Am I over Thinking the Situation??

I personally am not that person to open my mouth and ask whats going on but I wouldnt keep trying to plan things I would wait for my phone to ring.

It sounds like you can either look for a new friend or ask her right out if you are getting the brush off. People are fickle. It may be that she has a problem with something your son is doing and doesn't want to say anything. Or maybe her little princess is complaining after you guys leave about something. Or maybe she's just rude?

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Nothing repels other people like desperation so do not be so overeager and smother your friend. From what you say you do not have a lot of other friends, but she does and so does her child. I think you need her to play a bigger role in your life than she has time for and the only way she can deal with your pushing is to push back. Please do not think I am being mean. I am being honest. I have had others make that mistake with me and I have made it myself. Join a church, the Y (lots of kid classes), a Mommy book club or go to storytime at the library. Just go to the neighborhood park. Be happy if you meet someone and keep things cool, or be content if you don't. If you have a Barnes and Noble go to the storytimes there - lots of other lonely moms show up there because it's not a "go in a group" thing.

I always say no one can miss you if you won't go away. It's a joke but there is a kernel of truth in it. Give your friend some space and broaden your experiences.

I agree with the previous post by Suzi. She said pretty much exactly what I was going to say. I've encountered fickle people like you're describing and it can be very frustrating. With the way this woman has cancelled on you at the last minute, it seems like either something is wrong at home or she is just rude and oblivious. It can't hurt to ask her what's up but if she's resistant to discussing that, then you probably would be better to move on and not waste your time arranging dates that she's likely to cancel anyway.

Definitely sounds like the brush off. My perspective? Well, if she's the kind of person that will just brush you off without any kind of explanation, then she's the kind of person that doesn't respect your feelings, needs and schedule. That means that she's not the type that you want as a friend.

Move on. There are TONS of other mommies out there that are feeling stuck at home with toddlers and babies and feel like they have NO friends. You'll find other friends, I promise!

With the way you explained everything it sounds like she is passively brushing you off. You should be up front with her and ask her if there is a reason she is doing this. However, be prepared for her to lie. I've had so many passive people lie to me. I like what Suzi (first post) said.

Sounds like you should start looking for other friends. Maybe someone at the preschool is spreading rumors about you and/or your son?

Maybe you are coming on too strong, trying too hard, being that she is your first friend in the area? It may have scared her off. Give her some space. Try to find some friends in places other then your son's preschool. Join a moms group, playgroup, newcomers club, book club, class with your son. It is hard to find people you "click" with, but the more places you try the more people you may find for you and your son to be friends with.

It's hard to know without seeing the dynamics ourselves, but to me it sounds like you might be trying too hard, A.. You put a great deal of effort into your planned get-togethers, you buy what might have been a very expensive birthday gift, you more-than-graciously bow out when she cancels on you. You might need to give her some space – she could be feeling just a bit crowded by your eagerness.

I hope all turns out well, but I agree with other posters that you'd do well to broaden your "friend" base. Good luck.

I'm sorry but I agree with your husband. Your "friend" is no friend in my opinion and is doing everything she can to put distance between you guys. My suggestion is to work on finding new friends and remove yourself from this woman.

You always have the option of trying to talk to her and find out why things have changed and why there are so many last minute cancellations (you are WAY too forgiving about her excuses in my opinion), but don't expect her to be honest. I had this with someone I thought was a new friend and she often scheduled play dates with another friend of ours but not us. When I said something, she danced around the topic saying they were just "so scheduled". BS. People do what is important to them. They also bailed on us the day before a birthday party...aside from the whole family being sick, I find that very rude when someone just put so much time and money into the event.

I understand where you are coming from. We moved here from another state 6 1/2 years ago after living in our home state for 30 years. Our friendships back home are long and strong and it was VERY lonely when we got here. Sometimes it still is though we have a couple of families that we feel very close to. It is still different and we definitely do more things alone than we used to back home. My husband and I have gotten closer and learned to depend on each other more. We've come to the conclusion that we just can't expect to have the same level of friendships here after only 6 years that we had back home after 20 + year long friendships.

Hopefully next school year will bring new friends. Is there story time at the library you could start going to? What about neighbors? Now that it's nice out, we have a few neighbors we see many times a week in the evening because our kids come out in the street and ride bikes or play kick ball and the parents either play with them or stand and talk.

Good luck.

I think you need to move on.... not sure you did anything wrong, but maybe she senses that you are too needy. In terms of playdates, if your child likes another kid in the class, why don't you just call the mom and ask if they can play for an hour after school? My twins just "graduated" from preschool and I work, but I got calls all the time from moms that I didn't know asking if the twins could play with their son or daughter. I didn't necessarily start a friendship with the parent, but I would let my nanny bring my kids over to play. I'm surprised there are "set" playdates in your situation. Also, my boys were in a class of 3 and 4 year olds and they played with the younger and older kids. No one cared if the child was younger.

In any event, seems like this woman, for whatever reason, isn't interestedin developing a friendship with you. So break it off.... Her loss....

She's being very inconsiderate. I'd say you should tell her you're a bit hurt and ask her what's going on. I had a situation with a woman I met through a mutual friend, we got on great, but a couple of times we planned to get together for lunch, it didn't happen... she was ill and forgot that I was in her diary, and another time something else happened...well, she didn't make the effort to make another lunch date and I just didn't bother after that. But you have a child who is feeling hurt about this and I'd ask her what is going on.

Several mentioned they like Suzi's answer. Me too. I'd simply ask her straight out about your concerns. If you don't get the answers you can live with, move on. Like was said earlier, there are lots of moms looking for friends and play dates.

My wife and kids (all adults now) find friends through church and kids for their kids to play with. Any origanization you belong to can be a source for moms and kids.

Good luck to you and yours.

My advice to you is to back off. I made this mistake myself. I moved to a new area and had no friends too. I finally made a friend - my ONLY friend in the area - and I came on too strong. I forgot that while she was my only friend, she had other friends and she had family here. She could not devote all her time to me. I got upset when she could not hang out with me because she had other things to do, and I should not have. I came across looking a little "psycho" I'm sure, and I really am NOT!! I just put too much pressure on her and it contributed to end of our friendship. There were other things too that went wrong, but me being so pushy definately didn't help. I suggest you try to back off a little. Try to understand that she has other people in her life, and other commitments. You most likely didn't do anything wrong because you sound like a very nice person and a good friend. I am sure you will hear from her soon, and she will want to hang out with you and your son. Let her come to you. In the meantime, find other fun things to do and back off till she comes to you. Good luck! I know how hard it is to be new in town with no one to hang out with. :)

actually i think you have to give her a little break. for you, she's the only friend, for her you're a new friend among a lot and a lot and a lot of friends she has. you're new to the area, she's not. so i understand the frustration with last minute rain check, or maybe she just doesn't want to hurt your feelings but has other things going on.
i think you need to plan as if it is going to be just you and your son, and try to make new friendships, and also go along with your schedule when she wants to have a playdate. if you can make it, great, if you can't, take a rain check or whatever.
i understand the whole new to the area thing and difficulties that come with it. i have been 'new to area' 5 times in 8 years. it's been me and my kids only, as i am picky who i hang out with, but open to everything, and still keep your child happy by organizing things. you could do the pool by yourself. heck kids don't need anyone for the pool. it's water goodness to them. join the local public library and sign him up for classes. go to a museum, or aquarium, or little ice cream outings. trust me, positive attitude attracts people, and in no time will you make more and more friends. in meantime, give this woman a break.

Show some backbone and flat out ask for the truth from this woman. Let her know that if there are things she doesn't like about you or whatever the case may be, your main concern is the happiness of your son and HE doesn't deserve to be treated like poo. I would break all contact with this woman after you get the real deal...or more excuses.

I would also make "back-up" plans for you and your son to still go have fun in the event plans change at the last minute again. This will show him that disappointment doesn't have to ruin his whole day. Give him the "Oh well..let's go somewhere else" to show him that life can still be great.

I think honesty is the best policy. I think you should just come right out and ask her if you or your family did something to offend her because you are feeling brushed off. It could be because she has a daughter and you have a son and her daughter is no longer interested in playing together. Not that it is okay, but you did say your son is not into the princess, dollhouse thing so maybe the children have just grown apart. You also didn't mention is she 4 and your son is 3 because that can also be a factor now. I can see how you would be hurt because she really isn't handling it the right way. She is being very sneaky and deceptive and that is not right. Perhaps she is trying to spare you feelings, but I am sure if she were honest with you would not be so hurt, and maybe even understand. Maybe if you suggest a coffee meeting between just the two of you she will open up. If it really isn't anything other then she is just not a very nice person then I say move on. One lesson I learned is not to become close with your children's parents because that has never worked for me. Try to join maybe a reading club, a gym, a night class, and find friends on your own that do not involve your children. I think you may have a better result. Good luck!! You sound like you are a very good friend!!!

Not knowing you or the other lady, I cannot say for sure, but it is not likely that you said or did anything really serious to "turn her off". I am of the grandmother age, and have had some very long-standing friends, lots of them, and I, as you seem to be, have always been flexible, kind, cooperative (and actually a bit interesting as a companion, I think:-). I have not criticized the friends' children or insulted anyone in any way that I know of. But like you (and this has probably happened to lots of people), I have been snubbed, even after a long friendship, for no apparent cause. In a couple of cases I finally asked (I hate for it to come to that) if I had done anything to upset them and in one case, the lady said, "Absolutely nothing at all, really, and I COULD NOT WAIT ANOTHER DAY to tell you so" (she had at that time waited 10 weeks to answer my e-mail, yet 'could not wait' to tell me I had done nothing wrong? I sent back a short note promptly saying, "Your having waited 10 weeks to reply was very telling. I will remember our good times always and wish you and your family well. Take care." I never heard from her again. Sad, but that's life, and I actually had put up with several annoyances from her over the years, because I valued our friendship and was not going to let petty criticisms about my cooking, the way I folded laundry, etc. intefere! But apparently she was not as tolerant about some little thing I might have said, and which I have no clue as to what it might have been). So, you might never know why this lady dumped you. I could give you so many examples, as I said, where this has occurred with me, and I truly cared for these people and I think I was a good friend to them. I know they must be treating others in their lives the same way, so my advice to you would be, do not blame yourself unless you feel you did something wrong and can identify what that is. In a couple of cases, where the other person said something like, "Well, you moved to a fancy part of town so we have nothing in common now!", it was obviously jealousy that was the cause, although I felt not one bit "superior" for having moved to a larger house...so I did write back on that one and say, "I am still the same me, and still have the fun memories we had 'in common' and I will always hold those dear and remember the good times, but if you are uncomfortable with that, then I don't want to try to force anything on you. I wish you well." And that was that--until a few years later (this has happened three times), I would hear from someone else that she was inquiring about me-and in one case, the ex-friend actually begged me to come visit her in another state, many years later when she and her husband were not in a good place in life. Go figure! Just don't try to force it though, and above all, do NOT blame yourself. Good luck on finding other friends, and hopefully less fickle ones :-) You sound like a good friend to have.

Maybe you scared her with giving her daughter the dollhouse. Most dollhouses are more than what I would spend on a non-relative's child. Other than that, she's been rude. But there has to be something that has put her off - I'm thinking it was expensive gift. You obviously value the relationship more than she does and the dollhouse put it in perspective.

Why not talk to her? Ask to meet for coffee and see what's up.