Anyone Love "Pop In" Visitors

I don't care how meticulous things in my house are, it's RUDE to come to someone's house unannounced. One has no idea what is going on in a person's life, or what they may be interrupted. Everyone in my life knows this is a huge no-no. I think it's just beyond rude. I would never do that. If someone pops by my house, I strep outside and tell them, my family is in the middle of something, and we are unavailable. Which I understand can be considered rude by some...but I have a life, and it's my home...if I don't want someone inside, then I don't have to let them in!!

I hate when ppl just appear on my doorstep with a passion and I would never do this to anyone. I dont even 'pop in' on my mother like that

I don't like for people to just show up or call and TELL me they are on their way and not even bother to ASK if we want company. I also don't appreciate for people to bring their friends with them and not advise of this beforehand. It has nothing to do with the state of my home either. I just think it's rude.

I cannot stand when people just "stop by"!!!!! I think you should always call ahead of time, preferably like 2 or 3 hours to ASK if a visit is okay!!! at least give like 15 or 20 minutes notice, that gives time to at least do a quick pick up/hide stuff in the closet job, lol.

p.s....I have 3 boys, my oldest is 2 years old and I have 7 month old twins. even though I am a SAHM my house is ususally in some stage of mess to utter disaster area

LOL!! I HATE "pop ins" too. To be honest, I am ripping out my entire entry way and replacing the doors so no one can peer through the side windows anymore to validate if we are home or not. I find it annoying and rude personally. But, my sister who gets the most "pop ins" since she lives closer to relatives, she's the type to never say anything and complain in private so obviously nothing ever changes. I get after her for not saying anything but she's too intimidated on what to say I think. If it bugs you as much as it bugs me, either speak up and let people know you have too much on your plate to drop everything while they come for a visit so you'd appreciate a call first so you can tell them if it's a good time or not. GL!

It's a coincidence that you mention this. It's very rude. I can't stand it, and I never do it! I just had a friend and her two kids pop in to visit just recently...and right at dinnertime! I wasn't feeling very good, so I had laid down but heard the knock at the door. My husband was getting dinner ready and just basically told her that it wasn't a good time. In the past I've explained to her that I don't like people dropping by without calling to arrange it with me first, so I'm not sure why she did it. I spoke to her the next day, and she said she dropped by because she wanted to see me and hang out! Even funnier, because yesterday I had to drop off something I had purchased for her. It cost a substantial amount of money, so I also wanted to get repaid. I made arrangements with her the night before. We arrived and had about a 15 minute conversation at the door. My kids saw her childrens' toys inside the door and started to step inside, but she said, "No, you can come in another time." My mother in law also stops by unexpectedly quite often...sometimes on her way to work at 7:30/8:00 in the morning. I don't answer my door that early especially when I'm not expecting anyone. She'll call later and say, "I saw your car. Why didn't you answer the door?" I've told her time and time again, "I don't answer the door when I'm not expecting anyone, so please call first." I'm also attempting to set some boundaries, which doesn't really seem to be working.

Have you thought about telling them they need to call first? And since you were laying down to feed the baby and hopefully nap, I would have said that when I answered the door. A simple: "Oh, I wish you had called first because we don't have time for company right now. I have to feed the baby and then it is nap time for us." Then ask them to call so you can find a good time for a visit.

I've also been known to not answer the door. I don't care if they hear us inside and know we are home. If I'm busy and don't have time to socialize then I don't.

And I wouldn't worry about your house unless it is truly dirty. Do you have dirt, food, unwashed laundry, and trash all over the house? If not, then your house is fine. Actually, it sounds normal to me. Young children mean a lived in home. There are toys everywhere, there will be unwashed dishes in the sink, there will be laundry needing to be folded or put away or washed. It is called motherhood and I would never worry about or apologize if my house was less than spotless.

Time to set some boundaries. "Hello relatives! We always enjoy your company, but in the future please call before you come. Smile."

In this day and age of cell phones, there is no excuse for popping in without warning. A simple call to say, "Hey, are you busy? Do you mind if we stop over?" goes a LONG way. That gives me the choice to say yes or no. Or, a few minutes to make a path. :)

Your home sounds like the rest of ours and I have this ideal in my head that because I'm a SAHM, my house should be spotless (Thank you 1950's stereotype!). I spend more time with my kids than I do cleaning. Don't get me wrong, I am not their total entertainment, but I don't ignore them to have a spotless house. It's a balance.

Feeding the baby and taking a nap....a priority. You are BUSY. Best wishes! Maybe a phone call to them asking in the nicest way possible for at least a phone call asking if they can come over in advance. :)

URGHHHH, that's awful!! I hate the pop-ins! I had three boys under three, and it's an ongoing battle against the tide of mess in the house! It's just so much easier to see people outside the house at a park, or somewhere. And if they come over then you have to try to amuse them while coping with three little kids all wanting attention. My sympathies to you!

Ugh -I hate pop-ins. Personally, I think its increadibly rude and invasive (especially when you have little kids and you are nursing.). Even my mom calls when she is coming over. My neighbor used to pop-in at the most inconvenient times and eventually, whenever she did it, I would have an excuse as to why I couldn't visit and asked her to please call before coming over. She got the message.

I would ask them to start calling ahead. If it bothers you, you need to speak to them, or have your husband do so. It's not just about cleaning, but if you need a nap, it's not a good time for them to come in. I'd start saying so.

You HAVE to tell them to call first. You have to. This will never stop happening if you grin and bear it. It's not a phobia if they're really doing it.

I'm really not a fan of pop in visitors. My house is rarely company ready. My lifestyle does not permit it to me. But on the same hand if they are going to just stop by they need to expect the house to be dirty. My husband and I work full time, and we have 2 kids and 3 cats so if they want it perfectly clean all the time then they should call ahead. They shouldn't expect much of hospitality either except to be civil. I'm not cooking/making food for more people than I expected to have without prior knowledge.

Ugh! I hate that too! I suggest you drop in unexpectedly on your relatives. You will likely find that their house is not always spotless and maybe they will get the hint,,,,, maybe..

Our house has four people, four dogs, and 11 cats in it - it's never spotless, and I'm not killing myself to try to make it so.
Even if you call before you come, I'm not going to go into a cleaning frenzy.
If I'm hosting a gathering, I will clean the day before, but there is still going to be hair and paw prints when guests arrive.
If you pop in without calling and I'm in the middle of something, I'm not likely to drop everything to entertain you.

I think this is a boundaries issue on both sides. If this gets you so anxious (I can relate, by the way!) then do yourself a favor and be kindly honest with your family about it. The sign on the door is a great idea, too.

Frankly, I think it's rude to just drop in on someone unannounced, so maybe with a sign they'll get the hint. It can also break the ice for it to come up in casual conversation later - "sorry about that, but I've been feeling overwhelmed with everything and wasn't able to manage company. We'd love to see you, though, so just give me a call if you want to stop by!"

I do!! I love when people just stop by, it makes me happy! My house is generally a wreck too, but whatever. Most of the people who would pop by know me well enough to not expect much! ;) I love to visit and chat so I'd be happy to have visitors most days of the week, but maybe that's just me!

This one is hard for me. I run a day, am always open, and I MUST keep the house CLEAN. I hear people describe my house as spotless often. In reality, I don't believe it is very often. But compared to the way so many people live it is.

There are 2 rooms in this house I can never show new perspective parents. My mothers area and my husbands. I am angry about this and believe they should clean their rooms PERIOD. I never stop cleaning my areas and yet I still spend time with the kids and take care of the family. It's a matter of priorities.

I don't mind if the everyday parents see my house a little untidy sometimes. But I HATE to meet a person unless my house is spotless. This is the reason I hate it when daycare parents stand me up for interviews because I work so hard to get the house just perfect.

So what I am really saying is this.. There are levels of clean. Your house should never be terrible period. If it is you need to raise your standards. But you don't need spotless for family and friends. It's not like they are interviewing you for a job! LOL. So do try and find the middle ground and then you won't feel so bad.

We have family and friends that pop in all the time. We tend to have an open house policy though. My feelings are that if you pop in and my house is a mess - deal with it. If I know you are coming, I'll pick up. Same thing if I am fixing a meal, doing something, etc. I keep on doing what I am doing and visit while I do it. Again - if I know you are coming I'll work around the visit. Our family and friends all know this and accept it. I guess it's not too bad as they keep coming by !

No one ever pops over here, except occasionally my friend Sue if she has to drop something off for me, and I love when she does it, but I'd hate it if it was anyone else. We don't have family in the area, but it's not something my family ever would do and I made it clear to the inlaws that it wouldnt be happening. When we got married 21 years ago, I told my hubby that he could no longer just stop in at his mom's, aunt's or grandma's, because that would mean that it's fine for them to do it to us, and it's not fine. It's fine to hang a sign saying "Mom and baby resting, please do not ring bell." Do you stop over at their house uninvited? If you don't, then they should take this to mean that you don't welcome univited guests either. If they show up at a bad time, you can tell them, gosh I'm sorry but we are on our way out, we have plans and are expected someplace, I wish you would have called first so we could have planned a good time to visit.
Of course, if they showed up and you said, I"m just about to feed the baby and popped out your boob, they might not do it again.
Good luck

I always ask for a phone call first---make a joke about being dressed, or flat say "sometimes I try to sneak in a nap, or the baby naps, or whatever". If they do it after that, lock the door and don't answer. It's your house, darn it. I like guests, but I like a phone call first.

I can't think of anyone who actually enjoys the pop-in. Back when my kids were tiny we lived right around the corner from my parents. They used to pop-in twice a week as they were on their way to go to dinner. Their timing sucked because they'd come over around 8pm which is right when I was trying to get my then 18 month old & 3 year old into bed. They would get them all riled up & then leave. Pissed me off to no end, but there was no escaping them as it was a tiny little apartment so it's not like we could hide or act like we didn't hear them knocking. I feel your pain & I don't know what the answer is, but if your main concern is your house not being spotless, I wouldn't worry about that. I let people know up front that I live a normal life, I work, I've got kids, my house will not be spotless ever. I don't apologize for it.

I agree with you. I too am not a fan of pop ins LOL
B. k

I hardly even suggest going to someone's house, without an invite. If I want to visit with someone, I often ask them out to lunch or coffee.

goooooooooooood grief!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TELL THEM @ the door, 'sorry I just can't handle company right now', or put a 'do not disturb' sign on your door, ask them to PLEASE call first.........don't worry about the state of the house (I KNOW WE ALL DO IT :)) if it's their gig to keep a perfect house and not yours well then your gig is 'toys r me & my kidz' if they can't understand that then let them stay home anywayz!!!!!!!!!!!! Give up the worrying you have three kidz to drive you crazy why let the friends/family join in the fun??????????

Thinking about this I think I would rather have someone pop in than call a couple hours in advance. Everyone knows when you pop in you get the house as is. If you give warning then you wonder why the house is such a mess.

I don't think you have a phobia, I think you are just sick and tired of people invading you personal space and taking up your valuable time. I agree, I absolutely detest it when people come over unannounced..Luckily, it only happens to me four mos. out of the year, when my in-laws are here for the winter from NY...They always stop by at dinner time because I then have no choice but to offer to feed them and they always take me up on it..ugh!! It is so annoying because my mo-in-law is lazy and doesn't cook...Anyway, if I were you, I would have to say something like "it's not a good time, can you come another time or later." That is not rude at all and maybe, if they have a clue in life, that alone should make them hesitate before they stop by unannounced in the future....Either that or move far away..Good luck!! I feel your pain, glad mine isn't all year round or I would have to say something..

That is a nightmare for me too. If someone comes over unannounced we step out onto the front porch and close the door behind us. That is if we answer the door at all. We just let them know we weren't prepared for visitors. Enough said in my mind.

My mother won't even come over without advanced warning because she knows she's sending me into a whirlwind cleaning frenzy.

I'm not into pop in visitors either. I think a phone call prior to a visit is so much better... even if they say "we are 5 minutes away", at least I can make sure there's tp in the roller instead of just sitting randomly on the counter. Hubby and I are both so bad about putting the toilet paper on the roller, lol. That's just a minor example of why people should call before dropping in. I know things can be much worse :)
And it's really brutal when you've just laid down for a nap and someone knocks on the door. It's hard to get into hostess mode when you arent ready for it.
My grandmother always told me to always be prepared (she loved drop ins). I still havent learned to heed that message for some reason.

I wish I had family close by and no I would not mind since I dont see them enough. I miss my extended family and I find it diffucult not seeing them more.

I don't mind it. My house sounds like yours and I only have two kids a 6 and 4 year old. But people are warned they are always welcome BUT one whiff of a gossip, complaint, rumor, or anything negative they are forever banned. I don't have every minute of every day to clean clean clean. And recently I've found out that the people who I thought their house was impeccable...have house cleaners come and CLEAN their house. If I could afford it, my house would be perfect too.
But it seems in your situation, it is the company rather than the actual pop in visit that is bothering you. Next time let them know. Please call before you come, I was just about to take a nap when you walked in. OR do what my mom has done, Say Hi glad you came. I'm going to go feed the baby and take a nap. See you next time.

I think of it more as a Pavlovian response - some time to get stuff done & the house is a wreck? OF COURSE that's when someone will pop in! These people have conditioned you to "fear" the pop-in...how seriously rude of them. My Granny-in-law has always "popped in" - I made a little sign for the front door saying "taking a nap - please don't knock or ring bell" (she would so often wake us all up!). After awhile, maybe she became frustrated by driving all the way over here to pop in & then wasted her time because we were unavailable. She usually calls now. We had asked her several times to please call, because our desperately needed naps were interrupted (she ignored verbal requests, hence the sign). Go buy a foamie door hanger from JoAnn or Michael's & put your own note on it. GOOD LUCK!

Don't answer the door or do what I do.... put out a "Shhhhh...... Family Naptime" or do one that says baby naptime.
Jen
Mom of 3 boys

Thats annoying. My husbands grandma does this all the time. Then she feels all put out when she realizes its a horrible time. Oh well, have the dencency to make a phone call.

That's so rude of your relatives! Who comes over without calling first? When this happens to me, I just don't answer the door. How do they know that I didn't decide to take the kids to the park? Or maybe I'm sleeping. In any case, inviting them in would only reinforce their behavior, and I'm not about to go there!

ahhh! I hate them! they always come when the house is the messiest, I swear! ;-)

I dont mind when people stop by unannounced. I wish more did. I do not have a clean house. There are dishes in the sink, laundry to fold on the couch, and toys everywhere. My sewing machine is on the diningroom table and stacks of fabric and sewing stuff all around it. I make sure the bathrooms are wiped up a bit in case they need to use it, and I put a clean hand towel on the counter every morning anyway. I take out laundry and dirty towels in the morning so I dont worry about someone seeing our undies on the floor..So, they get what Ive got and Im happy to have guests. Its cluttered no matter what anyway. If I do get a call warnng me they are coming, I usually spend a few minutes shoving toys to the other end of the room so theres a space to walk, and I make sure the pile of laundry is taken down the hall so we can sit on the couch. I might do the dishes since its always nice to have them done and its the first thing you see when you walk in my front door. Still a cluttered mess,, too bad, Im happy to see you!

My house is always a mess. My neighbors is always perfect. We both have two toddlers. I was mortified whenever her kids would dash into my house to play and I finally just had to get over it. I would rather have friends and relative feel at home at my house, and come to visit, then not,

If I know someone is coming, I run around like a crazy person trying to clean. At least, if they just drop in, I just shrug and offer them a drink or snack and tell them to have a seat where they can find a clean spot.

Most relatives and friends who just drop in are understanding and seem not to care. If they come at a bad time, I ask them in, and say I am doing such and such, but they are welcome to visit with the kids while I get ready.

I think the friends and relatives who pop in value your company and not your house.

I love pop in visitors!!! It seems that no one does this anymore and it makes me sad. The way I feel about it is this, if you don't call to tell me you're coming, which I don't mind, then you must offer the common courtesy to pretend that my house isn't a wreck! lol :) I think if someone pops in they're prepared to see your house "under construction" and don't care that it is. My advice is not to worry about it. It is what it is and they came to see you and your family, not to criticize the way you keep house. I'm sure they don't even notice.

Set some boundaries----Tell them to call and ask if its a good time to come over or don't answer the door! Eventually they will see that you are not going to waiver and will leave. It is rude and inconsiderate of your family time and life. I have been through this and unfortunately had to be very direct about dropping by and that its not ok. I would love a visit, but it needs to be planned---GL

As far as my house---I keep it relatively clean always but if unannounced visitors come by, too bad--what they see is what they get!!!!

M

I don't mind if my kids pop in but anyone else should call first. I hate pop in visitors.

I like guests, but I don't have super close friends here that I want to just pop in. They always seem to pop in when I'm in pjs with my hair thrown up because I'm being lazy that day. Our house is usually clean, but if they called before hand I would pick up the toys that my little one has been playing with and my mom's soda cans she leaves everywhere.
I do have 2 friends back east in SC and 1 out in Oregon that if they were here I would not care if they popped in all the time. But that's because they are my best friends and I don't care if my house is immaculate for them b/c I don't feel like they judge me like that. I do clean it if they call ahead of time, but I wouldn't be stressin if my house wasn't perfect. But that's only for those 3 lol.