My son just turned 4 years old in February. Here lately he's been touching himself and playing with himself. That isn't the thing that bothers me because I know thats a stage that most kids go thru. He's been saying that he wants to be a girl. He wants to only wear girls clothes and play like a girl. I found him recently in my underwear drawer wearing my undies. Of course I over reacted and told him that it was wrong of him and to only wear his. He sneaks into my room at least 5 times a day and does this. I've even moved my drawers around so that they are in my top drawer. He still finds away into my drawer! I've found a pair of mens underwear for him to wear that are silk. He says that it isn't the same and that it feels different from mine. What do I do? I've been told that this is normal and that he would outgrow it, and I do understand that. I still over react about it.... I don't know what to do! Any advice would be GREATLY APPRECIATED!!
I just want to thank everyone for all of the wonderful advice! I have always been told that it is normal for kids (boys and girls) to go thru stages like this. I even went thru my own stages growing up. I ALWAYS wanted to play with GI Joes!! =) I've decided to just let him go and be a boy. He's growing up and I can't put a mold on him. I've let him wear the girls clothing but not my undies...lol. He even went to a princess party this past Saturday! He decided that he wanted to be a dragon rather than a princess!! He is who he is and I love him no matter what!!
DON'T worry about it!!! It's normal, my friends son liked to play with dolls when he was around 3 or 4, he would carry a barbie doll everywhere he went (people would look at hims weird, but my friend didn't care) her son stopped playing with dolls when he was around 5 he is now 10 and don't even remember playing with dolls.
I'm only giving you advice from the shows that I have seen on TV. Many children that are trans-gender say they have known all their lives. I'm not saying this is the situation but if it is, you need to love your son no matter what his sexuality choice is. Please don't make him feel ashamed. Your home is his safe haven. He will have a hard enough time out in the real world if this is who he is. Let him wear what he wants at home and explain to him that when he is out in public he needs to wear boy clothes because other people aren't going to understand his appearance if he wears anything else. If you can afford a child psychologist, now may be a good time to see one. I know this is hard but some children are born in the wrong body and he may be one of them. Their chromozones are just messed up. Please be very supportive and give him lots of hugs. He will still grow up and be a very loving child of yours. He may also grow out of this but if he doesn't, accept him for who he is!
honestly this is normal too. My son use to dress like a girl because of his sisters. nail polish and heals included. Dont be so worried about it. If you want try and put only cotton panties where he can reach them. He is learning the difference between girls and boys and is just trying to understand. This will pass, soon he will be involved with all the boy stuff including the rough housing and your going to be wondering what happened to you sweet little man. Try giving him a sword and a base ball, that will start the cycle off really quick.
I think this is normal for the most part but if you really feel there is something more to it then talk to your doctor or contact a child therapist.
Good luck.
Go shopping for boy underwear with him - maybe the hanes boxer briefs. They come in size 4-6. Tell him if he wears his undies you will buy him or make him a spiderman cape or batman cape so he can dress up. You can probably go to Disney Store or Goodwill to find costumes.
He may outgrow this or it may get worse. My boys always would try on my shoes and they did outgrow that phase around 3 years old I believe.
Several things:
1. Could be to get a reaction from you.
2. Maybe he knows or enjoys spending time w/ a little girl.
3. Maybe he is exploring for your response.
4. This could be a sensory thing. Maybe get him a blanket, toy or something that feels silky
For reassurance, its ok for a little boy to "play" with girl things. Just remind him of all the cool things he gets as a boy. Should be get your awesome spiderman undies from your drawer? Dad gets to do...whatever....just play up the
"coolness" of being a boy.
i dont know if this helped at all....i hope so
C.,
Just stop making a big deal out of it to him and he will soon bore of this and go on to something else. It isn't so much the undies that interest him, but your reaction to it. When he does this you are 100% focused on him. Don't worry abou it at 4 his curiosity is just beginning. It gets much more interesting as you go! Be sure to give him a big hug from this old grammy.
Thank goodness my son who will be 4 in a couple of months (umm they grow up so fast), only like to wear my shoes, and its o-ka-y, i think if he started that i would flip out, when he was younger (and didnt really understand) he wanted for me to put makeup on him and i explained that it was for mommies and not for Coltons, he cried but was ok, i think since they are around us more than daddy they want to be like us cause that is what they see all the time, so what i did was start buying him stuff like daddy, he has the same undies, boots, belt, ect. and he likes it, he is now telling me i wear so and so like my daddy (which is so much better than mommy)!! I hope this helps and he will grow out of it (i hope)!! Good Luck and btw i dont think you over reacted at all, its better to teach now than trying later!!
He probably just wants to be like you. Think about it this way...would you be upset if he said he wanted to be an elephant? Walking around pretending to be one? It will probably pass and next week it'll be something else. Boy, those little people sure have some imaginations!!!
But, if it really bothers you, perhaps you can have your husband explain the difference between boy and girl underwear. Saying something to the effect of, "this is what WE wear, this is what mommy wears". I would think that a little boy would "get" this coming from a male point of view, rather than a females.
Just my thought,
Margaret :)
C.,
I understand what you are saying. My son always wanted to wear makeup like Mommy. He would cry if I didn't paint his nails or put on his makeup. I was told it's because we are their top role models and that they want to be just like us, no matter what that is. I told my son that if he wanted to be like Mommy, he had to be like me and help with the laundry (folding towels), putting the dishes in the dishwasher, feeding the cats (yes, I did most of the work and it took twice as long, but he did try to help). Of course being like Mommy wasn't fun then and he stopped wanting the makeup and polish. Now he says that being a Mommy hard. Hang in there because he will grow out of it.
T.
