Anxiety in a Child

Updated on May 02, 2011
E.A. asks from El Monte, CA
10 answers

Hey moms
Im in need of help! My son is in 2nd grade (7yrs old) & he is very sensitive. He does a whole lot of crying & gets upset easily. In addition he is very shy with others & I struggle daily to keep him happy. I have tried almost everything to stop the crying. Nothing works. Finally I took him to see a specialist & she told me he has mild anxiety & she would work with him. I havnt seen an improvement. If anything now he tells me that thats how he is & I know he heard that from her. I want to help him. He doesnt behave like this with his Nina or at school. It's just with my husband & I. He has been taking it too far lately because now he is showing a bad attitude & yelling at his brother constantly. What should I do? Its so hard because I dont want my other son doing the same. Any ideas or someone that can relate?

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Okay, he has Anxiety.
But... the KEY thing is now what?
He NEEDS to learn, (and the Therapist should be doing this), is he needs to learn "Coping-Skills."
And how not to use it as a default, excuse.

I would get another Therapist.

2) Next: IF he had a true condition, such as "Anxiety".. then this would be present, anywhere anytime. BUT, you said your son ONLY does this with you and your Husband. NOT at school and NOT with his Nina.
SO... there is a discrepancy. Because, if a person has a condition, it would be present... and not just at certain other places.

What is his relationship, with you/Hubby?

Again, a child needs to learn Coping-Skills.
Because, their environment and social situations cannot be controlled. Thus, they need to learn how to COPE, as a whole.
And just being a part of society, they will encounter a myriad amount of situations.

OR, is it simply something like, he feels usurped by his sibling???? Is this sibling younger or older or a new baby in the house?
So you have to consider that too.

Also, if he is always 'expected' to behave correctly and more grown-up than he is, that can frustrate a child and if they don't have validation or know coping-skills or no one relates to them, they get all sorts of icky behaviors. Maybe they just want/need more attention/bonding with their parents/and to feel, good.

How does his Nina treat him?
Why is it, that he is fine with her?

2 moms found this helpful
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P.B.

answers from Spartanburg on

I had axiety issues at some point when I was in 3,4th grade and it was all from my mother inflicting her anxiety to me (unknowingly), so I suspect it is something he's picking up either from you (parents) or from teachers (or a teacher). Personally, if mother would have brought me to a psycologist i would have believed there was something really serious with me (which luckily there was not) and feel even worse about myself..If he has anxiety bottom line is to soothe it by removing the causes, I think you and your hubby can pin point what is causing him this suffering and you'll see him getting better soon. I would cut the boy some slack (not going to the psych while working on the cause removal) so THAT anxiety can be signed off. Just an idea. Good luck!

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K.B.

answers from Houston on

I'm wondering what kind of specialist you took him to? If she wasn't one I would consider taking him to a developmental pediatrician. They can do a full evaluation and can see if there is anything else going on. The anxiety may just be a symptom of something else. For example, my son has Aspergers and has anxieties, my neighbor's son suffered with anxieties for years before he was diagnosed with dyslexia. No doubt the list goes on and on.

As far as him not doing it with others but only you and your husband, I completely understand how that feels. My son's worst tantrums are reserved for my husband and I. He never has any issues in school. We believe it's this way for a few reasons. One, school is VERY structured and regimented so he always knows what to expect. At home with 2 siblings we try to keep a routine but sometimes things happen. Also, we think our son is so stressed and anxious during school that he keeps everything bottled up and then just explodes when he gets home. We've figured out a good after school routine for him to decompress before we have problems but sometimes we still have issues.

Good luck,
K.

1 mom found this helpful
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J.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

If the specialist is not helping then stop seeing her. There are a lot of not so good therapist out there and she may be putting the focus on your son's issue instead of focusing on the positive. My daughter saw the school guidance counselor a few time relating to mild anxiety when she was in 2nd grade (she was dealing with having surgery and left over feelings of her brothers death). She only needed to see her a few times and she helped so much.
JMO but I do not think parents are responsible for their Children's happiness. Happiness is a choice. I would get him involved in activities where he can feel a sense of accomplishment so he learns to feel good about himself.

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M.A.

answers from Orlando on

Try enrolling him in Karate. This will help with his self esteem.

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L.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

Definitely try working with someone else if you think the current counselor is not helping. One thing that helped my son become more confident and outgoing is karate. My son is 8 and he used to be much more shy and quiet in social situations. He's been doing karate for over 4 years now and it definitely make him more outgoing and less likely to get upset about little things. It might be worth a try. Good luck!

C.B.

answers from Kansas City on

honestly if he is happier with others, isn't it a possibility you are catering to his "insecurities" and he's doing it more just because of how you react? the bad attitude and yelling need to be stopped - that's where discipline comes in. i would pay a lot less attention when he starts his little "sad" spells, encourage him but expect him to keep functioning and get on with life. don't cater to it as much and see if the behavior doesn't become less pronounced.

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R.P.

answers from Los Angeles on

Sounds like you made a good start! I have heard that potassium helps combat anxiety. You could try adding more bananas or Dates to his diet...
Good luck!
R.

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M.F.

answers from Chicago on

I really don't think happiness is a choice at age 7, something is going on with your son. At 7, your son does not want to have a bad attitude, but he feels so terribly and doesn't know what to do about it, so it is coming through as a bad attitue. First, I would have a talk (without your son) with the specialist to understand her view of what is happening, and to tell her the things that you are hearing. If you are not satisified with that conversation, then seek other help. Also, you don't mention how long your son has been seeing the specialist, but it can take several months or even a year to get this resolved, so keep that in mind.

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L.H.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi,

Try another counselor for your son. Sometimes it takes a few to find the one that really fits with what you are seeking.

My daughter started getting anxiety this year (third grade). We were lucky to get a great recommendation from a friend who has worked out really well for us.

I'm so sorry that your family is going through this. Anxiety can be tough at any age, but when your kids are young, it can be very trying. The good thing is that it will be easier to help your son at this age rather than trying to combat anxiety as an adult.

I wish your son all the very best and I hope that you know that there are many other kids going through the same thing.

Good luck,
L.

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