Anxiety: What Would You Do?

For me upbeat music usually works well. Take a dance break once in a while. It's great exercise and it also helps clear the mind without the boredom of meditation. It is also a fun thing to do with the kids.

Google Jessie Duplantis. He's a seriously funny minister. He'll deliver great messages and have you laughing. You can watch him on youtube.

Make sure you are exercising. This will help tons. Go for walks (wrap them up since winter is almost here), and try to do some yoga or Pilates a few times a week. I've taken to having my daughter do starfall on the computer two afternoons a week so I can exercise!

Also, try to focus on babysteps. So, make your lists of what needs to get done, and then just try to focus on your lists. On the days when nothing gets done on your list, write a list of all the things you did do that day.

I find, though, that the best strategy to fighting off anxiety is sleep. Of course if you can't sleep, then it just gets worse. This is where exercise and eating healthy come in. Both promote better, higher quality sleep.

I am so sorry for you loss.

First consciously, and I mean consciously STOP letting those voices and thoughts in your head run you over. You have to grab hold of those and literally say the OPPOSITE of what they are telling you or saying. One eerie thought leads to another and then another and before you know it your heart is racing, you are seeing things, your mind is over thinking and you can't stop it.

For instance if you are sitting in the sofa and thoughts begin to come back to remind you the last time you saw your M. sitting there, take that thought and reverse it for something positive. Instead of envisioning her there spooky, remind yourself that your M. would not come back to hurt you.

Secondly, put on some music in the house and focus on your children. The more busy you are, the less you have time for idle imaginations/thoughts.

The saying that it is all in your head sometimes is true. If you can hear what you are saying to yourself, repeat something different.

Part of the problem too is that you have not had a chance to fully deal with the grief for YOURSELF, taking care of the children, and now living in the house as a constant reminder. To make it worse, it's not like you can drive over to your parents to relieve the stress and "talk to them" (sob). It is very difficult, but you have to leave the house for lots of fresh air if you can. Go to the mall or just sit outside.

For peace, read Psalm 23, Psalm 91 or Psalm 139 if you know the bible. Hope that helps.

Hi M.,

I have lived with anxiety for YEARS. It is the worst if you let it control you. It is most likely situational - you are dealing with MAJOR changes in your life that are in the list of the top 10 stressors in a person's life. Other things that can contribute to the feeling are caffeine, sugar, processed foods...try to cut back on caffeine and drink tons of water. Dehydration can also cause feelings of being down because it makes you lethargic.

I also have two little ones and understand the almost impossibility of 'me' time, but it is really essential. It could be as simple as running an errand or 2 by yourself with your fav music blasting from the speakers. With little ones, I sometimes feel 'trapped' and feel so far removed from adults and the real world. Get outside and get some fresh air.

Allergies can also cause feelings of anxiety, especially with the panic of not being able to breathe.

I am not sure anxiety medication is the way you should go - I have tried so many different kinds and the side effects are almost as bad as the anxiety. The best thing I did for myself was to give up soda. I was addicted to Pepsi, and I knew it was making me edgy, but I couldn't stop drinking it. On days I was strong enough to go without, I felt great, but I couldn't stay away. I finally got sick of it all, and gave up soda completely. I haven't had a panic attack since. I sleep better, I can breathe, and I can actually sit down on the couch and RELAX with my kids as they watch a little TV.

Hang in there, and TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME.
This too shall pass!!

L.

Hi M..

First of all, let me give you my condolences on the loss of your parents. That's a huge change all on it's own, learning to live in a world where the foundation builders of your life aren't there. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Try to find a gym, or find someone who goes to a gym that can get you a free six month trial membership (that's how I got into one) that has a childcare facility so that on busy days you can take your kids. Find out when they offer yoga. It's great for learning to breath deep and focus and relax. It's great for core strength and flexibility.

Learn to recognize those things that trigger your anxiety. Pay attention to your feelings when it starts to ratchet up so you can know what your point of no return is. Change how you adress those things that stress you out. For instance, for my husband who has an anxiety disorder, times of transition are difficult for him. When we are getting ready to leave the house he is a mess, freaking out about getting everyone ready on time or forgetting something. So I give him specific things to do that he can focus on, like making sure there's gas in the car, or packing the kids bags, making sure the carseats are secure, finding the socks. It allows me to do the other stuff, while he can focus on *specific* chores and his brain is busy.

When you are starting to get really anxious stop. Just stop for a minute. Give yourself 20 seconds to gather yourself. If you don't feel like you can do what you are doing without being anxious, move to something else that isn't as frustrating and do something else.

Really sit down and talk to your husband and let him help you figure out strategies that can relieve stress. Be honest about how you feel and let him partner with you. When my husband finally did that, it let me help him and we both felt better.

I hope this helps.

L.

First of all, I'm so sorry you lost your parents so close together. That almost happened to me -- when my mom died my Dad was also very sick and in the hospital.

I'm sure part of your anxiety is not feeling like you got enough of your to do list done. I HIGHLY, HIGHLY reccomend doing a "what I DID today" list every bedtime. Especially with two little ones and renovations things do NOT go as planned, so your "what I DID" list can be a mile long and important productive things but NOT match the "to do" list you started the day with-- BUT unless you take a minute to sit down and make the "what I DID" list all you have to focus on is the things you didn't cross off on your to do list....

I'm not sure what the circumstances of their deaths and your relationship were but maybe you could try to look at it a different way? I think it might be comforting to be someplace that makes you feel close to your parents, especially if it was your childhood home....The eerie feeling might actually be a comforting presence watching over you and the kids?

A few things cross my mind. One is that the allergies can be aggravating your anxiety as inflammation and allergies really are connected to symptoms all around your body, including the brain! (see http://itsnotmental.blogspot.com/2011/05/allergies-asthma... )
Some things that may help in the allergy department are air filters - hepa filters, or an electrostatic filter. Aller-Rescue is a natural product which our doctor likes (I hate the taste, but my dad and daughter swear by its effectiveness). Then there is wearing a dust/pollen mask, and at least keeping your bedroom as hypoallergenic as possible.

Next is addressing your anxiety. Totally depends on what is driving it. Is it a physical anxiety -- where it is not anxious thoughts causing anxiety but anxiety causing anxious thoughts -- or are you obsessing and thinking anxiety-provoking things? CBT (Cognitive behavior therapy) can help with the thinking but you say you don't have time. DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) can be beneficial to everybody! Among other things, it teaches MINDFULNESS - staying in the present. There are workbooks for both CBT and DBT, but of course they are better in conjunction with a therapist at least trained in CBT.

You NEED "Me" time. You need time to exercise, breathe deeply, calm, to walk and relax, be with friends and to laugh. We are no use to others if we do not take care of our own self as a first priority.

Other natural ways is homeopathic remedies, such as Hyland's Calm.

I assume you have already had all your hormone levels checked? A friend with anxiety was in therapy. They came up with all kinds of reasons why she might be anxious. Life changing, kids growing up. People dying. But it turned out her anxiety was from an adrenal tumor! Oh! Sadly, often NEITHER the endocrinologist NOR the psychiatrist will run the proper tests (see http://itsnotmental.blogspot.com/2009/02/psychiatrist-vs-... ).

The last thing is dietary. I assume you already are avoiding addictive substances. But aim for health, avoiding processed and sugary foods. And what about the possibility of food sensitivities? My own older daughter had HUGE anxiety. A small part was low thyroid hormone, but a huge part of it was she turned out sensitive to cow dairy (casein) which she was "addicted" to! She had loved milk and cheese! (see http://itsnotmental.blogspot.com/2009/01/brain-health-glu... )

Are you close enough to your own home to commute to and from because that to me would be a huge stress factor if you are experiencing anxiety. My mother died three weeks prior to me having my oldest daughter and it was very difficult because my father wanted everything done NOW. He wanted everything of her's out and every memory of her gone w/in no time at all so being that I was the closest to them I ended up doing most of everything which put a lot on my high risk pregnancy. Enough to understand where you are coming from w/things and I know what you mean about not being able to take "me time" because I hear that quite often from my dr's w/my bipolar disorder. As far as natural ways that help, the best advice I can offer you with that is journaling. I still just get on the computer and jot down thoughts, poems, or letters to my mom - it helps me get my feelings out. Some I share, most I don't. There have been times my husband has seen them left up on the computer and has gotten extremely concerned b/c he has thought they were something he should panic over but once I've explained to him what they are, he realizes that this is how I get things out. It's almost like my way of beating a pillow. You are doing the best you can do, there is no right or wrong, but you are one step closer to getting there because you are seeking out help which is a big deal. I wish you the best of luck and I wish there were some way to take away what you are feeling, I truly do. If you ever need a shoulder, I'm here :)

When I'm that anxious I take Ativan prescribed by my mental health nurse practitioner. My medical doctor prescribed it first and when I went for counseling for help he suggested that I continue taking it until I was less anxious. I took it for a couple of months.

You are also grieving, a double whammy: anxiety and grief. Be gentle with yourself.

I had never had anxiety ever in my life until this past summer. It started a couple months after taking some antibiotics for a sinus infection, and it seemed to get worse after my husband and I took on putting laminate flooring in our house. Exercise seemed to help, but when I went on a very strict diet that removed all processed food from my diet (look up The Candida Diet), the anxiety went away. I had other symptoms that made me seek this diet out (white coated tongue, intestinal problems, insomnia, bad PMS, and fatigue), so please don't think I'm toting this as a cure all. I also have little kids (ages 6, 3 and almost 2) so I understand your concern and frustration. Keep searching for a natural remedy before you take medication because they come with a host of side effects. If your anxiety becomes debilitating, time to see a professional about medication. Nurse Midwife Mom

Grief can do this to you. Go to the nearest health food store. Buy Ignatia 30c homeopathic. Take two of the pellets four times a day every day until you have relief.

I suffered with anxiety. You're right it's not the most pleasant feeling.It'll definitely pass, once the children go to preschool or school for that matter. And things will get easier once you finish the renovations with the house. How is anxiety affecting you? With me, excuse me, but I had #3 continuously. I finally saw a doctor who prescribed a very good medication called "Librax". It relaxes the intestine from going to the bathroom constantly. I've been off it for a long time now, and everything is fine. Basically, what you really ought to do is be at the gym at least an hour a day 4 times a week. It's hard to get up and do, but it'll do you a world of good. You need to let out steam. Push yourself, for your own good. Think that you want to stay healthy for your kids mostly. You want to be around for them as long as you can.

Be well.

When my allergies act up I am very irritable so I can see where that alone can get you hypt up. We bought two oreck air purifiers for our house and the differance in air quality is AMAZING! I wish there was something that I could tell you that would just make you feel better but I think the right medicine is time. You have a lot on your plate and things are not going to be easy but you need to just give yourself time to greeve your loss. Maybe try acupuncture. I have heard great reviews about acupucture and anxiety. Just remember that you are human and no one is expecting you to be perfect.

First of all, I'm so sorry for the loss of both of your parents. It is incredibly hard to say goodbye to a parent, let alone both of them. My heart goes out to you. Grief is a strange thing - it affects everyone differently, but anxiety is a very common thing among people who have recently lost a loved one. Also, allergies, when not under control, can be a major stressor. I'm speaking from experience with both of these areas.

I don't know if you are a spiritual person, but one of the biggest things that helped me was prayer. It's a way to get things off my chest which is unlike sharing things with people, and it usually opened my eyes to things I had not thought about before. I always leave a time of prayer feeling at peace and refreshed. It also helped to have other people pray for me.

Another thing that really helped me was to do things for other people. It was easy to get wrapped up in my own head, and doing things for others took the focus off me. And if you do these things with your kids, they learn to be less self-focused as well. Maybe you and your 3-year-old could go ring bells for the Salvation Army.

Finally, surround yourself with people who "get it". People who have been there/done that and have a healthy outlook. Check into local support groups, or get involved in a moms' group of some sort. MOPS would be a good one for you, or check with your church if you have one.

Oh, and make part of "me" time just cutting yourself some slack. We women tend to be uber hard on ourselves! Tell yourself every day how amazing you are. :)

EXERCISE is what works best for me... I've done talk therapy, hypnotherapy, EFT .. and while yes, they can and do work..(eh, sorta)

I finally realized my best bet and most inexpensive was exercising... you have small kids and you say ME time isn't something you can afford, but look at it this way, me time is something you should afford if you want to be healthy for your family. I mean if you are walking around all anxious and tired as can be, what good is that for anyone?? I think it's so important to carve out that time.. Have your husband watch them for an hour and try walking or nowadays, some gyms offer FREE childcare.. It's been my experience that exercise also helps me sleep better and helps my allergies...
you can even rent an exercise video.. Meditation while that does help, you are right, it can get boring.. Also, consider your nutritional habits... is the stress causing you to eat worse too? again, exercise helps me do better in that arena as well..

I wish you the best

Hi M.,
I'm so sorry for your losses of Mom, Dad and babies. You have experienced significant losses in such a short time. I'm glad you are working with your doctors and therapists, and it's possible you will need a multi-pronged approach to your anxiety. If medication for anxiety is prescribed, please consider taking it in the smallest effective doses. But it is also very important that you begin to schedule your life to decrease the anxiety. That means healthy meals, consistent go-to-bed and wake-up times, little t.v. or computer hours before bedtime, and walk or dance everyday. While this will be difficult to schedule, it is imperative that you take care of yourself. This is the most selfless thing you can do for your family. Start with talking with your husband about what you can do to put yourself first for a while. I'm sure he is concerned. We are. Oh, and one last thing. Stock up on funny movies or old shows and books of jokes. Research shows laughing daily actually works to decrease depression, which most people feel when they are experiencing anxiety for a while. All my best to you and your family.

Have you ever heard of mindfulness? My mom teaches this stuff and tries to instill it in me...I also have 2 young kids and I run my own business that has been struggling and have anxiety that makes me feel awful sometimes. I'm with you about the counting and stuff like that, its hard enough to find 20 seconds to yourself and the last thing you want to do is count! So the one thing that seems to help me is, as silly as it may sound, I just close my eyes when I'm feeling the anxiety rise and I remind myself that right now, in this exact moment, everything is fine. Anxiety makes you feel like something terrible is happening or is about to happen, but the reality is almost always that everything is ok. Yes you are sad, let yourself be sad. Yes you are tired, let yourself feel tired. But the anxiety per se, that feeling in the pit of your stomach that makes you feel like running away or curling up in the back of your closet, that is the feeling that you can combat with this kind of thinking. Like I said I know it sounds silly but it works for me, when I really do this I can feel that anxiety subside and I feel a bit refreshed. So like if I were going to do this right now I would close my eyes and literally say to myself, you are sitting at your computer, the kids are healthy and happy, I can hear my toddler and my husband talking about cereal, hubby just made me some coffee, its warm inside my house, everything right now in this single moment is good. Try it!

Lexapro and Xanax. :)

If you don't take time to take care of your self you will end up in the hospital in the mental health ward for sleep deprivation and so much anxiety that you will not be able to cope. So you must find a way to take some time for YOU. If you don't who will do what you are doing while you are gone, no one will do it the way you want it done, but you will be gone anyway. It often takes a week or more to get a med in your system and back on a sleep pattern before they will release you to go home.

So why not take care of yourself and avoid a costly and lengthy hospital stay.

Listening to stress relaxation tapes while laying on the bed is a good way to start using them. Meditation is boring to most everyone. You need to have a cd or tape that guides you. This will help your muscles learn to relax.

It is important when you are feeling anxious to recognize it and feel your shoulders up by your ears and that your back muscles are so tight a quarter would bounce off them, your body holds tension in it and the chemicals react to that. Your nerve endings get tired and then get inflamed then you feel every little touch like it was a hammer hitting you.

Taking time to de-stress in the MOST important thing you can do. Find a method that works for you. Exercise is good but not the mental break you must have. Taking time to listen to relaxation tapes that lead you through a process also uses positive phrases that will retrain your brain and help you think better thoughts too.

You will not get any better until you listen to your therapists and use the meds in the most efficient way. Get something that will put you to sleep and take it on Friday evening and Saturday evening so that hubby can get up with the kids through the night and in the mornings and you can sleep all night and late in the mornings. You have to have your sleep or your body will shut down everything else. Sleep deprivation will prevent you for doing anything else after a few days. You end up on auto pilot and do not get any better until you spend a day or two in bed sleeping.

Take care of your self so you will be there for your children when they need you.