I was just reading over what dirty tricks people play to win in divorce. Most talk about woman using them rather than men, which was what I was looking for but still I read over them. And a few of those supposed dirty tricks is what my lawyers asking for. I feel horrible now thinking that I may be put in the pile with the rest of those down low and dirty people that are doing this. I was made to understand it was for the best right now to do these things, to protect me. Really I don't have a clue, I feel very niave and stupid right now to my rights and feel perhaps I being manipulitive to get what I want.. okay need. but still.
So Really am I using dirty tricks to win.
The lawyer wants to ask to have him temp removed from the home till the housing athority calls me about a home, which maybe a few more weeks now. I don't think it will be to long now, but still, And asking for temp custody of my child, so that I can't be told where I take my child, if I need to leave town. Though mind you, even if this goes through, I am not that horrible of a person I would not alow him to see his son, I treat it like any other day, if our son needed picked up from school I would call him to do it. Let him spend some time with him after school and what not, I wouldn't take him away from him. Not like I wouldn't allow him back in his own home to spend time, long as he wasn't on a rampage. So really am I using Dirty tricks, or am I just fighting dirty because hes faught dirty to a point.
I guess I am just trying to justify what I am doing since I am still having second thoughts. Its that internal conflict with me still, that fights with one another. Hate it, but thats just who I am.
oh and by the way I am not paying the lawyer he is pro bonoing my case. Don't know if that matters, but just means he is not being paid for his time.
I'm confused, what are the dirty tricks??? usually when a couple divorces they do not live together. Usually the one with the kids most will stay in the house until they decide maybe to sell the house. Why is he still living with you? With the info you gave I dont know if you are employing dirty tricks or just having a normal break up
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There is a difference between playing dirty and covering your own a$$. You are covering your own A$$.
Glad to see you hired your own lawyer.
That's not playing dirty or using dirty tricks. That's covering the bases, protecting your interests, and protecting your child. It's also keeping your ex from using dirty tricks.
Take your lawyer's advice. He's not being amoral.
He opened your mail and hid it because he has tricks up his sleeve. Time to start to cover yourself and that is not playing dirty.
Your lawyer is protecting your interests (and your child's) with these suggestions. Temporary custody for the ease of your transition into new housing is to provide you with options and says nothing about you or your intentions around visitations. I understand that this is a difficult time for you right now, but hang in there - and listen to your lawyer! :D
If you are using a restraining order to get him out of the house then yes, you are using dirty tricks and not that it matters what I say but knock it the heck off!!!
My ex actually was abusive, had a collection of guns he used to point at me. Oh I really don't want to get into it but I could not get the restraining order because he played the she is just using the system and won. Because women use these tricks those of us who really need to get out can't unless we or the kids end up in the hospital!
Oh for gods sake filing for custody is not a trick! We filed back and forth! it is up to the court to decide not who files first!!!! Honestly do you have the worst attorney on earth. You file for divorce, in that filing you ask for full custody and go from there!!! Standard practice not a trick.
It sounds more like you want to play the system but don't want to feel bad about yourself so you are trying to find tricks he is playing, well he isn't! My god, if he wanted to play dirty he would have his mom kick you out of her house which she has every legal right to do!
Telling you not to get a lawyer was not a trick it was, well I don't know what to call it, wishing out loud maybe. If my ex had told me not to get an attorney I would have told him my attorney doesn't advise that! Seriously you have a brain you should know that is nonsense. To trick someone or the court you have to actually be able to bamboozel the average person.
I get that this is a sore subject for me but for six months my children and I were in living hell. My older two took turns living in the house and staying with friends because they couldn't take it but neither would leave their little sibs alone and knew I couldn't be there 24/7. They were 16 and 18 at the time and had to be parents to their little sibs so I could work!!! Do you understand what it is like to have the court malfunction because people play games!!!!
Okay I just want to add your soon to be ex sounds like a tool but don't stoop to his level. My god my divorce was likened to war of the roses but I never stooped to his level. Never!! There is a reason my kids still respect me and have no respect for their father. I fight fair, in the end I got half of everything including custody. If I had to do it all again I wouldn't change a thing. I would never want to win custody of children who no longer respect me because of how I went about doing it, ya know?
Yeah forgot about the mail. Still wouldn't call that a dirty trick, I still call that illegal. I forgot to mention yesterday, do you have someone you can have your mail forwarded to? I had all my mail sent to my dad's house after I found out what he was doing.
So much depends upon how much of a knock down drag out grudge match the divorce turns into.
One-up-manship and spite can turn things into a major feud.
My husbands parents divorced when he left home for college.
It was a long time in coming (they were married 30 years and had been unhappy for a long time).
They both moved out of the family house (my father in law build it when they were newly weds) and they proceeded to take turns ransacking it and vandalizing it.
Locks were changed every few weeks.
They'd both break in and repeat the cycle.
She had all the inner doors removed and sold off as well as the hardware and hinges.
He took a sledge hammer to the chimney (he built it - he figured it was his to knock down).
Wooden paneling disappeared.
Appliances were sold off as well as kitchen/bathroom fixtures.
Kitchen cabinets were removed.
Every single light bulb in the house was removed.
It went on and on.
It was almost almost comical in a really sad way.
By the time the property sold is was a real fixer upper - and they both hurt them selves financially by destroying it.
Property destruction was not the only thing they did.
My father in law claimed my husband was not his son - that she got pregnant on a cruise to Mexico she went on with her girlfriends.
No DNA test was performed, but there might be some truth to that.
All the men/cousins on that side of the family (even his mother's side) go bald fairly early and my husband has a full head of hair - not even thinning - into his mid 40's.
Makes no difference to me, but my husband was kind of hurt by that at the time.
Yes, both sides will use some tricks - but you will both still be connected by your child until your child is an independent adult.
Both of you try to keep that in mind and be civil as possible for your child s sake.
No one wins in divorce D.. Sorry.
Ask yourself if you can face your children with the "tricks" you are pulling. If the answer is no - then don't do them.
Are these "tricks" something you want your kids to find out you are doing? if so - how would you explain it to them?
If you are having second thoughts then you know what you are doing is wrong. You are a W. hurt and scorned - and that's not a fun thing...it can make us people we don't like....stay strong...you can take the high road in this and be the adult!!!
GOOD LUCK!
I'm with D. B. 100%. We've been reading for quite some time about everything you've been put through & how it seems to always land in your husband's favor. Listen to your lawyer, let go of the guilt.
Seriously, when the vows are broken and you decide to go with the big D, it's never easy. Do what you have to do to protect your kids. Try not to let it turn into a competition that causes stress and anxiety for all involved. You and only you know what you put into that marriage and you and only you know what you deserve in the aftermath. The lawyers are making money at the expense of your emotional ties to each other, the lawyers like to fight dirty... they dont care about you or your husband or your kids. The two lawyers are playing "their own" game, you guys are the pawns---you and your husband and your children.
I hope it all works out for you. Go with your gut.
