Hi S.--
I should be doing the dishes, but wanted to grab a moment and share a thought which went a long way in how I perceive things of this nature...
I don't believe that there is a physical heaven or hell. I would think that, metaphysically speaking, hell would be the absence of whatever the higher power is, that love energy that's out there which can be called upon either in prayer or through ritual or reiki. Heaven-- I don't know that it is anything beyond our spiritual essences or energy being able to rejoin that realm without the complication of the physical realm.
Years ago, I asked an advisor this question: What sort of loving, caring parent would send their child to hell for not, in essence, agreeing with their philosophy? Personally, I find many instances in the Bible where God makes questionable choices. No caring parent would put something in a child's playpen and then say "Don't play with that. I'm watching you. I am offering this thing to you, but you can't really have it." Yet, this is exactly what happened in the Garden of Eden, and then the punishment was WAY beyond what most reasonable, rational parents would do. Instead of saying "Oops, I made a mistake, you weren't ready for that", He decides that they'll have no more fun time, just toil and labor, because they were disobedient. Toil and labor.
Or imagine having babies and then placing a bet with your enemy: Okay, I had these babies, and I'm going to let you at them, because you're talking a big game, Lucifer. I'm going to give you the power to influence them greatly--no holds barred-- and then, if they do what you ask instead of what I ask, I'm going to burn them to a torturous crisp for all eternity.
Who does this? What sort of loving, caring being decides to put their kids up as a 'prize' to be collected by their enemy? What sort of parent would tell their children "I brought you into this world and I want the best for you, but if you displease me by not jumping through my hoops, you get to go fry in hell. Even IF there are myriad ways presented in how you can have a relationship with me, even if there are myriad stories, I'll let you guess which way is the one Right way, and if you guess wrong--- well, so sad, too bad, to hell you go!"
This is why I am a secular humanist who is more or less 'way out there' and open to the idea of God being something else entirely. Perhaps I will indeed go to Hell... I don't believe so, but I also cannot perceive the threat of hell as being the creation and will of a loving and caring God. Especially when there are so many religions and tribes, spiritual beliefs and practices of worship in the world... only 32% of the world is Christian (says Christianity Today). If hell is for everyone else, what sort of creator decides that the other 67% are rejects? Can anyone imagine having three children and killing two because they displeased them, in order to prove a point?
Sorry if I seem like I'm off on a tangent. This is the crux of *why* I have had to reform my perception of God. I became a parent and knew I could not do that to my own kids, no matter how much they disappointed or disagreed with me. Even if they said "You're not my mom!" It would hurt tremendously, but I wouldn't wish them eternal torment.
ETA: I really liked what Hell on Heels had to say about "Some things happen for no reason whatsoever". That's actually a consolation for me too.