Any Suggestions Regarding Baby Hitting Her Mom & Others

Gotta love those kind of comments. I've worked with kids for years and have gotten similar comments plenty of times. Parents looking down on other kids or calling 1 & 2 year old's a "bully", as this parent seems to be doing of the one who bit the one time, when kids this age are naturally physical and often don't know their own strength. I just want to say...wait til your kid hits that age and you will understand. Though it sometimes take a while as they first try to find somebody to blame for their child's natural developmental stage. They all tend to do something that appears aggressive at age 1 & 2 it seems weather it be hit, push, bite, pinch, etc. 1 year old's and early 2 year old's are naturally physical since they don't have the words yet to communicate orally, as you mentioned. Also, we teach them things that counteract what we want to teach sometimes when being silly or little games like giving fives and sometimes I think they get a little confused with what is okay and what is not okay at this young age. 15-22 months is the prime time for the hitting, pushing, pinching, biting, etc. as our pediatrician and a friend's pediatrician recently said, terrible 2s is really the 2nd year of life as opposed to 2 years old, and I surely tend to agree with that. :) In dealing with parents like this, I try to just confidently tell them that it is a normal developmental stage that will pass as language develops. We just need to continually remind that hitting is not okay and to rather touch nicely or gently as we show them how to touch nicely, and help them communicate what they are trying to communicate. Some parents take longer than others to accept that their child is a typical child despite the "perfect genes" from which they come. :) Hopefully she soon realizes how typical this behavior is for a one year old, and that you are doing all you can to help. Best wishes!! :)

I find so many 1yo's hit/bite/some other inappropriate -- but age-appropriate -- behavior. It's just their way of figuring out the world around them, and at 1 year old, isn't it just their way of enjoying the reaction they elicit from the action? It's only adults that take it as "bad" behavior, and it is bad behavior which is why we have take the (typically) next few weeks to months to talk to the child w/ a lot of "nos" and teach them when their behavior needs modifying. Her daughter is going through what so many children that age go thru -- the cause & effect stage. It's nothing to do w/ "learned behavior" at the daycare or at her home or anywhere, it's simply what babies do. I also think most parents do not remember what their babies were like, if this woman has a 7yo she prob has long since forgotten what that child was like at 1, 2, 3 years old. I have a 3.5yo and a 2yo and i have to say, i do not recall accurately when my older child did what he did, and even so, cannot compare the two, no child comes as cookie-cutter kid, they're all so different, as are we. :) I know that this explanation you prob already have gotten, and i do think your printing out info for the mother is so great, the right thing to do. You might also want to recommend the book "Ages & Stages", recently lent to me by a friend, which perfectly explains the different behaviors of children infant to 5yrs. :)

Hi C.,
I just wanted to add that I have a 14 month old who goes to a babysitter once a week and I am home with him the rest of the time.

He too just started hitting. As one of the other moms said, I am pretty sure that its just about the reaction and its totally age appropriate. He hauls off and smacks my 4 year old. We do not hit in our house and I was appauled that he would be doing this.

What we do is use the "hands are for hitting" as well as saying "you have to be niiiicceeee" and show him nice touch, either on his hand or where ever he had hit (his brother's head, my face,etc).

Also, for a split second I questioned whether or not he learned this at the babysitter. I know that we as parents see something "bad" in our child and immediately think "well, he didn't learn that from ME." I never once said anything to the babysitter, because I realized that I was being ridiculous.

I am sure you are doing a great job and I hope that she took your comments well. Day care providers are a God send and you are such an important part of her life!!
B.

When my daughter was 2, we put her in a 2 morning a week nursey school. It was a wonderful experience!

One of the kids in class (there were 16 total) all of a sudden got into biting and hitting the other kids. What the teachers did was to tell the class "hands are not for hitting, they're for hugging!" and "teeth are not for biting, they're for eating!" Sounds corny, I know, but they really drummed it into their little heads. Within a couple of days if a kid saw this boy trying to hit or bite someone they would run over and kinda yell, "hands are not for hitting..." or "teeth are not for biting..." I thought it was really creative to use positive peer pressure to change his behavior. I was surprised at how quickly he stopped.

I know the kids you are dealing with are younger, but maybe you could give this method a try and see what happens. Also, the teachers communicated to each parent what was going on, and asked us to talk to our kids using the phrases.

At 2 they kinda know what they are doing, but at 1 I think they are just checking to see what response they get.

Good luck!

If you think the problem is in the home, then it's a very delicate situation. You can't just come out and say " I think you're little one needs more of your attention." Printing out articles is a great way to give mom some outside opinions. In the meantime, you can only control the environment at your home. It sounds like you have a good discipline plan. Just stick with it. Hopefully the hitting will stop!