Annoying Sis-In-Law

I read some good advice in a knitting book that pretty much applies to most advice that's given to you. That is, just nod and listen then say thank you. First off, maybe they have some information you can learn from. If not, a sincerely polite reply usually ends it.

My oldest is almost 9 and he still has trouble looking people in the eye. It's either shyness or something like that.

Hi, A.! I know you wrote your message awhile ago, but I am just now getting to read some the messages that were sent the past few days!!!

I am a mother of two boys who are almost three and the other just turned four. Both of my sons are autistic. If you are concerned about Kaydan, it wouldn't hurt to get him evaluated, if for no other reason than to rule autism out and give you some peace of mind! If his behavior is typical for a child his age, then at least you can have peace of mind and you can tell your sister-in-law that what she is seeing is typical and not to worry about it. There are some behaviors that are "signs" of autism, but that doesn't mean that every child who exhibits that specific behavior is autistic.
On the other hand, if your sis-in-law is accurate in her concerns about Kaydan's behavior, you don't want to waste time wondering "is he or isn't he?" Call your pediatrician or the birth to three/early childhood program in your area, and they can help you to determine whether he is on the autism spectrum or not --or whether he even needs services or not.
One last thing: because, it seems, autism is more and more being diagnosed in children, you, your family, and friends will be seeing more on TV and hearing more about it in the news. Don't let what you hear scare you. Keep in mind that a diagnosis cannot be made by watching a "kiddo" on TV exhibit certain behavior and because your child does the same thing, that automatically means YOUR child is autistic. It doesn't mean that. Like I mentioned earlier, if you are concerned, and you feel there may be some delays or you are questioning certain behaviors you see in your child, ask your pediatrician. What may be an extreme behavior in an autistic child, may be typical behavior and a passing phase in a typically developing child. I hope this helps some!

P.S. I am not a doctor or a professional (outside of having my own two autistic boys!), but typically, autism is not able to be diagnosed until around 18 months. Eleven months is a little young to really know for sure! Still, talk to your doctor for your own peace of mind!

While I do not agree with there being a recovery from Autism. I do thank Jenny' for putting a face to Autism. My son has Autism and there are many types. I would suggest since he has the lack of eye contact and moves his hand like that to perhaps seek a developmental ped doc. There is a test that can be done called ADOS. There are 3 magor critiria for Autistic children...speach, social, and motor skills. I do not liike the way your sister in law approached it but if there is some truth to it....far better early on to know ...to get help from Easte Seals ( age 2 to 3) then PPCD ( age 3 to 4 contact local schoool district)

The bright side is maybe your child is normal and is just being playful....after you have the test your sister in law will have to find something else to complain about lol

anyways email if you want, for doctors in the san antonio area

V.

Find someone else to watch your son, on the grounds that you're not comfortable with him watching so much TV? :)

I can't get into the SIL relationship - I love my SIL, but she and I both have big personal boundaries and neither of us try to step into the other's.

At the same time, if your son showed no interest in faces as a baby - I'd talk to the pediatrician (on my own) just in case. KWIM?

Just ignore her. I have a few of those in my family, too.

You poor baby! Everyone wants to tell a new mom how to do it. My dad used to think I might have been autistic because I liked to rock back and forth. I'm 32 and not living with autism, and I still catch myself rocking.
Being a parent is trial and error. You thank a person for their advice and move on. It's totally on you whether to take it into consideration or not. There are definitely things that you should see a doc for and if you feel the need to get your son checked out, by all means, do it. That's what the docs are there for! If not, go on your merry way and ignore your SIL. If she is getting on your nerves, and she can't take the hint when you tell her politely thank you but no thank you, you might have to gather up your britches and tell her off and nicely as possible. If she gets mad, oh well! She can get unmad in the same pants she got mad in. It'll be her choice to get mad and you're not responsible for her emotions. There ya go. By the way, maybe your husband can say a few words to her to back you up. That's what spouses do. Good luck with it all and just be the best mom you can. Many blessings...

I think that there is absoultely no way that autism can be diagnosed at such an early age. I think I read or heard somewhere that autism isn't diagnosed until the child reaches there pre-school years. 3 or 4 years of age. I think your sister-in-law is just being mean. Now unless your son has other problems like a speech delay then I would consult with your pediatrician. Other than that I would not listen to her

I would sometime in conversation mention a friend of yours (me) D. whose nephew does the flying arms thing who is 100% normal and whos child and 7 nephews and nieces all have never looked at the person who is holding them... does that mean they have autism... NO!!! some babies just like to look around and know what is happening in their surroundings. I wish you luck and completely know how situations can be with inlaws!

as a mom of an autistic child.......... arm flapping and lack of eye contact are two early signs of autism.......... if you are concerned about it you can contact early childhood intervention and talk to them about it.........

but if you are not comfortable with all your sister in laws comments........... tell her to stop!

If you are concerned... Talk to your pediatrician and ask for a prescription or referral to see have your child evaluated by a Neurologist.

J.

I found, with my family and my husbands, setting boundries is very important. You can do this in many ways. I spoke with my mom, and later my mil about what my boundries are and the behavior I exspected them to exibit or refrain from. A great example, my mother the x hippie, has taken to saying mexicans do x and y and asains do not know how to drive, her husband even went as far to use the n word with my son in the room. I was furious. I spoke with her, on the phone, and let her know I was not okay with what she says, and if she was going to act that way she simply would not see my child. She was really upset. She will not face her own BS. She has however modified her behavior in front of my son. I don't think there is an easy everyone is happy solution for you. Sit down and think about what you want to say, maybe write out a rough outline, speak with her when you are not upset or emotional and simply let her know what you feel is aceptable. Family members are not always going to be you best freinds. Good Luck

I too have an annoying family member. I have gotten similar comments about my sons. I just thank them for their input and tell them that I will make sure to bring it up with their dr. at the next appointment. (then roll my eyes when I turn my back)

OY VAY! No offense to anyone who likes the view, but seriously, that is the LAST show I would take medical advice (or any advice really) from.

Sorry that you have this person in your life. Thet seem to sense things that you are maybe not too confident about (like your baby's health). Read up on it if you are sure you agree this is a possibility. Whether Asperger's ( much more mild and allowing more social/intellectual development) or straight autism, doctors would usual test for that between 2 or 3 if symptoms indicate. I can hear ya and this is something historical behavior. Thank her for her advice and concern - maybe listen to her just once with apparent interest. She can only make observations, since she is not a licensed clinical professional and only they can decide if the observation need be pursued.

I'm pretty evil, I'd have to say to her that his not looking at faces is because he has seen hers! Sorry - couldn't help saying that;)

Don't let anyone push you around and bully you just because you are a very new mom and soliciting advice. Sounds like a jealous person to me!

Good luck.

I think you shouldn't pay attention to what she is saying. Just go with your mom instinct and don't evern bother with her.

hi A.!
usually kids don't display autistic behaviors ____@____.com my profession, i worked with many children with autistim and thought my daughter displayed some autistic behariors (flapping when excited), but i think i was overanalyzing b/c we hear so much about autism these days. moms like jenny mccarthy think there might poxxibly be a link between the 2 yr. MMR shot and autism b/c behaviors are shown @ 2yrs. however, if you need some peace of mind for YOURSELF, you can take him to neurologist. good luck!

What a jerk. I have SIL just like her. What you need to do is just keep her away from your baby. Does she have kids? Maybe she is jealous of your baby. My inlaws acted as if my son wasn't part of their family so we stopped going over and stopped calling them. You don't need those kind of negative people in your life and especially not in his life. Besides if there was anything wrong the doctor would have told. Good luck.

I had a woman at church whose son was autistic and would do the same thing to me. I just thanked her for her concern but informed her that my son is fine. Then I would not discuss it with her anymore. I have to tell you though, there were days I wanted to scream at her!

My mother-in-law is the same way. I think she just does it to try and get a rise out of me. I learned quickly if I don't give her the satisfaction, then it drops quickly. Usually I respond with something along the lines of: well me and the pediatrician think he is doing fine and there is no need for alarm. Or basically I fit it to the situation. I acknowledge what she has said and just brush it off. Since I started doing this she has stopped being so negative towards my son. Good luck, because I know it's hard to ignore someone who is being negative towards your child.

Dont worry about her, i have one myself ( annoying sis n law). You are his mother, and we as mothers know our own children. If there is nothing you or your husband are concerned about, just dust it off. Shes always gonna be there,"trying to help".

A., I can only imagine how offended you were and how difficult it is to be in a situation like this with a relative. Ugh.
I know just a bit about Autism and will not speak to that part of it. Talk to your doctor if you have concerns about his activities.
The only thing I wanted to tell you is that both of my girls (now 3 and 4) went through a phase from about 10 months through 17 or 18 months, when they did not like to look people in the eye or look into cameras. Both girls got past that and are perfectly happy and healthy.
Stay strong and try to be the 'bigger' person. Think about the way you act and the things you say to the sis-in-law, so that you'll always be proud of the way you acted. (This is not easy for me, but something I've been working on in a different situation.)

Best of luck!

I'm not sure what to tell you if suspect your son has autism other then go to the Dr and bring your concerns to him...but all four of my kids did the exact same thing when they were little and laying on their bellies, and none of them have autism.

As far as your sister-in-law goes, tell her to mind her own business. I have a sister-in-law who tries to parent my children and give me advice...I finally told her that my kids are older then hers, and if I need advice about my kids, I'll go to the Dr, my mother, or my mil...not her. There were other things in there as well, but that was the gist of it.

Hope that helps!