Another Birthday Invitation Etiquette Question

Hi T T,

If I were that mom, I would have no difficulty at all if you approached me, probably by phone, and simply asked if siblings are included. That has happened to me previously and it has never been awkward. The only time we didn't include siblings were when we took the boys to laser tag and the cost would have been prohibitive and last year when we had a sleep over with just a few of his friends from school. I hope this helps and have a great time at the party. :-) S.

When you call to ask for gift ideas you could ask her then.

I am unclear as to why your son can not attend the party by himself? If you know them enough to expect that your other child is invited don't you trust them enough to leave your son in their care for the party?

Drop him off with his gift and then come back and get him when the party is over. Problem solved.

Reply for your son only. If you're going to ask for clarification, do it in person or on the phone when you call for gift ideas? Never assume!

I would ask for sure. Just ask if the party is only for the kindergarteners. This will be the cue for the Mom to say yay or nay. Personally, I prefer it if someone asks and am fine with including an extra kid in that situation. It DOES irritate me when someone assumes and TELLS me that they are bringing an extra kid.

Why would your son have to miss if his sister isn't invited? I think that makes a difference. If it is because there is no one that can watch her or because of other commitments that day wouldn't allow for you to get there on time if you had to take her home (or time to go back and get her) then that is how you feel her out on this.

Ask her (either in person or via email)..."Thank you for inviting Joey to Suzy's party. I'm trying to figure out a way for him to attend but we have to be somewhere else at xx w/ Mary and I won't have time to go get Mary after the party and still get there on time. Would it be ok if she came too?"

If that isn't the case just ask her point blank "We received the invitation to Suzy's party. I just want to be clear, is the invitation for both kids or just Joey?"

Just ask directly when you call to RSVP.

It is only for your son, and/or, you.
At this age, often times, the parents are allowed to stay. Versus it being only a "drop off" party.

Keep in mind, that all parents have budgets. And per food/party supplies/goody bags etc., and the party size where the party is held.

IF however, you do not have anyone to babysit your daughter, then you can ask the party Host, if you may be able to bring your daughter, explaining why.

When I have parties for my kids, it is for their invited, friends. Only. AND yes, all of my kids' friends, have siblings, whom my kids know and play with too. But at no time, do the parents assume, they can bring all their kids or their whole family to the party... just because they know us and our entire family. They only bring, their invited, child. And they have their Husband or a grandparent, watch their other kids. They don't bring them all, to the party.

IF your daughter were invited, then her name would be on the invitation too. And if you bring your daughter anyway, without checking with the Host if this is fine, then that is very rude.

Again, the party... is only for the invited child.

Also, when there are siblings in a family and one of them gets invited to a party... that invited child, should be able to have their own things to attend to too, without their siblings going too, all the time.
ie: I have a friend with 3 kids. We ALL know them and ALL their family and my kids are friends with all her kids. BUT, when my son had a party, he invited THAT sibling, which was in his class. And the Mom... ONLY brought her child, that was invited. Only. She also said, that her son had a right to go to his own party without all his siblings all the time, to have his own... special time with his friends. And then her Husband watched her other 2 kids, at home.

There are many people with more than 1 kid. But that does not mean, that every time one of the children gets invited to a party... that ALL the children in that family, can go too.

The Host/family of any party, has a budget. And costs, and they also have a limit as to how many or what size party, they plan.
They cannot possibly, get food/supplies/goody bags for every sibling that tags along to a party in addition to the invited child and/or the parent that is invited.

It is your son, that is invited. To this party. For HIS, kindergarten classmate.

When a person just brings along others to a party, it is rude.

Recently, my son was invited to a party for another boy. We know their family very very well. They have a daughter too. So my daughter asked if she can go too, to play with the sister of the boy. I said, no. The party is for your brother... and the siblings are not invited. Even if we know them very well.... it is your brother, that is invited. And your brother has a right to go to his own parties, on his own too. With his friends. Sure, I could have asked if my daughter can go too. Because I know that family VERY well and our kids know each other VERY well. But I did not. The party was for that family's son and my son, was invited. Not our whole family. And that family, ALSO explained to their daughter that the party was for her brother. It was his, special day.

I would just ask whether it is okay to bring your daughter. There is nothing wrong with asking in my opinion, it's a kids party and parents normally understand that sort of thing. I never worried when other parents have me the same question. I'm sure they will appreciate you giving them a heads up that you're bringing another little one, so that they are prepared with enough food, party favors, etc. :) I'm sure it's fine!

I would assume he is not and if she has contact information on the invite (a phone number or way to send her a message) you can ask. If you are close to them you have contact info, right? If your son is 5/6, you may not even need to be there for the party, if having to be there is an issue. Drop him off and do whatever you need to and come get him again. Explain to your DD that the birthday girl can't always invite everyone and you'll set up a playdate when you can.

I think you're just going to have to ask to clarify.
I've had many parties where siblings, parents, grandparents/grandkids, etc, were welcome.

We specified that on the invitation.

We also had parties in which we didn't invite everyone in the world, including younger siblings. It wasn't to be mean, but parties can be expensive and some of the venues and activities weren't exactly age appropriate for younger sibs.

It's a party, not daycare.

I think it's kind of sad that if your daughter can't go, then neither can your son, who was clearly the one invited. That makes an awkward situation for the ones having the party.

The only way you'll know for sure is to ask. They may be totally fine with it.
I would just be careful making it sound like an ultimatum. Little sister has to go too or he can't.

I have a sister 3 years younger than I am. She used to get absolutely TICKED when I got invited to parties and she didn't. I was invited by my school friends and we went ice skating, miniature golfing, to the circus, etc.
She didn't think it was fair that I got to do things that she didn't.
My mom didn't try to get her invited. My sister was invited to parties with her friends that I wasn't invited to.

I really am not crazy about perpetuating the idea that if both siblings can't do everything together, then neither can get to do it.

That said, again, you're just going to have to ask.
They may feel that the more, the merrier. If not, next time, they will be more specific on their invitations.

I hope it all works out.

Only your son is invited and there is no polite way to ask if your daughter can attend. When you RSVP that your son will not be able to attend and you are asked why-you can then say you will not have coverage for your daughter-at which time, you may be given the go ahead to bring the daughter.

Evite lets you adjust settings. If it were important to the hostess that only 1 child per family attend/email address, she could set it up that way. (I suppose she could not know this, but if I remember correctly, Evite walks you through all the options as you set it up - so it would be kind of hard for her to miss.) I would assume that if you can choose the 2 kid option in the drop-down, then 2 kids are fine.

Hi, T.T.:
Ask the mother for clarification.
Good luck.
D.

I've always invited siblings. Close friends I would assume the siblings were comming. I've also had school friends of my child if its ok to bring a sibling and i've always been yes sounds good look forward to seeing so and so. I would just call the parents so they are prepared for the addition but I do not see why it would not be fine.

Does it specify that parents are to attend? Parents are not expected to attend birthday parties where I am from, so we don't have the issue of having to bring siblings along. You could ask "Do you need me to attend, because if I need to be there I have to bring my daughter as well."