Any Good Ideas How to Get My 3+ Yr Old Daughter to Sleep in Her Own Bed?

I told my 3+ year old very stubborn boy that if he went to sleep by himself in his bed 5 nights in a row he would go to Chuck E Cheeses. It worked instantly. Instead of a punishment for not doing it, a reward for doing it worked very well. My son also shares a room with his 2 year old
brother

I don't believe in "sticking to your guns" at night and "staying firm" because all that does is set up a power struggle with the child unable to sleep (up for hours - you can read that on mamasource) and parents can't sleep either. I know that's what all the books and magazines say, but that is coming typically from pediatrician's and mainstream writers (not anthropologists or child development experts, people who know and respect how human beings are wired. We are afraid of the dark. We need human contact.) There are many POV's but only one is usually pushed forward... the "make them independent early" POV is what is encouraged.

Here is what I have always done. At 2 I moved our son from our bed to his twin bed in his room. At age 1, I moved our daughter to her twin bed on the floor right next to her brother's bed. I always stayed with them until they conked out, then left the room.

That accomplishes a few things.

1) They know their bed is THEIR bed.
2) They associate the good, yummy, snuggly feelings with their safe place (their separate bedroom).
3) You don't ever have to carry them from your bed to their room (why?)'

Mary Sheedy Kurcinka explains in her book SLEEPLESS IN AMERICA
http://www.parentchildhelp.com/
that children (and adults) need to be in the GREEN ZONE (relaxed) to feel safe and go to sleep. If they are in the RED ZONE (in a power struggle with parents, anxious, fearful) then guess what? "Fight or flight" kicks in and the child is literally unable to sleep.

I know that if I lie next to her after books, and she feels safe, she is out like a light. When my son was younger, and I was ITCHING to get up out of room, he could feel my tension, frustration and anger and it would keep him up. He was afraid I would leave. Once I relaxed (basically surrendered to the moment) he was out in 5 minutes.

if the little one wakes up and your 3 yr old starts to cry, rub her on the back and say, "I'm here, you are safe, go back to sleep, I am going to help your sister." Talk to her about the nighttime during the day...

My daughter is 4 now and after books, I lie with her in her twin. I go back to my room. She sometimes wakes up at 5 or 6am and quietly comes looking for me. I take her hand (no arguing, no tension) and walk her back to her room and quietly lie down with her. That helps her go back to sleep. I usually just stay at that point. Sometimes she cries in the middle of the night and my 8 year old usually doesn't wake up.

She has gotten use to having another person to sleep with while you were on vacation. It is a comfort to have another to sleep with. She needs to learn how to sleep on her own again. Since you let her in your bed, that is complicating matters. Since you know she did it before vacation, you know she can do it again. It will take patience, but she can do it again.

The suggestion I have for you is that you allow her to sleep in your room....but only on the floor. You can talk to her about it in the day, so she knows what is going to happen. She might say, but the floor is cold, hard etc. yes, and you have a very nice soft cozy bed to sleep in. I think this approach lets her know if she is scared or sick, she knows she can trust you to help her. We have four children and at some point all 4 of them have slept on our bedroom floor many times. But, they eventually realize that their bed is warmer and more comfortable than the floor. There was a time period where I just always had a sleeping bag on my bedroom floor because my youngest was often up in my room. but, it lets them know that they can count on you to help them deal with their fears or illnesses. Best of luck
T.

My son used to get up in the morning at 4 in the morning to urinate then come in to my room and say 'GOOD MORNING!' Drove me nuts!

So, we started a sleep chart with a calendar and stickers. We put a digital clock in his room and told him that after he goes pee, he needs to go back to his room, lie down quietly and try to go back to sleep. If he doesn't come back to my room until after 6AM, then he gets a sticker on the chart. After he completes the chart, he gets a special toy and a trip to John's incredible pizza. We even went to Target to 'pre-select' his toy and get excited about completing the chart.

He is very goal oriented. He loves winning prizes and getting big hugs and kisses in the morning when it's after 6AM.

Hope this helps!

Dear L.,

I am sure that the other mommies will have some good ideas, my only advice is to be consistent and don't give up or give in. C. N.

Hve you seen Super Nanny (tough Love) put her in her own bed alone. Everytime she walks out keep putting her back in only talk to her the first time telling her it's bed time after that don't talk to her again. It is for her best interest to get a good night sleep not keep waking up all hours of the night. It will be a few tough nights but stick it out. We were teen parents and our first sleeped with me we got married when she was 6 and she had a hard time it took many beds, sleeping on my floor and until we brought an intercom that she sleeped in her bed. I wish supernanny was around then, she is 20 today. Our second we knew better and never put her in our bed until one day a friend took my oldest to school so we laid in my bed to watch T.V. and both feel asleep again. She refused her bed she was only alittle over a year. It took days of putting her in her bed and us sleeping on her floor and moving away until we were out. Our third never got a chance we were on top of it. It takes once to create a bad habit and forever to break one. Good luck!!

I also have a 3 year old and 1 year old who share a bedroom. I just had my third girl a week ago...so we have been working on getting them to sleep by themselves in their own room for months. One of the things my husband and I did was take a picture of our daughter in bed and put it up on a butcher paper. Every night she stays in bed the whole night, we add a sticker to her home made chart. I bought her really sparkly mermaid stickers and we make it a really big deal when she stays in bed. We are also utilizing this time to potty train her for night time since she has been potty trained since 2 1/2..but night time has been more difficult. We recently stopped having her use pull ups at night. It's worked wonders. We also talked to her about her job as a big sister and taking care of her little sister at night and not leaving her alone in the room..because she would also wake her and leave her in the crib crying. It's taken some time, but it's worked for us. Good Luck!

I would suggest you read books and tell stories in her bed all the time. Don't give her the choice of doing it in your bed. then she at least falls asleep in there initially. Whenever she comes to your bed take her back to hers again. Be consistent. There is probably not an easy fix.

either it will take all night or three nights to kick her habit the trick to doing this, is you must stay firm, dont give in, when it is time for bed, read her a story , tell her this is her bed time not yours and you will not be sitting here with her,She is to stay in bed, give her a kiss say goodnight, walk out do not look back, if she keeps up do not say a word, do not pick her up take her by the hand right back to bed, put her in bed, turn around walk out. Again and again, on the 4th time if you must tell her its bed time nothing else, do not talk to her. If she screams do not go in. So she falls asleep you go to bed 3 hrs later she comes into your room, with out saying a word, take her by the hand do not pick her up walk her back to her bed, leave the room go back to your bed. You must stick with this just like I said, the minute you give in, she just learned how to get her way. By breaking you down. Each night it will get less & less she will get out of bed .. I promise you this works it works it works, but only if you stick to your guns... you will be so glad you did . tired but glad.