I.W.
Hi L.. How are ya, sweetie. We've talked before so you know my stand on crying it out (CIO) but since it's my soapbox issue and since there may be some new moms here looking for the same advice and especially since mamasource has way more pro-CIO moms than anti-CIO moms, here I go again :)
I *hate* the CIO method so much. It's cruel and doesn't even work. And in the cases when it *seems* to work, it's still not gonna last forever. Often when baby starts to teeth, gets sick, or other upsets, the "training" has to start all over again. Babies don't learn to self sooth when they CIO, they learn to give up. Give up on you. Self defeat. Uh, not want I wanna be teaching my new baby. There are tons of studies on how and why CIO is not effective. I'll be pasting some links below.
Do you know any mom who ignores her 4 year old when he/she calls for them in the middle of the night? "Mom, I'm scared, need a hug, need a drink, need to just see you,etc" Then why would we ignore our newest babies just because they can't put their needs into words.
I'm just about the only one of my friends and family that refused to practice CIO and I'll tell you what I see in these children. It didn't work! It may have worked to start with and then at times, but only when baby was not sick, teething, etc. And they still need mom into toddlerhood and later! I know 3 to 6 years olds who still get out of the bed at night, go to moms room, have to be put back to bed. Usually with a book, a cuddle, something to comfort them back to sleep. My friends are great parents! But why did the make this same child cry all those nights just to "give in" later when he can actually form the words to express his needs. It's because we live in a culture that encourages independence at way too early an age. American culture tells us to pop that baby out and love and cuddle him for the first few months then it's time for business, young man. No extra cuddling so you don't get spoiled. No nursing to sleep cause I ain't your pacifier. Cry yourself to sleep cause you gotta learn how to self sooth, and I need some quiet evening time. Then in the blink of an eye, they are teens and we wish we could have one more day with them as babies.
And self sooth. What the heck does that mean. How do we sleepy adults self-sooth? Prescription sleeping aid sales are at an all time high. This is how we adults self sooth, yet we somehow expect a new human to figure this out. Babies need to be PARENTED to sleep, not simply put to sleep. Same for toddlers and small children. There's a reason people talk about how sleep deprived mom is that first year. Especially the mom who also has other small children in the house. They aren't easy!
I can tell you every time my baby got sick, it showed itself at night. He'd sleep horrible, cry all night, drive me nuts. Then the next day I'd realize he was coming down with something and we'd end up at the peds office. I'm so glad I didn't use that bad night as an opportunity to "teach" him how to sleep.
Babies are supposed to wake at night. They are designed that way. "Sleeping thru the night" is only catergorized as a 5-6 hour stretch of sleep. So it's unrealistic to expect baby to sleep from 7 pm to 7 am without needing a parent to help them go back to sleep.
Most moms who come here asking for sleep advice don't want to CIO, but they are getting to a breaking point where something's gotta give. They're sleepy, tired, and frustrated. I suggest looking at other ways to give mom a break and a nap. Let a friend/relative rock baby to sleep while you nap. Let hubby take a turn at night. Get out on evenings when you have a sitter. Do more things for YOU. Then when baby calls for you at night, you're better equipped emotionally to handle the constant need.
This is obviously a big decision for parents and a personal one. I know a lot of parents who support CIO and they are still very great parents. I just think they missed the mark on this one. You gotta do what works for you and your family. But once you know what normal infant sleep looks like (check out the links below) and see that frequent waking and needing help to fall asleep if perfectly normal, you may feel less stressed and less pressured to try CIO.
Thank you, L., for letting me vent! And I wish you the best!
Infant Sleep Chart
http://www.lpch.org/diseasehealthinfo/healthlibrary/growt...
8 Infant Sleep Facts Every Parent Should Know
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070200.asp
Mistaken Approaches to Night Waking
http://www.nospank.net/fleiss2.htm
Sleeping Thru The Night
http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/sleep.html
Reflections
http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/reflections.html