Annoyed - Milwaukee,WI

Invite them. Tell them you are leaving at like 7am. They are welcome to join you. If they say yes, and are not there by 7:10. Leave. Now they know you mean business.

You're right, you're not doing anything wrong.

"This is not a family-reunion."
"I'm spending time with my husband and kids; just us."
"You can choose to go to the amusement park any time you want. It doesn't have to be a group trip."

If the time comes where you do invite them along - "We're leaving the house at 8am. Be here on time, because we are not waiting."

Then leave at 8am. I don't wait for habitually late people, it just enables them to keep being rude.

I know this all too well and I feel for you. We have a large family as well and a few of the family members are major drama queens that I do not particularly like so much. They probably feel the same about me and I could care less! Facebook totally aggravates the hell out of me too because I have family in all corners of the US where as my husbands side is concentrated in one specific place. I love to update my extended family on FB as to what we are doing and how all my kids are because we don't see each other much. They also enjoy seeing our activities and song moan and complain about not being invited. Meanwhile, my husbands family does. Especially my SIL's. They are all nosey and full of drama. What I chose to do after getting a few idiot comments on my FB page when we would post photos of a trip, vacation, or event we attended is simply delete the troublemakers from my page and block them. My news to them was that if they cannot act like an adult and stop the insanity, then you will be booted from my page and now, you can rely on a phone call to me or news from other family members as to how we are! Frankly, our family doesn't wait for late sleepers or people who can't rise and shine to get on with the next adventure. We make our plans and go to our events when we want to. I always tell the late Louie's that they can meet up with us later when they get their rears in gear but I don't wait tor them anymore. Life is short and my family's time is valuable. We sleep 8 hours and don't feel the need yo marinate in our beds until 10:00 on the weekends. So....ya' snooze, ya' lose is my motto. Love me or hate me, I am going to the grave crossing off my bucket list of things to do and places to see. Drama free, without waiting for everyone else, and certainly without guilt trips and Facebook mayhem. You sound like a great planner and wise timekeeper to me. Live it up and let the rest CATCH UP!

Here's what I would do if someone fussed at me for not inviting them. "Sorry, but we get out very early to do these things, and we know you aren't a morning person." Then go about your business. Don't let them get to you.

Don't invite people who are different attitude-wise, and you can't get along. What's the point of that? If you don't perceive people as pressuring you to provide them with entertainment, you won't be bothered. All you have to do is let them know that what they want doesn't work for you.

As far as taking one relative and not the others is concerned, that gets trickier. Is it one kid and not the siblings? Is it your favorite niece or nephew? You shouldn't play favorites. I don't know the ages or sexes of the kids involved, so hard to say. But don't play favorites. It hurts the children.

Wow, I would be annoyed too. I have a large extended family and they sure don't act like that! These people sound petty and immature.
Just do your own thing, and invite who you want when you want. If you decide to extend an invite be clear about what time you are leaving and don't wait around, just go. If they try to make you feel bad about just block them from your news feed and know that it's THEIR problem, not yours.

What you do is post everything on FB. What my friends do is this:

"Hey everyone! We're sitting here and just decided we're going to Frontier City tomorrow.

We are leaving our house, ready to go, packed up, off the driveway at 5am. If you have enough cash on hand to spend on a fun and fabulous day, if you want to convoy down to the City then we need your message by 4am so we can meet up at the Conoco station right by our house at 5am, no later.

We are getting on the highway by 5:15am so either be at the meet spot or meet us at Frontier City some time later in the day".

This way you've posted the trip, you've invited everyone to meet you and let them know all the information they could possibly need. They have to pay their own way, drive their own vehicle, and more.

Take the bull by the horns and put it out there then go. If they follow along or meet you or even don't have the money to go you've let them make the choice.

Megan's comment said it all. Way to go, Megan!

Keep doing your thing. While others would like to have you feel bad, you don't have to. Choose to be comfortable and happy with your choices.

I also agree with a lot of what Megan said. I think it's hard…I mean you want to have both immediate family time and extended family time. Sometimes I want to take the cousins with us, sometimes I don't, and sometimes I truly don't care, so a lot of it depends on your mood a the time too (same goes for everyone else and whether or not they get hurt feelings).

Bottom line, I think when you plan something ahead of time let the others know what you're up and what time you're leaving and if they want to join, great, but don't wait for them unless you want to. No one says you have to ride together or arrive together. Leave the invitation open but put your wants/needs first.

As far as if someone confronts you on why you didn't invite them or whatever I think you should tell them exactly what you wrote here…ya know, Husband works so much we really wanted some time as a family. Next time we'll let you know what we're up to…

Your lives are too entirely intertwined with your family. Don't post any of these pictures on Facebook and they won't know that you went and you won't get unwanted comments. You should be able to plan some things for your family and not feel guilty to invite all of the extended relatives. There are some things that you should do with your immediate family and other things that you should share with extended family. Stop feeling guilty and trying to justify things- how you respond to them is your problem and you have the power to change how you respond.

Why are you allowing people, family to boot, to treat you poorly?

Tell them the truth! This is **OUR** family time. We don't expect people to drop trow and run when we say we're doing something.

Sounds like it's time to move. If you don't want to do that? Start standing up for yourself and telling your family to back off! They do NOT need to be invited to EVERY SINGLE THING!! If that's what they want? Send them a text message before you go to bed (I'll assume early since you are early risers!) and tell them where you are going the next day and what time you are leaving your home...it's then up to THEM if they want to drag their butts out of bed at, what might consider an un-Godly hour, and not go. Problem solved.

Megan's and Doris Day's answers are very good!

Say to the family what you say to us: "My husband works a lot and weekends are our family time for him, me and the kids." Period. Do not defend yourself for having fun. Ever.

Also, I was taught that it is the height of pure rudeness to invite yourself anywhere, or to announce to others that you expect, or expected, to be invited somewhere. So, in our family's book, your relatives are not just annoying, they are exceptionally rude. That means you have zero obligation to them. An invitation to do something with someone is a privilege, not a right. They seem to think it's a right.

Here's my key question: If these people were not your relatives, and their kids were not your relatives -- are they people you would actually like enough that you would seek out their companionship for fishing? For an amusement park? For having over for dinner, or going...anywhere? Do you enjoy their conversation, ever? Like their personalities? Like their senses of humor? Share some interests in common? In other words, would they be your friends even if they were not relatives? Are their kids nice kids whom you'd probably be glad to take along even if they were your own children's friends and not relatives?

If the answers are no, you really don't have much in common; your interests don't mesh-- and you say in the post already that you and the relatives are "very different attitude-wise" and you "clash" -- then please learn not to feel any obligation to take them and spoil your own days out because they are immature, entitled whiners. Again -- "Weekends are our family time for Jim, me and the kids. Sometimes we'll ask ONE of the other kids along which is really fun. But we are a small family within a big extended family and we do things on the spur of the moment sometimes." Then change the topic immediately.

If you take one kid somewhere, that is fine. If others kick up a fuss, and say, "But you said weekends were your family time but you took Sally to the park with you, why didn't you ask my Billy too?!" just say sweetly, "This was time for us with just Sally." Leave it at that. They likely are trying to say you play favorites. Guess what? People DO have favorites and you are not obliged to take every child every time.

If you want to stay in touch just because they're family, then invite various relatives once in a long while to do something that is time-limited. I would not take people with whom I clash to join me on an eintire day at the amusement park, nor would I want to go fishing with them for hours on end. Invite them for something where you don't have to talk much (movie and a meal, then "Got to be home by 10, see you with everyone at mom's' house for Grandma's birthday party next month" and you're done.)

You say you don't post stuff on FB yet they "get wind" of things you've done. How is that happening? You should not have to hide your interests or activities but on the other hand, it sounds as if someone among your relatives is a busybody who pries it out of you, maybe --? Find out where the leaks are occurring.

Drives me crazy that some of my family cannot get rolling before noon. One day in Dublin, we said, "fine, we'll do the tour and find you later" and we did. The sks were not happy but I wasn't waiting til 2 to explore the city. If people complain, tell them you might consider meeting back up with them at a time that suits them, but early suits you. They could get up earlier to join you, or they can quit complaining. I would do what you want to do and keep replies short. "Jane was welcome to come, but we were leaving at 10 and she wasn't ready." Or "We only had room for 4 in our car. Maybe next time." Etc. Or "I'm allowed to have fun with just my family, and you with yours. Please stop blaming me for your lack of planning."

ETA: If they tell you that you are hiding him, ignore it. They can talk to him. Nephew is a person with opinions, too. You can also consider the source. If they are on FB most of the time (I'm on FB a lot, but don't replace relationships with it) then they may have a skewed version of reality. Goes back to the mamapedia question about being offended for being left out of an invite. You're allowed to have - nor not - who you want in your home. Period. Maybe if they had a better relationship with you or him, this would be a moot point.

Wow, I loved MegantheMom's answer!!

Your extended family sounds way too enmeshed and entitled. Some solid boundaries will work wonders.

Hmmm, sounds like you need to communicate more. Call a family meeting and say, "Hey, I just feel like I need to make it clear that we can't always do something with EVERYONE and we can't always post our plans to everyone, nor do we expect anyone to always invite us whenever they do something. Does everyone agree that is fair? Also, we don't like feeling like we're guilty of something if we want to do something early instead of late, and again, we don't always want to bring others. And again, we don't expect that in return. Maybe I'm imagining things but I feel like people are disappointed when we do our own thing on our own time. am I crazy?"

Or something. I'm sure these people don't even realize you're upset if you've never said so. They probably ASSUME you want to include others if it's on FB (did you mean you do post it there so people won't "get mad" at you "sneaking off" without announcing? I was a little unclear on that part).

So they'll probably be like, 'Oh, no we don't mind at all, do your own thing" or WHATEVER they say, you can close with "OK, then, sometimes we WILL be doing stuff at the last minute, early in the morning, without inviting other people and we still love you all!"

And if they're weird after that, then, maybe some distance and more firmness is needed. You do have the right to be with your own family, this is very strange on their part. But it seems like a habit that has gotten out of control without them realizing it's weird.

You could also just do stuff without announcing it and when they "get mad" have the "Sometimes we do stuff together alone as a family. I hope that isn't a problem. I know I've usually tried to included everyone, but that has to change. We need some of our own time. Please don't be mad." talk.

Hmm. And as for your update...yeah, sounds like you've made yourself into the "person who calls everyone and lets everyone do stuff with you guys even if they never do it with each other at other times." Just don't do that anymore. How bad can their revenge really be? Call them on their guilt trips and put your foot down.

I know what you mean and I'm trying to get over that feeling...and still do the things I want to do with just my immediate family...or select family members. We are very spontaneous too and it doesn't always work to invite other people, since we do things last minute. I figure after you've tried to plan one meal at a restaurant to get everyone together, then you've done your part as hostess and the rest is up to your guests and the other family members.

It's not up to you to make everyone else happy.

ooh another reason NOT to have facebook! Tyler and I do NOT worry about this.

I love the idea to post and let them decide.
I also agree with others about stop allowing people to "make" you feel something. No one can "make" you feel anything. you give them the power. Stop giving them the power.

They don't want to be with you, they just want to do the activity (for free?). They aren't interested in him or they'd call him at other times, they just want to do something and are bored. Do what you do. Facebook is moronic. Quite frankly I could not care less if you are sitting at starbucks drinking coffee. Why do people "check in"? If you want to tell someone about your day, call them and tell them. If you aren't close enough to show someone pictures in person why are you posting them on Facebook? If you do invite them, why are you waiting at all? Don't you all have your own cars? Just meet them there. If they are late and you are already leaving,, they can still stay and have fun on their own.

you can't be harassed if you don't put up with it.
that happened to me ONCE. an in-law on side got miffed when she heard there was a get-together with in-laws on the other side, and told me she expected to be invited thereafter. i told her i was sorry she was upset but that we get together with various permutations of family at different times during the year, and that particular gathering was for that particular group. she accepted my 'apology' with 'that's fine, just don't do it again' and i had to clarify further, that i wasn't apologizing for an error, simply acknowledging her pique, and repeated lovingly and firmly that we get to choose whom we have over and when.
i guess the word spread. never been a problem from any branch of the family since then.
khairete
S.

I don't get why you feel the pressure. You and your husband can do what you want. People who have the nerve to demand that they be included should be knocked back to reason. That's just stupid. This isn't even a philosophical thing; this is an activity! I WISH someone would try to make me feel bad about a decision that I made with MY husband about OUR household. I would laugh in that person's face.

If somebody were to ask me why he/she is not invited, I would say, "Because I wanted to do that with my husband," or "Because I didn't want to," depending on how much snot is in the question.

ya know what? let it go-its your life-they get pissed off thats their problem your not living your life for anyone but you-im with you on waiting for ppl..drives me nuts..dont waste your time getting annoyed-keep living your life as you see fit..

I don't even understand your question. Do you always do things with relatives? Can you not just go places on your own? And why post it on Facebook at all? I don't understand why everyone has to brag about everything they do on Facebook any more. If your family wants to go fishing, go fishing. Put the pictures in your scrap book where they belong.

My advice- ditch the FB account. Life's so much easier.