A little background. My hubby and I have been married for nearly 5 1/2 years. We have two boys, 4 and 19 months. I grew up as an only child until I was 15. My hubby has a brother that is less than 12 months older than him and a step brother that is 7 years older.
Since our youngest was born I felt like I wanted to add another child in our lives. Now after nearly 19 months I still feel that same way but not all the time. I think about how fun it would be and I can invision my family have 3 kids. But other times I think about not being able to handle anymore, like if we are out somewhere and there is a "melt down".
I really any not looking for anyone to tell me well you have replaced yourself and your husband so dont have anymore. I really looking to hear stories about other who have/had this feeling and what has happened for your family.
It's funny because I thought I was the only one that felt this way. I have two very close in age, it's hard, really hard...but at the same time somedays I feel a sort of emptiness, that there should be one more.
I was like that and am now enjoying my family of five! Yes it is crazy some days but worth every moment! mine are almost 6, almost 4 and 10 mo! Now we feel complete and it is the best feeling. Hubby now is snipped and we are complete.
When my second was ready to be born (via c-section), the doctors continuously asked me if I wanted them to tie my tubes while they had me on the operating table. I told them no, because I just wasn't sure. I, too, felt that my family was not quite complete.
A year or so later, an elderly man in a grocery store commented on my beautiful kids. He asked if I was going to have more, I said I wasn't sure. Then, he sighed and said, "I wanted a third child, but we kept putting it off and eventually it was too late. I always regretted that."
Well, a year later, I gave birth to my beautiful baby boy, who's now 6. And when the doctor asked me if I wanted them to tie my tubes after the birth, I gave them a 100% sure answer. YES! I now knew that my family was complete.
I'm not saying that you should have a third child. But do ask yourself...is my family complete?
I said I was only going to have two kids. But I found myself feeling bad every milestone my youngest hit. I would think, well thats the last time thats going to happen. His 1st birthday was really tough for me for some reason. But that still didnt make me want to be pregnant again, but we had a whoopsy, and Im pregnant with my third and couldnt be happier about it. I feel like I let God decide what should happen and it did. :)
I always heard that adding a third child was fairly easy - I guess the logic being that you already have the others to feed/bathe etc. But adding #3 for us was very difficult. I think it has more to do with the kids' ages. My daughter almost 4, and my son was not yet 2 when the baby was born. We thought we were done after two, but surprise! We weren't. We love our youngest son so much and I feel so blessed that he is in our lives. I got a tubal when I had the c-section. My body really can't handle another pregnancy. He turned 1 just after Christmas. Things are getting MUCH easier for us now. BTW - I really don't go very many places by myself with the kids. I'm kind of a wimp like that. My husband watches them for me to grocery shop and things like that.
Three is DEFINATELY harder - don't let anyone fool you! It takes a mom with a brave patient heart to deal with three effectively - every day.
I really wanted 4 but hubby was so against it and thought after talking to me about a vasectomy that I agreed, but I still had in my heart that I wanted 4. Well, he did it anyway and so now we are done at 3, but I love my 3rd little bugger so much and I can't imagine not having that little darling. And life is definately easier when she spends a week at the in-laws, but I really miss her when she is there and can't imagine life without her.
It makes it hard to do everything - run to the store, pick up/drop off older kids at school, take a shower - everything. And as a military spouse I often have to do it all solo. So no whimping out and leaving them all home to go shopping, dragging them to the hospital, docs appointments, etc., relying on other military spouse friends in the same boat (with no family close enough for day to day stuff). It's hard when DH is deployed or on travel and a road trip is necessary (ie. grandma's funeral). Any trip over 3 hours is torture, but you do what you have to do and make it work!
If you feel like you are not done, leave it completely in God's hands and don't try to conceive, but don't use birth control either. Leave it up to Him.
Oh sure, I went through that off and on all the way up until I sold our car seat, stroller, high chair and play gym in a garage sale. I think I shed a little tear after that sale. :) For me, the reasons not to have kids out weighed the reasons to want another. (Also my husband was very content with two) But, funny you should ask this question just the other day I watched a home video from when my youngest was 1 and it made me miss the baby stage. Hubby has a vasectomy though...so its still a solid no as to having more kids. But I've definitely been wishy-washy, before actually deciding for sure what I wanted.
I sometimes long for another one... But the reality is that my 2nd pregnancy was pretty hard on me with working full time and running after a toddler...mine are two years apart exactly. I cannot imagine being pregnant and running after 2! Now that mine are 3 and 5, they are getting easier to take places...god willing I might even get the youngest out of diapers this century :). I am 36 now, so I am getting older... We really can't afford another easily and our house can't easily accomodate a new baby. It just doesn't make sense for us...
We always wanted 3, but after DH brought son #2 home (son 2 was adopted) we said we were DONE. And then I found out I was pregnant. It took awhile for DH to warm to it, but I was THRILLED.
I have no doubt now that we are done.
Me! I think those are normal mom feelings regardless of your childhood background.
My head says we should probably say we are done w/ our 2, but my heart says 1 more! Then I will have 4 babies (1 in heaven) just like I always wanted growing up. :)
Right now we are just leaving it in God's hands. I am not Fertile Myrtle so it will be up to Him. ;)
Best wishes to you!
I've been having this conversation lately with many of my female friends and acqauintances. I'm in my 60's, and at one time or another, almost every woman I've ever known has wished for another baby, for a month, for a year, for a decade. Virtually all of us stopped at 'some number' of kids, for good, practical reasons, and I know not a single one who has never regretted it. Even though baby hunger has struck most of us, we eventually feel fulfilled by the lives and families we have. It's usually a matter of changing our focus, not outward to some unrealized future, but inward to the children we do have.
In spite of popular "wisdom," I do know a few women who went ahead and had more and DID regret it, for any number of reasons. Of course they love all their children, but some had babies who turned out to be one too many for the emotional or energy resources of the parents, or the family finances. Sometimes because the child had challenging or distressing medical or neurological problems.Or because one of the parents' health or career failed, or a home was lost. Some ended up divorced or widowed and trying to raise too many kids on their own. Some just wished they could have given more attention to fewer children.
These feelings of belated regret can be guilt inducing and extremely hard to live with, because of course we dearly love our children no matter what. But even my own mother, in her most honest moments, admits that the four girls she had were too much for her, and she would have chosen not to have had at least two of us. And then she waves her hands and pretends she never said that. It's a difficult thought to admit.
In many, many conversations with my more mature women friends, we have all reflected on the sheer joy of realizing our blessings, whether that was one child or three, or in a couple of cases, no children in spite of trying for years. If we can come to terms with the boundaries of our lives, we can generally find a way to live fully and joyously within them.
Whether or not you ever choose to have another child, please don't ever give your living children a hint that they are not enough to make you happy. In truth, they are enough, but you may need to pull your focus in closer in order to realize that.
In my own case, I stopped with one daughter, and it was a most excellent choice. We had (and still have) an close relationship, and because I was aware of the potential pitfalls of single children, we were able to steer past those areas. She was not spoiled, she was wonderfully socialized and adaptable, she was not lonely, and she loved her life. She now has stopped with a single son of her own, now a happy, polite and well-socialized 5-year-old.
Yep, I know how you feel. Hubby and I have been married a little over 5 years too and have a 4 1/2 year old and a 2 1/2 year old and I also have a 13 year old. We always talked about wanting three together and started ttc when our youngest was around a year. After 9 months of ttc finally got pregnant again, that was last march. Didn't work out though, I got pregnant 3 times last year and no baby. The last one was an ectopic so the doc said we should wait at least 6 months before we try again so that won't be until April. So lately I've been thinking well maybe it's not meant to be. And yeah sometimes when we have the meltdowns I think, gosh, and I want another baby! I mentioned to hubby yesterday that I'm not sure I even want another one anymore and he replied that it's not really up to us. I guess he's right. We'll just see if it's meant to be or not. When we got married the pastor talked to us about being open to any children that we are blessed with and not to prevent so that's basically what we've been doing, except for lately because of the docs suggestion to wait we have been using the rhythm method since it's an accepted method of bc. Anyway, I guess I don't actually have an answer to what's happened in our family, that's just been our experience.
If its mean't to happen it will leave it god hands he'll no whats best for you and your family! Good Luck :)
it's hormonal, it's how we're wired. we all feel that way.
My husband wants more and I would rather be done. We have an 8 y/o DS and 3 y/o DD and I was hoping we could stop and be happy with what we have. Originally I was hoping to have another. But then I realize I don't want to have to put my body through any more wear and tear. I don't want to have to change more diapers and pay for another child in daycare. But part of me wonders what it would be like with three kids running around and I've been eyeing babies and baby stuff lately. I go back and forth too.
I'm not ready to say yes or no at this point. I don't have any advise but I can relate to your feelings. I guess I will wait to see what happens and if it is meant to be it will happen. Many mothers and fathers will tell you that they didn't get to pick the number of children they ended up with when all is said and done.
Right there with you!
Hindsight is a beautiful thing.
We were done with two boys, 21 months apart.
Then, oops.....
OMG I cannot imagine our family without my daughter.
Stuff happens for a reason!
Go with the flow, sister......
:)
Yes. Have two kiddos as well and completely not sure if we need to go one more time or stop at two.
I have 3 boys. 8,5, and 11 months. My older two drive me nuts but they have each other to play with and are super close. The baby is pretty far apart from them so he won't have what his brothers have. Soo lately I keep thinking I want another one but I haven't said a word to anyone because they will think I am nuts. My husband works out of state a lot(he was 3 hrs away when I went into labor with my last one) so I am basically a single mom 4 1/2 days a week. Also my 3rd pregnancy was rough it got hard to walk I had such horrible pelvic pain and Im not sure I want to go through that. I also worry that I want to have another one for my baby not because I want another one, my husband never tells me no so if i want another boy(and it would be a boy) he would say ok....I feel you. I never thought I would have 3 kids and I feel crazy wanting a 4th! Good Luck to you whatever you decide..you are not alone!
I have five children and wish that I would have had more-as it turns out, however, it's a good number. One of the children was planned.
I am a single mother by choice. I had my son and just assumed that I was done - considering that I am single. But, I just could NOT resist the pull for that 2nd child. And, I kept saying if I were married, I could easily have a 2nd one. Finally, I just did it and now I am a single mother with 2 kids. I love every minute of it. Of course, now, my youngest is 3 and I am yearning for a third. My oldest was 3 when I felt the yearnings to have my 2nd one. So, I think some of it is just yearnings that are naturally there. But, I LOVE having a 2nd child - and it is hard, being a single parent. But, it is perfect for me. So, I think you have to look into your heart and figure out what your heart and family needs. My family never felt complete with just one child.
Good luck.
L.
