise with my husband instead of going camping every year, I remember that I still have 2 legs and the youth and stamina to camp at all. And how nice a wood fire smells.
If I hate vacuuming, I remember to be thankful to own a house at all.
The more stuff you have, the more time you spend taking care of it. The less you have to take care of, the more time you have to take care of yourself. We have been to the brink of abject poverty and back a few times. But never in my life have I had to eat out of garbage cans or live in my car. We have always had clean water and some change on the dresser. Those things make us richer than 80% of people in the world. There will always be those who have more, but more does not mean better, it just means...more.

eta...
In light of what Angie is talking about, I want to make clear that I don't feel superior or inferior to anyone. It's about being appreciative and thankful for what one has, not being a better or worse person than someone else because of possessions. It is a curse if you fall into the trap as she describes it, but I just want to be clear that I am not advocating feeling superior to alleviate your woes, I am advocating appreciation for what you do have without comparing yourself to anyone else.

One phrase that runs through my head from time to time is from a later King Crimson song:

"Happy to have what you have to be happy with."

I have a too-small, at times, house. I console myself with the idea that it has forced me to really pick and choose what I want in there. I am thankful that I only have a smaller amount of space to clean and keep after. This house makes me be a more organized person. It keeps us all in the common areas, closer together. I am thankful that I have a place to live and love, and that the repairs are relatively contained. Anytime I think about having to scrape and paint the exterior, I know that because it's a small house, it will cost less and the home loan we'll have to take out will be more manageable.

I also come from a background of having always rented and struggled to meet the rent most of my adult life, until I moved into this house my husband bought two years before we got together. Having a roof over my head, which is financially secure, is something I do not take for granted.

Oh, and I have a game I play with myself when I get a bit self-centered and feeling a bit sorry for myself. I call it Ten Good Things... I take a walk and have to list at least ten things I appreciate, and why, to myself. Those ten things usually knock out any "I don't have..." thoughts out pretty quickly.

"it's not having what you want; it's wanting what you have"

Sell both rentals. Unless your current residence AND both rentals are paid off--they need to go!

Good luck!

Everyone is saying the same thing.. be thankful. You are thankful, but you want more 'meaty' responses. So, here goes: repaint, move around the furniture to make it look larger, go to thrift stores or garage sales to find new(er) patio furniture. Make your place better and fresher until you can move.

My home is 820 sq feet and I feel your pain. I don't plan to move, but maybe expand if my home association will let me.

You are one smart and lucky gal, in my opinion:) I think you need to look on the bright side. If you have a smaller home, you have less housework and less upkeep = more time to spend with your family. You mentioned that you live in a nice area and that your husband makes a good salary = less debt, you still have the better schools and neighborhood, plus more ability to save money.

I live in a mid-size house. The upkeep and maintenance is crazy. My dream is to get a move-in-ready small home and spend my time doing things with my kids rather than working around this place. I like going to look at my friends' big houses--but, that's all I want to do is "look." It's pretty, but I wouldn't want the upkeep and debt that comes along with it. Life is too short to be focused on "stuff."

Whenever I need a new perspective and just can't seem to force one, I pray for one ~ literally. Within 24 hours, God helps me in some way to see it differently. Another thing that helps is to clear the clutter. Find ways to make your space seem larger. I grew up in a tiny home, sharing a room with my brother and sister and I didn't even notice. (If my mother did, she didn't say it out loud, which was probably good) You see, we had a large yard and woods to explore and that is just what we did. My siblings and I have such good memories of those things. My mother made our home cozy. Lastly, don't be too hard on yourself if you want to complain at times. My goodness, it isn't easy living in a small space that needs work. It's hard. Thank God your husband makes a good salary. When you are finally able to sell the rental and do some work, you are going to be the most grateful woman in town!!! You'll wonder how in the world you stood the deficiencies. I will pray for your sale. God Bless.

Well, first of all, I'm wondering what a railroad room is. Do you hear train whistles in it?

What you want to do is to stop making comparisons between yourself and the people around you. Do you worry what the people in the beautiful houses think of you? If you knew those people really, really well, you wouldn't want to be them - not for all the beautiful homes in the world!

Here are some questions to ask yourself. I'm not accusing you of anything; they just might help you keep things in perspective (I ask them of myself, too):

What would you trade for one of your neighborhood's magazine-cover homes right now? Your health? Your husband? (Seriously.) Any of your children? Your bank account, even as it is? Your values? Your children's education?

When you see a house you think is wonderful, can you be happy for the people who live in it? Refusing to bow down to envy is what you're working toward here. Envy is one of the worst heart diseases anyone can have.

What do you think is the price tag - not to mention the mortgage - of the houses you like best? It might be interesting for you to find out. What would you think about going into so much debt?

This summer, I received a great education in being thankful for what I have. Only six or seven miles to the west of our home, over three hundred houses burnt down in a terrible fire. One street has only one house standing out of twelve or so that were there last spring. Some of the homes that didn't burn were so badly damaged structurally that they've been written off as losses. Most of those families are still living with relatives or in rented property while they go through the tangles of insurance and sifting through the ashes (literally). These homes were beautiful, and in one of the most fashionable parts of town.

Here's another true story. Some dear friends of ours, who are in their late sixties/early seventies, had a very nice house in a new area and loved it. They had expected to sell it after a few years, and about that time the bottom fell out of the market. Their mortgage rate ballooned, and they had to give their nice house to the bank (or whoever). They had to scramble around to find a fixer-upper they could afford, because they couldn't get a loan at all. Their purchase was definitely shabby, and they've been fixing it up themselves - inch by inch. While they work very slowly on this non-dream house, they invite their local friends over for supper anyhow, and their out-of-town friends over to stay. Their house isn't filled with style or comfort, but it's filled with a lot of friendship and laughter. Sounds like a deal.

Meanwhile, I have a fifty-year-old house that looks like a fifty-year-old house in a fifty-year-old neighborhood. It never will be a dream home, whatever I do to it. The best two things about it are that it's standing and that it's paid for. Well, all right. It could be worse. I, too, need to appreciate what I have - to be happy for those who have more but to know I don't need to be them.

But you know all this! It's a matter of reminding yourself at the right time. If you're a churchgoing person, you could begin thanking God for every little thing you have NOW that you forget you have, from the running water to the good roof to the little closets (instead of none) to the potential you see in the place. When you see a house that you wish you could have, thank Him that, even though it's not for you to live in, you can at least enjoy looking at it. A little beauty is refreshing to the soul.

End of lecture (sorry). I will now step down from the soap box and step into my laundry room, which is a test case for learning how to be thankful.

If you'd ever gone without you wouldn't be asking this question. Thank your lucky stars for that. My husband and I faced possibly living in our truck last year. We live in a tiny 2 bedroom house now. We're just happy to have 4 walls and a roof for our children. I second the idea of visiting a shelter. Talk to someone sitting on the street begging for money or food. It's heartbreaking :( And it truly helps one put things into perspective. Life isn't about possessions. Remember, you can't take any of it with you when you die. Family and friends, those are your blessings. And if none of that helps, it's easier to keep a small house clean and organized! :)

Each night we say "three nice things" that we did that day.

My husband and I really look forward to it because it helps take the focus off material things. Plus it inevitably brings up a story that he hadn't thought important to share, so I learn more about his day :-)

Our 4-year-old hasn't quite gotten the gist of it yet, but when he says something like "I fell down at the playground and cried," we turn it into a nice thing ("so after that you got up and played with your friends, which made them happy" -- or something like that.)

Visit a homeless shelter and volunteer there if you can.

I live in a small home that we have slowly been fixing up. We are now saving for new carpets (ours were once beige, but that was 12 years, two kids and two dogs ago). I just try to find patience as I wait. Be thankful you are in a safe neighborhood with good schools. We live in a gang-filled city with very poorly performing schools. We cannot afford to move, so I try to find comfort in the good things....like our great neighbors and how close I am to my job.

I could understand your frustration if you knew you were never going to be able to add-on or repair or fix the house you have - ever.

But your situation is temporary and you will have enough resources in the near future. Very near future to create something you want.

I recommend every time you start to compare, and if all the other moms were being honest here, they probably all have done it at some time too, take your imagination and energy to the library and pick out books on living in small spaces and design books to look through so you can start to plan now.

Remodeling is a ton of work and you have to make thousands of small decisions, so start window shopping now. Go to window stores, light stores, tile stores, carpet stores, and educate yourself about every possibility. Look into building codes, and contractors. It takes a long time to line up the right workmen, etc.

Basically , start planning. Start a file with all your design ideas, samples of colors, and fabrics, etc. So when the money comes in you are half way there.

We all get down at times. You are human. Just put your energy into something more constructive.

BTW, my happiest times are in our small RV during the summer. Clean up is a snap and I spend the rest of the day enjoying my kids and reading and hiking.

My big house needs my constant attention.

I agree you need to change your perspective/attitude. I can rah rah myself all day long into a better attitude. Ultimately, though, I am a numbers person. Nothing gives me a cold slap in the face like real numbers. Whenever I start thinking I'd like a fancier something, I stop to consider what that means in real dollars and how we live. For instance I know a couple who has a beautiful luxury car. I know their car payment per month is more than DOUBLE what our TWO car payments are per month. Holy mackerel, Batman. Looked at another way their car costs one and half times what our mortgage does. It's a car for heaven's sake. Suddenly that car doesn't sound so great to me after all.

We recently thought about moving to a better neighborhood for better schools. At first we were envious looking at all those great houses but then reality set in about how much that was really going to cost us. We sat down and ran through all the numbers. We compared our current budget with the new house budget. We can afford it but we don't want to. Sure the houses are great in that other neighborhood but the cost is simply more than what we want to cough up every month. No thanks. We are far more appreciative of what we have after that house hunting experience. Wants never go away but I remember not to let them get away from me. Everything has a price and only I can decide if I am willing to pay the price. Good luck.

I just read today that scheduling a time everyday for gratitude - where you HAVE to list things you are thankful for - has been proven in studies to make you happier and more satisfied. Also, remember that many times the people in those homes are up to their eyeballs in debt. The stress of that isn't worth a big house. And remember what else it is you will be able to spend your money on later when your investments (i.e. rentals) pay off.

You must not compare what you have with what others have. This is so detrimental. There is always going to be someone with a bigger house, better salary, smarter kids, etc. the list goes on. Make the best of what you have and remind yourself of that. Just think of the person who is living in a cramped apartment. They would think your home was a palace! You should too. I would trade a bigger home (in an area with crappy schools) for a smaller home (in an area with good schools) in a minute. I have the smallest home of most my friends, but mine is the best decorated by far. I kind of savor that. The time will come when you will be able to fix things up the way you want, but in the meantime do what you can and add small touches you like. You are far better off than so many families today. Keep that in mind. If you cant be satisfied and happy in a smaller house, you won't be in a bigger one. You're just having one of those days. I hope it passes for you. Good luck.

We had a big house (gorgeous) in a nice neighborhood. We thought family would end up with us, and that we'd have another child. We didn't, the housing market turned, and that house kicked our butts. It was a bear to keep clean because it was so big, and it needed work which we couldn't afford to do. We just sold it without making a profit. And I am SO FREAKING HAPPY about it. We're renting a home that is half the size, but really just right for us. It's easier to clean and manage, and just the right size. The master closet is the only great one.

Your friends may have nice houses - like we did - and they may be doing fine financially, or those nice houses may be keeping them in debt. You don't really know what the stories are behind closed doors.

I love those home organizing shows and magazines and websites. Instead of looking at what it doesn't have right now, use your creativity to find ways to maximize it. You never know what you'll come up with and the pride that comes with figuring something out will fill you up. :)

Honey, you have it good. I hope nothing truly tragic happens in your life.

Burn your house down.
Walk around the house with a blindfold. Don't look at anything for a whole week.
Walk around the house with earplugs so you won't be able to hear anything.
Use your feet to do everything.
Don't eat for a whole day. Don't drink anything either.
Walk to whereever you need to go, no matter how far it is.
Regarding the above, do it without shoes.
Wear itchy clothing.
Wear a sweatshirt if its hot, and a thin tank top when its cold.
Arrange for all your utility companies (gas, internet, water, electric, oil) to cut off service.
Sleep on the floor. No pillows or blankets.
Throw your phone in the toilet and flush.
Burn all your family photos.
Tell your husband to start hitting you every time you annoy him and promise you won't call the police.
Do the above and let the kids watch.

I'm sure any one of these things will change your POV fast!

Try volunteering at a homeless shelter. After spending time with FAMILIES that are on the street with their kids, you will be extremely grateful for having any kind of roof over your head. It's a real eye-opener especially when you realize how many children are homeless!

Then think about us, Americans, as compared to the rest of the world. There are many third world countries where people would consider you rich.

So when you do "compare", compare yourself to the world, not just your tiny little corner. You are much better off than millions of people

Count your blessings... And like my mom use to say " Gods time is best".
When you get your other property sold... You'll begin to do the things that you had planned. Just try and be patient...and hold on a little longer. It will happen in due time.

Admitting is the first step, so good for you.

Next time you "get down" about not having, get down on your knees and thank God for what you do have.