Anyone Familiar with Bipolar Disorder?

Actually - none of that sounds directly connected to her bipolar disorder. Those sound like personality traits.

I know 2 people that are bipolar - one is very responsibly medicated on a consistent basis. One is irresponsible with meds. Both are actually extremely positive people when they are "manic".

I don't think you should "Grin and bear it" but I think when you ask "is there any hope" you are asking "is there any hope that she will change". That's not the right question. YOU have to change. How you interact with her, what your reactions are, how you draw boundaries etc. only YOU can answer if there is any hope for that, because only YOU control you.

Your mother probably isn't going to change. She is the way she is. For whatever reason. It's quite difficult to deal with someone with bipolar disorder who doesn't self-manage their disorder.

But for example - with the bean issue. When she asked what will we do..... your answer could be "Gosh mom... what will you do?" By offering a solution you are letting yourself assume ownership. Don't take it.

Good Luck.

I would strongly recommend that you find a forum dealing with bipolar disorder which supports family members of the person who has the disorder.. The reason I suggest this is because you are going to get more answers, and likely some better answers pertinent to your situation.

I'm not saying this to be callous: I have family with bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder. I've found it really helps to have a forum which deals specifically with these issues because moderators can step in and give you advice or ask better questions than we might to help you out.

So sorry this is visiting you on Christmas instead of peace, love and joy. I know how hard it is to deal with someone who has a completely different perspective and reality than you do. For what it's worth, I've found a lot of 'mmmm' and 'hmmmm' responses do the trick. My experience with my bipolar sister is that she really can't be talked out of her negative perspective on things. It's difficult at times to sit and listen, but I just "mmm" or "hmm" along, to acknowledge her statements (the conversation is usually pretty one-sided) and just keep to my boundaries and don't get pulled into the drama or petty emergencies that pop up. We can go crazy trying to satisfy a person's 'must-have needs' and they still will find something else to be upset about. Sadly, it's brain chemistry. Does she take medication or has she sought therapy?

I hope you can carve out some good moments for you to take care of yourself and your own family. And please, check out the boards/forums for bipolar disorder. You may get some very good, pertinent advice from people who have been there and gone through it.

And added: I agree with some other posters that it sounds more like Borderline personality disorder (my mom has it) in a depressive state than Bipolar, but you are the one who knows her diagnosis. There are good forums out there for BPD as well.

Best to you.

I really hope she and your inlaws aren't at the same table together. I hope I'm not offending you by saying this.

I have to say that I would not share a lot about family with her. The more you tell her, the more ammo you give her. I would ignore her rudeness because nothing you say will make any difference. I also would not put you inlaws through this. Her family is one thing- your inlaws are another.

Good luck,
Dawn

My ex is diagnosed Bipolar Disorder II (instead of a manic phase, he has a depressed and irritable phase). The biggest mistake I've made is to assume that a person with a diagnosed mental health issue should act and react like the rest of us. They don't or won't. Not always. Not even when they are being effectively treated with medication and counseling.

What has worked for me, most of the time, is to emotionally remove myself from them. Not completely, but enough to keep my sanity. You can decide to stay positive, even if she can't make that same decision. It will make your life more calm if you consciously decide, every day, how you will react and respond to her.

Well, yeah, my mom was an un-diagnosed bi polar. It wasn't until she had altzheimers that we found out. Explains a lot but doesn't really make all the pain go away.

This only sounds good if you actually know me but our relationship hasn't been better since she died in January. :( Now I can pick out the good times and remember them.

While she was alive I only interacted with her when I felt particularly strong. It was strange I suppose, I am mentally very healthy, standing in front of her I became a troubled eight year old who could do nothing right.

Two words, caller ID. Don't answer the phone unless you are ready for it.

If you ever want to scream in a PM feel free to throw one at me.

I wish I could be more uplifting but honestly the biggest challenge in my life was surviving my mother with my sanity intact.

I'm with the person who stated it doesn't sound like bipolar. I'm wondering if its a personality disorder, not a mood disorder. And completely agree with Hazel: A supportive and informative forum would be a wonderful resource for you.

Not bipolar, but I do have close relatives with Borderline which can also be very dangerous and similar in some ways as Bipolar.

I would urge you to read the book, "How to Hug a Porcupine: Dealing With Toxic & Difficult to Love Personalities" by John Lund, or something else that is specifically related to coping with loved ones with Bipolar disorder.

Another relative of mine has severe mood swings and get's depressed easily, often has a victim mentality. My counselor told me to never expect her to act normal or how I would in a situation, because she just isn't normal and thinking clearly. That helped change my perspective and the way I dealt with her a lot.

I have family members like that (they also have mental health issues) and my mom and I always talk back in a fun way that makes them think. For example, regarding the green beans: "What will we serve if I can't find them?" I venture to respond, "Well, we could have regular green beans." (My response: "I guess we will just not eat greens that day - maybe we could just go to the homeless shelter and they'll feed us).

"I HATE regular green beans. I've never liked them!" (My response: Then I guess you won't be eating green beans that day). (I also like the response: "Well, what what would you do?"

My grandfather - who has mental health issues - nagged me all through college and one day at dinner I just said, "Is that what you would do Grandpa if you had it to do all over again?" My grandmother dropped a spoon on the floor, the house got silent, he stared at me and it was quiet. Then, he just said, "Well, well, I just read things." Never heard another word about what I should do ever again. And, still haven't.

We just play on their insanity and it makes them wonder. It may sound horrible -- but they are so absorbed with people listening and taking it that to say something, not incredibly rude, but humorous, throws them for a loop.

Sounds like my mom who takes everything sooo personally, and has zero patience or tolerance for changes in plans. We always talk among us kids that she has OCD - everything needs to be just so exactly the way she wants it or else she lashes out with some mean stinging barb that is totally unnecessary. I don't think she has bipolar disorder since I do not see the mood swings, just constant crankiness lately. My mom is 88 and part of it is old age and a not-so-pleasant-life to look back upon (father commited suicide when she was 7, she was a teen during WW2 in Europe, mother died of cancer early, she had bouts of colon cancer, married a difficult man, etc). I am also very glad my mom lives in Europe again, and I live in the US. Phone conversation can be very pleasant as long as I agree with her, and visits are OK if I do the same. But the little stings hurt, just last weekend she slipped one it when she sai "You always want everything" when she asked if I had a necklace that she herself gave to me since she no longer wears jewelry. She remembers that she gave it to me, but now wants to give it to someone else, and will nag me until I consent, so I just consent and will return the necklace. I think bearing it (with or without grinning, more like gnashing of teeth and tongue to keep from lashing back) seems to be the only course of action for me. Why argue and have a fight with her when it is pointless and will not change anything?