Anxious About Sending Daughter to Kindergarten and Then Elementary School

Maybe it would help to change how you are viewing going off to Kindergarten. Instead of feeling like she is leaving you and growing up, try to think of all the wonderful new experiences there will be. Elementary school is so fun - with friends, field trips, school plays and all sorts of tihngs. Try to help build the excitement about it - or when the time comes to go to school she may not want to go and then you could have some challenges. Good luck. It really is a super fun time and the older the get the more wonderful family experiences you will have.

These are fears that will all pass after about 2-3 wks of school. They learn so much. Some of the stuff not so desirable but most of it great. They become more independant and self-sufficient. I know my biggest fear was the bus. What if they took her to the wrong house or the wrong school. That is kinda crazy since they are all going to one school. Then there was the question of will she eat. Will someone be mean to her. I had to buck up and be the adult I was and show my daughter I was confident that she would be fine.

Have you ever thought about homeschooling? It could be a great step for you, especially in the early years of schooling when it's crucial that they learn to love learning!!

C.

It is always hard to see your child leave behind a 'baby' phase and grow into a 'big kid' phase, but at least she is growing well and developing normally. Maybe try to look at the positives instead of the negatives. The more she grows, the more you and she can do together instead of you doing stuff FOR her.

My older daughter started kindergarten in the fall of 2008, my younger daughter will be old enough for kindergarten in the fall of 2009 - although she may do a transitions class first, then start kindergarten the next year. I am trying to see ways to focus on enjoying what time we do have left in positive ways and will try to do the same once they both are in school. Also, I stay busy, so I don't have time to dwell on things that are emotionally negative.

Hope this helps!!

Relax. It will all work out. My husband and I had similar feelings about our daughter's entrance to "big school." Now that she's halfway through first grade, I can see that it's not so different from before. Just get to know her teachers and the principal. Walk her into school each morning and visit with them momentarily, or email them whenever you see something that would interest them. Go to PTO meetings and whatever events they have (book fairs, science fairs, carnivals, etc.). Start doing this now, even though she's not going there yet. Drive by the school and sit outside and talk about it. Go to the kindgergarten transition night and meet folks and walk around. Perhaps call the principal and ask if you can go ahead and tour the school for a few minutes to see what you have to look forward to. Incorporate the school into your cocoon so that when she goes there, it won't seem so strange. And take a deep breath and remind yourself that kids and their parents have been doing this and living through it for many years. Good luck!

Kindergarten is a part of growing up. You should think of doing a school photo album for your daughter and each year take a picture of her first day of school and a picture on her last day of school! Most Kindergarten classes ask for parents to volunteer, so you could help in that way also!

Oh yes, I went through the same thing! My son started Kindergarten this past Aug and I starting crying 2 weeks prior to him starting. I am a stay at home mom as well and very protective. I worry about him not being old enough to take on such a huge step, I worry about him needing me and not being attended to as I do to him, etc The way that I got passed it was sitting down with him while my 3 yr old slept. I spent as much alone time with him as I could. I cried to him, I told him that I was going to miss him so much. I asked him if there was anything that scared him and if there was anything he wanted to do before he started school. He hugged me and told me that he is a big boy and is excited to start school. This was the first time he has ever not cried when he saw me cry. That made me realize that he really is excited and that he really is growing up. I had to change my way of thinking from "this is the end of him being my baby boy" to "we are moving on to another phase of life and it is all exciting". It made it a bit easier knowing that I still have my daughter who is 3 and I still hvae a "baby" at home. Each day is exciting and just know that there are several phases that they will go through, each phase is more exciting thant he last. It reminded me of when our son was born. When he sat up for the first time, he ate solid foods, he rolled over, he walked, he talked, etc I would get sad b/c he was not a newborn anymore, but then I would think that each phase is so exciting!!! Get a tub/bin to keep all of her new projects and things that she makes in it. Get a journal to document all of the exciting things, your thoughts, her comments, etc Take pictures of her first day, take her shopping for a new backpack, lunch box, etc Take her to lunch, a movie, etc just the three of you. Get a sitter for your younger son and spend the day with just your daughter. Let her choose where you eat and what movie you see. Or go bowling, mini golf, etc Make the month prior to her first day all about her. Lastly, do NOT start worrying so soon. AT least wait until a month before to worry. Just make sure she is prepared and it will be a lot easier for you and your husband. Keep that family cocoon, we feel the same way. As long as we have us four, life is great. We are a very close family and spend a lot of time together. Eat dinner together nightly, play games, sit and just talk to your kids and you will start to feel better about it. It is just the next phase. Oh, and, you WILL find that you enjoy your time while she is at school. Even if you think that you won't, you will. It really is a nice way for you to have time to get things done, time alone with your younger son that your daughter had with you. I always felt like my son got more alone time with me b/c his sister wasn't born until he was 2 1/2 but now, I look at it like this is her time to be alone with me while he is at school. It all works out.
I would also consider driving her to school b/c the bus was a HUGE fear of mine. Also, be very involved in the school and you will know that she is being taken care of. I am always involved in the parties, the teacher's luncheon's, etc Keep in touch with the teacher through notes or email, volunteer in her class if you are able. You will feel much better being involved and knowing that she is being taken care of. You can also eat lunch with her whenever you want to, you can do that once a week with your son if you want to. Think about putting your son in a preschool so he can get the social skills he needs to be prepared for school and then it will give you a day or two a week to be more involved in your daughter's school. Also having him at preschool or mother's day out will help you let go when it is his turn to go to school.
:o) W.

Everyone feels like this, especially with their first. She will love it and grow into it. It is what she wants as a child, to experience the world, meet people and learn. It would be awfully selfish to not want your kids to explore the world and move on to bigger and better things. Plus, if you have a scared, negative energy, she may adopt it too, so portray a positive excited energy and it will help her move into it easily. Good luck!

I have cried every first day of school for 13 years. The hardest day was the first day of school for my eldest as a senior and that day was the first day of school for the baby who started kindergarten.
Start thinking now of ways to make the first day of school fun. We take pictures and the kids hold up their fingers to show the year they are in. And yes I made my son do it with both hands showing a 1 and 2 fingers for 12th grade. Show her how to make the letter K in sign language for kindergarten. I also make brownies for them when they come home that day. They get a new outfit for the first day.
You will be fine and she will adjust. You can always volunteer for the teacher and go on fieldtrips.

I feel the exact same way. We have also just moved onto a new Army Post, and I think it made it worse. She has been going to head start for a while now, but this is such a big step. I was always welcome to walk in the classroom when I wanted to for head start, and now I feel as if I am out of the loop. When she goes I cant protect her, or make sure she eats well. Also there is so much paperwork and offices to go to I didn't even know where to start to sign her up. So I have already done the research to find the school she will be going to as well as any needed documents and such. It feels like such a big step! Good luck, lol, and hopefully we can get through this big step, which is probably bigger for us than them.

(Stay at home mom of five year old girl, two year old girl, and a boy on the way.)

J., as you can see, we have all been there! I remember with my oldest daughter, her sister was 3 and staying home with me, my first time being a stay at home mom, i was previously active duty...well, the school said to have them go to school the way they always would...riding the bus. I cried when she got on and cried the entire way to the school...because of course, I had to follow them! It was kinda cute, there were about 10 cars following that bus that day! She did fine and felt like such a "big girl." I think the hardest part was when she started junior high this year. It was the worst and high school will be even harder. My son is now 4 and will start kindergarten the same time as your daughter and I'm already feeling anxious. I do have the memory of his first day at daycare. He had medical issues and stayed home with me. He can play wonderfully by himself but once he started "school" he became a little boy. It was wonderful! To be able to watch them grow into healthy, social little people is a gift only parents get to enjoy. Think of this as special time with your son. He will enjoy not having to share you with sissy. Cherish the few hours because I promise, after day one the time will fly by! Best of luck and tell her we are proud of her!

J.

I know how you feel. I did it five times (five kids) and it did not get easier every time. I do think it was the hardest with my youngest son who is now in first grade. Just remember, there are always volunteer opportunities at school that can keep you busy and keep you close. Good luck

Taunua

You are right things will change, but not necessarily for the worse. People send their children off to school everyday. The important thing is to manage your anxiety so that your daughter does not pick up on it and begin to be anxious herself. My husband and I are both educators. Our daughter was born in October and our son in June. We decided to give our daughter 2 kindgergarten years to make her the oldest rather than the youngest when in her class. It worked so well that we did the same thing with our son. He is now graduating in the top 10 in his class and has received numerous awards for his athletics. Neither child 'NEEDED' two kindergarten years but the additional maturity they gained helped them to be very confident. I would never have kept them back once they started school because we knew their academic skills were going to be strong. We just wanted to give them a maturity edge. Our families and friends were not sure that we were doing the right thing and discouraged us, but now these same family and friends are admitting that they were wrong because our kids turned out so well. An additional added benefit is that we have been able to enjoy them an extra year at home prior to sending them off to college. Just something to consider. Good luck.

J.,
Sending your daughter to kindergarten in the fall is not your only choice. Maybe you and your husband should talk about your other options like - homeschooling, private school, or if she is young enough waiting a year to start.
Don't discard your feelings as just a mommy having a hard time letting go. Listen to your gut on this and do what YOU think is best for your family.

God Bless! ~ M.

Hey J.,
I'm sorry I'm so late posting this, but I wanted to share my thoughts. My oldest son started kindergarten this past August and I was very worried for him too. He had been at the same daycare since he was 4 months old and absolutely loved it. Plus, he's not a very outgoing child, so that concerned me too for him to make such a big change being so young. We don't have great public schools here so we knew he would attend a private school. Last year, we let him go with us on the tours of the different schools we were considering and would talk to him afterwards about his likes and dislikes of them. He actually became very excited about moving on to a new school and when the time came, he was more prepared than we were. He was a little apprehensive about walking into the classroom the first week, but every afternoon, he was never ready to leave and still isn't. Even his first day, he just went on and on about how much fun they had and how much new and cool stuff they got to do. They are taught to be more independent and my son has totally blossomed since the start of the school year. I try to have lunch with him as often as I can because he and all the kids love it when the parents come. I also help with the parties and anytime they need parent volunteers to watch the class. They still keep the kids on a tight schedule and they adapt to it very quickly. You just need to prepare your daughter for the change that's coming and let her know how proud you are of her being able to make this big step. We read lots of books about entering kindergarten too. Now don't get me wrong, my son had to go back this morning after Christmas break, but if he'd had a choice, he would have stayed home! I hope this helps some and good luck with everything!

of course we all feel like this! our tiny little ones getting on that huge bus is just...well scary! volunteer at her school help organize field trips and do lessons in the class room! that way you are very involved and you get to know where your child will be all day. hope this helps

Hi J. ! I have to say that sending my little boy to school was one of the hardest things I've EVER had to do in my life. I've always stayed him with him also. I cried and cired, but NOT in front of him. It was a big change for him also, but he adapted. The key for me was being strong and NOT letting HIM see ME cry. I had to do that FOR HIM, if that makes sense... It will be hard, but you will adjust, it just takes a little while to get used to a new schedule and a new routine. and at least you will still havee your son home with you. My son is my only child ! I was really lost !!LOL but you will get through it, just keep your head up and be strong for her. Dont cry until AFTER you drop her off ! HA !! another thing, volunteer at her school! we can volunteer to read with children who are a little behind or volunteer in the clinic or library. Go eat lunch with her once a week, but one mistake I made was going to eat lunch too soon and he got upset when I left after lunch... so just another hint....... you will make it I promise.. just give your self time to get used to the change. Email me of you need support! I know it's a very difficult time. I'll be thinking of you !! good luck !
C.

Hi J., I know just how you feel. I sent my son to kindergarten this year and it was the hardest thing ever. I was so worried. I to am a stay at home mom. My son has always been with me and the thought of sending him off into the world without me terrified me. What I didn't realize was he was ready. I made sure I took him to the school when I registered him so he could see his school. Whenever we drove by we would say there is your school. We took him to play on the school playgrounds. We made sure he we went to the back to school night so he could get to know his teacher before school started. I made him part of getting all of his school supplies. Don't get the all at once it can be overwhelming do a little at a time. Their are some great articles at pampers.com that really helped me. I know it seems like the scariest thing ever but you will be surprised how ready your child will be. I also had my husband take him on the first day. I knew I would cry. He did great and he loved it. I hope everything goes great. Just do your best to get her as ready for school as you can. Start now. Good luck and God bless.

Before my oldest child went to kindergarten I went to the school and met the principal and the kindergarten teachers. I was also able to sit in and observe them in the classroom with children. Our school also has days in the spring when children who will be starting kindergarten the following fall come and meet the teachers and do an activity. The parents are welcome to stay. I think it is natural to be anxious about change. Be careful not to let your child know how you feel. Talk about kindergarten and all the fun activities that she will be doing. It will be easier if you get to know the people at school and build a good relationship before you send your daughter to school.

S.

Since you already stay at home, why not homeschool? I live in Nicholasville and there are alot of activities to get your child involved in if you are worried about socialization. I am in my 5th year of homeschooling and it has worked out great for our family. If you're not sure if that's something you want to do, try preschool now and see how it works out. There are also inexpensive curriculums so you don't have to worry about the cost. If you have any questions you can contact me at ____@____.com

S.

J.,
It's understandable the stress you're feeling. Your daughter is taking yet another of many 'first steps' in her life. What a blessing for you both that you'll be there to experience it with her! It's an exciting, scary and anxious time for all. Don't let your anxiety be passed on to your daughter. Talking to her constantly about how nervous or scared you are will only make her feel the same way.
As for our first going to school, I felt just as you do. But I chose to make it a fun time. I took my son shopping for supplies and let him pick out a backpack he wanted. After all, he was becoming a Big Boy now. We practiced having school at home, i.e. sitting on the carpet, raising his hand, walking in a line with the family (he led), and going to the park playground where he could practice sharing swings some more. I kept reading books to him to ensure he could sit still (as much as possible for that age) and showed him how to clean up after himself.
Teachers need and want students with manners and good behavior. It makes their jobs easier to teach, right? So I figure if I can give him a head start with that stuff, he'll enjoy it much more! It's better than letting him run amok on a regular basis, as many parents allow, and then expect him to sit quietly for 4-6 hours in a classroom. It's setting him up for failure! And those same parents wonder why their kids have behavior problems in school.
You have the power to give her the best beginning possible. You care enough to start asking questions now to better prepare yourself and your little girl for what's to come.
Just remember to put on an excited, happy face for her that first day. Reassure her that you'll be waiting to pick her up when she's done with her day. When she is out of sight...you can cry! You won't be the only one. I promise!Just take a look around at the other parents.
You're a fantastic mommy! You can do this! =)
God bless!

Does she go to preschool, Mother's Day Out, or any kind of activity where the two of you are separated (even just a morning or 2 a week - my daughter had 3 mornings a week preschool before kindergarten)? If not, I strongly suggest that you begin something very soon so that going to kindergarten isn't a complete shock to the family. Do you know anyone with a child in her school? Maybe you can join that parent and child at the school lunch and let the two of you see how things work.

And, I want you to think of it as a gift to your child, going to school with a mom and dad who are excited and happy for the adventure that she is about to have and confident that she will have fun. Before my daughter went, I realized what a gift my mother had given me by not showing any worry when I started something new. I started things thinking that my mother knew that I would succeed. What a boost! My daughter is in first grade, and LOVED kindergarten and first grade.

Good luck!

I have 9 children and was heartbroken when each started school. I didn't start them in kindergarten until they were 6.that gave them, and me, an extra year together. It was good for them. They all excell in school and extra curricular activities. They grow up so soon anyway.

I was you and then some this past August! I have been a stay at home mom all along and always knew that it would be me in tears on the first day of school, not my daughter. To add to my anxiety, my daughter was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes in June so getting into school was a bit more involved.

I don't know what school your daughter will go to but I encourage you to attend any orientations and tours they offer. If your daughter is not currently in a pre-school, check into free Ready to Learn programs in your area - wonderful introduction to school and siblings are often welcome too.

My daughter has bloomed in kindergarten and you'll be amazed how easily yours adjusts and how much she will learn.

I joke that kindergaten a lot like the military... they teach the basics like walking quietly in a line, raising your hand, how-to sit on the floor mat, etc. There is lots of structure, routine and ways of doing things - kids actually thrive on that.

Keep in mind that teachers don't get into this line of work for fame, big bucks or glory. Teachers truly care and like what they do. They are well acquainted with melt downs, accidents, fears and I can't say enough positive things about our school and it's loving caring staff. I wish I could have had such a fun and positive experience when I was 5!

Don't forget... you are not alone and everyone goes through this but it's a beginning of a new chapter in your lives and like any change, it will take some adjustment.

Good luck and I'd be happy to talk more with you if it would ease your mind.

Hi, J.,

You are correct. Sending a child to school is a very scary thing for most parents. To make it easier on you and your child, I could suggest that you put her in pre school or day care a couple of days a week for a few hours. Separation anxiety can make it tough on kids and parents when school starts. Another thing I would suggest is that you visit the school BEFORE she needs to be there. Take her on a tour and meet the teachers. Maybe even sit in on a class or two. In this way, you and she both will know what to expect and you can address any concerns before school begins. Communication between parents, teachers and children is also very important. Make sure that the school knows you are interested and want to be involved in your child's school experience. I remember my grandmother telling me when my kids were small that from the time they are born we begin to practice letting them grow and leave..Not something I wanted to hear, but I remember it now and realize that the best thing I could do was teach them to leave me with confidence. Good luck, B. B