So this weekend started with bf going to drill. That was fine, I am slowly getting used to him being gone. It takes longer when it only happens once a month. I went out with some friends of ours. Well ok I went out with a couple which are friends of ours and had a good time. I spent the next day with his mom. Then after that I went home and cleaned. I got a call at 11 saying that bf had non weapons training monday tues and thurs. This is driving me nuts and I know it is nothing compared to being deployed. Anyways I have been so bored compared to normal. I guess he is my energy in a ball. So now instead of going nuts I am writing him notes. Ok let me rephrase that I am pretty much writing him little books at a time. Haha I guess he cant say that he is not on my mind.
Do any of you moms or dads do this when SO is not there for awhile? Or am I just going crazy?
I know this sounds super clingy now that you have said it. And when he is at work for 12 hours a day it doesnt bother me. When he goes fishing with the guys it doesnt bother me. It something about when he goes to guard that just kinda makes me blue. The boys sure do make time fly when they are awake. And working helps a load but its the times like now when we are dead at work with not much to do. When I am busy I am busy and my mind is clear but when I have down time and CANT clean or find something to do that irritates me. I would do something else at work but I work in telemarketing outbound calls so when there are no calls to be made I have nothing to do! When I am at home I will clean the guinea pig cage or play with the boys or find whatever needs to be done. Believe me our house is never as clean as it is when he goes to guard.
Well, my husband was out of the service when we met, but he does travel a fair amount--for business and golf. To tell you the truth, I like a little break. I've always been pretty independent so I usually enjoy my "me time" by taking care of my house, and child. Then I'm glad to see him when he gets back. :)
Missing someone and being clingy are 2 different things.
In one scenario, a person misses someone else, but they have their own identity and are self-assured and have their own individual activities and thoughts and ideas and things to do.
In the other scenario, it is the person looking for the other person, to fill their lives and provide entertainment and ideas, for what they should do.
One involves self-initiative and the realization that these feelings are situational, and the ability to be by yourself. Even if no one is there. It means, being comfortable with yourself even when bored.
The other situation means, that being reliant.... on the other person, in order to be inwardly productive.
But a person can do that, even if they are by themselves.
It means, being able to be an individual. Without another person, defining you. The ability to be independent. And... to be your OWN person.
I suggest you need to find a way to not need him this much. You're acting co-dependent which is a way of relating that rarely ends in a successful relationship. If I were him, I'd feel smothered.
I do not do this when my so is gone. Actually, I've been single for a great number of years and am comfortable with my own self. I don't need anyone to make me whole.
I suggest that you'll be much happier if you can like yourself enough to be alone with yourself.
Well, my guy is out of town most weeks Mon-Friday.
God I love him with every cell in my body.
But MAN the travel REALLY works for us!
However, I think it's sweet that you miss him so much, clingy or not.
:)
I really think it is a matter of maturity and independence. I don't mean that as an insult though I am sure I would have taken it as such when I was younger. :)
Troy has spells where he is gone all week for three or four months. I miss him but I don't need him to be around. Life continues without missing a beat and we cram a lot into the weekends because we both miss our hobbies.
Thing is though you have to do what you need to do to get through it. Writing works though I would suggest you may be happier if you find a more social hobby. This is just my take on what you described you are dependent on him to entertain you. Not a good place to be because if he is deployed you may very well go crazy with all the writing you will have to do.
Oh when you sit down you needs something to do? Seriously, knitting. I will knit even with my husband sitting across the room. Great for keeping from snacking as well. :)
You do sound very immature and insecure....come on girl...you're not still writing your name using his lastname in your highschool books....are you?
I have alot of cleaning you can do in my house... Feel free to c'mon over lol. I'm sorry your going through this, hopefully hanging out here will help.
I guess what you need to ask yourself is why you feel this disjointed when he is not around every day. Some people are more independent than others but most people are able to deal with short absences without resorting to writing a small novel.
My husband just recently decided to get into trucking as a career and was gone for a month straight before he decided to take a few days off to spend at home. He just left again yesterday and it will probably be another month before I see him again. Do I miss him? Sure! But do I feel like I don't know what to do with myself? Of course not. I have always been a really independent person and have no problem having the house to myself and figuring out a schedule and a routine that does not involve him. I have my daughter plus pets to take care of, a house to look after, and sporadically I get asked to do relief work and cover at vet hospitals on an as-needed basis. I got plenty to keep me busy and occupied so that I don't spend the time pining away for him. I am comfortable enough in my own skin to be okay with being alone. With 2 boys of your own, I don't see how you could possibly be that bored. Pour your energy into them, and into finding more productive ways to spend your time.
My husband works on drilling rigs .we just text all day long back and forth to make up for not bring together.
I wouldn't worry about what we think of it - if it works for you, go for it!
What I do when hubs is away:
(usually stress out beforehand, but then it ends up being ok)
clean
INTERNET! =D
exercise / dance parties with the bebe
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
I find there is a lot I don't really get to do when he is here just bc I'd rather be with him, even if we're not doing much. But hey! You do what works for you!
My husband retired from the Marine Corps. I know there's people who are not used to having their loved one gone for a while. Thankfully, he's just a boyfriend and not a husband or it would be different. With my husband's new civilian job, he travels often in the spring. People ask how I deal with it. Well, when he's gone for a week it's like he went to the store. No big deal. It's nothing compared to him being gone for months at a time with kids at home. You are very lucky with no kids at home wondering where Dad is and missing every milestone. Take advantage of your time alone. You need to become more independent because if you're lonesome now, it'll only get worse as your relatioship gets closer.
K. B
mom to 5 including triplets
I do not what branch he is in, but when my son was deployed I wrote to navymoms and also signed on his ship website and the navyfamilies were of wonderful support. You are going through mini losses, tiny grieving each time he is gone, and that is normal for a lot of people. Some have other ways to deal with this, but if you need the support they are there.
