Am I the Only Parent Who Lost a Child to Child Protection?

Updated on August 23, 2010
K.W. asks from Minneapolis, MN
6 answers

I have a 14 yr old son who has Down Syndrome. We were involved in child protection cause my daughter was babysitting my two old boys. My daughter has a lot of behavior problems and my two boys are just normal active boys and the county/court said Austin couldn't come back cause of that. So we had to do a transfer of legal custody to the foster family he was living with. Cause of new law the family was considered family cause he lived with him for a length of time and he wasn't able to go live with my Mom or any of my family. Cause of his disability they wanted to keep him where he was at and the county said I would have a chance to still have a relationship with my son. Problem is now that the family that has him are only letting me see him every other week for 2 hrs. I'm a single Mom where this is hurt my kids...hurting me...I'm trying to find a lawyer to take my case and if nothing else help me get a better visitation schedule and parenting time...Oh they are also making me have a PCA present during all the visits with my son. Since April 4th of 2008 I have yet to spend any alone time with my son...there is a lot to my story and it's hard to get it all out - i'm hoping some day to find someone to write my story cause most ppl don't believe me when I tell them the whole thing...I just want to know if there are other parents who are going through this or who have gone through this :(

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S.H.

answers from San Antonio on

K.,

I do not have any sort of experience or knowledge, but I can hear your pain and sorrow in your post and I am sending you love and strength. It is an impossibly tough situation to be a single mom with special needs children and one income. I understand that, and I am certain that you are and have done your best, even if the best was not the ideal situation. You love your babies and that's all anyone can ask. Maybe Austin is in a safer situation now, I don't know, but he still needs you and your love. You need a lawyer. I am so sorry you all are going through this. If you ever need to vent about it, you are welcome to PM me. Hugs to you.

2 moms found this helpful
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R.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

I've never had problems in Minneapolis, but I've had CPS called on me in Indiana for stuff that wasn't my fault. One of our children was born with a really rare disorder, but we didn't know it at the time because he'd come out healthier than his brother who was premature. The first time they were called was because there was confusion over where I was supposed to go for his first checkup. Even though his peds' office was in one town, the hospital was in another, and he was scheduled with their clinic there for whatever reason -- plus, the scheduling was done wrong; he was supposed to be seen at two weeks, but they scheduled it for a month out. It all didn't even matter in the end because we ended up going with the clinic in the town he was born because we later found out that his pediatrician in our town wasn't even licensed to practice in the US, and no one caught that before letting him open shop.

Anyway, we started going to the other clinic and had more problems. He would drink his formula, and five minutes later, he'd have a dirty diaper. Sometimes he would have diarrhea while I was putting on a clean one. I knew something was wrong, but listened to the doctors when they said it had to be a food allergy. So we tried him on all sorts of different formulas, but they didn't work. He kept getting more and more lethargic, so we took him to the hospital. We went through his first year like that, in and out of the hospital for Failure To Thrive. His main pediatrician didn't see anything wrong with it though and kept stressing a food allergy. I asked if our son should be tested for something because surely it had to be something else. Nothing was done. Then one of the last times we took him to that clinic (we had to put him in the hospital again), one pediatrician who wasn't even our main one sat down on in my son's room with me and told me that they had to call CPS because I must be abusing him. With his chubby and healthy older brother sitting there, she dared to accuse me of not feeding my child. Finally, I'd had enough, and we took him to the ER of the area's Children's Hospital (while our main pediatrician protested, but later, he apologized and said he wished we'd waited for him to refer us). After a month of testing, we found out what his problem was and were pretty much told it can't be fixed, but at least we knew what was wrong.

He turned 10 this year, and we still have problems occasionally. He stopped growing at age 4, so he's now smaller than his 6-year-old sister. He can't do things for himself. Because he's so small, and he has an extremely high metabolism, he eats a lot and unless people know his condition, they think we starve him. Even the doctors here who are just learning of his condition (we moved to Minneapolis a year ago to get better care for him) have questioned us (something is wrong with his digestive system obviously, and it just hasn't been found out yet; his latest tests came back saying that -- besides his growth hormone level being low, which we already knew and can finally get him the shots he needs in this state -- one of his proteins is low, and all they could suggest was to feed him more, but he eats 24/7 as it is).

It would be nice if we could educate people, but unfortunately, that's difficult. People will always believe what they choose to believe, and people are competitive, so they will always think they can do a better job parenting than us parents.

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T.R.

answers from Omaha on

You are not alone! I have lost 3 kids to CPS about 8 years ago! They were suppose to have been placed in an open adoption, and my other 2 were suppose to get visits! Hasn't happened! My oldest was murdered by his foster families nephew 2 years ago! That was the only time that they got to see each other was at his funeral! The state didn't even want me to go, but I went anyway! They could not stop me from being at MY sons funeral! I am not surprised that no one believes your story because many people find it hard to believe mine! Be persistent! He is and always will be YOUR child!

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G.B.

answers from Tulsa on

I worked at an agency that provided developmental disability services to a young man (10 years old) who had been placed in child welfare custody due to cleanliness issues in his mother's home. I worked with him on lots of goals and spent about 20 hours a week with him in teaching him things like brushing teeth, dressing himself, etc... I talked to the mom a lot at visitation because I seemed to be the only one transporting him at the time he visited with mom. She said her attorney was moving to have him placed back with her.

I was at work in a group meeting a few days later and asked if he was going to be reunified soon. I was told that it usually doesn't happen when the child is handicapped because they can receive tons more services by being in the states custody. They are usually on a very long waiting list with thousands of people ahead of them waiting for the same services he needs. Being in child welfare custody automatically bumped him to the front of that line and he won't be able to receive those services if he comes home.

You should absolutely follow through with your attorney and file for unlimited visitation or know the specific reasons why they aren't moving to get him back home.

If he is in foster care set up by the state then the case worker is the one who needs to arrange the visitation for you. I would think you could see him every few days if they are planning on him coming home at any time.

If he is just in guardianship status and not in the states custody you can revoke that guardianship and file it with the courts. The family he is with can contest it but if you can show he is safe at home then they may let you have him back full time.

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L.B.

answers from Chicago on

K., I agree with the other post. Most cities offer legal aid to low income families. Speak to the social service agencies to get some names of pro Bono attorneys or free legal aid groups.
Good luck and God bless. We're rooting for you!

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K.S.

answers from Dallas on

my mil & fil went through a situation with their kids. It was insane to think that their kids would be taken away, they finally got them back after 2.5 years of fighting, you need a lawyer & possibly a child advocate. hang in there! i know it's hard but if you are strong & keep fighting for your kids then the best will happen, good luck!

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