Mamas,
We are still having major sleep problems at our house. How do we get a 2.5 year old who is showing Red Flags for ADHD at an early age to stay in bed at night? She won't stay in time out, she doesn't ever stop what she is doing when you tell her to (unless she is in calm state of mind), she doesn't do "choices"--she'll just have fit about both choices and do neither, she doesn't care about consequences ("you will not get X if you don't do y") etc.
She just had a full-developmental/behavioral eval which she passed with flying colors except they found she was 99% on the hyperactivity scale compared to her peers. (Honestly, those evals are a bit silly for kids with our issues--four or five adults and my child in a quiet room with all eyes on my child and everyone paying attention to and interacting with her? Of course they shine! They are super bright and friendly and love to be the center of attention). Anyway, she did not qualify for services at the time--except for her stutter.
At 1:45 a.m. she got out of bed, came into our room and would not get back in her bed. We tried letting her come into our bed but she was awake and bothering us for so long we finally decided she needed to go back in her crib (forget the big girl bed!) so we put her in the crib. Well she climbed out of that twice (even though she was wearing a sleep sack) and can open the doors to all the rooms--screaming the entire time of course. We finally had to give up, let her back in our bed and just dealt with her bugging us until she fell asleep at 5. So this went on from 1:45 to 5 am this morning.
Thankfully, she was still asleep by 7:20 but then big sis woke up and had an "explosion" because I wasn't getting out of bed fast enough. We are going to buy locks for all the doors and a crib tent so she can't get out of the crib because I feel like that is what we are forced to do. It goes against every motherly instinct that I have, but these children are just way our of control, especially at night and we are extremely desperate for change. Anybody else have to go against every parenting instinct they've ever had to successful parent children like this? Drastic measures like locking them in their rooms to scream for hours in the middle of the night? Will it work or will they just end up hurting themselves?
**I am very tired and crabby this morning and I do not want advice regarding a consistent bed time schedule, nutrition or discipline. They go to bed FINE and sleep like angels for the first few hours. They have a very regular, consistent schedule and it doesn't help with night wakings or night behavior problems. As far as consistenly discipling this child, we haven't found ANYTHING that works yet so it would be silly to be consistent with strategies that do nothing.
Thanks!
P.S. Melatonin does not seem to affect these children much--maybe to help them initially fall asleep if they are wound up but again, it doesn't help them sleep through the night.
Ok, so both girls are back to having separate rooms. Kate (2.5) still has her toddler bed but has a lock on her door and after waking once a night for two nights in a row (and screaming to get out--for an hour the first night at 3 am and for 40 mins the second night at midnight) we are sleeping better. We haven't heard a peep out of her all night for 3 or more nights in a row now and she is sleeping great. Our older daughter (age 5) still has nights terrors but we can deal with that. She has a little bed in our room that she comes into every night. Anyway, getting a lock for the door was very hard for me but it was the right decision! Listening to her scream was hard too but again, she is now sleeping through the night like an angel and is well-rested in the morning. THANK GOODNESS! Who knows what we will do when Baby # 3 is born but for now, we sticking to this plan. Thanks for listening to me stress about this. With a good night's sleep every night our family seems so much less dysfunctional. :)
My really amazing colleague Patience Blesken has some really great information on this. She teaches classes in Boulder and also you can call her ###-###-#### she is really fabulous to talk to!
There is a melatonin time-release spray that you can purchase at Whole Foods Market. Worked for my son during the times that we have had to use it. Maybe it will with your daughter as well.
Epsom salt baths are great for relaxing tired muscles and promoting sleep. I put 1 cup epsom salt in my son's bath water several times a week (you can probably do it each night but I don't) and it does seem to help to settle my son down.
I've also learned through trial and error not to give my son anything high-sugar after 4 p.m. It turns him into a wild man with the tendency of having frequent meltdowns. Getting him to sleep if he has too much sugar or simple carbs in his system is also a nightmare. I just don't think he metabolizes sugar the same as other kids do so we have to be very careful with what he eats for that reason.
Those are just a couple of ideas for you to consider. My son had similar issues where he would wake up at 3 or 4 o'clock in the morning and then be up for the rest of the day. Now that he is 7, it doesn't happen quite as often but it does once every couple of months, so there is hope for you that as your daughter grows and matures, she won't be your early, early, early morning wake up call for forever and ever.
Wishing you and your daughter all the best.
Someone below mentioned sugar and simple carbs.
You seem to be an intelligent, well-informed mom,
so perhaps you had already considered that.
If you haven't . . . .
no simple carbs, no candy, no soft drinks, etc. after 4-5 pm.
Ideally, not before that time either but I won't push this, for now, anyway.
Nothing with additives, food coloring, hidden sugars.
Simple chicken, fish, veggies, etc.
Also, you referred to discipline as after-the-fact attempts to punish.
Nope.
Doesn't work.
Discipline needs to be before-the-fact teaching.
The child does not associate these various withdrawals of things
or confinement to a space with the kind of event
you are hoping to suppress.
Perhaps they would work if the child's mind understood
[ if this, then that ] reasoning.
But it doesn't.
I like the door-knob clutch device much better than locking a door.
Remember to B-R-E-A-T-H-E.
Our son's sleep issues are at the beginning of the night, so melatonin does the trick in calming him enough to sleep. However, in your situation, I love your idea of the crib tent. I can also reassure you on locking the door. Our son's behavioral therapist recommended that strategy to us and swore it wouldn't scar our son for life. We have had to lock him in for time outs and for times when the medication isn't active and he's out of control and can't calm down otherwise. In your case, I'd be worried if your daughter didn't come to your room what could she do in the rest of the house. Hyperactive kids, in particular, can really get into serious trouble quickly when unsupervised.
I'd give the crib tent a try and if she outsmarts that, try the locks (an alternative to full door locks are the hand gripper childproof locks that go right over the knob)
Good luck!
.
HI--
I have a million ideas for you, all a little out of the norm. A little background on me--I have a degree in psychology that emphasized development and neurology. I worked with emotionally and behaviorally challenged kids for a living and have been trained to help them. I have two boys, both with sleep issues that we have treated with alternative and holistic therapies quite successfully. However, some people are not open to these ideas so I'd rather not spend a ton of time typing them all out if you are not open to an alternative route. Although, you live in Boulder (I lived there for 8 years) so I figured you would have at the very least been exposed to some alternative ideas. If you'd like I'd be happy to talk to you about all the things that have worked for us, including things like supporting their adrenal glands herbally and homeopathically, doing energy and emotional work, adjusting diet (I know, you're not interested in this point--it just worked for us), and doing some unusual work on our house concerning EMF (electro-magnetic frequencies) and geo-pathic stress on the house.
Good luck!
J.
Consistent discipline will do something at some point even if it doesnt seem like it isnt doing anything now. One day they will get it. For years I thought I was a horrible mother no dx until they were 7 for adhd. Anyhow I never gave up we did time outs and even tho they seemed not to like them the behavior was repeated over and over again. Drove me nuts. Then one day it dawned on one of them (i have twin boys) that doing y=x and he stopped doing that thing. Not all things but in time he got that doing things that he had been told not to = time out. We got a educational dx of autism at 10 and now at age 12 the majority of the time I only have to tell them something is wrong after they do it once and they dont do it again.
Mine always staid asleep for the most part once I got them to go to sleep. So I am not much help there more so with the age you are dealing with it just makes it harder.
Although your child is very young, many years ago when I was a SPED teacher there was a little guy about 5-6 with ADHD. This sweet child literally bounced off of walls. In an effort to avoid putting him on Meds, I began giving him a 1/2 cup of coffee w/milk, no sugar---in the morning and again after lunch. He seemed calmer, stayed in his chair and finally began to learn and become an active participant in the class, rather than a disruption.
I know your child is still very young, nit it might be worth a try. ADHD kids have opposite body chemistrys, whereby a stimulent such as caffiene, not sugar, tends to slow them down and help them focus. Also avoid any sugary treats 2 hours before bedtime, including canned fruits or sugary juices. Water or milk is fine, so is a handful of nuts or non-sugary dry whole grain cereal.
First, a hug for you - ((HUG)). I have a daughter who I've never had formally evaluated (since she is homeschooled, I've not felt the need) but is probably borderline ADHD. She is bright, bouncy, and very energetic, with all the focus of a butterfly. Sleep has never been easy with her. My husband and I use to joke about it - she never slept as much as the baby books said a baby should, not from the moment she came into the world, and not now at age 9. Obviously, she never read those books! She gave up napping entirely at 2.5.
I'm no expert - all I have is personal experience. But here are 3 things worked for us - if your daughter still naps, now might be a good time to consider stopping. Then she might be tired enough to sleep the night through. (The last hour of the evening might be hell, though.) Consider moving bedtime a half hour to an hour later. This is how I successfully stopped my dear daughter from waking up every morning at 4 ready to start the day with a party. And while I know that this does not work for every family, co-sleeping with my daughter kept her from getting up and wandering at night. She still woke up, but she would go back to sleep without getting out of bed, unless she needed to pee. So instead of an hour of everybody awake, we only had to cope with 5 to 10 minutes. For us, it was worth it having her in our bed as a toddler to gain less interrupted sleep.
Good luck. You will get through this, and even with a child on fast forward, the sleep situation will get better as she gets older.
