Am I Sheltering My Child?

Good grief, that woman is pathetic. He's THREE! You are letting him be a kid! My friend's nephew at age 3 could recite the lyrics, "......she had an a$$ that could swallow up a g-string". Great. Just great.

You are doing a great job, MM, and you are providing age appropriate music.

She was off base. I don't totally shelter my kid, but I don't let him watch everything or listen to everything. You're doing fine. Just don't protect him so much from life that he doesn't have a clue :)

Kudos to you. You're doing great. I do the same. I don't even want my 6 yr. old to see Alvin and the Chipmunks Chipwrecked because the girl chipmunks are dressed provocatively and sing about waving their tail back and forth.

A parent's job for young children IS to shelter them from the world. You are appropriately sheltering your child. There are other musical options besides kids' songs available, but that doesn't mean they have to listen to current Pop songs. Personally, I'm apalled when I hear a child singing along to songs with adult themes. It is not cute in any way. I'm sure you will not force your child to listen to Barney only when he's 13. You are doing fine, and don't worry about that weird woman at the store.

Yes you are sheltering him. And no you are not doing anything wrong, because that is what you are supposed to do!
Just because other parents expose their kids to junk it doesn't mean that you have too. I don't.

I don't care of other 4 year old are gyrating their hips, singing raunchy lyrics, watch nickelodeon 24/7 and play videogames. That is not how I am raising my child. Period.

I think as parents we have an obligation to shelter our kids from the crazy consumerism, violence and sex glorified in today's media and art (music, movies, heck even books...). Yes, they will be exposed to it eventually and then you deal with it as it happens.

You need to do what's right for YOUR family and not let stranger butt in. Good luck.

This mother who spoke to you had an iota of truth in a mess of ignorance, in my opinion. And what she should have been speaking about was the possiblility of social 'otherness', not school shooting. Sheesh....

I could write a very particular post on this, but won't. I'm in the same boat as you are. I am a mom who some people would say "shelters" my child. I'm pretty unapologetic about it, though. We are household which strives to model non-violent behavior, and letting my son be exposed to that sort of media is in conflict with our family culture.

The woman who spoke to you was doing a great job at showing off her amazing social skills and education, wasn't she? ONE- there is no pychological evidence that not allowing your child to watch mainstream tv and listen to the radio will make a person violent. I can't even do the mental gymnastics to work that one out, really. TWO- what exactly was *she* modeling for her child? How to be rude and intolerant of others who are parenting differently than she is? Umm... just my opinion, but that sense of entitlement to belittle others *can* be passed on to kids, and that particular sense of rudeness is something that will more likely be a detriment to her child, socially. The other mom was trying to bully you to legitimize her own behavior to herself, because if she knew it was "okay", she would have let it go.

Certainly, a lack of wide exposure to media in this culture can sometimes make a child appear socially 'other', and that is something to think about. You can broaden your child's exposure to good kids music just by going to your local library and checking out the kid cds. (I personally go nuts with just kid music, so we do a lot of jazz and non-offensive pop and rock. It's out there....just not on the radio so much.) My son didn't watch any 'kids tv' until last summer, when we decided that he was ready for some of the themes and storylines of "Dinosaur Train" (he was four at this point). Up until then, he watched concert videos and Mr. Rogers, because that's what he liked and wanted. We don't watch tv around him...we wait until he's gone to bed, or unless it's a video that's appropriate for his age, and even then, sometimes he's the one to say "I don't like it"....

I respect his need to have a *childhood*, I guess. For me, that isn't about imposing my world on him, but by being respectful and understanding that some media introduces situations which he doesn't have the tools to understand yet. Nor should he.

And if you haven't checked it out, today's featured mamapedia post was on Facebook and adults friending their children's friends, as well as bringing up the controversial 'lying about their age' to get kids younger than 13 on facebook. The author was mostly jeered by the comments thus far, with few exceptions. Some people feel justified in showing their kids that lying is okay when it works for you, and so is breaking the rules, so long as your kid is participating in the common culture and not feeling left out. Where are the lines between an 'adult' thing and a 'kid' thing? We don't give them alcohol, we don't let them drive, but the line between 'adult' and 'child' is becoming increasingly blurred. The lack of distinction between how children and adults dress or spend their time is disconcerting to me as both a mom and a preschool teacher.

MM, there are others like you! You are not alone.:) If you want more resources, check out blogs like "Empowered by Play" or TRUCE (Teachers Resisting Unhealthy Children's Entertainment). These have great sugggestions for fun, healthy, stimulating activities for kids and their parents. Don't let this other mom get you down. You are the parent to your son, you have to make reasonable decisions for your child. Not necking in front of your son, not turning on the popular radio station or letting him watch 'whatever' on television isn't going to turn him into a homicidal maniac. There are plenty of things that contribute to creating a murderer (parents with unchecked, severe mental illnesses, parents who teach their child they are entitled to anything, parents who bully and teach bullying, bad brain chemistry.... ) but not letting your kid listen to Kanye West or some other Radio King when he's three probably isn't one of them.

I think people say you're sheltering him too much because they may be insecure about their own lax parenting.

I knew someone whose 5 year old was Lady Gaga for Halloween a couple years back. I thought that was ridiculous, personally.

Good for you for doing what you're doing. He's only 3. People need to mind their own business & worry about their own kids & selves. I think it's sad that people are letting their kids grow up so quickly in an already too fast world.

In reading your post I envision a woman who is trying her best to raise her son and who is open enough to continually evaluate the choices she makes on her son's behalf. Way to go, mama!

Personally, I think there's a big difference between "sheltering" and "babying." Keeping things at a level you deem age-appropriate is not a bad choice. If you were keeping him a baby, that would be different. I think there's a time and a place for all kinds of behavior -- any that maybe 3 isn't quite the age to expose or introduce a lot of "big kid" or "grown up" stuff. What's the rush? Why can't he just enjoy Barney or Thomas the Train or whatever? Why should you -- or any of us -- be in a hurry to have our kids be adults or teenagers or whatever when, really, they're toddlers or pre-schoolers? There's plenty of time for that when they reach the appropriate age & developmental level.

My youngest 2 daughters are in their late teens and attended an all-girl, very small Catholic school (well, one is in her last year of HS there). Others questioned our choice, saying it was too _____ (fill in the blank; we heard it all from too small to too strict to too sheltering and more). They said the girls would resent it and that they'd rebel as soon as they got to college. Well, one of them is now a college sophomore and on the dean's list in a pre-med program. One of her college friends who attended a large, co-ed high school asked my daughter how she could be so comfortable away from home and meeting boys when she came from such an almost convent-like background. My daughter answered that the environment she came from gave her the confidence in herself to go forward when SHE was ready.

So, yeah, some may look at as "sheltering"; we look at age-appropriate child rearing as more like "incubating." Keep the kids cooking at the right temperature for the time they need to develop who they are and to take the next step.

I'm not a huge fan of babying kids and keeping them back, whether in fear or in lack of trust in them, but I'm a big fan of allowing kids to be kids.

Keep on choosing what works for YOUR family and don't pay any attention to people who want you to choose what works for theirs.

In my opinion? Yes. You are.

Kids will find a way to make guns - even though they aren't watching mainstream programs - it's something that happens. It's a teaching/learning moment - you TEACH them how behave around guns....guns are tools...yes, weapons...that should be used for sport or self-defense. Respect of guns as well as the proper handling of guns needs to be taught.

As to the comment? It's a tad bit extreme. It is OKAY to let your child listen and watch other things - you can use these as teaching and learning moments....Johnny - that was sad, don't you think? When you shelter a child too much - when they get a taste of the real world, it will be a hard pill to swallow. Let him listen to music/radio. Let him find his own groove. He is 3 - he won't understand the words most likely, but he might like the beat.

TV shows and movies? My kids were watching Spongebob Squarepants at 3. As well as ScoobyDo!!

As far as not kissing in front of your son? Affection is ALWAYS a good thing to show your child. I don't know if your fiance is your son's daddy or not. But really? there is no harm in showing RESPECTFUL affection in front of a child - not the groping, hot and W. ohhh i've got to have you now affection - but holding hands, kissing, hugging, etc. is ALL good to do around your son.

Look - this is your son. So really does it matter what I do? Or what anyone else on here or in the world thinks? the fact remains he is YOUR son. We are still living in a free country and you can raise your son how you see fit. If it's working for you - fine. Do I think you are sheltering him? yes. But is it my business or do I think he's going to turn into some Charles Dahlmer because you sheltered him? No.

Barney music sucks. And if your kid still listens to it when he's a teen, well, then he would deserve to be an outcast. But you know that won't be the case. He'll grow out of Barney by next year.

That doesn't mean you can't expose him to music. There is plenty of age-appropriate music around - even on the radio! Go to the library and check out some classical CDs or Kids Rock.

Like everything else, it's your kid and you get to decide what they get to listen to, play with and watch on tv.

my jaw dropped over the evil woman's comments!

You're doing a great job. As your son matures, you will find that it will be harder to censor his exposure to media/current events & entertainment. Be prepared for peer pressure to govern his wishes....

That said, with my daycare kids, I only allow 1 show/day....during the days where we can play outside. The rest of the time, we wing it. I do not listen to mainstream music until I see that the kids are being exposed to it with their parents. Right now, I have 2 2yo boys & a 4yo girl who listen to Top 40 Country....& that's okay with me. Still have to censor some of it.....can we say "Red Solo Cup"? LOL! + we never watch videos, simply use the Music Channels on cable. :)

Do what works best for you...& be prepared to adapt as he grows!

No, you're not sheltering him...and if you are, what's wrong with that? He's three for heaven's sake. We were the same when our daughter was three. I wasn't militant about it but I wasn't treating her like a tween, which seems to be the trend now.

The other mother was trying to justify her position. Perhaps she thought you were being judgmental? Whatever the reason, you shouldn't feel bad about your decisions. Why should you have to explain to a three year old some of the lyrics in popular music? Just know as he grows you will have to do less censoring and more guiding.

Wait, some stranger in line said that to you? She said that by sheltering him at 3 years old he was going to end up shooting up his school?

That comment is so nutty it doesn't even deserve a response.

Should you freak out if your child hears a pop song with some raunchy lyrics here or there, or picks up a stick and pretends it's a gun? No. But should you try to let him enjoy the brief, sweet innocence of childhood as long as you possibly can? Absolutely.

Stick to Barney and Thomas. :)

Oh please, that woman is crazy. I raised my girls the same way. At 3 no popular music, very little if any TV (PBS, animal shows, a bit of disney). They are now 9 and 13, very well rounded, lots of friends. You'll know when it's right to start to open up his world a little, at three what your doing is perfectly appropriate.
Anyone that allows pop culture to permeate their family life is a fool. It's not made for 3 year olds and it can't possible be a positive influence for one so young (I'd love to know what song that kids was singing;).
Since my oldest turned 11-12 her Dad and I have probably listen to more popular music with her then we had our entire lives up to that point. It's something we share with her now that's she old enough and interested herself. We took her to her first concert a few weeks ago and saw Katy Perry. Could not beleive how many parents brought really little kids. The show was way over their heads and I found it really sad that so many people are helping their children to grow up so fast.
There is plenty of time for arena concerts and pop culture. Enjoy the Barney & Thomas years. Enjoy three, sounds like a sweet innocent time in your house, just as it should be.

You are a great mom! I agree with everything you said. He is 3 not 13, your choices for entertainment is just perfect for now.

You are doing a beautiful job. Don't change a thing for now. He is getting age appropriate information and stimulus. As he gets older you will need to begin to expose him to other things but there should still be moderation in my opinion.

Will your child be exposed to some of the harshness of our world? At some point, sadly, yes. Exposure to adult themes like sexual overtones, violence and sarcasm to name a few is NOT for a child of three, so your choice to "shelter" him is correct. There will come a day when your son will not enjoy Barney or Thomas, but both of those shows/songs teach goodness. Kids emulate what we do, so always strive to set a good example like you have been and let moronic comments such as this one, roll right off of you!
HTH,
A.

You are your child's parent and as such make what you feel are the best decisions for him. Not every parent has the same ideas and not every parent will agree with the decisions that you make. You have to be happy and confident in what you choose. I feel what you are doing makes perfect sense. If you feel he does not need to sing radio lyrics then that is your choice. If you feel only educational TV programs are acceptable that is also your choice to make. My kids are being raised the same way. My oldest is now 8 and just started to listen to the radio. With some of the lyrics I hear come out of her mouth I often wonder if she should be singing that song. I made an effort to "shelter" my kids from what was "normal". I feel that they have the rest of their lives to know every song on the radio and be up to date on the latest shows as they get older. Let Kids Be Kids! Why is it so wrong now a days to let little kids be little kids? They don't need to be fashion conscious, but if you want to dress yours in up to date fashions that is your choice. My preschooler does not need to be singing the radio top 10, but if your's can, great for you. When they are older they can make those choices but for now, I plan to keep my kids.....KIDS! So no don't second guess yourself, go with your gut.

It is sometimes amazing the things that strangers in public will think that it is okay to say.

Given your scenario, that lady is way out of line. Please ignore her and don't worry about what you are doing. You are doing great. I read your SWH and you have your head on straight.

Dawn

First off... everyone one here can give an opinion but it is up to you to choose how to parent your child.

Do I think you are a little overboard with the sheltering.... yes.

There is a fine balance and as a teacher I've seen many overly sheltered children and they are the ones to LOVE to be at school and be able to have some freedom from all the rigidness. All boys at some point or another will play guns... they can make them with almost anything.

My one and only child by choice will be 17 tomorrow and it is hard because you want to protect them but you have to let them make decisions and fail so they learn. I'd never want to send an 18 yr old off to college who has been living under a rock all her life. Children need real life experiences.

As for the affection... what gives there? He should see that his mom is loved and respected. Of course you wouldn't make out in front of him but he needs to see normal behaviors in his home so that he will learn.

Like it or not, you are modeling behavior for him. I think you love your son dearly. Don't you want him to grow up knowing how to show affection and that showing affection is not bad or "dirty".

He won't listen to Barney and kiddie stuff forever. He will make choices as he grows up... You job is to guide him, support him and love him.

Communication is key.... TALK to your child a lot and build a trusting relationship so that he will talk to you. You have no idea how important it is to have open communication, especially during the teen years.

Letting go is hard but very important. Take small steps. We have to be able to let them go at some point and our job is to make sure they are ready to soar!! Not be scared to death of everything and live in fear.

Hang in there... although I see where the lady's comments were coming from, they were a bit much.

You're fine. He's only 3. He doesn't need to listen to popular songs on the radio or watch Sponge Bob. My daughter is 4 and I am careful about what she is exposed to. I do put on the radio when we are in the car, but it tends to be more old-school rock, 80s/90s hits, or a favorite CD by a favorite band (i.e. Dave Matthews, Jack Johnson, etc.). No Katy Perry, Ke$ha, gangster rap, etc. Another girl in our neighborhood who just turned 5 is allowed to watch iCarly on TV. She's been into iCarly since she was 3. I'm not okay with that, but I would never say anything to her mother either. I'm just not interested in my daughter growing up too fast - there will plenty of time for that later.

Unfortunately it seems that there are more and more hipster parents out there who think it's cool or funny for their kids to act more cool or act older or more mature than they really are. The mom who told you that you are "sheltering" your son was out of line. If he were 10 or 11 and you were only letting him watch Barney on TV, and not letting him listen to the radio, then yes, you would be sheltering him. But at 3? No way!

ETA: Only telling him "Guns are bad" is too simplistic, IMHO. Yes, he should be taught that guns are dangerous, can hurt people very badly, and need to be respected. Kids need to be taught gun safety, not just that they are "bad". Guns can be used in bad ways, or they can be used to defend yourself if need be, or for hunting for food. My daughter does not have any toy weapons of any kind (not that you would expect a girl to have them over a boy, just saying). She still decided one day to build a "shooter" out of Legos. We have talked to her about the fact that guns can hurt people very badly and for now, if she sees one, even if she thinks it's a toy, she is not to touch it - but should check with us instead.

you're not doing anything wrong, and i agree with you. when my son was 3 he didn't listen to the radio or watch tv much either. it was around that age that it started becoming unavoidable...i got sick to death of fisher price little people cd's and watching backyardigans all the time lol. but yes, i agree in a perfect world we wouldn't have to expose them to any of it. my son is 5 now and i still watch closely the music he listens to. if it has bad words in it, i am starting to trust him not to repeat them. but it doesn't sit well with me at all.

i think there comes a point where you do have to let go a little bit...that point is different for all of us. that lady was totally out of line and i don't know why she'd feel she has the authority to judge you or your child...but people are pretty self-riteous by nature, we all are.

i think in the end we are all doing what we feel is right. i am sure when he is 15 you won't still expect him to listen to barney and sesame street all day. the thing to remember is that once you do start introducing other things, that you explain what is appropriate and what isn't. and that just because something is okay for one person, doesn't mean we do that in our family. that's a line we stick with.

No, I don't think you are sheltering him at all... most kids are exposed to far too much violent/sexual behavior at a young age.... let him be a child!

When my youngest (he is now 20) was that age, he was very much into Barney and things like that... I didn't let him watch the stuff like power rangers, ninja turtles, or stuff..... there is no reason to let them watch "violent" children's programs even if it is "good vs bad"..... as a result, he wasn't the one going around "kicking" other people or fake punching like they would see.

There are plenty of children's cd's that he can listen to... that is what we listened to in the car radio, and sang along to them.....

Keep up the good work!

There are so many parenting styles out there. Do what you think is best. He is only 3, just be prepared for him growing up someday soon. You may find him playing "guns" with the rolls of wrapping paper in the store LOL

As with music - who cares if he is not listening to Justin Bieber at 3. He will eventually start to listen to music when he is older. It's just the natural progression of things. You will prob. try and keep the inappropriate stuff off his mp3 player but he will eventually get into the mainstream stuff.

As for TV shows - it's great that you have him watch education programs. That's best at 3. However, when he is in 2nd grade the other kids will be familiar with some of the mindless cartoons. For you son to fit in, he should be too.

It's great to do what works for you, just be flexible as he grows up and make decisions on that.

We only listen to christian music, you should see the looks I get!

He is little, let him stay that way.
Just because someone else is raising their kid differently does it mean you have to?

I think letting him listen to Barney music is fine but why not expose him to classical music and show tunes as well. He will not loose his innocents from that and he may develop a love for it that will aid him in learning an instrument later in life if he chooses.
Re: your guns are bad talk I personally would rethink that. Yes guns can be dangerous but they are not inherently bad. I thank God we have the second ammendement to bear arms in this country.
Welcome to the site!

to each their own. I think its silly to criticize someones parenting off of a two minute interaction in a line. BTW I think you should show a lot of affection in front of your son (not hot and heavy making out and groping, but kissing, cuddling...it's good for kids to see love and how it should look)

Well, I must say when my older daughter was little, I was extremely choosy about what she could watch on tv and what sort of music she listened to. By the time my younger daughter came around, we would practically let her play with matches while sitting in the middle of the busy street. (Okay, not really, but you get the idea - she was way less sheltered than her big sister!) The funny thing is, my younger daughter is now 6.5, and she is really not that different in terms of "street-wise" knowledge than her big sister was at that age. I don't think it really matters what you let them listen to or watch (within reason, of course), they're going to turn out pretty much the same. It's whatever YOU are most comfortable with as a parent! You shouldn't ever let your child do something you're not comfortable with, whether that is listening to a certain kind of music, or going to a friend's house to play, or whatever. This is just the first of many times in your son's life that you'll be faced with someone else raising their kids in a totally different way and making comments to you about it. It only gets worse from here! LOL Just stick with the values you're comfortable with, know that your kid will turn out just fine almost no matter what you do, and hang in there, mama!

Good Lord. That woman sounds very confused. You are not doing your child any harm. You are doing him a wonderful service in protecting his innocence. All children should be so lucky. He will definitely not end up shooting up his school because you protected him for premature exposure to violence and sex and crudeness. He will not be an outcast. As he gets older, he may feel left out of school conversations if he isn't allowed to watch popular shows, but that isn't a good enough reason to expose him to the harm many of the shows cause. One of the best books I ever read was called Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate M.D. I very much recommend it to you. Your job is to raise a well-rounded, mature, ethical, competent adult, not to help him fit in with other children whose parents are not being as conscientious as you. Many of the kids who 'fit in' so well as children never stop being children. Train your son to be a good adult. That is what matters.

He's only 3. He has plenty of time to be exposed to the other stuff. Let him be little. He'll be begging for Nerf guns and squirt guns soon enough! You are doing great!

Wow! I'm shocked that someone would say all that to you! I would be pissed. I don't shelter my daughter quite that much, she does listen to the radio in the car ( appropriate music) but I agree with giving children innocence! Don't worry about that person.

Insecure people have to give their opinions on everything. She probably already felt that her son was singing a song that he probably shouldn't listen to and talking to you compounded her guilt. LOL Just a thought! I'm pretty picky about what my children listen to on the radio because there is a lot of garbage on there. Other than the Christian radio station, my kids can't listen to the radio without supervision. They're older too. My 16-year old listens to Country because she wants to be a singer but even then I told her to watch the lyrics please. You're fine. Don't let others make you second guess yourself. She was probably second guessing herself as a mom and didn't know how to handle it properly except to criticize you. Good luck!

My kids are 7, 6, & 4, they don't listen to the radio either, although they don't listen to barney, lol. I buy Christian music for them. Radio music is nothing but sex & violence.

I disagree teaching him guns are bad. Guns are not bad, people are bad. My girls & boys love to play with toy guns

In my childhood I was very protected, I call it deprived now as an adult. I was not allowed to go outside and play if the parents were not outside, I do that with my grand-kids now though, it's a different world. I didn't get to watch normal cartoons, didn't get to go to movies, didn't have much in the way of kids music back then, etc...I went to bed every night at 8pm and then the neighborhood kids would stand outside my window and keep my company until my parents figured out they were out there, if the kids were mad at me for anything they made fun of me for being a baby, I didn't get to go swimming because I might drown, and I my dad had multiple heart attacks by the time he died right after I was out of high school. So I didn't even get to eat normal food. My mom baked chicken, broiled beef (no HB meat or hot dogs at all), and she never cooked pork unless it was just for her and she liked it burnt.

The moral of this story is...lol. I grew up to hate chicken, hate beef, hate educational TV shows, watch way too much TV and enjoying entertainment, and I hardly ever spend more than a minimal time cleaning house or doing anything that was drilled into me as a child.

Keeping your child innocent is not letting them watch rated R movies, not letting them go outside and play for hours without supervision, these are safety issues that I don't waver on.

However, your choice in the materials you let him watch is fine, it is only going to last until he starts pre-school though because the facility will play other music for them, he will be exposed to TV and movies who's main purpose in life is to make people laugh or feel emotions. There will be exposure to so many things that are not for educational purposes. That is the time that you'll need to think about what is unacceptable.

Some choices we have made and it is pretty much demanded of the kids.

They do not watch TV shows where the parents are stupid or absent all the time. They do not get to watch TV shows where the kids are not respectful of their parents and family members or other kids in their environment. No bullying or belittling. These are things I am rigid on.

These are choices you'll need to make and starting now to allow some of these shows is okay. You may want to start by letting them watch some of the pre-school shows on Nick and Disney. That is your choice for sure.

Did the same exact thing when my son was 3! My oldest is now 8. There is plenty of time for your son to listen to the radio when he is older. I see nothing wrong with what you are doing. I like that my son had that time to just be a young boy. Trust me once they hit school it is amazing what they pick up! 3 is a great of time innocence and should be enjoyed:)

Nickie

My toddler only watches the TV I am ok with, and the music that I am ok with... and we don't get too "handsy" when she is around either.

My reasoning is that kids imitate their parents... and what their idols- role models do and say means the world to them. Do I think that watching robocop would turn her into a serial killer--- umm no, but I don't really think it is appropriate for her either. I don't want her emulating those actions, or that language.

My sister in law doesn't censor ANYTHING, as far as I can tell, from her 5 year old. She thinks that he doesn't notice and wont pick up bad habits from it... but he called my 3 year old a B****, said the "f" word and called his little brothers 'freaks' all when he THOUGHT Aunt M was out of earshot. I HATE having to say to a five year old "WHAT did you say?" I know that is coming from what he hears his parents say (because I have heard them say the same things when he is in the room). My fear is that my daughter ADORES him, and I would not like her to emulate that behavior, and I don't want to have to worry about those cuss words yet. I would rather tackle these issues one at a time, by having my kids exposed to the evils of this world a little more gradually. I don't pretend they aren't there, but I want my kids to learn the meaning of restraint and appropriateness through example.

Use moderation. If you hear a catchy song on the radio that is fun, harmless and you child would like it... go ahead and let him listen! I have a bunch of 'adult' music that my daughter hears... hand selected by me that is not anything I would be embarrassed to hear her repeating in public. I am sure she'll be wild enough when she is a teenage ALL on her own, that she doesn't need my help when she is 3!

Good Job Mama!
-M.

As Aristotle said, moderation. Either extreme can be bad for a child's development.

An example would be the toy guns. My ex's mom would not let him ever play with toy guns, not even those of his friends. As an adult he has an unhealthy need to own guns. Plays with the real ones like they are toys. Scary as hell if you ask me. :(

Look at it this way, have you seen the parents that let their kids do whatever they want? Stay up as late as they want, swear like a truck driver, eat nothing but junk? Why do you think people look at that and think the child is doomed? It is because that is behavior at the extreme just as your sheltering is the opposite extreme.

I have seen kids raised as you are raising you son. Nothing is ever carved in stone but all of these kids rebelled like you would not believe as teens. Kids have needs to explore, keeping them from all exploration is not healthy.

I think you are sheltering him, but at age 3 I don't think that is necessarily a bad thing. Just keep doing what ever feels right to you.

Ok, so if I am reading this right, a stranger is judging your parenting based on the fact that you don't let your kid listen to the radio? My kid is almost 8 and I don't let her listen to the radio. I believe that kids aren't sheltered enough. He is only 3 and I don't think he will be scared for life because you are preserving his innocence. There will be plenty of time to discover the world.

I agree with everything you are doing. Violence is learned--it is not a natural part of him being a boy. I did this same stuff with my oldest (who is now 7) and he's totally normal and well-adjusted. My 31/2 year old has been exposed to more stuff because he has an older brother--and he is definitely more violent then the older one because of it. It makes me a little crazy sometimes--I feel like I failed him. But we also have the talks about what do guns do? Why isn't it okay to be violent? How can we work together rather than against each other? Etc, etc. So no--I don't think you are sheltering him too much--you are being age appropriate. I wish there were more mother's out there that thought this through so well!
J.

I think you doing right and are very age appropriate, don't worry what others think.

Hi,
I agree with J.C. that adding different types of adult music would be great.There are so many wonderful CD's (not radio) that are appropriate. Also, you could sing all the lovely traditional children's songs in the Wee Sing books and on their CD's . Lots of great tunes, vocabulary and rhyming, much of which will give him the same experiences as other children as well.

I think you are doing EXACTLY the right things! Bravo to you, mom!

My stepdaughter is a lovely lady with a big personality. When I came into her life she was six and her mom treated her like she had the mental capacity of an 18-year old. She was public schooled, her mom put music on her iPod that had swear words in it (like the F-word! She had Eminem on her iPod at age 6!), she was getting in trouble at school as well as failing, and she had social problems after being involved with some horrible first graders. You wouldn't think that first grade girls could be horrible but they can be! She also dressed like a little tramp, short skirts, knee-high boots, etc. She had no manners, she was rude and quite demanding of people. She also danced like Britney Spears, shaking her booty in a way that a six-year-old should not know! Her mom would also let her watch R rated movies. She still does.

She came to live with her father and me (while maintaining a good relationship with her mom) and her father and I turned things around. First, we cut off the mainstream music. She still listens to Ke$ha and and some of the yucky songs at her mom's house, but that's not as often. We turned off MTV and cut her internet access. We pulled her out of public school (she was failing anyway) and we homeschool her. We got her an age-appropriate wardrobe.

By sheltering her more, I think we saved her. Even at six we could see she was heading down a bad path. Now she's a happy 10-year old who is involved in the community and helping others as well as excelling at home school and she has many great friends. We love all her friends, they are from families with good values. We turned off Britney Spears and Lady GaGa and you know what, now she sees the way they dance and she frowns and says "that's disgusting." 4-years earlier she was trying to dance like them.

Just because the mainstream media is trying to sell sex and violence doesn't mean you buy it. It's not sheltering, it's teaching your kids values. At age 10 my daughter knows its out there and she chooses not to take part in it.

At age 3 your son doesn't need to know it's out there! It's not sheltering, it's being a good gatekeeper. He can't process that information, and shouldn't have to. You're just doing your job! The other mom was trying to justify what she's doing. It takes all kinds to make the world go round...

Just wanted to say I love your SWH. Especially the "Guns Can Be Dangerous Depending on the Person's Intentions" speech.

This is really late.. But to me yes you are sheltering.. I try not to force things on my kids.. But I don't act like the world is all peaches and cream.. Kids need to know they there are things that are appropriate for kids to do and say and things that are not.. Regardless of if the see an adult do it.. My kids hear me cuss, but they know these are grown up words.. They see their dad or me ( when I'm not prego) and other family drink.. Bug they know these are grown up drinks.. Nobody in my house smokes, but our close family does, they know this is for grown ups. My kids know that there are bad people in the world, and that if they are in trouble to call the police, and you can't trust everybody. My kids listen to all kind of music.. Are they going to immitate why the songs say.. No. Thts where pArenting comes in. Me and my husband kiss, he will grab on me, we play fight, and the kids know they can't do this. You can't hide kids from the world.. We've met kids like that..

Is there a magic age when he does get to do some more mainstream activities like the radio or television programming? He's your son, you will decide what is best for your family. He could make a "gun" out of a wooden spoon so you may not be able to shelter him forever....friends will be creative with him. I want my police officers to carry guns.

I obviously didn't start out with my daughter listening to hard core rap but she found out what she likes and as a teenager has managed to maintain respect and proper language. It was important to me to guide her to make good decisions.

We all have different values but I feel you should be able to show affection to your fiance. For me on the other hand, I am the strange one that won't live together with someone before I'm married (not to say I don't test drive the car!).

The key is moderation.
It's not going to hurt him if he listens to actual radio.
And if you do continue to shelter him this much when he gets older. He will rebel big time. I've seen it with my own eyes in friends from school. One extreme or the other are harmful. I agree with some protecting them from this stuff but going to these lengths can come back to bite you in the butt.

you arent sheltering him! my daughter doesnt play with toy guns or anything. im careful with what she watching. though she does like lady gaga.

I guess some would say I shelter my girls (2&3), but I also think I allow them to be themselves and open to the world.
We only watch PBS type shows, but I do allow radio music! They don't know groups by name, but for sure know songs and will sing their hearts out. We are very wrapped up in dress up time and princess stuff, so I get more worried about the idea that they will expect the happily ever after stuff too much... That bugs me. But I am just rolling with it for now.
My hubby and I show affection for sure, but nothing crazy! I think it is good for them. I am not good about letting others watch my girls and kinda worry how I will handle things when they are older and want to go to friends houses.
I do let them out in our small yard all alone. They have a sandbox and play house and just enjoy every second of it. I am close by, but I do give them that space.
Even though it freaks people out we will soon be talking about the birds and the bees with the girls and how their bodies will be changing when older. I know they seem young, but at this age they aren't embarrassed at all and already are curious when they see us shower (not together lol), so we figure why not open up those lines of communication. We won't give details about too much stuff, but to be open and show them that we are there to talk to, is #1 for us.
My point is that we all have different ways of doing things. There is no one right answer. There is a fine line of holding your child back too much, but who can say what that line is for each child. I grew up with friends that were very sheltered- we were fundumental/4 square christians. Some turned out fine, while others were doing drugs and sleeping around by 8th grade. So I say do the best you can and see what feels right.... don't let others sway your beliefs!